rules my husband found for dating his daughte - Page 5

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by Houdini

Yoshua

If one of my boys ever date one of your daughters feel free to clean your gun 'accidently' in their view. Same goes for if my daughter ever dates a son of yours.

I intend to, and I would expect the same if Jake came by to pick up one of your fine young ladies.


Just know that I would be polishing my gun on his way OUT the door saying 'if you hurt that girl, when her dad is done, it's my turn'


but, potato patahto.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

Takes 2 to tango, my friends didnt have sex on their own.... I did, but they didnt.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by secretresistance

The fact that you would judge girls does not negate the sexism I'm seeing here. In fact, it doubles it!

Varied definitions of sexism:



Where are you seeing this?


Because your daughter, of her own choice will ask for more consideration than that? Or because you plan to step in and take control of the situation?


I don't see the benefit in being rude, threatening and hostilely distrustful from day one. It seems like a hotline to resentment and rebellion.

sex·ism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (skszm)
n.
Discrimination based on gender, especially discrimination against women.
Attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender.




Try the dictionary, it works better.

I don't discriminate based on sex or social roles. I treat them equally.

[treereach]

as i said. you don't have the sense of humor to translate this. walk away if it creeps you out. the people who 'got' the joke found it funny just fine.

I didn't need to remember? You 'translated' it for me. And your translation wasn't funny either, so quit trying to use my lack of a sense of humor against me.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by treereach

So he 'owes' you respect but you don't have to respect him because it's the first time your meeting him? How about having respect for everyone?

darn straight. He is being blessed with an oppourtunity to go on a date with the most important woman in the world.


And he gets that oppourtunity through my good graces.

He better respect me.

[UnschoolnMa]

2: touching my daughter in front of me.... the first time you meet if your hands touch anywhere on my daughter other than her hands, you are not showing proper respect (only in my opinion) of how precious she is to me.
Obviously it wouldn't be appropriate or comfortable for them to start making out or having sex right there. But I fail to see how him putting his hand on her back, shoulder, or leg is disrespectful. Do those body parts mean something I am unaware of or?

3: I don't want to see your underwear. Wear clothes that fit and we have no issue here. You do not get to decide how someone else dresses. Especially since this is someone else's kid. While I may agree that the "baggy pants underwear out" style is not my deal it's not my place to demand that someone else not wear it.


4: It is a joke intended to inform. I do not approve of sex, and I will kill you if you forget to use a condom. My daughter has probably already been given condoms BY ME, but he does not need to know about this, and they are not there to facilitate or be thought of as 'dad gave me permission'
It cannot be both a joke and literal. Either you will actually kill this young man, as in end his life and take him away from his family, or you will not. So you don't approve of sex but you understand that your daughter may have it, and you gave her condoms. (I would too btw) So does that mean you will kill him IF they have sex AND use condoms (because you dont approve of sex) and you will also KILL him if they don't use condoms?


5: I don't know you. I don't want you to 'impress me' be yourself and have my daughter back at an appropriate time. That is brownie points. IMO my daughter needs to enforce that she be back at the appropriate time, whatever we have all decided that will be. It's not "the man's job" to get the little lady home on time.

6: If my daughter and you both agree you have an open relationship to date whoever you want, fine. Do not lie to my daughter so she will date you, and then date her best friend behind her back. You will not like what happens.
I agree that him lying and cheating would be terrible, and I would not respect him for doing so. The threat of "You will not like what happens" is bizarre. What does that even mean? The only thing that would/should happen (IMO) is that my daughter would stop dating him. What are you going to do...kill him again?

8: This is a joke, but lays down the thoughts of what is appropriate. The fact that some of you believe fathers do not want their daughters to be happy.... to be honest.... is a bit frightening.
To be honest, the fact that some people (fathers?) feel it is appropriate to threaten their kids' dates with violence and to dismiss their daughter's thoughts wierds me out too.

So is this your approach for handling your son dating too? Will you be threatening the girl that comes to the house with a shotgun?

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by treereach

I didn't need to remember? You 'translated' it for me. And your translation wasn't funny either, so quit trying to use my lack of a sense of humor against me.

I didnt say 'lack' of sense of humor.


You do not have the sense of humor that would find this funny.


Your humor is found elsewhere. i do not know what you find funny, but I do not doubt the existance that you do find things humorous.


this is a joke that some people get, and some dont.

You don't. I do not judge you for it. I just don't understand why you would judge me for it.



