From two kids to three: What was your experience?

[Hazelnut]

Okay so I have two boys, and am contemplating the idea of possibly trying for a third, someday, maybe, I think. I'm just not entirely sure if I'd be be able to handle the chaos of three kids, and I wonder about how it would change the dynamic of our family as the years go on. And if I have three, that's it. Three. I consider that A LOT of kids! For me anyway.

So if you have three, what was your experience? Was three that much more difficult to manage than two? Or were you just used to kids 'n chaos by that point? Because for me, going from 1 to 2 was a BIG difference. What factors do you think are important to consider that might be unique to this number, going from two to three kids? And how hard is it to find a nonminivan that fits three carseats? (sometimes it's the little things that freak me out.) Do you ever get quality time with each child? With yourself? Please share.

[oceanbaby]

I'm very interested to hear the replies. I want a third badly, but don't think it will happen for many reasons. (TLO - are you there? )

I have read many of these threads, and it seems to come down to this: If going from 1 to 2 was a huge adjustment for you, then 2 to 3 wasn't that bad. If going from 1 to 2 was relatively smooth, then 2 to 3 totally sent you over the edge. This is what scares me - our transition to two was relatively smooth, so I just know that a third would send me to the loony bin. But I still want another. But maybe that means that I am already crazy so it doesn't matter?!?!?:

[Hazelnut]

I know, so many people said that having a second was no big deal- you're already in kid mode, and having the first is the biggest adjustment. Totally not true for me! Dividing attention between two is much harder for me than just focusing on one. I want a third pretty badly too, but there are many reasons not to. And then I wonder if I'm being selfish, since my two boys have each other already and then would get less attention with a new baby. And I wonder if I feel I don't deserve to be sane or something. :

[BurnsideMommy]

Well I'm not much help since my 3rd is only 6 weeks old, but so far the adjustment has been smooth (as it was from 1 child to 2, and from no kids to 1 - we've been very lucky!).

I still get to spend one on one time with all of my kids, DH will take one of the boys & Kiara and go read/play outside or something around the house so that one of the boys & I can do something together (meanwhile keeping nursing babe near but she's not the focus until she's hungry because Daddy is playing with her). It's very important to me to ahve one on one time and bonding time. My brother in law has been helping a few hours a week with the boys, which is wonderful too.

Things that have made my life easier:

- I have 2 ladies come weekly to clean the house. Not tidy, but mop floors, toilets, showers, tubs, vacuum, stuff like that. I keep the house tidy on a daily basis and pick up/straighten the house nightly, and then once a week they come and do the scrubbing/deep cleaning. Gives me time to play with the kids instead of stressing myself out trying to get the house clean and juggle kidlets.

- I made a lot of freezer dinners before baby arrived. I also use the boys nap time to start dinner prep with Kiara in the sling. I think we'd just eat cereal otherwise - LOL.

- We go to lots of playgroups & kids activities. The boys each take turns picking activities and they just love showing off their baby sister to everyone - Austin will stop people in the store to show off his sommersaults and talk about her (he likes to show off her pink dresses that he picked out for 'her to dance in' - LOL). They were so excited waiting for their sister and are absolutely amazing with her and love her to bits. They don't get any less attention now because nursing time means storytime to them. They love snuggling with mommy & sister and talking about her eating. I'm just amazed at how much they protect her. Austin said to me tonight 'you better not squish my baby sister cause then you'll be in trouble with me' (for the record we were sitting in the chair and I mentioned something about trying to get comfy without squishing her and he got all upset).

I'm not big on crazy non stop noise and chaos, so this is something I practice patience with daily. Basically I didn't grow up with 'boy energy', and so we spend a lot of time outside and going on little outings (park, walk, etc) to give me a break. Baby is the quietest/easiest of them all so far.

I think the biggest adjustment for me since having kids was when Hunter started running. Austin still wasn't super great about listening/behaving in public and Hunter would just bolt so that was crazy, we're still working on that.

I think for us because we had a girl the 3rd time around it'll be a bit easier than if we'd had a boy, for many reasons. However I'm sure I'll pay for it once she hits puberty.

