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A Woman took DS out of his carseat - Page 5

post #81 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shirelle
She probably is. I think all of our children have had some scary close calls. I always admire when someone can be honest enough to say they've made a mistake. Mothers can be really good at pretending like they've never made a mistake, especially in the company of other mothers.
I definately agree that it was a mistake, and a very sad situation. I don't fault either of them--the OP was probably a little distracted and the lady who took the baby was just trying to help. I'm just glad it turned out ok in the end...
post #82 of 171
hugs lola. being a mamma makes us vulnerable, and it can be a tricky balance with more than one child plus dh.

sorry guys, i see the viewpoints, but if you happen to feel bold enough to take a baby out of a car and not wait right there, and then shout obscenities when a woman upset, obviously the mamma, grabs the baby, i'm not sure i can be entirely sympathetic to your intentions.
post #83 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by maya44
The woman did what she thought was right. An overheated child may not even be sweating any more. She did the smart thing by moving him into the restaurant and seeking the assistance of security.
Exactly. One of the symptoms of heatstroke is dry skin - sweating shuts down. And a seriously overheated child may be past the point of crying, too, and may just look sleepy or asleep. So I don't think it's a good idea to base your judgment on whether the child is in "obvious distress," as some have said.
post #84 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shirelle
She probably is. I think all of our children have had some scary close calls. I always admire when someone can be honest enough to say they've made a mistake. Mothers can be really good at pretending like they've never made a mistake, especially in the company of other mothers.
Yeah that.

I also think the fear of stranger abduction is really overplayed on here. It is statistically a rarity.

I don't think this mama did anything wrong, and I would have been enraged had somebody picked up my child out of my vehicle without permission. She is lucky she didn't get assaulted. A freaked out mama is a force to be reckoned with.
post #85 of 171
Wow. I know things can happen in an instant, but I'm amazed that the lady was able to get the baby out of his carseat that fast She obviously was an experienced mama! That said, she had NO right to go into the car and take that child out. I'm not sure if the OP said how warm it was, but parked in the shade on a 70 degree, no humidity day is VERY different that 100 degrees in the sun.
I've been known to leave a kid or two in the car in various circumstances - in the OPs situation, I would have grabbed a blanket out of the car and sat down right next to the car to eat with dh and dd. Live and learn. I'm sure the OP has at this point.
post #86 of 171
lola,
by now, possibly you are exhausted by email alerts with such a myriad of comentary abt your actions, and hope you have unsubscribed if it hurts you. i thought abt this post last night, and i am sorry that after opening your heart you would be accused of not being safe, and for those to speak of you in third person so there is little way to defend yourself. this kind of judgmental attitude could be hard on yourself and kids too. i'm sorry that we have to experience fear in such a petty way, and i continue to work very hard to find my balance with what is appropriate for me, to control vulnerability and agreement with my parenting ideals even in a world that does not always agree. and yes, i am being judgmental here and will quit it right now - sometimes computers and communication and people don't mix exactly right - intentions can be misconstrued and us sensitive parents can flare up in all sorts of ways. when i read this thread first, i was more hurt by it - today reading it, i can see the good intentions better.

it is difficult to raise our kids truly lovingly if we live in fear. i have "heard" that in the netherlands it is safe to park your pram with a sleeping baby while you go inside a shop. whether or not it is factually true, certainly the concept is not that impossible to imagine and i personally strive for that easy feeling. certainly the world could be a safer, more trusting space. and to teach our kids how to make such a place, and live appropriately, we have to embody these ideals to an extent. and yes, that can makes us vulnerable.

i have to believe that members on this board are as conscious of their parenting decisions as we possibly can, and thus the interesting viewpoints. the sensational stories of neglect you hear on the news are usually of reactionary, unconscious, selfish parents. and really they just need help from the rest of us. we could all use practical help and acceptance, and a better world where we feel safe.

when you are dealing with an upset toddler outside your microcosm of home, with the added dynamic of the child impressing dh, it can be amazingly easy to not look over at your baby for ten seconds. the simplest solution is that dh should have walked over to the car, if we had to rehearse that again. there should certainly be a discussion with dh with hopes to put you on a similar vibe for support. however, i completely understand why that would not have happenned, regardless of what kind of parent dh is. i have a great dh and he is a great dad and silly stuff happens all the time and we learn from it.