I'm not a very judgmental kind of guy when it comes to peoples thought processes. but when it comes to what is best for my children i make judgement calls every day.

[treereach]

That's not what i meant. You switch tactics when trying to justify this by going back and forth between it being 'funny' and it being real. and you are using it to not address the fact that this concept is scary.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

2: touching my daughter in front of me.... the first time you meet if your hands touch anywhere on my daughter other than her hands, you are not showing proper respect (only in my opinion) of how precious she is to me.
Obviously it wouldn't be appropriate or comfortable for them to start making out or having sex right there. But I fail to see how him putting his hand on her back, shoulder, or leg is disrespectful. Do those body parts mean something I am unaware of or?

To a boy. yes. It means one step closer. I am a boy. I know.




3: I don't want to see your underwear. Wear clothes that fit and we have no issue here. You do not get to decide how someone else dresses. Especially since this is someone else's kid. While I may agree that the "baggy pants underwear out" style is not my deal it's not my place to demand that someone else not wear it.


You are right, i do not decide how someone dresses. But I do decide if you pick my daughter up at all.

4: It is a joke intended to inform. I do not approve of sex, and I will kill you if you forget to use a condom. My daughter has probably already been given condoms BY ME, but he does not need to know about this, and they are not there to facilitate or be thought of as 'dad gave me permission'
It cannot be both a joke and literal. Either you will actually kill this young man, as in end his life and take him away from his family, or you will not. So you don't approve of sex but you understand that your daughter may have it, and you gave her condoms. (I would too btw) So does that mean you will kill him IF they have sex AND use condoms (because you dont approve of sex) and you will also KILL him if they don't use condoms?

Yes it can. It is a joke if he listens.


5: I don't know you. I don't want you to 'impress me' be yourself and have my daughter back at an appropriate time. That is brownie points. IMO my daughter needs to enforce that she be back at the appropriate time, whatever we have all decided that will be. It's not "the man's job" to get the little lady home on time.


It is the drivers job. If she is driving then you are correct. If he is driving then you stand corrected.



6: If my daughter and you both agree you have an open relationship to date whoever you want, fine. Do not lie to my daughter so she will date you, and then date her best friend behind her back. You will not like what happens.
I agree that him lying and cheating would be terrible, and I would not respect him for doing so. The threat of "You will not like what happens" is bizarre. What does that even mean? The only thing that would/should happen (IMO) is that my daughter would stop dating him. What are you going to do...kill him again?


Bizarre to you. and yes.


8: This is a joke, but lays down the thoughts of what is appropriate. The fact that some of you believe fathers do not want their daughters to be happy.... to be honest.... is a bit frightening.
To be honest, the fact that some people (fathers?) feel it is appropriate to threaten their kids' dates with violence and to dismiss their daughter's thoughts wierds me out too.

I am glad for you


So is this your approach for handling your son dating too? Will you be threatening the girl that comes to the house with a shotgun?

I won't threaten anyone. His dates won't be coming to pick him up, i will have taught him to treat this girl with respect as well as her family. He will probably be following my lead on what respect for these people are 'at least when he goes to pick them up'. He will get threats from me if he mistreats a girl and god forbid I ever find out he cheats on anyone. I believe in natural consequences. Natural consequence to cheating on someone when you could have just said 'things aren't working out' are this.

No car
No video games
No allowance
No trust.


trust is an earned thing between parents and offspring too. When it is broken, it must be built back up. A humans heart is a precious thing and should be treated that way. These are beliefs I 'hope' to instill in my sons and daughters. I hope I do not fail.


My methods may not be the same as yours, but my intentions are the best.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by treereach

That's not what i meant. You switch tactics when trying to justify this by going back and forth between it being 'funny' and it being real. and you are using it to not address the fact that this concept is scary.

oh, problem solved!


This concept isn't scary to me. and it isn't scary to EVERYONE.


Don't let your son date girls with dads like this! problem solved!

[Houdini]

Well said Yoshua

[secretresistance]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

sex·ism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (skszm)
n.
Discrimination based on gender, especially discrimination against women.
Attitudes, conditions, or behaviors that promote stereotyping of social roles based on gender.

Try the dictionary, it works better.

I don't discriminate based on sex or social roles. I treat them equally.

It seems like your dissatisfaction with my supplied definitions of sexism is being used as an escape hatch enabling you to dismiss the rest of my post. If you're interested in continuing this debate with integrity, maybe we can get back on track?

