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A Woman took DS out of his carseat - Page 6

post #101 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by tea olive
i know y'all mean well, but on a certain level the previous post could be construed to be critical of weakness and of authenticity. can we agree to call this quits?
ITA.
post #102 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by tea olive
i know y'all mean well, but on a certain level the previous post could be construed to be critical of weakness and of authenticity. can we agree to call this quits?

I was critical of the lack of authenticity about the scenario. There is no way the timing involved was what the OP said. My point was if she had been authentic about that there would have been only support for her.

People resent be led astray about what took place. It is hard to provide support when you have to say "hey wait a minute. this simply does not add up".
post #103 of 171
I probably would have called the cops, but only after watching your vehicle for a few mintues. I'm sorry to say this but leaving an infant in a car is stupid even for a few minutes. Someone could have taken the child just to take a child and keep them, not to be helpful or out of concern for the child's safety. How hard is it to grab the infant carseat and carry it over to the table where the family was?
post #104 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMariposa
How hard is it to grab the infant carseat and carry it over to the table where the family was?
Not everyone uses a removable baby bucket style carseat, and even if they do, many babies have outgrown them by 4-6 months old.
I'm not here to judge the OP, but what I usually do in hot weather witha sleeping baby is to either a) leave the car on with the a/c running and stay in the car, or b) open a few doors so there's ample cross-ventilation and sit within view.
post #105 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by maya44
I was critical of the lack of authenticity about the scenario. There is no way the timing involved was what the OP said. My point was if she had been authentic about that there would have been only support for her.

People resent be led astray about what took place. It is hard to provide support when you have to say "hey wait a minute. this simply does not add up".
So out of fear, shame, and embarrassment her estimate of the actual amount of time she was gone is a little short. So what. Its human nature.

I think she was brave for posting here, and I want to be supportive whether it was 3 minutes or 6. It was a frightening, horrible experience and I'm glad she shared it with us because it really made me think twice about the few occasions I have left DD in the car while I ran in to grab something.
post #106 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by maya44
I was critical of the lack of authenticity about the scenario. There is no way the timing involved was what the OP said. My point was if she had been authentic about that there would have been only support for her.

People resent be led astray about what took place. It is hard to provide support when you have to say "hey wait a minute. this simply does not add up".
Yet perhaps she was 100% accurate.

My youngest toddled over to a swingset and got knocked over by a preschooler who was swinging (he didn't see her, she toddled over behind him). This happened literally 6-8 feet from where I was sitting with my 3 year old. I was negotiating toy-sharing between her and some other kids. My eyes were off dd2 for maybe a minute, tops. There was no one on the swingset when I began the toy-negotiating, and dd2 had been right beside me. So my attention was on dd1, I lost track of dd2 for no more than a minute (probably a lot less), and in that time a) a kid came over and started swinging on the swings, b) dd2 left my side and toddled over to the swingset, and c) swinging kid was swinging hard enough to really knock my little one over.

Things happen really fast in life sometimes.
post #107 of 171
A toddling child v the process of removing a baby from a car and alerting security is not even comparable. There is much more involved in removing the baby from the car. Sorry OP...I know you feel guilty and wish you could rewind the clock, but you were extremely lucky the situation turned out the way it did. If I had come across your car, I would have probably asked if the parent was around. I would have definately written down you license plates number and reported the incident to both the police and CPS.
post #108 of 171
I would never call CPS in this situation unless I KNEW - not assumed, not surmised- but knew that it was not too hot, the mother had been gone for more than a few minutes, and was not within eyesight. Leaving a baby alone in a car is wrong, but threatening to call CPS every time someone does something wrong or dangerous is not always the clear-cut best answer.
post #109 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini
A toddling child v the process of removing a baby from a car and alerting security is not even comparable. There is much more involved in removing the baby from the car.
I don't agree. I get both my children out of their two carseats and into my house well within a minute.
post #110 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress
I find it interesting that not a single person mentioned the dad! The OP was obviously busy. She was caring for the other child, and on the phone at the same time. What was her DH doing?
ZanZansMommy, I hope you had a nice talking to with your hubby. You shouldn't have had to tell him to watch the baby while you were busy with the other child. He should've already been keeping an eye out. You did nothing wrong. You weren't the unobservant one. IMO, it was your husband's duty to watch the baby at that particular moment in time, and he failed you and the baby. I'd be more upset with him than the woman who took the baby out of the vehicle. Speak with him about coordinating childcare while out and about. If your attention if focused on one child, he should automatically keep an eye out on the other child.
: Good question. I get so upset when everyone blames the mother, especially when there are TWO parents involved/available.
post #111 of 171
I definitely think the OP sees all the sides of this, and sees all that she would do differently if she could go back in time. If I were her, all that would frustrate me about the replies is the possible assumption by others that she does NOT see it.