child spacing and interpersonal dynamics should be seriously taken into account. certainly i have very little idea what is going on around at the store when i have my three littles. by simply examining ingredients of an item, any of my kids are fast enough to do something dangerous or offensive or run off, other patrons have 2 seconds to say anything to them. there is a everchanging balance of vigilance depending on my energy to keep me a sane, happy mamma. i lose the balance often and work to summon the energy to get it back.

the world we live in has a myriad of interpretations of what is good. this makes it a challenging place to find your way as a parent, as wonderful as the idea of freedom and control can be. it can make me feel isolated in my deep south environment and i hope you can overcome that feeling from time to time as well. everyday we are mammas we learn about being one.

i hope you are healing and forgiving, to all players in situation and this forum, and especially yourself. forgiving does not mean you feel others were right, it is about letting the hurt go. the pain is what lesson you make it, the fear is the reaction in our bodies to alert us. it sucks to be in the situation at the time. then it can heal properly and slowly disappear, when you let it go, when you use the information towards future intentions to give you power.

simply, zanzansmommy, you did fine. time will help heal as well.


now y'all know why i hardly leave my tribe, blah blah blah! forgive me as well for being longwinded and preachy. it is in my selfish interest to do so to feel better about this thread and take the weight off.

partymoo - over here, it is brady bunch all the time.
here's my 2005 slideshow so i feel less a stranger http://www.vimeo.com/clip:29733
post #87 of 171
To the OP, I am sorry you went through this. It sounds like you learned a hard lesson and I KNOW you will never do anything like this again. We ALL make mistakes and most of the time our mistakes are not thrown in our faces -- in fact, many times we get by scott free without even being aware of what a perilous situation we or one of our children was just in.

I would talk a lot about this with dh to process it even more, and then have a serious conversation where you both talk about how important it is that you not distract each other in the hubbub of tending to older kids or when out and about, etc. It sounds like it was one of those situations we've all been in where you turn around and deal with the sqeaky wheel so to speak (not trying to compare your toddler with a wheel lol) thinking you'll get right back to the baby or the other child, and in your case something went very wrong.

We have to all remember, when we are not in the safety of our homes, how to maintain awareness and connection with our other children when tending to the immediate needs of another, for example, when one falls down or runs off at the playground, how not to lose focus on the other kids too. To be honest, I have found this to be something I have learned since becoming a mother of 3 young children and I have gotten better at it over time - it's a skill I've had to develop. I can remember one time how I was comforting dd who was wailing because she fell off her tricycle and I looked up and didn't know where ds was. It was a moment before I laid eyes on him again on a different jungle gym that he had been on when it happened... but in just that short minute I had "lost contact" with him. So I know how it happens. But now you know the hard way how critical it is not to lose touch with one or more of your kids while in a frenetic or emergency situation with someone else.
post #88 of 171
Good points, Periwinkle. I know babies and kids in hot cars is a BIG deal and seemingly pardons this woman of wrongdoing. But something about her meeting the OP with such hostility weakens her credibility/good intentions in my mind. If I had decided to do that, you can bet I would have been explaining myself a little better for removing her child, not attacking her without any knowsledge of the situation (unless the kid was visibly injured). Perhaps if people coming down on moms weren't also such a big issue, I'd be more inclined to think that she was in the right in doing what she did.
post #89 of 171
I got the impression that the OP KNOWS she made a mistake....that's why I certainly don't judge the OP. She's learned her lesson...she'll do better next time. It's all you can do as a parent...right? Learn from our mistakes and move on...

I think some of my stronger verbiage was for those responders who DIDN'T see that she made an error and even suggested the other woman was in the wrong...even suggested she be ARRESTED....which, besides being laughable, shows they have a very limited concept of how the law works in terms of child endangerment.

to the OP
post #90 of 171
It is 82.6 degrees in my city right now according to weatherunderground.com. My mom, who takes care of my 4.5 yr old and 5 month old, just called me to tell me they are at the park. My baby is sleeping in my mom's van with the windows rolled down. My 16 yr old sister is sitting in the van with him reading a book. I'm not making this up. Very much like the situation the OP had originally, before she got out of the car for 2 minutes and 51 seconds.

Neither my baby nor my sister is in danger of baking to death in the van. Neither the OP nor her baby was in danger of baking to death in their car. The fact that the OP got out of her car for less than 3 minutes did not make her baby any more likely to bake to death in the shade in the car in 80 degree weather with all but one window down.

