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What's the most shocking thing you've ever seen another parent do? - Page 4

post #61 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyD
This is why I'm here too. I just needed to get it out of my mind.
Me too!
post #62 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaduck
It doesn't work this way for me. Because I think I *could* be that kind of monster parent, given the circumstances that some of these parents were brought up in as children themselves. And given the resources and support that many parents lack. I hear these stories, and I have to wonder how much these parents must be hurting inside.

Attempting to boost my sense of self-satisfaction by comparing myself to others always backfires. "Getting off" on feeling superior to other people is not cool. But not only that, there is always someone else who appears to superior to me, and then I end up feeling inferior because I have created the habit of making comparisons. So no, I don't think this is a good way to go about patting ourselves on the back. We should each be doing our best, and most of the time trying to believe that others are too.

There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche. That is one thing -- but putting poor parenting on display purely for the sake of having the opportunity to look down on others really does feel wrong. I'm with Rivka -- these are awful sad stories, and I don't see this sort of exersize as healthy.
I don't feel like I'm a better parent by reading these. That's like feeling like you're a great basketball player 'cause you're up against Gary Coleman. I mostly feel sorry for these women and for their children and for the others that they'll encounter along the way. I think of the fact that my own mom and I had some (verbal) moments like the ones above, and how they didn't make either me or her into better people or the world into a better place. I'm not a perfect parent, but I'm trying with my dd to be the kind of parent I think is best.

I'm also finding it useful to "rehearse," as it were, what I would do in a situation where I witnessed something abusive. I did NOTHING about the mother who shook her son and called him a little shit. I considered calling CPS, but I never did anything except tell her husband's cousin, whom I worked with, in the hopes that he could keep an eye on the situation, so in short, I passed the buck. I feel bad about doing that -- I should've stepped in. However, for those of us who are essentially nonabusers and who didn't grow up in a physically abusive household, I think the power of just plain jaw-dropping shock has the power to stun us into inaction and silence, like deers in the headlights, and reading this thread minimizes the possibility that shock and incomprehension are going to be my initial reactions. Hopefully, I'll grow some ovaries next time.
post #63 of 151
Once at Target (about 8 years ago), I saw a mom in line...he young baby was just crying and crying (assuming hunger or tired)...she was visible irritated by the crying child. She then strapped the baby in the carseat, got into the front seat---turned around a PUNCHED the baby in the face (I was sitting directly in front of her in my car). Thankfully I had a cellphone...I called the police, pulled out after her (and she knew I was after her because I screamed out when I saw what she had done), I got her license plate #, stayed on the phone with 911...following her EVERYWHERE...until the cops FINALLY caught up to her...they arrested her!!!!!!!!!! **SIGH**
post #64 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
I read that as "I give my 1.5 yo a pop on occasion" : I so need new glasses.....

I'm not the most stellar parent on this planet. trust me on this...

I've only seen a mom smack her child upside the head for screaming like a banshee....
No! Not a pop, a few sips of pop. My lord if my 1.5 yo drank a whole pop, she would explode!

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.
post #65 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by dnw826
No! Not a pop, a few sips of pop. My lord if my 1.5 yo drank a whole pop, she would explode!

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.
I read it the same as Pandora initially, only I interpreted "a pop" to mean a smack, as in "a pop in the head". Glad to know you meant a few sips of pop instead of a smack in the head! Guess I need glasses too! :
post #66 of 151
frontierpsych & pookel: I don't think it was a joke. I've met this guy a couple of times at parties for the kids, and he's...not a nice person. He's a jerk - I know he's addicted to cocaine, and I'm about 99% sure he's a pusher, as well. He and the little girl's mom are separated, so hopefully she's found someone less abusive.


