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Are pacifiers Bad? - Page 4

Poll Results: are pacifiers bad?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 12% (36)
    Yes they are bad. they are for lazy parents.
  • 31% (87)
    Maybe not BAD but I choose not to use them
  • 16% (45)
    take it or leave it. I don't care.
  • 32% (90)
    They are good for some kids
  • 3% (11)
    They are great! I wish I had one! LOL
  • 2% (8)
    other
277 Total Votes  
post #61 of 120
OH I love it


:binky :bf
post #62 of 120
La La!

I think judicial use of the pacifier is fine. Remember that YOU are the parent and only you and your partner can make the right choices for your child!
post #63 of 120
I don't like them and choose not to use them, but I would like to point out to everybody who thinks they are "evil" that if you are NOT breastfeeding, what the heck are you supposed to do to meet your child's sucking needs?

I do have concerns about the effect of prolonged paci use on teeth and jaw development, but like all parenting tools, there is moderation and there is excess. And yes, early paci introduction has been linked to latching problems.

But I think what is most important of all is not the tool itself but the thought behind it. I think what frustrates us is when parents "just do that" without any real thought behind it. I think that it is apparent here that people DO put thought into using such things, and take care to ensure it is not overused (as with swings and exersaucers and all those other "neglect-o-matics" <insert sarcastic smile here>). Ultimately, we are all interested in doing our research, thinking the matter over, and deciding what works best for our families. And nobody is better qualified to do that than the families themselves.

I'd also like to thank you all for opening my mind: I have always thought that older children with paci's in their mouth looked terrible, and I felt something must be lacking in the parenting department. But of course I never thought that if a child can nurse well into the toddler years then it makes sense a child whose mother is not nursing that long (or at all) would still have sucking needs.
post #64 of 120
Good grief, I'm tired of seeing good loving mamas get judgemental hooey. We are all here because we love our children and believe that responding to our children's needs is the best parenting. AP is not about whether or not you use a binky or a swing or a stroller. It's about getting in tune with your child and making choices that work for your family. And that just might be a pacifier. Or a crib. Or a bouncy seat. Heck, it might even be a bouncy seat that vibrates! OMG!

My babe was a lot like vein's. Sucking his thumb in utero, a big time comfort sucker out of the womb. We had a binky within two weeks, and I regret waiting that long (we struggled and struggled with not wanting to use one, when it clearly would have given both of us relief).

I never say never anymore, since my little guy has helped me cross item after item off my 'never' list...
post #65 of 120
I've been thinking about this thread the last few days. It seems to me that some people think giving a baby a pacifier "turns them off". That you don't have to deal with the baby anymore and that therefore is lazy parenting. I'm a mom of 2 babies who love the soother. However, I have never had either of them stop demanding my attention just because they have the pacifier in their mouth. They still want to be held, loved, read to, and paid attention to.
My 17 mounth old only gets her pacifier to sleep or travel but I catch her almost every day trying to scale her dresser to get the pacifier. If she does manage somehow, she still continues her regular play/interactions with the family, just happily sucking away while she does this.
Obviously, she loves to suck. How in the world does this translate into lazy parenting. I just don't understand!
I also think it would be ignoring her obvious need not to give it to her.
post #66 of 120
Quote:
But of course I never thought that if a child can nurse well into the toddler years then it makes sense a child whose mother is not nursing that long (or at all) would still have sucking needs.
Piglet!! that is so true. i could understand some moms not wanting/liking pacifiers. however, if a 4 yr old, a 3 yr old, and even 6 yr olds can nurse (and its not for nutrition at 6, and if it was then why not a cup?), why cant my son use his binky in the car or a naptime, kwim? why is his binky "evil"? or am i evil for not nursing my 4 yr old? maybe thats what they are really trying to say, that i am the bad guy for not nursing for years and years. that i am not meeting my childs emotional needs, because at 3 yrs old, he self soothes in the car with a binky instead of me offering my breast?

every child, every mom is different.
post #67 of 120
This was one of those threads that I knew would get hairy as soon as I saw the title...I always stay out of these for a couple of days.

