by now, possibly you are exhausted by email alerts with such a myriad of comentary abt your actions, and hope you have unsubscribed if it hurts you. i thought abt this post last night, and i am sorry that after opening your heart you would be accused of not being safe, and for those to speak of you in third person so there is little way to defend yourself. this kind of judgmental attitude could be hard on yourself and kids too. i'm sorry that we have to experience fear in such a petty way, and i continue to work very hard to find my balance with what is appropriate for me, to control vulnerability and agreement with my parenting ideals even in a world that does not always agree. and yes, i am being judgmental here and will quit it right now - sometimes computers and communication and people don't mix exactly right - intentions can be misconstrued and us sensitive parents can flare up in all sorts of ways. when i read this thread first, i was more hurt by it - today reading it, i can see the good intentions better.
it is difficult to raise our kids truly lovingly if we live in fear. i have "heard" that in the netherlands it is safe to park your pram with a sleeping baby while you go inside a shop. whether or not it is factually true, certainly the concept is not that impossible to imagine and i personally strive for that easy feeling. certainly the world could be a safer, more trusting space. and to teach our kids how to make such a place, and live appropriately, we have to embody these ideals to an extent. and yes, that can makes us vulnerable.
i have to believe that members on this board are as conscious of their parenting decisions as we possibly can, and thus the interesting viewpoints. the sensational stories of neglect you hear on the news are usually of reactionary, unconscious, selfish parents. and really they just need help from the rest of us. we could all use practical help and acceptance, and a better world where we feel safe.
when you are dealing with an upset toddler outside your microcosm of home, with the added dynamic of the child impressing dh, it can be amazingly easy to not look over at your baby for ten seconds. the simplest solution is that dh should have walked over to the car, if we had to rehearse that again. there should certainly be a discussion with dh with hopes to put you on a similar vibe for support. however, i completely understand why that would not have happenned, regardless of what kind of parent dh is. i have a great dh and he is a great dad and silly stuff happens all the time and we learn from it.
child spacing and interpersonal dynamics should be seriously taken into account. certainly i have very little idea what is going on around at the store when i have my three littles. by simply examining ingredients of an item, any of my kids are fast enough to do something dangerous or offensive or run off, other patrons have 2 seconds to say anything to them. there is a everchanging balance of vigilance depending on my energy to keep me a sane, happy mamma. i lose the balance often and work to summon the energy to get it back.
the world we live in has a myriad of interpretations of what is good. this makes it a challenging place to find your way as a parent, as wonderful as the idea of freedom and control can be. it can make me feel isolated in my deep south environment and i hope you can overcome that feeling from time to time as well. everyday we are mammas we learn about being one.
i hope you are healing and forgiving, to all players in situation and this forum, and especially yourself. forgiving does not mean you feel others were right, it is about letting the hurt go. the pain is what lesson you make it, the fear is the reaction in our bodies to alert us. it sucks to be in the situation at the time. then it can heal properly and slowly disappear, when you let it go, when you use the information towards future intentions to give you power.
simply, zanzansmommy, you did fine. time will help heal as well.
now y'all know why i hardly leave my tribe, blah blah blah! forgive me as well for being longwinded and preachy. it is in my selfish interest to do so to feel better about this thread and take the weight off.
partymoo - over here, it is brady bunch all the time.
here's my 2005 slideshow so i feel less a stranger http://www.vimeo.com/clip:29733