Should a boy be a bridesmaid? - Page 3

[CarrieMF]

Perhaps after looking at the picutres, he thought there were only two options for being on the bride's side -- a bridesmaid's dress or a flower girl dress. I would definitately clarify with him that -- as a boy -- he is more than welcome

I agree. Ask him WHY he brought up wearing a dress. Perhaps looking through the photos he thought that since he's on the Bride's side he HAS to wear a dress and was choosing which type.

[Nkenga]

Originally Posted by SharonO

When he came down to return my wedding album and to say goodnight a bit later. He had a very concerned look on his face. I asked what was the matter and he hummed and hawed around a bit and finally said that after looking at my wedding pictures he was worried about what he would have to wear to the wedding. Before anyone could respond he went on with words to the effect that he hoped that he could wear a dress like one I and the other attendants would would be wearing rather than one like the flowergirl was wearing in my wedding.

Sounds like he might actually WANT to wear a dress, or he might just be confused and think that everyone on the bride's side has to wear a dress.

To be honest, I wuold let him know (again) that he can wear pants and a shirt that matches the dresses, that he does not have to wear a dress. Maybe the "three strikes" rule: let him know three times, on three completely separate occasions, that he can wear pants, that he doesn't have to wear a dress. If he says he wants to wear a dress each time, let him, but I would honestly be reluctant. I'm all for people dressing the way that makes them most comfortable, but I also would hate to have him look at the pictures in 10 years and be mortified that he was in a dress. I would imagine that someone who is a cross-dresser wouldn't feel mortified that he was in pants.

[julie128]

I have been to a wedding where there was a Best Babe instead of a Best Man. She wore a dress, not a suit. This same wedding had many attendants, both male and female, and they wore what they wanted within the color scheme. Another wedding had a female groom's attendant. She wore a dress similar to the bridesmaids.

Making a boy wear a dress is a bad idea, imho. He can wear the same suit/tux as the groomsmen and still stand on the bride's side.

[simmergirl]

This is quite interesting to follow since the theme seems to be quite controversial and a lot of different opinions are shared. The controversy may be because this is an important event for the bride or that some are concerned for the boy. Either way it's quite educational. And even if you don't get the answer - it may help a lot of others dealing with 'gender-issues' in general. (I do have a son myself where we have such issues).

I hope that you will keep us updated on the result and even your thoughts. It seems from a lot of the answers that this is NOT socially acceptable (of course I'm sure you will take this in consideration). And, as a result of the current decision, some of the answers are shifting towards "How do we motivate him to wear tuxedos or pants".


He's very close to his aunt and is looking forward to be a part of his favorite aunts special occasion. He even wants to be as the other on the brides party and have a beautiful dress.

Yes, I know from the previous answers; He doesn't have to wear a dress - but should it be a "crime" if he does? At least that's my thought - or hope...

And why should he get in any "traumatic" experience by seeing pictures from a very special day where he is in a beautiful dress on a special day for you all?

Wouldn't it be a bigger trauma if he learned that his feelings are not allowed?



Maybe the time up till the wedding will be more exciting (and easier to include him) if he wasn’t different from you. It is easy to let him feel like an outsider because he is a man.

You could be looking at dresses for both him, you and your sister. And talk about hairstyles and even go to try outfits together. This could be an opportunity to get even closer and make him more part of this than he would otherwise.


Here's my thought: Don't make such an issue out of it beforehand, you have a lot of time. Look through a bridal catalog, let him tell you what he like and let it be allowed to pick dresses, pants, shirts and tuxedos. If he chooses a dress that's fine and I'm sure most of the guest won't even think of what gender he is.

I see my self starting to "encourage" here: but that's not my intention. My intention is to say that you should do whatever is right for YOU.

Anyway, It would have been nice too hear from SharonO again and see what you are thinking.

Christine


(edited to correct some (a lot of) spelling errors...)

