I have a history of major depression. I've been doing really well the past few years but I expected the hormonal upheavals of pregnancy and birth would present some challenges for me. The first trimester was really rough, but after that I felt great. Now that the baby is born though, I'm miserable. She's only 9 days old, so I know it's early and it's always rough in the first days, especially with a first baby. But I'm worried that this is going to spiral out of control and I'll be miserable for months and generally be a not very fun mama.
I know what some of the exacerbating factors are. For one thing, a couple days after she was born we had to take her to the ER because the midwife detected a very marked heart murmur and she was clearly having some problems because of it. This was very scary and while she was discharged from the NICU the next afternoon, we still have to take her for followups with a cardiologist to make sure she's really OK. So I can't let down my guard about that. I am constantly obsessing about her color (turning blue in extremities was a big symptom she was having) and her breathing, even though she is just fine right now and getting better every day. I just can't relax and the more I stress the harder it is to cope, which makes me cry all the time and not really able to enjoy her sweet newborn days.
Also, I have practically no support other than my dh and my midwives. Our circle of friends here kind of fell apart about a year ago and our families are totally useless when it comes to any kind of moral or emotional support. In fact our families are stressors. DH got 5 days off to be with me and baby, so he's back at work and works odd hours. He works within walking distance of home but I feel trapped in here since I am having such a rough physical recovery too. We don't have the money to hire a postpartum doula or anything like that.
I feel like what I need is just for someone to be able to be with me for the next week or so, get me through the rest of the hard part of my physical recovery so I don't have to worry about anything but nursing baby and getting stronger. But I can't have that. And I can't stop worrying about her, I can't rest well (nightmares even when she lets me sleep) and I am crying constantly. I don't want to go down the drain into depression, I HATE that thought. I want to enjoy her sweet baby days. But I don't know what to do. I am very opposed to taking SSRIs while nursing her, and nursing her is the one thing I know for sure I can do right as her mama, so I am not giving that up.
When I am a little better I can try going to mama groups and that kind of thing but how do I keep from losing it until then???
I know what some of the exacerbating factors are. For one thing, a couple days after she was born we had to take her to the ER because the midwife detected a very marked heart murmur and she was clearly having some problems because of it. This was very scary and while she was discharged from the NICU the next afternoon, we still have to take her for followups with a cardiologist to make sure she's really OK. So I can't let down my guard about that. I am constantly obsessing about her color (turning blue in extremities was a big symptom she was having) and her breathing, even though she is just fine right now and getting better every day. I just can't relax and the more I stress the harder it is to cope, which makes me cry all the time and not really able to enjoy her sweet newborn days.
Also, I have practically no support other than my dh and my midwives. Our circle of friends here kind of fell apart about a year ago and our families are totally useless when it comes to any kind of moral or emotional support. In fact our families are stressors. DH got 5 days off to be with me and baby, so he's back at work and works odd hours. He works within walking distance of home but I feel trapped in here since I am having such a rough physical recovery too. We don't have the money to hire a postpartum doula or anything like that.
I feel like what I need is just for someone to be able to be with me for the next week or so, get me through the rest of the hard part of my physical recovery so I don't have to worry about anything but nursing baby and getting stronger. But I can't have that. And I can't stop worrying about her, I can't rest well (nightmares even when she lets me sleep) and I am crying constantly. I don't want to go down the drain into depression, I HATE that thought. I want to enjoy her sweet baby days. But I don't know what to do. I am very opposed to taking SSRIs while nursing her, and nursing her is the one thing I know for sure I can do right as her mama, so I am not giving that up.
When I am a little better I can try going to mama groups and that kind of thing but how do I keep from losing it until then???
If I wasn't halfway across the country, I'd sure come hang out with you! I agree with trying to find a natural pick-me-up or herbal treatment first. Maybe aromatherapy and essential oils. Can you go to a local park, sit in the sun and just watch the children play while nursing your baby? Can you find a mothers group like LLL? I'm sure a LLL mom would come hang out with you and give you support.