I was a teen age boy. I saw my friends. I saw my brother. I was one of the few who managed to make it out of high school without having sex. I know they exist, but they are few and far between. I remember what it is like to be a teenager.

You said this in response to my inquiry about condemning prospective dates from the outset. How is that anything but discrimination based on sex and social roles?

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by secretresistance

It seems like your dissatisfaction with my supplied definitions of sexism is being used as an escape hatch enabling you to dismiss the rest of my post. If you're interested in continuing this debate with integrity, maybe we can get back on track?


You said this in response to my inquiry about condemning prospective dates from the outset. How is that anything but discrimination based on sex and social roles?

If you bothered to follow up my posts you would see I also said it took 2 to tango. They didnt have sex alone. I did.


you have no point here.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

Yes it can. It is a joke if he listens.

And he doesn't? Then you will really kill him?

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

And he doesn't? Then you will really kill him?

Depends on my mood and how my daughter reacts. just being candid.

[mommaof3boz]

I am appalled with this thread. Someone posted something she thought was funny. A couple of other people thought it funny. Not everything has to turn into World War Three on MDC. Not everything is a political statement. Not everything is a debate. There is something to be said for "if you don't have something nice/decent to say to a person don't say anything". She was laughing about something her husband thought funny and frankly many of you are being downright rude. I think that goes against every rule here on MDC. IRL you can say whatever you want to someone but you have to say it looking at their face and knowing you've hurt their feelings. Online its much easier to blast someone forgetting they are a human being behind their keyboard. Being with open minded people are why many come to MDC, its a shame when this behavior goes on. No wonder women can't get along.

[WNB]

I think it is possible to see both the humor and the sexism inherent in stuff like this. Dads are protective of their daughters, sometimes to the point of caricature and making fools of themselves. The underlying message of the self-deprecating caricature is that their daughter is valued and loved and treasured.

That we don't often see these sorts of "rules for dating my son" is a sign of the lingering double standards about boys' and girls' sexuality. Instead, we get "rules for marrying my son" and mother-in-law jokes - jokes with little grains of truth to them, in many people's experience, that show that mothers can be just as controlling and over-protective of their sons, even though it is not generally manifested with respect to his sexuality, but more with respect to "taking care" of him.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by WNB

I think it is possible to see both the humor and the sexism inherent in stuff like this. Dads are protective of their daughters, sometimes to the point of caricature and making fools of themselves. The underlying message of the self-deprecating caricature is that their daughter is valued and loved and treasured.

That we don't often see these sorts of "rules for dating my son" is a sign of the lingering double standards about boys' and girls' sexuality. Instead, we get "rules for marrying my son" and mother-in-law jokes - jokes with little grains of truth to them, in many people's experience, that show that mothers can be just as controlling and over-protective of their sons, even though it is not generally manifested with respect to his sexuality, but more with respect to "taking care" of him.

/true

[secretresistance]

Originally Posted by Yoshua

I won't threaten anyone. His dates won't be coming to pick him up, i will have taught him to treat this girl with respect as well as her family. He will probably be following my lead on what respect for these people are 'at least when he goes to pick them up'. He will get threats from me if he mistreats a girl and god forbid I ever find out he cheats on anyone. I believe in natural consequences. Natural consequence to cheating on someone when you could have just said 'things aren't working out' are this.

No car
No video games
No allowance
No trust.

trust is an earned thing between parents and offspring too. When it is broken, it must be built back up. A humans heart is a precious thing and should be treated that way. These are beliefs I 'hope' to instill in my sons and daughters. I hope I do not fail.

My methods may not be the same as yours, but my intentions are the best.

Your apparent contradictions are confusing. Am I somehow misinterpreting the parts I bolded?

Your ideas about natural consequences are new to me. Have you consulted the dictionary on what exactly is meant by the term "natural consequences"?

[treereach]

yes, secret, here's another one:

To a boy. yes. It means one step closer. I am a boy. I know.

What does that mean? You are a boy, so you you know that boys are all out to have sex with girls and only sex, regardless of what the girl wants or whether its a good idea or if the girl wants it more than him or if she has herpes or if she's a space alien? And this isn't sexist? Come on Sexual indiscrimination in men is just a front for the fact that women can't take it from them. Men aren't really indiscriminate, just look at prison environment.

ANd how do I know before hand that my son is approaching a girl with a father like you. Granted Houdini seems to know you and finds you waving a gun (yes, I know, 'a joke') in her sons face acceptable, but i find that prospect terrifying, whether my son wants to have sex with your daughter or not.