The birth of Lily Thea – 03.04.06
This is a story that captures the small timeframe that was my journey with birth. I am writing this to share the magical experience that I was blessed with, but also in hopes that it will give someone else the strength to seek out and stand up for the birth they desire for their child. We are only born once as babies, and the way we give birth, as mothers, matters.
I became pregnant on July 7th of 2005. My husband and I were so elated to be expecting our first child, whom we felt strongly was a girl. Other than a bit of morning sickness, I sailed through my first couple months. I didn’t seek out prenatal care until week 13. I found a practice of midwives listed in the yellow pages and visited their site. They said they had a spot for me so I took it. It was my understanding that all midwives are the same, and that I would be safe in the hand of any of them. My journey has now taken me to a place where I know otherwise. My first two or three months of care were fine. Around January I started asking questions. I started getting more curious about the impending birth of my daughter, and more aware that I actually had things to decide with my husband. I took a prenatal yoga class where the instructor had a homebirth. This made me curious to talk to her because I knew that I too, wanted to birth in my own home. I asked her to tell me about her birth, and as part of her story she mentioned the shot she got as her baby’s shoulders were born. A light went on in my head. A little alarm sounded. And then began my crusade. I started researching left right and centre about the choices I’d have to make for my daughter and myself. My mother jokes that I could have my PhD in childbirth because I’ve read literally every book on natural birth that exists. I found out after all my inquiries that there were very specific things that I did and did not want for our precious daughter. My husband and I made a birth plan, and we gave it to our midwives. Our birth plan was not only met with resistance but with negativity and a very condescending attitude. I felt like I was being immeasurably discredited because I was a first time mother. The fact is, I knew in my heart that I knew what was best for my child. After all, she was growing my belly and would call me mom. Any decision I made for her would be mine to live with for the rest of her life, not my midwives or anyone else’s. I felt I had the right to choose. (Let me just say that nothing I was asking for was outside the realm of normal to some midwives.)
I began seeking out other care at 33 weeks. I had no luck. Everyone in town was full, and I was beginning to lose hope. My husband just kept telling me to believe that things work out but it was hard for me to do that. Naturally like a mother, I was worrying. I wanted to hire privately but we tried repeatedly to get the money and couldn’t come up with it. I was devastated. I started to try and reconcile myself to the idea that these two women who I had no respect for would be attending my birth. Somehow it just felt so wrong in so many ways. I tried to work/talk things out but it was to no avail. When I was one day past my due date my husband and I, on blind faith, fired them over the phone.
That day a phone call came. A dear friend advised me of a midwife that was located in another city who, by the sounds of it, was just what I was looking for. I gave her a call. She told me to call her back if I was really stuck. Well, later on I called back. We went to meet her on a Saturday morning. The sun was beautiful on the boat ride there and I could tell things were taking a turn for the better. I felt an instant calmness in her presence. I couldn’t believe I was that lucky, after all the fighting that I’d done, I was finally going to get the birth I wanted for Lily. She told me to return as soon as possible to stay nearby incase I went into labour. My husband and I went home, packed up, and went back Sunday night. When we arrived at our rented cabin, I went into labour almost immediately. It’s like my little girl knew where she was meant to be born and she was just waiting for me to figure it all out. Labour started around 10:30 or 11pm. At first I wasn’t sure what it was, so I asked my husband to go page our midwife. He couldn’t get cell phone service where we were so he hesitantly left me and drove 10 min down the road. When he returned I was sprawled out in the bathtub (surges had gotten much stronger). By this time I’m sure they were about 1 min apart. My midwife came in shortly after and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital (she had said perhaps this would be a better idea since she didn’t know me all that well and hadn’t been my caregiver throughout the pregnancy). I remember thinking who is she kidding I’m not going anywhere. She agreed with me staying at the cottage so we all settled in. She was wonderful. She and her attendant (a nurse) made a fire, fresh squeezed me orange juice, and kept the laundry going so we didn’t end up with a pile of dirty stuff (I was in and out of the bath a lot). The labour is somewhat hazy in my mind but I remember going from the bath, to the bed, to the ball, back to the bath, then to the birth stool and on and on. Moving around felt good. I remember thinking I must have been in transition when I wanted to smack my husband’s face for fanning me with a fan. He was such a wonderful support and I feel so lucky to have had him there. I couldn’t imagine doing it alone. I ended up on the birth stool trying to push through a bit of a cervical lip. Up until that point our hypnobirthing methods had been helping me cope quite well with the pain. By around 4 am I was fully dilated and lying in the bath tub. I started feeling the urge to push. I didn’t know the uterus was such a strong muscle! It got to the point