The woman who took the baby out of the car could not possibly have done that without seeing that all of the other windows, except the one holding up a blanket to shade the baby, were all down. She must have looked THROUGH one of the other windows to even see the baby, since the one window which was up was covered by a blanket.

Everyone is totally over reacting here, especially the attention-seeker who took someone else's baby out of the car without even a shout out to see if the parents were right there among the folks eating. There is a HUGE difference between a closed up car and one with open windows.

s to the OP. I'm sorry you were terrorized.

~Tracy

P.S. Does anyone want to know my city so they can call the police?
post #91 of 171
I honestly don't believe a person could go to a car, look in and see the baby, open the door, get the baby out, close the door, walk into a place of business, alert security, security find the car in question in the 2 minutes and 51 seconds you are speaking of. I truly believe this mama has learned from her mistake, but I also believe this baby was left unattended for longer than the OP wants us to believe. Sorry, it is just too easy to become distracted by another child wanting attention as well as the cell phone call that the OP received.
post #92 of 171
Somewhere on the net there is another message board with a post showing the other side of this
MAybe it goes something like this:

Girls, you won't believe the nerve of some people
Today I went to our favorite fast food place with the kids. As we walked toward the front door, I spotted a baby buckled in his car seat inside a car ALONE. The windows were down but there was no one in sight. I looked around for a few seconds, I looked toward the playland and there were several families there. One seemed to be a mom, dad, and a little girl. The mom was on her cell phone yakking away, she never looked my way. The dad was busy with the little twerpy girl, she was fussing about not wanting to eat. He never looked my way. Neither did any of the other families. I thought the parents must have been inside the resturant. I started to call security, but I didn't want to leave that baby alone. He had been abandoned by enough people. I made a snap decision, unbuckled him and took him in the resturant, thinking that his so-called parents might notice him. I went inside, no one acted interested. I spoke with security, they checked him over. I could see the car from the window where I was standing, no one walked over there. Finally, the security guard walked outside, planning to get the liscense plate # so he could run the plates. He finally asked one family if this was there car. The mom went nuts, you would think she would be thankful that her child was not killed. I think she was more mad that she was "caught" or that I had invaded her space and touched her child. If that baby was so precious to her, you'd think she have taken him with her.

Somewhere out there, this post exists.

To the OP, there is no way in heck it had only been 2 min and 51 seconds.
Amanda
post #93 of 171
Haven't read previous posts...

A baby here just died from being left in a car. So if I saw a baby in a car, yes, my first instinct would be to grab the baby out and call 911. I wouldn't leave it to chance that the baby might be okay if I left him/her in the car while I waited outside. BUT, I would stay by the car if I could. In this situation, going in to call 911 seems alright too. Maybe she thought the baby was overheated and taking him into air conditioning would help him.

*hugs* to you mama! I'm glad your little one was okay. I'd definitely have been terrified if someone took my baby without my knowing as well!
post #94 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaphiraKay
Somewhere on the net there is another message board with a post showing the other side of this
MAybe it goes something like this:

Girls, you won't believe the nerve of some people
Today I went to our favorite fast food place with the kids. As we walked toward the front door, I spotted a baby buckled in his car seat inside a car ALONE. The windows were down but there was no one in sight. I looked around for a few seconds, I looked toward the playland and there were several families there. One seemed to be a mom, dad, and a little girl. The mom was on her cell phone yakking away, she never looked my way. The dad was busy with the little twerpy girl, she was fussing about not wanting to eat. He never looked my way. Neither did any of the other families. I thought the parents must have been inside the resturant. I started to call security, but I didn't want to leave that baby alone. He had been abandoned by enough people. I made a snap decision, unbuckled him and took him in the resturant, thinking that his so-called parents might notice him. I went inside, no one acted interested. I spoke with security, they checked him over. I could see the car from the window where I was standing, no one walked over there. Finally, the security guard walked outside, planning to get the liscense plate # so he could run the plates. He finally asked one family if this was there car. The mom went nuts, you would think she would be thankful that her child was not killed. I think she was more mad that she was "caught" or that I had invaded her space and touched her child. If that baby was so precious to her, you'd think she have taken him with her.

Somewhere out there, this post exists.

To the OP, there is no way in heck it had only been 2 min and 51 seconds.
Amanda
Yep, yep and yep.

If someone is reaching into you car and taking your baby and you don't notice at all, you are obviously not paying attention at all.

It would never occur to me that the people sitting there would be the parents. I would assume that if there were there they would have noticed me open the car and take the baby out. Thus brining the baby inside and seeking a security gaurd's help was clearly the best option.