[MamaTaraX]

Ijust stumbled into this forum. I'vebeen here once before. This thread caught myeye. I am enjoying the discussion and I am now planning, after reading every bit, to use this as a discussion point with my DH. As our boys get older, things like this may come up. This is a wonderful one to see how my DH would really feel about his boys wearing dresses if they chose and other things of that nature. I knw what he says, but I've had very few examples to throw at him and see what he thinks. So I have to say thanks for this thread. Thank-you.

Namaste, Tara

[Tinas3muskateers]

Could he walk her down the isle?

[eirual]

Does your son have Male Friends he could talk to about this??

THen maybe he'd get a better understanding of how other's would feel about the whole situation. And he can decide weather or not he's up for making such a statement??

[Roar]

Originally Posted by MamaTaraX

. As our boys get older, things like this may come up.

Namaste, Tara

Seriously, you think there is actually a chance of that?

[Ann-Marita]

I'd like to see the web sites that the OP's sister showed her with boys dressed as girl attendants. Got a link?

[SharonO]

Thanks for all the interesting comments and opinions. We haven't really discussed the wedding since last Sunday when my sister asked my son to participate. I know he has looked at my wedding pictures a number of times however We are all getting together this weekend and for the 4th of July so I'm sure we'll talk about it then. Needless to say, I have given it a lot of thought in the interim. One suggestion that I liked was to involve him in the planning and try to determine what he really wants to do. I'm not quite sure how I will deal with it if it turns out that he wants to wear a dress. While I wish the issue had never come up, maybe I need to know this however.

In regard to the question about the website which mentioned boys participating in weddings as girls, the website is: www.atlantabridal.com
Look under the part about Dressing the Ring Bearer

[secretresistance]

Originally Posted by SharonO

In regard to the question about the website which mentioned boys participating in weddings as girls, the website is: www.atlantabridal.com
Look under the part about Dressing the Ring Bearer

Would it be possible for you to point me to a more specific link? The only things I found regarding ring bearers' attire were either business listings or accesible to paid subscribers only.

[SharonO]

The exact link for the ocation on the wedding website discussing boys as bridesmaids and flowergirls is: http://www.weddingbasics.com/fashion...ringbearer.asp

Hope this works for you

[TigerTail]

I can't see anything about boys in dresses on the website, just a lot of fantasizing in the responses. Did I miss something?

[talk de jour]

:

Is this for real?!

Your son should wear a coordinating tux. Not a dress - unless he wants to, which, considering his responses, I doubt.

[secretresistance]

Originally Posted by TigerTail

I can't see anything about boys in dresses on the website, just a lot of fantasizing in the responses. Did I miss something?

You and me both, I guess.

[Irishmommy]

For the third, or is it fourth? time, please keep this thread on topic. If you have an issue please contact me or BelovedK.

[pjlioness]

Originally Posted by SharonO

She said that she had come upon the idea from a bridal website that she had visited. In it there was a discussion about boys being bridesmaids and flowergirls. She took me to her computer and showed it to me. To my amazement, this actually happens.

I would tend to err towards the discussion on the site being suspect. There are men out there who have fetishes about boys dressed as girls (and some who have fetishes about babies in diapers or circumcision), and the comments on the site may well have been from some. There is no way anyone can know for sure. The professional part of the site didn't mention anything about boys in dresses.

However, if your son wants to wear a dress, understands that his wearing one will be captured on film forever, and doesn't mind that, I don't see anything automatically wrong it. I wouldn't encourage either of my sons to wear a dress, no matter how easily they could pass for a girl or how cute they would look in one, but if they insisted they wanted to, I wouldn't stop them.

[Shirelle]

I think that your son being in the wedding is great. Being on the bride's party is wonderful.

Having someone else (the bride) ask him to wear a dress (if he doesn't usually cross dress) is just plain weird.

Does your son crossdress under other circumstances? Publically? If not, no, I would NOT ask that he wear a dress!

ITA! Why is that necessary? It almost seems a little insulting to me, if that is not the way that he normally is.

Why couldn't he just be in her bridal party, and be a "person of honor" or something like that?

[BelovedK]

This conversation seems to have reached it's natural conclusion. It seems like the OP's concerns were addressed properly. The thread is now closed to new posts