I'd actually still like 4 kids total, just not sure when will ever be a good time to be a pregnant mama with 3 kids - sounds scary.

[Justmee]

Originally Posted by Hazelnut

So if you have three, what was your experience?

I will chime in, but my experiance is somewhat atypical becuase I had two first . Moving from two to three definatly means each child got less attention, if you only consider attention from parents. Yes, my kids get less one - one than if I had 1 or 2 children, but they get a lot from each other. The girls adore their baby sister. All three of them will now go in their room (Rivka in the crib still) and play and "talk" for an hour before going to sleep. Yes, they fight over toys and get jealous and sometimes want the baby away from them, but overall 95% of their interactions are positive. As for me, I don't feel like I am going any more insane. My kids still afternoon nap at the same time, they go to bed relitivly early (we won't mention how many times a night they are up, but that is a whole 'nother post). Overall I would say go with your heart. My mother always wanted a third and never had one and she still regrets it to this day . Also, my brother and I are really different, when we were kids we fought all the time, and now as adults we just don't speak. Not because we are mad at each other, just because we really have nothing to say to each other. I always wanted another sibling, another chance for that close relationship. mama

[Alkenny]

My situation may not be typical niether. I have 3, but my first two are way older than the babe (8 1/2 years between the second born and the third).

It took some getting used to because we were out of the baby mode, but there are perks with the older ones being REALLY helpful (if somewhat bossy) with the babe.

[IfMamaAintHappy]

For me, going from 1 to 2 was very easy. My oldest was 3 at the time, and had been my high need baby. My second, Lily, was extremely laid back by comparison. She slept more, she was less demanding about being held, etc.

My third came along when my oldest was 6 and my middle was 3, and my new baby is a good mix of my high need girl and my laid back girl.

But going from 2 to 3 was very very hard for me. Mostly due to my older girls wanting one on one time with me, and I have had to make a schedule for us so that I do what I need to during her first nap, and then I spend one on one time with each of them during her second nap.

So finding time for everyone has been an adjustment. It doesnt help that my baby is pretty clingy either.

I have to get out of the house by myself at least once a week for an errand or a meeting or a movie. I see people who never use sitters, or who don't leave their kids with their DH so they can go do things, and I can tell you that I dont know how I would survive if I didnt get some escape time. I love my kids more than life itself, but I get burned out much faster with meeting the needs of 3 kids, and if I dont get to recharge, I just get meaner and nastier and more ugly. I needed to get out alone now and then when I had two, but at this stage in my life, I need get to out alone much more frequently.

[jee'smom]

From what people tell me, it's hard going from 2-3 b/c you're "outnumbered". You can't "divide and conquer". Well, I still want a third anyway! My dh isn't really keen on the idea... we'll see who wins this one...:

[shoefairy3]

I found that going from 1 to 2 was waaaay harder (or more challenging) than going from 2 to 3 because they help each other out so much

My two older are 2 years apart, then # 3 came when #2 was 19 months old...so maybe that was why it was easier...because we were already in "baby" mode

Now, they are 7, almost 5, and 3 1/2 and they can do almost everythign without major assistance

[Peppamint]

We're only a month into life with three kids, but for us it hasn't changed things a whole lot. My two older children were crazy and always testing boundaries before Audrey was born and that hasn't changed. I must admit that I transition well in general most of the time, I'm just a roll with the punches/changes kinda girl.

Right now my newborn is pretty easy, she slept through 2.5 hours of WonderLab yestesrday just snuggled down in the mei tai. I foresee things being a little trickier when she's mobile but we have plenty of time before that happens and in the meantime my older two will be maturing too.

[Karry]

I thought going from 1 to 2 was way harder. My first two kids are very high needs, they are also 23 months apart. I didn't get out much the first year after my 2nd was born. It wasn't until he was around one that I felt more comfortable.

Going to three wasn't so bad. The older two had each other to play with and they loved their baby brother. I will admit that now that my youngest is two I try to not go out too much with all three kids by myself. The older two are fine, it's my two year old that gives me trouble. :

[kdmama33]

For me the transition from 1 to 2 was a lot more difficult than 2 to 3. However, as a disclaimer, my oldest was eight years old, and starting all over with another high needs baby while still trying to be supermom to my very active, very high needs child was taxing beyond belief for me. Adding number three, who happens to be my most laid back child (though that's not saying much ), was much easier. Perhaps that also has something to do with the fact that DS#1 was eleven by that time, and he'd also adjusted to not being an only child by that time. He was very helpful with DD (child #3) in a way that he never was with DS2.