I noticed a couple of references to my thing about feeling like a better parent. It's not really about feeling like a "better" parent. These stories simply help me keep my perspective a little when I'm absolutely convinced that I'm the most horrible, impatient, abusive mom in the world. I lose my cool sometimes. DD is the most delightful, exuberant, full-of-life little girl I can imagine, and sometimes I'm just not up to coping with that kind of energy level. I get frustrated. And, I feel like a monster. Sometimes, reading about people who really seriously cross the line (punching a baby???) reminds me that my attitude toward dd is one of love, that my philosophy about dd is that she deserves to be treated with respect, that I don't see her as some horrible inconvenience that's been foisted on me...in short, that I'm really not that bad at this. I don't know if this is making sense. Lately, I seem to be typing a lot of essays that don't go anywhere...
post #67 of 151
Speaking of which..
I was just at Barnes and Nobles and there was this man there with his 8,4,and 2 year olds. Not only was he carrying around Knives magazine (a bit freaky if you ask me), but his 8yo said something and he said "Why did you say that, why don't you just shut the f$*k up. You are so stupid.". Obviously, I kept my kids far away from him.
post #68 of 151
Man, I am so sorry I opened this thread

As to why? As some others have said, I wanted to imagine being the witness to these scenarios to "practice" how I might respond. Such shocking things usually catch you totally off guard so you stand there with your mouth wide open and then later beat yourself up over what you should have done. I have never witnessed anything like the things that have been described, but it is certainly possible that I will someday. I hope I have the courage and presence of mind to intervene in a timely and appropriate manner.
post #69 of 151
you're so right. I just got back from the mall (I hate malls). I was in a clothing store and a man pushing his 3-4 yr dd in a stroller yelled at her to pick up her feet, and then when she asked a perfectly normal question he yelled at her to shut up. Not the worst thing I've seen by far, but certainly the most recent. I feel awful for the little girl and feel like I should have said something.

This thread has just made me cry.:
post #70 of 151
I was in Hancock Fabrics the other day and there was a mom, grandma and a 10, 6, and 4 year old. The 4 year old said "mommy, I have to go potty." The mom was visibly irritated by such and incovenience and said, "That's why I put a d*mn diaper on you. I'll change you when we get home." This woman by the way had no merchendise in her hands and was just browsing. The bathroom was a whole whopping 15 feet away. The little girl then told her mom that she had to poop. The mom said she didn't care that she would be changed when they get home. The grandma finally said that she would take the little girl. The mom said that no the 10 year old could take her and her other sister.(the 6 year old.) I felt so bad for this little girl, she seemed realy embarassed.
post #71 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentle_mama04
I was in Hancock Fabrics the other day and there was a mom, grandma and a 10, 6, and 4 year old. The 4 year old said "mommy, I have to go potty." The mom was visibly irritated by such and incovenience and said, "That's why I put a d*mn diaper on you. I'll change you when we get home." This woman by the way had no merchendise in her hands and was just browsing. The bathroom was a whole whopping 15 feet away. The little girl then told her mom that she had to poop. The mom said she didn't care that she would be changed when they get home. The grandma finally said that she would take the little girl. The mom said that no the 10 year old could take her and her other sister.(the 6 year old.) I felt so bad for this little girl, she seemed realy embarassed.
:

Thanks for the reminder! I keep forgetting to bring DD's potty ring with us whenever we go out! I'm glad she's able to hold it for a long time but man! I keep forgetting the darned backpack that it's in!

See, that's why these threads are constructive!!!!

See she's terrified of sitting on big toilets without a ring under her, you know one of those things that make a big potty a little potty (she loves that aspect) So we have one that fits neatly in her nemo backpack, and I KEEP FORGETTING TO BRING IT ALONG!!! Stupid mommy :

I'll put her backpack near my purse just to be on the safe side.

Whee!
post #72 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaduck
There have been times that I have seen something awful, and I needed to debrief or "vent" about it in order to cleanse my psyche. That is one thing -- but putting poor parenting on display purely for the sake of having the opportunity to look down on others really does feel wrong. I'm with Rivka -- these are awful sad stories, and I don't see this sort of exersize as healthy.
To those who are disturbed by the thread, I can see where you are coming from. There is definitely always that temptation to feel good about putting others down. I'm sorry that you were disturbed.

