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Should a boy be a bridesmaid? - Page 2

post #21 of 59
6/25/06 at 1:01am
Sharon- I think that is a nice idea. I would have to say though that I think a matching shirt should suffice as a shirt and pants that match might be strange looking, especially if your sister chooses pink or something. My Brother was the "Man of Honor" at his best friend's wedding (yes, his friend is a girl) He wore the same Tuxedo as the groom's men, except the groom's men had cumberbuns and bow ties that were a print that coordinated with the girls dresses and Zach wore a vest and bow tie that was made of the same material as the dresses
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post #22 of 59
6/25/06 at 2:33am
I had a "Man of Honor" at my wedding, and JOKED about him wearing a dress, but would never EVER seriously suggest it. I don't see a problem with him standing on the bride's side as a male bridesmaid (bridesboy???), but wearing a dress seems WAY too much to ask (unless he was a serious crossdresser already). It's different if it's a costume party and whatnot, but a serious occassion? No way
post #23 of 59
6/25/06 at 10:34am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyto3girls
He wore the same Tuxedo as the groom's men, except the groom's men had cumberbuns and bow ties that were a print that coordinated with the girls dresses and Zach wore a vest and bow tie that was made of the same material as the dresses
: - great idea!

OP, let us know how it goes...I'm very curious!!
post #24 of 59
6/25/06 at 10:55am
I personally think once he agreed i would let him make that choice on his own. I dont think it should factor in to whether or not he is in the wedding. That needs to come next. I think if she makes it a requirment for him to be on her side and he was not into it i would have him pass ... I think having your son wear a dress for someone elses sake could cause him some confusion in the future.... even possibly ill feelings towards someone or some people...
post #25 of 59
6/25/06 at 11:02am
[QUOTE=SharonO] I sort of lean toward having my mother, who is an excellent seamstress, make him a shirt and pants outfit to match the bridesmaid dresses. A tux like the groomsmen would be okay, but wouldn't blend in as nicely.QUOTE]

I would go with the tux with the tie and vest in the same fabric or color as the dresses. He will blend in very nicely that way. He doesn't need to match the bridesmaids exactly anyway. A shirt and pants outfit would not be dressy enough anyway. I had a "bridesman" in my wedding party. He wore the same tux as the groomen. But his tie and cummerbund was the same fabric as the bridesmaid dresses. The pictures looked fantastic.

Good luck with your sister.
post #26 of 59
6/25/06 at 11:12am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherry
nothing says the groomsmen have to be only friends of the groom. at my wedding, my step father was one of my husbands groomsmen, and my dh's sister was one of my bridesmaids.
i have never heard of only having the groom pick the male attendants and the bride pick the female attendants. i'm in NC and it's common here for the bride's brother to be a groomsman and the groom's sister to be a bridesmaid. i think it would be perfectly fine to have her ask him to be a groomsman. in fact i think it's a little weird to have the whole "groom's side" and "bride's side". yick. ideally people would be friends with both the bride and the groom! i definitely vote no on the dress-wearing. people who don't know him will just think he's a girl (esp given your description of him) and people will talk about that wedding for a long long time and they won't be talking about the bride and groom. it will definitely take the focus off of the couple.
post #27 of 59
6/25/06 at 4:43pm
OK, I don't really care if the groom picks a female attendent or the bride picks a male attendent. And I don't think it matters what side they stand on, or how they make their way down the isle. BUT can we please, if we're going to be mixing genders all over the place, at least use gender-neutral terms for the attendents? Like "bride's attendents" and "groom's attendents" instead of bridesmaids and groomsmen? That's my best idea. But please don't call a boy a "bridesmaid." No matter what he wears.
post #28 of 59
6/26/06 at 12:28pm
Thread Starter 
Yesterday was the day my sister came over for dinner and asked my son to be in her wedding party. Like so many instances in life, the problems you anticipate usually never happen or are easily dealt with. Its the ones you don't foresee that get you.

