wwyd

[aisraeltax]

i admit i rarely come to this forum., mainly because i get really skweemish (?) around medical procedures. which is why i hesitated for so long after joining mdc to look here and read. thankfully, when i looked, it wasnt too late and it was easy for dh and i to decide not to circumcize our new baby. however, i didnt look into the issue (or even realize it was one) with my first 2 boys. i feel badly about that but there is nothing i can do about something that is already done.

the reason i am back now is because my ds1's gf's mom is pregnant with a boy. she just found out yesterday, as did i. we are not close at all..have barely said a few words to each other. we dont' NOT like each other...we just do not interact as we do not have the same friends, etc. so basically, with the exception that she is my son's gf's mom, she is a stranger.

but for some reason i feel compelled to at least bring this issue to her attention. she has 2 daughters and told me 2 nights ago that she wanted another daughter b/c she "didnt know what to do with a boy". i feel that her statement may give me an opening into giving her information re: not circumcizing. my question involves both her and my ds1. first off, i need to be able to get information to her. i dont really trust teenagers to give her something like this and dont want to put my son or her daughter in the middle as messangers, so thats my first wwyd?

and here is teh real shocker. my ds1 is happy he is circ'd. he didnt understand about the baby not being circ'd. i apologized to him for circ'ing him and told him that i didn't know any better and he was more than happy that i did it and wouldnt want it any other way. so, without having my ds1 on board, giving his gf''s mom info. on circ. is not going to pursuade her, since i feel my ds1 will undermine my efforts. so, how do i convince my ds1 that circ. is not a good thing (before giving info. to his gf's mom).

wow...this is a complicated question. hope someone else here has been in my situation. btw, my ds1 is 15 and very outspoken on his issues. he is very anti-abortion for whatever reason. no exceptions. and we are not on the same page with that issue and are not fundamentalist Christians. my only point is that this is not a kid who is easily influenced.

thanks for any advice,
rach

[Sijae]

It is a very complicated one and extremely important not just for this woman's baby but for your grandchildren. Now is the time to try to get through to him before you have even less influence and presence in his life. It's also a touchy subject I imagine since you are trying to convince him that there is something essentially wrong or missing from his body.

From your description he sounds like a thoughtful person that would be persuaded mostly by raw and honest facts. You say you apologized to him but has he been taught the true purpose of the foreskin, what is lost during circ, how it is done, and the truth about hygiene? Also, because of his pro-life stance he may be the most swayed by arguments regarding the human rights of the child. That regardless of how people feel about circ, it should ultimately be the child's right to make decisions for his body.

You might sit down with him and say something like "I know we've talked about this before and you indicated that you are in favor of circumcision but I am concerned that I haven't provided you with all the facts. I'd like you to read this this and this and then maybe when we're both educated about it we can talk and you can debate your side of it to me."

You could also challenge him to come here and debate the issue with us and challenge him to have an open mind. Be sure to tell him that while you regret circumcising him and want him to be educated about the issue, you don't think he's a lesser person because of it and that you admire his convictions even when you don't agree.

HTH,
Laura

[Sijae]

[coloradoalice]

I agree with all the advice above except for this:

Originally Posted by Sijae

You could also challenge him to come here and debate the issue with us and challenge him to have an open mind. Be sure to tell him that while you regret circumcising him and want him to be educated about the issue, you don't think he's a lesser person because of it and that you admire his convictions even when you don't agree.

This isn't a debate board, and everytime a debate is started things get ugly, threads get locked, and people get hurt. I think it would be good to point him here as a resource, but this is not the place to debate the issue IMO. It's the Case Against Circumcision forum, not the Come and Debate the Pros and Cons of Circumcision forum.

Just my 2 cents. :

[aisraeltax]

i dont think he woudl come here and debate the issue but i also want to protect him. he's only 15 and he really does not have the debating skills necessary to engage in a debate of this type without getting his feelings hurt. i just feel horrible that i have to explain this in detail to him and what i put him through. but the thought of one of my gc getting circ'd is really way beyond comprehension for me right now and i know that i need to talk to him. i just was hopign to wait a few more years.
more than likely, the woman i am planning on giving information to will throw the stuff in the trash. i hvae asked my ds1's gf about her preg. and the baby and have offered to give her the stuff that E has outgrown but that hasnt been met with any acceptance (they are not wealthy ppl so i can only think she is just not interested in my help. heck, i woudl have been!).
so, broaching any AP issue is mostly not going to happen but i woudl love to spare the baby boy a circ. if i can.
another of ds1's friends sisters had a baby a few months ago and i gave her a sling and i dont think she ever wore it. i never received a thank you. oh well....

[eightyferrettoes]

I would just start by explaining WHAT a foreskin is-- its functions, what it looks like, how it develops and changes through a boy's lifetime.

IME, it's hard to have any real discussion about circumcision without having a shared understanding of what a foreskin even IS.

That way, it's not a values-and-morals debate right off the bat; just basic anatomy information that everyone, male, female, circumcised and intact, should have about the human animal.

And I really think that once you understand what the foreskin is, it is hard for anyone to argue that it's better to remove it or that one person has a right to take it away from another for whatever reasons.