I guess that for me, the comfort levels are reversed: I am usually reluctant to bring up something that I saw in a separate "vent" thread, because then I feel like I am encouraging everyone to gang up (virtually) on one particular parent and speculate, often very unsympathetically, on his or her motives. The reason why this thread feels logical to me is that I don't experience abuse of children as a lot of individual incidents, but more as a pattern. IRL, I witness it fairly regularly, and the general acceptance it seems to meet, where I live, is kind of crazymaking -- it's like, did I just see that? Am I the only one who is shocked? (And then a drama often ensues if someone does have the desire and the courage to say something.) I doubt that I am the only one who feels that feeling of being frozen and incredulous, like, I must be mistaken. Sharing our experiences on this thread helps confirm my awareness that yes, this really does happen, and my resolve to speak up for the child every time.
post #73 of 151
Before I became a mom, actually before I even thought of the possibility of being a mom, I worked at Wal-Mart in a nearby town. One day I was working and had walked outside on my lunch break. A lady and police officer were standing by a car parked near the front door. The car was running and there were two little children in the car. The adult (mom, guardian, or whatever she was) was inside shopping. Two hours passed and still no parents. The children were okay but when the lady finally came out of the store she got the biggest surprise of her life. Her children were not in the car but at the local police station and she had a police officer waiting on her to escort her in handcuffs to the local station for endangering her children.
post #74 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by dnw826

But my sil gives her 2 yo 4 gallons of chocolate milk a week. No other drinks are ever even offered. That's worse than pop as far as I'm concerned.
May I ask why chocolate milk is worse that soda in your opinion?

The sugar content is comparable between the two, but at least the milk has protein and calcium, among other nutrients, whereas the soda has what? None of that.
post #75 of 151
I'm guessing she meant just chocolate milk all the time is worse than a few sips of pop on few occassions... that's how I read it at least.
post #76 of 151
Yea, that's how I interpreted it. Chocolate milk all the time is worse than an occasional pop. I have to agree with her too. Milk is somewhat controversial as is, and then you have to add in all the unecessary sugar and stuff, plus giving it all the time. I personally think that's much worse then having a coke every day. At least with coke everyday, they'd be getting other stuff. It's of course the lesser fo two evils, and ideally no child should be drinking coke ever, but variety is always better.

Personally, with a good variety however I'd choose the occasional chocolate milk over the coke, though. Chocloate milk does offer *some* nutritional value..calcium, ext. Coke is just nil, plus it has funky acids in it.
post #77 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by veganf
Without spending a long time thinking about this...fairly recently, the neighbor's 3 year old standing on top of their jacuzzi, (which is near the edge of their deck probably 10 feet off the ground) naked, wielding a garden weasel. Nobody ever came out to stop him. He must have had that thing for 15 minutes, waving it around like a light saber.
That sounds like mama shower time. This one, as scary as it is, could happen to a sick or showering paret.
post #78 of 151
I don't visuallly see it, but I hear it go on every day.....our neighbour in the apartment building we are in is constatly yelling at and from what I can tell, hitting her preschool aged daughter. She won't let her play anywhere but in the stairwell because shes to lazy to watch her at the park, and when her daughter does go up the footpath to play with the kids in the grassed area or to try and go to the park, he mom comes thumping out the door screaming obcesnities at her, then from what I can tell hits her because she starts to cry very loudly in a hurt type of way, then her mom keeps yelling at her, telling her shes stupid etc. Its awful, I can't deal with it some days and I cry, other days I just turn the music or tv up louder to drown them out. Shes had CPS investigate her before, had the police over nuemerous times....noone cares.
post #79 of 151

2 Things

Once I saw someone smacking their baby (was in a carseat in the back seat) while driving a car at the same time. They had reached over the seat and started smacking several times. :

The other thing was when this kid got in trouble for retail theft at a Boston Store and when the police called his mom, his mom came to get him. Then as the police and his mother took him outside, the mother smacked the kid in back of the head really hard. The officer walking behind them didn't do a thing, he just let the mother correct her son. He was in his teens.
post #80 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by romans_mum
I don't visuallly see it, but I hear it go on every day.....our neighbour in the apartment building we are in is constatly yelling at and from what I can tell, hitting her preschool aged daughter. She won't let her play anywhere but in the stairwell because shes to lazy to watch her at the park, and when her daughter does go up the footpath to play with the kids in the grassed area or to try and go to the park, he mom comes thumping out the door screaming obcesnities at her, then from what I can tell hits her because she starts to cry very loudly in a hurt type of way, then her mom keeps yelling at her, telling her shes stupid etc. Its awful, I can't deal with it some days and I cry, other days I just turn the music or tv up louder to drown them out. Shes had CPS investigate her before, had the police over nuemerous times....noone cares.
Maybe someone should start recording it on video and submit that to the Police with a copy also for Social Services.
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