I personally would prefer not to use pacifiers, and never did with my dd, but I would never, ever say that a parent who does use them is lazy! The reason I don't like them is because they just seem to be one more thing to "wean" a child from, and in some cases they can have a negative impact on health, speech, and teeth. But if a child has a strong need to suck, then by all means, a parent should try a paci! And Piglet's comment about FF babies makes so much sense - I mean, sure, I could comfort-nurse my dd, but it's not like a FF baby can get a bottle every time she needs to suck. And of course, there are many moms who do not want their baby latched on 24/7, and sheesh, that's fine, isn't it?

I think that those "lazy parents" who shove the paci into the baby's mouth every time she moves or makes a sound, using it to "turn the baby off" as someone else said, are lazy parents PERIOD, and it has nothing to do with the paci. Because those same parents, if they had no paci, would just put on the vibrating seat (I had one of those, by the way!) or the tv or stick the kid in the swing, or whatever. It's not the pacifier that's the problem.

There have been threads like this about swings, bouncy seats, even strollers. They're all the same. Like any kind of baby "equipment," there is a use for everything, but unfortunately lots of people who take advantage of these tools and neglect their babies by overusing them. And if there was no equipment to use, those parents would just leave them crying in their cribs. So don't blame the gadgets. And don't judge a parent just because a baby has a binky!!!!
post #68 of 120
i agree with Piglet, i think it's really obvious that babies who aren 't nursed still have sucking needs.

i am very comfortable, though, saying "never."

my babies will never have pacifiers. i have had a few conversations where other moms have taken my decision to say "never" as a judgement- really its just a personal decision. i'm not saying they shouldn't use them, i just know i never will. high sucking needs babies existed before the invention of pacifiers, i know i can do without one whatever sort of baby i end up with.

i only have one baby, and so i can't really know where he is on the scale of sucking needs- i have no way to compare him. he is exclusively breastfed, now beginning solids, never has had a pacifier.

i think it's great if you feel good retracting your "nevers", adapting your parenting style to your child.

maybe i have certain "nevers" i would retract... none really come to mind, as i tend to only say never when i really mean it. but even if there were a few i wouldn't say "never say never". i think making strong decisions is important.

if i end up with a very needy sucker next time, i imagine i'll just nurse him/her 24/7. they way i see it, there is a reason the baby wants to suck so much at the breast. i don't subscribe to the "comfort sucking" vs. "nutritive sucking" dissection of nursing . a baby knows what he/she needs. i'm there to follow the baby's lead.

it doesn't mean i think it's bad not to do what i would do. like i said it's a personal parenting choice.

tabitha
post #69 of 120
My dd was a champion nurser from the get-go. I was so happy. Then when we were getting her all ready to leave the hospital and go home, she was WAY upset, we tried everything, nothing worked, the nurse (without asking, but hey, she's a nurse, right, she knows what she's doing, we're clueless new parents) plonked in a binky.

Blessed silence. Whew.

Drove home, got out the baby, brought her inside, settled down to nurse -- no go. Just couldn't.

That started one of the top 10 worst 24-hour periods I've experienced. She was HUNGRY, she wanted milk, I had milk, I wanted her to nurse, but she'd plumb forgotten. (Nipple confusion.)

So, that was the last of the binkies around here, once we got that figured out. We had some (gifts), and she plays with them, but she's never used them. I'm generally happy about that, while recognizing that there are situations in which they are needed.

One thing that has often confused me on MDC, though, is the occasionally overwhelming emphasis on support. I mean, that's very very nice, and very very needed, and often called for. But at the same time, if I had posted here that my daughter hated to brush her teeth, so I didn't force the issue, and got a chorus of "Of course, you're being a good mom, don't worry about it"s, I'd be REALLY MAD, or at least disappointed in the advice I got, when I took her to the dentist and found 7 cavities. I come to MDC not only for support but for information.

Ideally, these can coexist -- supportive, diplomatically dispensed, accurate information -- but it disturbs me that there seems to be a vibe towards support at all costs.

Just my 2 cents.
post #70 of 120
I think there is a difference, at least to me, between someone saying, I don't use them and here is why, and someone who says, they are awful and only lazy parents use them. KWIM? One is informative; the other is insulting.

Like my grandma used to say, you don't have to agree, you just have to be nice.
post #71 of 120
laralou

Exactly - one can disagree politely.

Lala is asking for opinions, not support, and so it is completely wthin reason that one should post and say they don't feel a paci is a good choice and here is why. . ., but there is a difference between saying that and saying unequivocally anyone who uses a paci with their child is a lazy/bad/neglectful parent. KWIM?
post #72 of 120
I do... but it wasn't unequivocal. (There were several equivocations in onthefence's first and subsequent posts.)

