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rules my husband found for dating his daughte - Page 2

post #21 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
How is it sexist?
I admit that it's a little bit hard for me to succinctly answer you, as the sexism is laid on thick in my opinion. The daughter is being spoken of like she is property, and like she is helpless, not to mention nothing but a sexual being in the eyes of the scary interloping teenage boy. The prospective date is to be viewed as worthless, single-minded and interested in nothing but taking advantage of the daughter in question. To me, those are gross ways to paint a person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
i plan on putting the fear of god into my son too. Sex = children. I will teach my kids this and tell them that if they do it to use protection. Doesnt mean I wont attempt to guide my children to the right choices in life. Like College, Education, Sports.

Whatever they feel interested in. In highschool they shouldn't rely on another person to make themselves feel whole, and that is what the whole dating scene is in highschool.
All of that is fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned, and I don't see much how it relates to what I find objectionable about daddy's dating rules.

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.
post #22 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
Your mom told your date that she was the barrier between you and your date and you weren't creeped out?



Umm, you just contradicted yourself, are they going to take it seriously or not?

.

My point is that the above 'jokes' don't help in this aspect. They are making jokes about the dads weird responses to his daughters date. I had no father in the home either and my mom managed to get me to understand just fine about sex and pregnancy without ever having to bring out camoflage or guns.


Actually when I decided to date at 17 my mom told my date a few things about what she thought about teenage sex.

Also when I was hanging out with my girlfriend my mom would usually be fairly close or we would be at their place with their parents fairly close. IE: my mom walked in on us every 8 minutes making sure we had something to drink.


There was no contradiction. My children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!
post #23 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
Ok, well to tell you the truth, I will rule the nest when it comes to issues that will possibly negatively affect my offspring.
Ahh well that is a big thing to consider in the different way we are viewing this. I don't "rule" the nest. My family rules together if anything.
post #24 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by secretresistance

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.
Yes, yes yes and yes again!
post #25 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by secretresistance
I admit that it's a little bit hard for me to succinctly answer you, as the sexism is laid on thick in my opinion. The daughter is being spoken of like she is property, and like she is helpless, not to mention nothing but a sexual being in the eyes of the scary interloping teenage boy. The prospective date is to be viewed as worthless, single-minded and interested in nothing but taking advantage of the daughter in question. To me, those are gross ways to paint a person.


All of that is fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned, and I don't see much how it relates to what I find objectionable about daddy's dating rules.

There is a big difference between empowering your children of whatever gender, and acting as some big macho violence-threatening protector because you think your "little girl" is helpless to draw her own boundaries. I find the father-daughter relationship joked about here to be demeaning to the daughter as a person in her own right. I would find it problematic if the father of a daughter of mine thought it was appropriate or cute to treat our daughter and/or a person she chose to spend time with with such a lack of respect.

If I don't know the date, why would I think they are an upstanding citizen of society? Sure, they have won over my child, but children don't always have the best common sense so to speak.


If the girlfriend/boyfriend decide to make random trips to the house to say hi to us, weather the child is there or not, more points for them, more oppourtunity for me to get to know them.

But some random guy coming up in front of my house honking his horn and expecting me to deliver my daughter when he doesn't bother to say 'hi'.... yeah right.


She is my daughter, and if she doesn't demand respect for herself, I will for her in this regard. Dating ettiquette is not taught enough nowadays. It's just 'go with the flow or you're not cool!'..... No thanks, I will 'try' to teach my kids a lil more self respect than this.
post #26 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
AMy children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!
The thing to possibly learn from this discussion is that that just isn't so funny to all of us. Some of us find it offensive, even.
post #27 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
Ahh well that is a big thing to consider in the different way we are viewing this. I don't "rule" the nest. My family rules together if anything.

and I can respect that. And I hope you have the positive outcome you are looking for.

I hope to teach my children self respect in the same way I learned it and hopefully help them avoid the mistakes I made while watching them make a few new ones of their own.
post #28 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by secretresistance
The thing to possibly learn from this discussion is that that just isn't so funny to all of us. Some of us find it offensive, even.