But I was wondering what someone finally said...

Quote:
Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress
I find it interesting that not a single person mentioned the dad! The OP was obviously busy. She was caring for the other child, and on the phone at the same time. What was her DH doing?
We only have one kiddo so far, but if we have to do some odd juggling of watching DS, we definitely make sure that one is watching him while the other is doing whatever else has to be done. And if we were in a public situation like what was described, even though it annoys DH that I do it, I would have a loudish-voiced conversation with him, letting him (and those around us) know exactly what we would be doing. "OK, I'll come out of the car and you need to watch DS while I go towards you and DD. Then I'll help DD eat while you keep a lookout on the car; oh YES three of the four windows are rolled down, thanks for asking, DH. OK, now I'm moving towards you, so DH please be sure to watch." and so on....

I'm VERY sensitive to people assuming wrong things about me, and routinely conduct exaggerated (not yelling, just *projected*) conversations like that so everyone knows what we're doing, and knows that we're not abandoning anyone.

Plus, that way, there might have been someone else sitting outside there who saw the woman, and would then have KNOWN that she didn't belong, and could have called out a warning while you were helping DD and DH was, well, I'm not sure....



As for a person's perception of rolled down windows? It's AMAZING what a person's personal prejudices can do to their perception of windows. I was once house-dog-cat sitting, and took the dog into town with me. Although I grew up wiht dogs I'd never been the primary caretaker, and decided to stop in to get to-go food at a fave pub of mine. I left the dog in the car. He was a medium size dog and I had all four windows halfway down (I had to press the buttons then let up when they hit halfway, so I know that that was an objective reality). It was in western WA, it was breezy, it was shaded. There was another dog tied up right at the entrance to the pub, in the bright sun, and I made a decision to NOT put the dog there. Went in, was waiting for my food and chatting with someone (not even sitting down). A woman who lived across the street came in RAVING about how LONG she'd been watching the poor dog with the windows "cracked", how he was panting and soooooo hot. She Would.Not.Listen to me, not one little bit. Finally, because she was abusing me verbally (but my food was still being cooked by the bartender), I just got the dog out of the car and tied him up next to the other dog for the remaining, oh, 4 minutes before my food was ready. In the hot sun. Where he DID start to pant from being overheated, and then he and the other dog started getting into it. My food was then ready, and we left.

Halfway down in reality = windows cracked to her...

People see what they want to see.



Oh, and people have slowed WAY down walking next to our parked car before, trying to ascertain if DS was alone, b/c on family errands I tend to run in while DH stays in the car...regardless of my very squished up 300 pound husband IN THE BACK SEAT next to DS...somehow they ALWAYS manage to miss him on the first pass-by, and neither of us is quite sure how that happens. It even happens if DS is awake and Robert is talking or playing with him...people don't see the hulking man right next to him (it's a Golf, it's NOT that big! and the windows are always rolled down some of the way and the windows aren't tinted at all). I think it might be another case of people seeing what they want to see....



Anyway, back to the OP, I know what just a moment can do. One moment my son was fine in a highchair, next moment we were thinking "he needs to get out, he's getting tired", then the next moment he'd lost a tooth against the table b/c we were distracted by the server with our food. A moment, 3 minutes, turning away at just the right time....ugh. So you won't do what you did again, and I won't leave a tired 6 month old in a highchair again...
post #112 of 171
"i have "heard" that in the netherlands it is safe to park your pram with a sleeping baby while you go inside a shop." posted by tea olive

yes, this is true.
post #113 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl
"i have "heard" that in the netherlands it is safe to park your pram with a sleeping baby while you go inside a shop." posted by tea olive

yes, this is true.
True...as in it is common?

