boysrus said: So, I do not see any problme with redirectiong them to another game and not allowing violent games. We never make a big deal about it, we just put it all very matter of factly.
If my redirection of gun play had resulted in a "no big deal" responses from my ds, then I'm sure I would have been satisfied with that and further gun play wouldn't have been an issue. The difference between your experience and my experience is that your dc didn't like that type of play, and my ds did. He really does understand the difference between pretend play and reality. When he was 4, I didn't understand that, and because he really needed to work strong feelings out with this kind of play, I violated his creative way of working these feelings out by trying to change him. When I stopped trying to change him and began honoring him instead, the "problem" stopped, because it wasn't a problem any more. He is not at all violent in his play now, at 8.
It's so nice when our values and our children's values match. The challenge comes when our values and our children's values differ. Can we, then, come to accept their choices, and love them as they are? Can we put away our beliefs and and fears long enough to really listen to them? I believe that if we can, we can come to new understandings, and deeper love and trust in our relationships with our children.
***We can't shelter them from their dark feelings, nor should we if we want them to feel good about themselves.***
I Love This Statement. So true.
Omegamama said she felt: #1, fear of raising a violent child, #2, feeling like I look like a "bad" parent for allowing this type of play. I have really gotten over myself about this and it's been beneficial to all of us.
Exactly! I had the same feelings, and am also glad I got over myself.
Peacefully (expecially today with the countdown happening and all - Ugh!)