Not everyone is the same. I don't think you have to find it funny. Just as you shouldn't think 'everyone' should find it offensive.
post #29 of 257
i htought it was funny. : i'm coming at it from having a mother who told my high school boyfriend that if he got me pregnant she'd kill me & then break his legs!! so, yeah, funny.
post #30 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
There was no contradiction. My children should know that their dad isn't going to kill their boyfriend or girlfriend, just possibly maim them. See. joke! funny!
I think what we are saying is that joking about maiming your child's partner or date isn't funny. I can say that in a situation of immediate danger I would jump in and defend my child if their boy/girl friend was being violent, but I wouldn't say that just because they did something I don't like. Like hand holding.
post #31 of 257
Ignoring all that's going on in the thread, I'll post the actual application:

http://www.hamiltonbond.com/images/application.gif
post #32 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa
I think what we are saying is that joking about maiming your child's partner or date isn't funny. I can say that in a situation of immediate danger I would jump in and defend my child if their boy/girl friend was being violent, but I wouldn't say that just because they did something I don't like. Like hand holding.



That wasn't the part I was joking bout, I was joking about 'killing'.... totally serious about the maiming, 100%.....
post #33 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Past_VNE
Ignoring all that's going on in the thread, I'll post the actual application:

http://www.hamiltonbond.com/images/application.gif

awesome! thanks
post #34 of 257
Thanks for the link to the application.

I am printing it as we speak!!
post #35 of 257
Quote:
I hope to teach my children self respect in the same way I learned it and hopefully help them avoid the mistakes I made while watching them make a few new ones of their own.
Like this?

Quote:
We don't worry about hers, it doesnt exist.
Quote:
If the girlfriend/boyfriend decide to make random trips to the house to say hi to us, weather the child is there or not, more points for them, more oppourtunity for me to get to know them
But that is exactly the opposite of what the 'joke' said. It said 'hide your head in the sand and pretend your daughter is not an autonomous sexual person and shoot all males that come anywhere near her'.
post #36 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
Like this?





But that is exactly the opposite of what the 'joke' said. It said 'hide your head in the sand and pretend your daughter is not an autonomous sexual person and shoot all males that come anywhere near her'.

hence.... they should have a sense of humor and get beyond mine. IE: Someone who took everything listed 100% seriously, would not be approved.....
post #37 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by treereach
But that is exactly the opposite of what the 'joke' said. It said 'hide your head in the sand and pretend your daughter is not an autonomous sexual person and shoot all males that come anywhere near her'.
I am still trying to figure out where it says the daughter in the joke has a sexual relationship.....
post #38 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
If I don't know the date, why would I think they are an upstanding citizen of society? Sure, they have won over my child, but children don't always have the best common sense so to speak.
If you don't know the date, then why assume that they are a no goodnik sex fiend who doesn't care about your daughter's feelings? I'm not saying trust them beyond reason or anything, but I'm not into condemning someone in advance simply because they're a teenage male who has shown interest in spending time with my daughter. I think we're coming at this from opposite directions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
But some random guy coming up in front of my house honking his horn and expecting me to deliver my daughter when he doesn't bother to say 'hi'.... yeah right.
I don't expect my partner or I to be "delivering" a child of ours to a date. I don't desire that level of control in my family. I would hope that we do a good job instilling self-respect and worthiness into our child, and that that will assist them in making good choices as they age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoshua
She is my daughter, and if she doesn't demand respect for herself, I will for her in this regard. Dating ettiquette is not taught enough nowadays. It's just 'go with the flow or you're not cool!'..... No thanks, I will 'try' to teach my kids a lil more self respect than this.
I too am going to do my best teach my child(ren) that they deserve respect, that they can make boundaries for themselves, that they are not to be taken advantage of. Maybe I have more faith in the impact of that kind of upbringing than you might, and that's where the disconnect is happening? :
post #39 of 257
Akk! 'If you don't have one male and one female parent please explain'??

Umm ok, my 'dad' was a complete waste of space and told my mom that he loved her and married her and said he wanted kids. Then when she had me, he changed his mind and ran off with a eighteen yo girl.

'a woman's place is in the _____?' !!!!

Um, whereever she wants it to be??
post #40 of 257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini
I am still trying to figure out where it says the daughter in the joke has a sexual relationship.....

evidently tree equates a 'date' to 'sex'

one of the things I hope to teach my children are mutually exclusive 98% of the time.
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