Oh i so relate to this. it seems as that relationship will never be the same. i remember feeling so upset and envious when i was watching dh do the things I did with dd. it still is hard to even see them go to the store, especially when i was healing the first couple of weeks. i think the relationship just changes. but i know how you feel. i also find myself feeling guilty about my oldest dd because she has never been any trouble, always communicates and is just a great kid. i sometimes worry that I don't pay her as much time as I have been able to because i'm always on my middle dd to be careful with the baby and tending to the baby. I just have confidence that my older girl is doing what she should be and she always is! But i've been careful lately not to leave her out just because she is so well behaved!!! kwim? i spend al my energy tending to the other two that i MUST remember she needs me too...just because she's not acting up doesn't mean she doesn't.
we all need to give ourselves a break mammas......i think everyone here should be so proud of themselves.