where I couldn’t control my body and I just surrendered and let it happen. It was a good feeling to just let the baby come down as she wanted to. My midwife lit candles and dimmed the lights for us. Before long my husband said he could see her head. My midwife came in from the other room (we were given so much privacy, it was lovely) and sure enough there it was. It was overwhelming to think that I was going to meet my daughter in such a short time. There is no one else in the world I would wait 9 months to meet. I’m not a very patient person. Before long my husband said he could feel her face on his hand. I felt her head and it was soft with lots of hair. I pushed her out at 4:53am into my husbands arms (midwife helped keep her underwater until she was fully born as we were in the tub due to lack of time to inflate the birth pool). She went straight to my chest and sneezed. There is no joy like that in life. Nothing could ever replace that moment. I wish now that we had have videotaped the whole thing. She just looked around and was so quiet. Time stood still for me. After a few minutes I stood up to push the placenta out, and I held her at the same time. We wanted to keep the cord and placenta attached for awhile so they all helped me get into the bedroom holding her. By the time we got to the bed she found my nipple and latched herself on. The look on her face in the photos is one of disbelief, like “hey mom this is pretty awesome!” It was precious. They cleaned up while we layed there and bonded as a family. When she was checked later on she was 7lbs 3ounces, 22 inches long and so beautiful.
We spent 5 days in that cottage getting to know each other. It was a beautiful time that I’d never trade for anything in the world. We had always planned on naming her Lily, and we found out that the creek running through the back yard of the cottage she was born in is called Lily creek. I became a renewed believer in fate when I heard that. I know a lot of women would have just accepted the care they were being given, or compromised on their wishes if put in my predicament. The fact is, Lily knew where she was going to be born all along, we just had to trust her and go with it. I believe that her gentle birth will shape the person she becomes. I hope because of our story someone else will be inspired to chase after the perfect birth… even if they feel like they can’t run anymore. Birth is a beautiful thing, and it deserves all the respect we can muster up, and it has more dignity than we can fathom. Sometimes if someone is telling you otherwise, you just have to find the strength within to look further.
This is a story that captures the small timeframe that was my journey with birth. I am writing this to share the magical experience that I was blessed with, but also in hopes that it will give someone else the strength to seek out and stand up for the birth they desire for their child. We are only born once as babies, and the way we give birth, as mothers, matters.
I became pregnant on July 7th of 2005. My husband and I were so elated to be expecting our first child, whom we felt strongly was a girl. Other than a bit of morning sickness, I sailed through my first couple months. I didn’t seek out prenatal care until week 13. I found a practice of midwives listed in the yellow pages and visited their site. They said they had a spot for me so I took it. It was my understanding that all midwives are the same, and that I would be safe in the hand of any of them. My journey has now taken me to a place where I know otherwise. My first two or three months of care were fine. Around January I started asking questions. I started getting more curious about the impending birth of my daughter, and more aware that I actually had things to decide with my husband. I took a prenatal yoga class where the instructor had a homebirth. This made me curious to talk to her because I knew that I too, wanted to birth in my own home. I asked her to tell me about her birth, and as part of her story she mentioned the shot she got as her baby’s shoulders were born. A light went on in my head. A little alarm sounded. And then began my crusade. I started researching left right and centre about the choices I’d have to make for my daughter and myself. My mother jokes that I could have my PhD in childbirth because I’ve read literally every book on natural birth that exists. I found out after all my inquiries that there were very specific things that I did and did not want for our precious daughter. My husband and I made a birth plan, and we gave it to our midwives. Our birth plan was not only met with resistance but with negativity and a very condescending attitude. I felt like I was being immeasurably discredited because I was a first time mother. The fact is, I knew in my heart that I knew what was best for my child. After all, she was growing my belly and would call me mom. Any decision I made for her would be mine to live with for the rest of her life, not my midwives or anyone else’s. I felt I had the right to choose. (Let me just say that nothing I was asking for was outside the realm of normal to some midwives.)
I began seeking out other care at 33 weeks. I had no luck. Everyone in town was full, and I was beginning to lose hope. My husband just kept telling me to believe that things work out but it was hard for me to do that. Naturally like a mother, I was worrying. I wanted to hire privately but we tried repeatedly to get the money and couldn’t come up with it. I was devastated. I started to try and reconcile myself to the idea that these two women who I had no respect for would be attending my birth. Somehow it just felt so wrong in so many ways. I tried to work/talk things out but it was to no avail. When I was one day past my due date my husband and I, on blind faith, fired them over the phone.
