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Young moms dealing with dirty looks? - Page 7

post #121 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by dantesmama
I'm just shy of 21 and DS is 8.5 months, and I'm so sick of the looks I get every time we're out in public. (You know, the glares, the "poor baby" looks, getting snubbed by older moms, etc.) I know I'm a great mother, and my son knows it, but it just feels awful to know that so many others just assume the opposite based on my age. I always feel like I'm being judged on my parenting. Anyone else ever encounter this? How did you deal?
I hate it. I look far younger than I am and I've gotten evil looks and snobby attitudes pretty much from the beginning. I was too young then I admit but I looked 11 or 12 at the time, it was just....ugh :/
post #122 of 128
I am 24, we have 3 dds. I am frequently out by ourselves as dh works long, weird hours. I get plenty of looks. I think i'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore. i don't even really notice it anymore.
post #123 of 128
I'm nearly 29, I never wear makeup, and I look perpetually exhausted (as do many parents of three children under four). I'm also fat, and my hair is falling out in clumps, but for some reason people still believe that I'm a young parent and love to give me for it. It doesn't help that my 3.5 year old son looks (apparently) like a five year old to people, and going out with my nieces, one of whom is nine years old and bears a striking resemblance to me is just a nightmare. They look at the two of us and I can see them trying to do the math.

Funny enough, my sister (who actually had her kids at 15 & 18) doesn't seem to get these looks as often as I do.
post #124 of 128
I have to say I am shocked by the sheer amount of you that deal with this! It really shows what a judgemental society we live in, I guess.

I had dd about a month before I turned 21, and dp is nearly 16 years older than me. I look to be right about my age, I think, though people who don't know me usually seem to think I'm a little bit younger than I am, just going by looks. He is balding and looks his age, as far as I can tell. You'd think we would get all kinds of nasty comments, but I've never noticed a thing. Very strange.

I once had a lady at the library tell me that I looked awfully young to have a child, and it threw me off guard. She didn't seem to mean it in any mean-spirited way, though, and then went on about how she never had one herself, and was now too old. She sounded kind of sad about it, and I think the comment about my age was some kind of manifestation of her own issue. Then again, all of these comments you guys have shared probably are.
post #125 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjorker

I had dd about a month before I turned 21, and dp is nearly 16 years older than me. I look to be right about my age, I think, though people who don't know me usually seem to think I'm a little bit younger than I am, just going by looks. He is balding and looks his age, as far as I can tell. You'd think we would get all kinds of nasty comments, but I've never noticed a thing. Very strange.
Perhaps people are less likely to stigmatise you because *at least* you have a male partner.

I think that much of the stereotyping around young motherhood is because people make an assumption that young mums are single mums. And God forbid a woman might be a single mother...just imagine what might happen to her children!! (eek - please all know that i'm joking!)

Age does not determine how good a mother is, nor does marital status - but we've got a lot of stigma to smash before we can get the rest of the world to agree with us!
post #126 of 128
I am finally getting to the point where I don't look like a young mom I guess I have thick skin because it really didn't bother me. Being a mom was what I always wanted and having a baby made me the happiest person on the planet. Basically I didn't care...most of the time.

The thing that irks me now is the strange looks my family gets but I guess it's undestandable: dh and I have a few years between us, dd is biracial and ds is white and autistic, noticablely at times.
post #127 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessper44
Perhaps people are less likely to stigmatise you because *at least* you have a male partner.
Well, I'm out with dd far more often by myself than I am together with dp.
But I get what you mean.

Actually the biggest "trouble" I've had is on the occaision that I'm out by myself, without dd. While getting my eyes checked, the doc was making the usual friendly small talk, started asking me about school... and was shocked when I told him I was a SAHM.

I do actually work at a bookstore one day a week, and in my conversations with customers (I work in the children's section often), they are always shocked as well. One lady last week also started asking me about my schooling... it happens pretty often. I do get tired of the suprised reactions, but I really haven't had anyone be negative to me about it. I think it's just a mix of getting lucky and the area I live in. People tend to be alright about such things around here.

I remember reading horror stories when I was pregnant about unmarried women getting total sh*t about being pregnant/having young kids. I read quite a few of those actually on another online forum. Back then I worked full time in retail, and was sure that without the wedding ring on my finger would bring me lots of hateful comments (we are unmarried by choice, long story). Combine that with being/looking young (I was 20 then), and I'm just shocked that I haven't noticed anything more than this.

Ok. Ramble off.
post #128 of 128
I am in my mid 30's but look very young. I just stopped getting carded so I must actually look 21 now! I don't notice any dirty looks per se, but I have seen people looking for a wedding ring when I am out and about with ds.
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