I completely agree that it could have been done more politely, but I've also seen this when it WAS done quite politely. There was a discussion of what to do about worms, and someone posted information on the damage that an untreated case of worms can do in a very even-handed, respectful way, and was given the "we're here to support each other" thing.

Just a general trend I've noticed which I don't think is entirely beneficial.
post #73 of 120
We started out not wanting to use a pacy, but I could not breast feed because we were adopting. Our son was in foster care and I did not feel comfortable trying to do that. Anyway, I read that babies that take a bottle instead of breastfeeding actually may have a desire to suck more even after the bottle emptied. So we purchased some paci's and have not looked back.

My son loves his paci and it soothes him when he feels he needs comforting. Just like a breast fed child who will go to mom when they are hurt and want to nurse.

I think all of us are trying to raise our children to be happy content adults. Should someone who uses formula be judged as not as good a mom as someone who breastfed? I don't think so. We have to do what we think makes us better parents. I know some people who loved breast feeding and others who hated it. To each his own!

Shannon
post #74 of 120
I really don't get all the hostility in this thread. I think we all make the best decisions we can based on our personal situation and the information we have to work with. I used a paci with my first 2 and sometimes they were a blessing, like in the car, but most of the time I hated seeing my kids with it in their mouths, not too mention the times they would get lost (everyday) and dh and I would crawl around the house frantically searching for it while trying to console a screaming child. I used it because I thought that's what you were suppose to do. But I used them like a lazy parent would. So this time, and because I have the time to do so, I decided not to use them with dd and to nurse her (which I do constantly) to satisfy her sucking needs. I know that not all parent have time to do that. As for how I feel about what other parents do, really, I could care less. They are doing what they need to do as am I. Who am I to cast stones? And for what reason should I? I hope in the future we can be supportive of each other and respectful of differing opinons. It is VERY disheartening to get on here and see this much hostility
post #75 of 120
For the record: I did not say you must show only support for pacifier users on this thread. I said LaLa was looking for your personal experiences with the pacifier, and that I didn't think it was right to make sweeping generalizations one way or the other.

peggy
post #76 of 120
Gotcha. But, I mean, the title of this is "are pacifiers bad?" Is it so surprising that someone would say "yes"?

Anyway, no biggie.
post #77 of 120
I know what you mean. I'm sure LaLa wanted to hear both sides of the issue. My point was that if we feel they aren't right for our baby it doesn't mean they are wrong for everyone...and if we think they work great for our baby we shouldn't say all babies need one..
post #78 of 120
Wow some harsh judging of others parenting decisions on this thread. Whoever said living up to some of the standards around here is depressing wasn't kidding.

dd is only 12 days old, but her need to suck was pretty upsetting the first 4 days of her life. I had no milk until the evening of her 3rd day and she was sucking and sucking and it hurt so bad, once for nearly 3 hours straight her 2nd day. I couldn't satisfy her need to suck through the pain, nor did I have any milk to satisfy her hunger. She cried and cried. I cried and cired. I got so upset I called the nurse to take her away because I was so upset and I felt like a failure.

So against my previous wishes I end up giving her an ounce of formula twice and a pacifier in the hospital. Sucking on my fingers didn't work, it just made her more upset that her needs weren't met.

I did what I did, because she had needs that needed to be met. and what good did it do for me to loose my mind and get all upset trying to live up to some impossible standards?

Thhings are going much better. We put her paci away for now. Maybe when I go back to work she just mught need it, since dad can't BF, of course. Wearing her in a sling is satisfying some comfort needs too. She needs to suck much less often now.

I think I did the best I could granted the circumstances. I look back now and know I'm not a bad mommy, despite how badly I felt at the time. I was trying to live up to some impossible ideal, rather than trying to meet my childs immediate needs.
post #79 of 120
Congratulations on your new baby, Lea.

I had the same guilt for giving my baby the pacifier, then guilt that I had kept it from her, when it clearly made her feel so much better.

I'm glad you are working to meet both your needs and those of your new baby!
post #80 of 120
I vowed I'd never use one but...........I ended up giving in. My nipples were so sore they needed a break!!! So my DS gets a pacifier and he still uses me as well!!! But now I'm not as sore!!!!

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