I am not going to announce to a group of strangers that there is a baby who is unattended (and a baby whose parents don't notice him being lifted out of a car is unattended). I would seek the aid of a police officer or security guard.
post #95 of 171
You know, I keep thinking about this thread and the one thought that keeps coming to mind is "what if it was the other woman who was an MDC member writing the OP? How would everyone be reacting then?" I bet that most of the people would be saying "good for you, OP, you did the right thing. I can't believe someone would just leave their baby in the car like that..."

Maybe the baby was only alone in the car for 3 minutes...maybe. Maybe he wasn't in danger of overheating. How on earth was the woman who took the baby out to know that? Maybe her biggest concern wasn't about the baby overheating. Maybe her concern was that the baby would end up being abducted by someone. Logic tells me that she waited a minute before removing the baby from the car hoping that someone would come right back and when nobody did she did what she thought was best.

I'm sure the OP knows that she messed up. I'm sure there is more to the story than a 2min, 51sec time span. I feel sympathy for the OP but I am not about to sit around and pretend that she did nothing wrong.

And Wugmama, you're just being silly. There is someone IN THE CAR with your child. Your child is not being left alone in the car. THAT is the difference. If the story went "I was sitting in the car with my child and someone opened the car up and attempted to remove him" that would be one thing. That's not what she's saying. She left the child in the car ALONE long enough for someone to notice that he was in there alone and remove him from the car and then made it all the way into a building all without the family noticing!!! I cannot imagine for one second that someone would be able to walk right by me with my child in their arms and me not notice. I can't imagine being feet away from my unlocked car with my baby inside and not have my eyes on it the entire time. On the phone or not. I don't need to take my eyes off the car in order to talk on the phone. Also, I have a child who's favorite phrase is "NO, Mommy do it!" and sometimes the answer to him is, and has to be, "sorry, Mommy can't do it right now. Someone else is going to have to help you" and if that's not satisfactory to him, well, sometimes there's just nothing we can do about that. I would rather him not eat at that moment than to leave my other children in danger.
post #96 of 171
Mama I'm so sorry this happened! I know that sick feeling of panic and I'm so sorry this happened and so glad the baby's okay. THanks for sharing your story as a lesson to all of us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slabobbin
I am SHOCKED at the number of people who have already responded that they would actually remove someone else's baby from a vehicle and walk off with them! My word.
I live in Phoenix area and if I saw a baby in the car as described and didn't see any parents around I would be taking the baby out, too. And then probably if I didn't have my cell on me I would have to carry the baby to the front of the store and find security. If I had my cell I would have called 911. There are many kids/babies who die in our area from this, and even 5 minutes can cost a baby his life.

I locked my own child in the car one day at CostCo. As soon as I shut my door (new car, automatic locks) I knew I had done it. She was 2.5 at the time and could not get out of her seat to unlock the door because I had just bought a new seat to prevent that after she used to try escaping. I caught a woman with a cell phone close by and asked her to call 911. Within minutes I had a huge firetruck and an ambulance in the parking lot and they were able to get her out. They sent the ambulance away. I was soooo embarrassed but also very glad that so many people cared.

ETA: I would never leave my child in a car unattended. A couple of years ago in our area, a mom was pumping gas for her truck and someone opened the door on the other side of the car, jumped in, and drove off with the truck! She had a 3 year old and weeks-old baby in the back! Luckily they were recovered a short time later but that story makes me lock all my doors at the pump now.
post #97 of 171
Here is the quote from the OP. But I have edited it. Think how many hugs and how few other comments she would have gotten if she had merely substituted the words which I have put in red ( her real words), with those in blue (better choices)!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZanZansMommy
It's taken me a few days to even be able to write this. I am still just sick, sick, sick over it. But I felt that by sharing this, perhaps someone else would think twice & not end up in the same situation.

On Sat, DH, DD, DS & I were on our way to go shopping. & of course he fell asleep 10 min before we got to the store. So we decided to have lunch 1st & then we'd shop. It was a very warm day--around 80* with a touch of humidity. Since DS was asleep, DD & DH went inside the restaurant & got food, while I stayed in the car with DS. All the windows were rolled down, except for his. I ended up lodging a blanket in his window to keep the direct sunlight off of him. I sat in the car with him for awhile & I was warm but not uncomfortable. I chatted with my mom, a friend & I was about to call my sister when DH & DD came out with the food & sat at the outdoor seating area. This seating area was about 6 ft from the car several feet from my car, maybe 6-10 I had a great view of DH & DD. DH was about to bring me my food but I motioned for him to stay w/DD & get her to eat 1st.

