Birth and our own rebirthingI want to add a few thoughts and approaches that have helped me in dealing with all the challenges I've had during my pregnancy.
I am trained as a rebirther, which is a therapy that explores how our own birth impressions color our entire lives with a filter based on what we experienced then. Whenever we go through anything which is a big challenge to us, be it a journey, new job, relationship changes and definitely pregnancy and birth, these issues are brought to the surface for healing.
I have found it very useful to examine the current circumstances for repetitions of experience/feelings/fears/beliefs so I can reempower myself in the present, letting go of the old limitations that have been lurking.
For example, in my last pregnancy I was told during the last month that my continous care midwife from the NHS couldn't be with me afterall as I'd moved just out of her area. This meant I had to face the thought and fear of being attended by a random midwife from the hospital that I myself had a horrible birth in, leading to a life long issue of abandonment.
I had to face the feelings of abandonment brought up by the midwife who I had gotten close to. But once I got on with it & went to the hospital to have the bloods, I found a chapel there. I said a prayer asking for a full healing, this was my 1st time in the place since my birth 39yrs before.
I had even been living thousands of miles away for years until I became pregnant.
My point is that I believe fully that life is always trying to help us move on from trapped pain and if we pay close attention we can go with it rather than fight it.
Following my prayer, I heard from my 1st midwife who told me that the other hospital had contacted her boss and insisted that she be allowed to attend me. We had a magnificent experience, home water birth, total peace and mutual understanding and I got to let go of more of my controlling nature and learn to trust life's twists and turns.
The other twist in the tale this 2nd pregnancy, is that as I am still nearer the hospital of my birth I seemed to have no choice but to UC or face the random midwife-whoever would be on duty.
Having quite happily decided to UC (with a bit of trepidation from DH) I then heard from an amazing midwife at the hospital- the only one who does continuous care, offering to assist in any way I would like. Whether that is just lending and explaining to me her birth kit or being there in the room/ house/garden etc!
What a challenge again! But this time I feel the challenge is to be open to whatever I am feeling in the moment, no control at all. I may well want her there, I might even need here there (life has been kinda stressful here with DH too). Then again I might just manage to 'create' a labour that happens peacefully in the night and let everyone sleep while I do my thing!!!!
I have been a lifelong controller, to try and handle my sense that life is not safe unless I dot all the i's. I feel that life is asking me to let go, not plan, stop being so protective and 'all-knowing'. And particularly to allow more support in, from the midwife, my partner, my family and God.
To make this point, the first time I answered the door to the midwife I sprained my ankle and this led to me having to make changes to the way I put my DS to bed, actually having to be physically supported as I did it for the next few nights, until DS allowed his dad to do the job instead of me! Took a few weeks, but boy the freedom now!
This was much longer than I intended..hope the gist comes over. Love and blesssings to you and your family. I am sure something good is trying to come through for you all and if you can let go of resisting your husbands resistance you will find a way to birth that is just perfect for you all now.