My sister explained how much she wanted my son to take part of her wedding. He was very enthusiastic about doing so, As I thought he would be. She explained that the groom usually has his close friends and relatives as his attendants and the bride did likewise. Since I am to be the Matron of Honor, she said that since he was almost like a son to her, it would be nice if he was one of her attendants as well. She gave him the option of being in the groom's party if he would rather, but he didn't quickly agreed that he wanted to be with her. She gave him a big hug and told him how much having him with her meant. Nothing further was mentioned about what he would wear and we then had a nice dinner.

After dinner my sister and I were talking about how easily and satisfactorily all of this had worked out. She said we could sort out what he would wear after she decided on colors, styles etc for the rest of her attendants. About that time my son came down from his room and asked if he could see the pictures from my wedding. I dug out my album and gave it to him and he took it back to his room.

When he came down to return my wedding album and to say goodnight a bit later. He had a very concerned look on his face. I asked what was the matter and he hummed and hawed around a bit and finally said that after looking at my wedding pictures he was worried about what he would have to wear to the wedding. Before anyone could respond he went on with words to the effect that he hoped that he could wear a dress like one I and the other attendants would would be wearing rather than one like the flowergirl was wearing in my wedding.

After a moment of stunned silence while we picked our jaws up off the floor, my sister assured him that she hadn't even started to plan what everyone would be wearing, but assured him that he would definitely not have to wear a flowergirl dress. She quickly went on to mention some of the various options that have been discussed on this thread, but ended with the option of wearing a dress like he had originally requested. She told him to think about it and that there was no big hurry for a decision. He seemed greatly relieved and went happily off to bed.

I was a little put out with my sister for adding the dress option, but she countered that he had originally been willing to wear one and maybe secretly wanted to do so. That thought had entered my mind also and didn't give me much comfort. We left it at that and I spent a very sleepless night wondering about my son, his sexuality, his future and what I would do if he asked to wear a dress at the wedding. Nothing was mentioned at breakfast this morning and he was his usual happy self as he went off to school. Here I am still stewing about it. Had to write this and get it off my chest.
post #29 of 59
6/26/06 at 12:41pm
Why can't he be a bridesmaid and just wear a tuxedo?? I guess I'm lost on that one. I wouldn't allow my 10 yr old son to be in a wedding in front of everyone in girl's clothing, sorry, but I wouldn't and he wouldn't want to do it either. Is it not possible for him to be on the grooms side? I know of couples that have done that in the past as well. Either way he is in the wedding party. :
post #30 of 59
6/26/06 at 3:34pm
Great to hear how it went Sharon. As I understood it's a while until the wedding and you will hopefully have some opportunities to talk to both your sister and your son until the final arrangements are made.

It was nice to se that he didn't have any protest against wearing a dress and that he brought this up himself.

-But this raises another dilemma as I see it: In case he's got crossdressing tendencies (and he might) - will it be right to deny him to wear a dress? What might he be feeling if you said that boys must wear tuxedos and he is really starting to "come out" to you?

I would at least let the dress be an option, -maybe let him try on some and find time to talk to him and see if he want to "be a girl".

During the planning you can have a lot of opportunities to show pictures of both dresses, tuxes and other things. It's a great opprotunity to talk normally about this and not make it a problem (and make him think that beeing a boy is a problem..)

oki... I may be rambling away here and it may not be so serious as I said... but what if?

Anyway it's supposed to be a fun time - and I hope you all have a great time planning and preparing the wedding!

And if he want to to wear a dress - Let him do it! (Don't let other ppl's opinions be the only one that counts)


Christine
post #31 of 59
6/26/06 at 7:43pm
Make sure he's aware he can wear whatever he feels comfortable in, and does _not_ have to wear a dress unless he wants to. The choice between "adult dress" and "flower girl dress" may have been a function of him realizing he was a kid not an adult (like the other members of the bridal party), but still thinking that being in the bridal party requires a dress no matter what. He may actually _want_ to wear a dress, which is also OK, just make sure that's what he wants, not what he feels is required.
post #32 of 59
6/26/06 at 11:03pm
And I have to add this -- who has EVER heard of some kind of rule where a male attendant on the bride's side of the family has to dress like a girl/woman? My little brother was a ring bearer for my female cousin and we didn't know anyone on the groom's side. No one suggested that he be a "flower girl."
post #33 of 59
6/27/06 at 3:57am
i've been to plenty of weddings where women wore tuxedos (and looked damn fine in them, too!), and men wore, if not dresses, then kilts and tunics.