So DH & DD start eating & DD gets a tad bit fussy with DH. I could hear her saying "No I want Mommy to help me". DH looked over at me & . So I knew she was getting into one of her moods & was going to struggle with him.

Here is where I wish I could rewind & start all over. I made a move to get out of the car. I hesitated slightly b/c DS was in the car but I convinced myself "ahh what's the big deal. I'm going to be right here". SO I got out & walked over to the table with DD & DH & helped her eat a bite. I turned around to check the car...No problems. I helped her again & looked at the car...no problem. DH said something to me, I sat down, picked up my lunch & took a bite & helped DD simultaneously. Just then my phone rings---it was my sister. I pick it up & say " hey how's it going"--She starts talking And I guess I lost track of time[& all of a sudden I notice a security guard by my car. I got up immediately & walked to my car. I asked him if there was a problem. He asks, "is this your car?" I say "Yes". Then a woman next to him says "A woman just took your baby out of the car."---This is where I get : :Puke & start screaming "WHERE WHERE" & she says inside the restaurant---I make a mad dash inside the restaurant & see this woman holding my son. I run up to her & grab him & she tries to move away. I yanked him from her arms & she starts screaming obscenities at me. I can't even remember what she said. All I could think was OMG I have my son in my arms--Thank You Thank You. This woman wouldn't let up she kept talking about how he was sweating & he was soaking wet---he was warm but he was NOT soaking wet. There was no reasoning with her & frankly I felt no need to explain anything to her. I did understand how mad she was at me for doing something so stupid but [ I just wanted to get back to DH & DD.

I am still just :Puke to my stomach over this. I never in a million yrs would have ever thought someone would just take my baby out of my car.should I have done anything so so stupidI was so Lucky that the person who took my son was such a concerned parent & not some deranged baby snatcher. From her POV she probably thought he was in there for god knows how long. Of course she didn't see any of the open windows or even say anything to all the patrons eating outside. How easy it is for someone to judge you for just a few moments in your life.She was right to do what she did. I just feel horrible about the whole thing and hope none of you make the same terrible mistake

I went back & checked my cell phone & from the time I hung up with my friend to when my sister called was 2 min & 51 secs. After that of course I completely lost track of time. I guess several more minutes must have passed and I feel like and idiot for not realizing how long I had gone without looking at my car and paying attention to my son[/U] My life could have changed for the worse in less than 3 min :[what felt like a flash

So I hope that by sharing this it will prevent any other Mamas from having to go thru this. You just don't know how quickly your life can change. I am wracked with guilt over this.
post #98 of 171
i know y'all mean well, but on a certain level the previous post could be construed to be critical of weakness and of authenticity. can we agree to call this quits?
post #99 of 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wugmama
The woman who took the baby out of the car could not possibly have done that without seeing that all of the other windows, except the one holding up a blanket to shade the baby, were all down. She must have looked THROUGH one of the other windows to even see the baby, since the one window which was up was covered by a blanket.

Everyone is totally over reacting here, especially the attention-seeker who took someone else's baby out of the car without even a shout out to see if the parents were right there among the folks eating. There is a HUGE difference between a closed up car and one with open windows.
The one with open windows is easier to snatch a baby out of.

Seriously, there are worse things that could have happened to this baby than being overheated. And the last thing I would want a well-meaning stranger to do if they came across my baby in a car by himself (which wouldn't happen because I'm pretty paranoid about that stuff) would be to call around and say, "Hey, who does this baby belong to?" so any crazy person could come up and claim him.

Alerting security was the right thing to do. I can completely understand why she removed the baby rather than leaving him unattended in a car with the windows rolled down so basically anyone could come along and take him, perhaps not having his well-being in mind.

And, really, I'm thrilled that people are looking in car windows at this time of year. Maybe if more people would make it a habit, we wouldn't have to hear of children boiling to death all summer.

To the OP: I, too, am sorry you were traumatized. I can only imagine how horrifying it must have been to hear those words.
post #100 of 171
Thank you for sharing your story. I have taken the lesson to heart. It's good to be shaken up every once in a while so that we stay on the alert. Things can happen very quickly. I'm sorry those people yelled obscenities at you - that was not okay. Rest easy tonight - your baby is safe in your arms.
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