[Tonia80]

Yeah, I have heard so many people make the comment about being outnumbered once you have three kids. BUT weith us it actually worked out better cuz they tend to keep eachother occupied, KWIM? From the get go with my pregnancy I made sure the boys were a part of it. They kissed teh baby through my belly throughout the day, listened tothe heartbeat on my Bebe monitor, saw pictures of fetal development in books, etc... My eldest was 4 at the time and went to a couple MW appts. and saw his new brother on teh screen for teh U/S. So, by the time Bailey was born he was very much a part of teh ebb and flow of our family. I worried alot about sibling rivalry but my kids have never been anything but sweet and protective of thier little brother.
The biggest challenge for me though is finding one on one time with each. Before I took time with my eldest when they younger one napped but now aidan does not nap and it can be tricky. I wore the baby alot in the start and that helped and now he is older he just jumps right in to play with his brothers.
With every pregnancy I had my moments of panic that I could not handle it. Wether it was becoming a first time mom or having a second, etc.... It was hard to fathom it, to wrap my mind around how life would be. But now that I have three I look back and can see clearly that something was lacking, though I did not see it at the time. I could not imagine life without my youngest now. You find your heart always has room and you learn things like patience and multi tasking as you go. HTH!

[pilesoflaundry]

A friend said it this way once and I 100% agree with her. The 2nd child changes your family but the 3rd child changes your marriage.You have more work to do, sometimes more help and sometimes not (so something else to fight over if it's the latter! less time alone etc.)
Everything changes, I used to think what is adding 1 more when there are 4 people already. Hahahha I was so not prepared!!! The laundry and dishes never end and the money is a lot tighter than I expected. The chaos is crazy here, adding a 3rd is a wild card.

When you have 2 they are generally either fighting or getting along but with 3 there is the odd one out so someone is always fighting with someone and then usually the others join in and it's crazy. When the girls are getting along they are fighting with ds, when ds is getting along with one of them, then not the other. But they do keep each other occupied, it's just not always nicely .

That said I would do it again (most of the time!) I think having my girls only 18 months apart was the hardest part, they both had reflux so it was back to back fussy kids. Now they share clothing and get along well most of the time so that worked out in the long run.

My 3rd is a very special soul and she has added to our family very much. The hardest part is going to stores or out to eat when I'm outnumbered and some days it's like herding cattle!

[vamp127]

pilesoflaundry,

I totally agree! I didn't have trouble adjusting from 1 dc to 2, although they were 3.5 years apart. DC#3 came 2.5 years after #2 and it was very hard--and still is sometimes.

You only have 2 hands, but suddenly you have three to hold.

You need to pick up 2 things from the store and it takes you 3 hours.

There always seems to be one left out of play. DS is in the middle and he can easily play with either his older or his younger sister. When that happens the other sister tends to feel left out.

It's also harder to get a table at some restaurants because we no longer fit at a table for 4!

That said, I wouldn't change it for the world!

[sweetangelbrynlie]

Going from 2 to 3 wasn't a big difference to me. My 2nd child is like 5 kids all rolled up into one so it was like I already had tons of kids just with him and 1st daughter.

[kawa kamuri]

My sons are spaced four and five years apart so bear that in mind - I didn't find the adjustment difficult but I've never been freaked out about being able to handle them. They're easy and fun and sometimes overwhelming and difficult.

[annettemarie]

For me, two to three was a piece of cake (they're all about two and a quarter years apart.) It was one to two that just about killed me.

[The Lucky One]

(TLO - are you there? )

I *knew* you'd be here. I just *knew* it!!!

Now, go get busy. Times a wastin'.

[Hazelnut]

This has been interesting! Thankfully my 2nd is (so far, he's only 11 months) seemingly fairly easy going, compared. I'm already 33 though. I just hope in the next year I can feel like I could handle more. *sigh*