That day a phone call came. A dear friend advised me of a midwife that was located in another city who, by the sounds of it, was just what I was looking for. I gave her a call. She told me to call her back if I was really stuck. Well, later on I called back. We went to meet her on a Saturday morning. The sun was beautiful on the boat ride there and I could tell things were taking a turn for the better. I felt an instant calmness in her presence. I couldn’t believe I was that lucky, after all the fighting that I’d done, I was finally going to get the birth I wanted for Lily. She told me to return as soon as possible to stay nearby incase I went into labour. My husband and I went home, packed up, and went back Sunday night. When we arrived at our rented cabin, I went into labour almost immediately. It’s like my little girl knew where she was meant to be born and she was just waiting for me to figure it all out. Labour started around 10:30 or 11pm. At first I wasn’t sure what it was, so I asked my husband to go page our midwife. He couldn’t get cell phone service where we were so he hesitantly left me and drove 10 min down the road. When he returned I was sprawled out in the bathtub (surges had gotten much stronger). By this time I’m sure they were about 1 min apart. My midwife came in shortly after and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital (she had said perhaps this would be a better idea since she didn’t know me all that well and hadn’t been my caregiver throughout the pregnancy). I remember thinking who is she kidding I’m not going anywhere. She agreed with me staying at the cottage so we all settled in. She was wonderful. She and her attendant (a nurse) made a fire, fresh squeezed me orange juice, and kept the laundry going so we didn’t end up with a pile of dirty stuff (I was in and out of the bath a lot). The labour is somewhat hazy in my mind but I remember going from the bath, to the bed, to the ball, back to the bath, then to the birth stool and on and on. Moving around felt good. I remember thinking I must have been in transition when I wanted to smack my husband’s face for fanning me with a fan. He was such a wonderful support and I feel so lucky to have had him there. I couldn’t imagine doing it alone. I ended up on the birth stool trying to push through a bit of a cervical lip. Up until that point our hypnobirthing methods had been helping me cope quite well with the pain. By around 4 am I was fully dilated and lying in the bath tub. I started feeling the urge to push. I didn’t know the uterus was such a strong muscle! It got to the point where I couldn’t control my body and I just surrendered and let it happen. It was a good feeling to just let the baby come down as she wanted to. My midwife lit candles and dimmed the lights for us. Before long my husband said he could see her head. My midwife came in from the other room (we were given so much privacy, it was lovely) and sure enough there it was. It was overwhelming to think that I was going to meet my daughter in such a short time. There is no one else in the world I would wait 9 months to meet. I’m not a very patient person. Before long my husband said he could feel her face on his hand. I felt her head and it was soft with lots of hair. I pushed her out at 4:53am into my husbands arms (midwife helped keep her underwater until she was fully born as we were in the tub due to lack of time to inflate the birth pool). She went straight to my chest and sneezed. There is no joy like that in life. Nothing could ever replace that moment. I wish now that we had have videotaped the whole thing. She just looked around and was so quiet. Time stood still for me. After a few minutes I stood up to push the placenta out, and I held her at the same time. We wanted to keep the cord and placenta attached for awhile so they all helped me get into the bedroom holding her. By the time we got to the bed she found my nipple and latched herself on. The look on her face in the photos is one of disbelief, like “hey mom this is pretty awesome!” It was precious. They cleaned up while we layed there and bonded as a family. When she was checked later on she was 7lbs 3ounces, 22 inches long and so beautiful.
We spent 5 days in that cottage getting to know each other. It was a beautiful time that I’d never trade for anything in the world. We had always planned on naming her Lily, and we found out that the creek running through the back yard of the cottage she was born in is called Lily creek. I became a renewed believer in fate when I heard that. I know a lot of women would have just accepted the care they were being given, or compromised on their wishes if put in my predicament. The fact is, Lily knew where she was going to be born all along, we just had to trust her and go with it. I believe that her gentle birth will shape the person she becomes. I hope because of our story someone else will be inspired to chase after the perfect birth… even if they feel like they can’t run anymore. Birth is a beautiful thing, and it deserves all the respect we can muster up, and it has more dignity than we can fathom. Sometimes if someone is telling you otherwise, you just have to find the strength within to look further.