*fainting dead away*

Well...I would be perceived as an overprotective nitwit in the Netherlands, I guess
post #114 of 171
Oh, and people have slowed WAY down walking next to our parked car before, trying to ascertain if DS was alone, b/c on family errands I tend to run in while DH stays in the car...regardless of my very squished up 300 pound husband IN THE BACK SEAT next to DS...somehow they ALWAYS manage to miss him on the first pass-by, and neither of us is quite sure how that happens. It even happens if DS is awake and Robert is talking or playing with him...people don't see the hulking man right next to him (it's a Golf, it's NOT that big! and the windows are always rolled down some of the way and the windows aren't tinted at all). I think it might be another case of people seeing what they want to see....

YES! This is my point. IME, there have been many instances where I've done nothing wrong, and people are practically panting, ready and enraged to reprimand me. (i.e. putting son in carseat without buckling, walking around to other door to do so inside warm car, and people standing, staring at me with hostility, waiting to see if I'll do it..) Which is why, even though the op did something wrong, I hesitate to cast more credibility on the other woman than her.
And yes to the husband also sharing responsibility.
Either way, I'm sorry it happened. Thanks for reminding me that safey is only one reason I don't leave my kids alone. People reporting me is more likely than something happening to ds. And nearly as scary.
post #115 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazelnut
(i.e. putting son in carseat without buckling, walking around to other door to do so inside warm car, and people standing, staring at me with hostility, waiting to see if I'll do it..)
Yep. Sometimes I'll get in the back seat with DS in arms. I KNOW people are thinking the worst, rather than thinking "she is going to nurse that toddler in the car before leaving, rather than deal with being half-nekkid in front of the whole mall". Or when I get him out while I'm sitting in the backseat, rather than go all the way around the car blah blah blah (usually b/c the parking spaces are so tight or my back hurts...sometimes it's easier to get him out like that), and so I'm getting out of a car with a child in arms rather than in a bucket...
post #116 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen
From the sounds of the OP the baby had to have been alone in the car for at least 3 minutes. She walked 6 feet from the car to the eating area, turned to check on the car, helped her dd take a bite, checked the car, help dd take a bite, check the car, her DH said something to her, she sat down, took a bite of her lunch, helped dd take a bite, answered her phone, and then noticed a security guard by her car. The OP says this happened in 2 minutes and 51 seconds.

In the same 2 minutes and 51 seconds some stranger managed to get her baby out of the car, into the store, find a security guard, and the security guard got to the OP's car. I'm sorry, but logic says either there was more time involved than 2 minutes and 51 seconds, the OP didn't check the car every 30 seconds or so when she first got there, or something else.

I feel for this mama, I really do. And it takes a lot of guts to post what happened on here. I hope we can all learn from it.

NO, she was ON THE PHONE for 2 min 51 sec. She never stated taht that's how long she was out of the car. That's how long she was on the phone!!!
post #117 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl
"i have "heard" that in the netherlands it is safe to park your pram with a sleeping baby while you go inside a shop." posted by tea olive

yes, this is true.
My inlaws were so offended when they were on vacation somewhere tropical and a couple left their sleeping baby in the stroller near them while they swam and walked on the beach. Like I told them, it is probably a different culture where they live, and you can't judge everyone by North American standards.
post #118 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa
Like I told them, it is probably a different culture where they live, and you can't judge everyone by North American standards.
: Sorry, but when we are on the Rez or at Powwows, everyone leaves their kids/baby's 'parked', or just let's them run to the park withOUT an adult. It is a totally different culture. I know my kids are safe because it is taught from birth that EVERY adult is responsible for EVERY child, even if they are not parents themselves.
In American society it's 'only look out for yourself and everyone else be damned' attitude. Very disturbing to myself.
post #119 of 171
Yeah exactly.
post #120 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
NO, she was ON THE PHONE for 2 min 51 sec. She never stated taht that's how long she was out of the car. That's how long she was on the phone!!!
Hmmm... are you sure about that? This is what she wrote in the OP.... (I edited and bolded the important parts)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ZanZansMommy
I sat in the car with him for awhile & I was warm but not uncomfortable. I chatted with my mom, a friend & I was about to call my sister when DH & DD came out with the food & sat at the outdoor seating area.....Just then my phone rings---it was my sister. I pick it up & say " hey how's it going"--She starts talking & all of a sudden I notice a security guard by my car..... I went back & checked my cell phone & from the time I hung up with my friend to when my sister called was 2 min & 51 secs.
It sounds to me like from the time she hung up with her friend (while she was in the car) to the time her sister called (after she had gotten out of the car, helped her dd, and sat down and ate a bite) was 2 minutes and 51 seconds.

Either way, I'm sure the mama learned her lesson.
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