the seas didn't boil over, everyone had a lovely time, and life went on.

let him wear whatever he wants, don't stew about his sexuality (you can't do a darned thing about it anyway), and concentrate on being a loving, accepting mom whatever he grows up into!
post #34 of 59
6/27/06 at 9:38am
I have deleted more posts to this thread. Please do not cast aspersions on a poster's motives. If you have a concern about a poster, please report the post. Do not post to this thread about it.

Please stay on topic.
post #35 of 59
6/27/06 at 11:46am
I'm sorry but, in my opinion, suggesting that a 10-year-old boy wear a dress to a wedding is unkind. It sets him up for all sorts of ridicule, and surely he would get many horrified looks from wedding attendees. (If they realize he is a boy.) This is not something I would want to do to my son.
post #36 of 59
6/27/06 at 12:03pm
Perhaps after looking at the picutres, he thought there were only two options for being on the bride's side -- a bridesmaid's dress or a flower girl dress. I would definitately clarify with him that -- as a boy -- he is more than welcome to wear matching pants/tux while standing on the bride's side.

My nephew of the same age had no experience with weddings and when I asked him to be in my wedding as the ring bearer, he at first said he didn't want to. His mom asked him why and he said he didn't want to wear a dress. As a young boy with very little experience with weddings, he thought that anyone asked by the bride had to wear a dress. Once we clarified with him that he would be wearing pants, he was thrilled to be in the wedding.

Definitely clarify with your son that pants or a tux is an option for him and the only reason everyone in the pictures he looked at was wearing a dress on the bride's side was because they were all women.

My husband had his best female friend stand up for him on his side during our wedding. She wore a dress just like the bridesmaids dresses, except in black and white instead of blue and white. Also, a few years back, I attended a wedding where the bride's brother was her Honor Attendant and he wore a tux and looked quite dashing.
post #37 of 59
6/27/06 at 4:58pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusannaG
And I have to add this -- who has EVER heard of some kind of rule where a male attendant on the bride's side of the family has to dress like a girl/woman? My little brother was a ring bearer for my female cousin and we didn't know anyone on the groom's side. No one suggested that he be a "flower girl."
I've always thought ringbearer and flower girl were BOTH part of the bridal party.
post #38 of 59
6/27/06 at 5:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
I've always thought ringbearer and flower girl were BOTH part of the bridal party.
Maybe you're right about that. I'm not sure.

But wait -- when my brother got married, my girls were both flower girls and, since I didn't know my future sister-in-law very well at the time, weren't they technically part of the groom's side? Wow. I never really thought about all this bride's side/groom's side stuff.
post #39 of 59
6/27/06 at 5:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusannaG
Maybe you're right about that. I'm not sure.

But wait -- when my brother got married, my girls were both flower girls and, since I didn't know my future sister-in-law very well at the time, weren't they technically part of the groom's side? Wow. I never really thought about all this bride's side/groom's side stuff.
The entire party is commonly referred to as the "bridal party". Some people try to clarify by calling it the "wedding party", but it's really the same thing. There's no such term as the "groom's party" ("groomal party???).

As an aside, at my wedding we had 6 men and 6 women for attendants. Rather than have what we thought of as a wall of color vs. a wall of black, we decided to have 3 couples stand on either side of us. The pictures turned out beautiful and the bridal party all got to know each other that much more from standing together so much during the rehearsal and other pre-wedding moments.
post #40 of 59
6/28/06 at 5:37pm

Should a boy be a bridesmaid?

Wow what a decision to make on what to do with your son as a bridesmaid.
Your son seems to know what he wants, and it's great that he talks to you and not keep to him self. Keep the options open since he already knows them,
and if he wants to dress like the rest of the brides party let him. It looks like he and the bride to be will be ok with what ever he decides.
Puting my self in a place like him, I would opt a same color suit to match.
But if the bride being a best friend wanted me to wear a bridesmaid dress I would for her happiness!
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