Long time, no update, or even a chance to read posts! Since getting my dream job 2 weeks ago as a veterinary assistant, I am feeling alone, unsure, and very much not at ease. To make a long story short, I am mainly an assistant in surgery, monitering and adjusting anestethic is my main job, and it scares me to death. The people whom I am working for are very difficult people, and everyone in the office tells me they are short, rude at times, and it doesn't get any better. I have come home crying so many times because my feelings have been hurt. They say I am doing a good job, but they make me feel so stupid and incompetent. I am never sure if I am 'thisclose' to getting fired because they seem so unhappy with me at times. If I ask the dr a question that he feels I should know the answer to, he shakes his head and sighs, or tells me "havent you seen this before? what do you think?".
Yesterday I was trying to wrestle a dog (who weighes more than I do) and I was having a very hard time. I had left the door open assuming it would take only seconds to put the dog in the kennel, but I was wrong. As I was yelling and wrestling this dog, and he was barking and jumping at me, my boss screamed at me from the other room to shut the door, then a second later came in and slammed the door in my face. The other lady who has worked there for years shook her head at me and rolled her eyes, she has said to let it all roll off my back, but it totally hurts my feelings. I'm not used to being treated like dirt. I drove home, crying my eyes out.
They have said that I am too polite and nice. I need to not worry about offending people and try not to get offended myself. But thats just who I am. I get my feelings hurt easily. I cry easily.
I have tried to quit, and it seems like there are things telling me not to. I came to my boss with tears in my eyes last week, and asked to speak to him privately. He said he didnt have time (but he wasnt doing anything?) and I managed to have a pretty good day. Later on he called me into his office and said I was doing well, I just needed to stop being sensetive and overly polite.
There have been other things in which I have tried to go after that photography job. The lady never got my interview cancellation email, and the day that I was suposed to have my interview, the lady called and said she was sick, and gave me a number to call her back. That number doesn't work. I sent her an email, but apparently I sent it to the wrong place. The day I was going to go to the portrait studio and ask the employees for her number, I ended up working through lunch. And I just feel like I dont want to quit. I cry just thinking about it. But I am also so sick of feeling insecure, and so tired of these difficult and demanding people hurting my feelings all the time. I honestly do not know from one moment to the next if they will be pleased with me, or think I am stupid and incompetent.
Everyone is telling me to toughen up. My boss has told me I need tougher skin. I just want them to be nicer to me, but thats just how they are, with everyone. I feel like my dream is falling apart, and I am falling apart in the process. It feels like a cruel joke to finally get the job I have always wanted, but to be put in a position that scares me to death because the animal's life is literally in my hands, and my bosses are jerks the majority of the time. What could be the reasoning for this? What, if anything, am I suposed to learn from this? My job doesn't seem like such a blessing anymore.