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I dont know if I can do this (long) - Page 2

post #21 of 29
A big for you mama. This is a decision that no one can make but you, but as you can see we're here to support you. My twins are just 12 weeks old, but my experience so far - having had 2 older kids before my twins (they were almost 2 1/2 & 5 1/2 when my twins were born) has been that:

Pregnancy was much harder (sicker, definitely more uncomfortable - down right painful later on) but still was uncomplicated and I enjoyed it (I've always loved being pregnant)
Adjustment period has been harder - I'm exhausted yet these babies sleep better than either of my singletons did, I think I'm struggling with PPD for the first time, I've been yelling at my older kids a lot
The AP factor - I've definitely mourned the loss of how exactly I wanted to parent this baby. I was going to wear the baby all the time and be totally attached, but with two this just can't happen. Instead they both have periods of crying where I can't adequately attend to them. That's really hard but I do my best to comfort the one I can't hold at the moment. And I get nervous about wearing one baby when I know that the other might require my attention at any given moment and then I'll have to put down the baby I'm wearing (who is now probably cozy & asleep) and then he'll wake up and be angry and now I'll have 2 upset babies on my hands rather than just one. Oh, and now I rely on products like swings and strollers which I wish I didn't need to use. But I do and it helps, so I'm accepting that this is how it's going to be.

For me, it's all a small price to pay. I've had so many moms of twins tell me how much easier it gets as time goes on. I know that it will. So I accept that this is an especially difficult period and I look forward to the future with them. I do need to deal with the possible ppd issue b/c I certainly don't want to punish any of my kids, but this is all new to me so I'm trying to figure it out still.

I hope you are able to come to a decision that feels right for you.

p.s. I'm another clomid mom.
post #22 of 29

I got pg with twins about a year after I miscarried a baby girl at 17 weeks. I cried and cried those first few weeks because I was terrified of having twins and just wanted my other baby back.

I think around the time I got over the morning sickness and started to feel stronger I bonded so much with these babies and loved them through all the crazy things happening to my body (PUPPPS, cholestasis, no sleep etc)

You will need some help. No doubt about it. I don't know the ages of your other kids - can they go to pre-school or play group a few mornings? Arrange rides ahead of time. Co-op schools are great for this.

We had NO money but hired an older woman to come in 2-3 days a week for 4 hours each time. I lived for those hours! She would hold my babies so I could shower, change my sheets, fold clothes, sweep the floor. It was heaven

I think I cried everyday but I laughed everyday too. FTR I didn't have PPD fortunately.

Good luck to you mama whatever you decide!
post #23 of 29
I had twins w/o any other children. I'm always amazed to hear people actually have other children along with their twins! BUT....you also have a lot of experience and know a lot more about infants/children. If I got pregnant tomorrow with twins, I wouldn't hesitate to do it all again, having 4 total children. My biggest fear would be the pregnancy. In my eyes, that's the hardest part! Once you meet the bundles, everything's worth it!!
post #24 of 29
Just another voice of support with whatever you choose.

My first words at the U/S were "holy shit" and I had a hard time coming to terms with the whole idea of twins (twins did NOT fit into my plan of two kids and getting my life back!). You are definintely not alone. But we have made it past the first really hard year (it was a really hard first 9 months, with a pretty hard but getting better last 3 months) and I feel like we are finally starting to find our way --

I wish you strength and peace as you make your own way.
post #25 of 29
I hope you've found support no matter which choice you make.

I just want to share our story. My daughter was right at 13 months old when we found out we were pregnant again. We wanted two children total and wanted them to be close in age, so I was happy with the pregnancy. Then at our second ultrasound for dating, we found out it was twins. Then, a couple months in we found out they were a rare type of identical twins that were going to require intensive monitoring and may not even survive.

I went between anger, "Why me?", incredible sadness, and then when they were born it got worse because they were in the NICU for 5 weeks. They are almost 14 weeks old now and I still have days that I would give them to the first nice looking person that passed by our house. There are also times that I have all three of my beautiful girls snuggled on the couch or in bed with me and I wouldn't change my life for anything.

I've had to compromise some of my ideals about AP. I've had to make sure that I am rested, fed, and taken care of before I attempt to meet the needs of three children. This means the twins do go in swings, they do get a pumped bottle at night, they do have to fuss sometimes because I can't always meet everyone's needs. I think it's going to get much better though. They started smiling on Father's Day and that was SO huge for us. It gave me courage to keep pushing forward.

Financially, it's tough too. We plan on buying groceries on our credit card for the first year so we can have a college student help us out 4 hours a day. We likely won't be able to afford to put them all in private schools like we'd hoped. Vacations will be more expensive. They may have to take on their own college loans one day. The medical bills are depressing. Every penny will be worth it.

Above all, they may not have been adored every minute since they were conceived or born but they have been loved the best we know how to do with three. This is what they will carry with them throughout their lives, not a loss of sling-time or a hatred at extra time in the bouncy seat.
post #26 of 29
I already have 3 kids and I had just turned 40 when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again, it was an even bigger shock to find out it was twins when I was 17 weeks. I think I've come to terms with being pregnant with twins now I'm 35+ weeks, but still not sure how I'm gonna manage with two more babies :
I think you've had some great advice and real honesty already, I hope it helps you come to a decision and get some peace of mind, just wanted to add my support.
post #27 of 29
Just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.
post #28 of 29
I've been wondering about you too. I'm a bit late to respond, but I wanted to share with you my twinshock story too.

I've been on both sides of this coin to an extent. I survived an abortion when I was a teenager. It has been a very long road to healing, and I think the wound will never quite close, but having the twins actually helped bridge that gap in my heart. What I always say I wish someone had told me then was how I'd have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. I was genuinely surprised when afterward I started grieving for that baby. Nobody told me how much that would hurt or for how long it would haunt me. I pined for years for an accidental pregnancy. Finally I had my first dd, and I was still way too young and unprepared.

Fast forward to 11 years and 2 kids after my AB. I still suffered from baby lust obsession. I thought I could be okay with just one more, so we decided for one try for a third. As soon as I saw the + test, I got this feeling of dread. Three weeks later they told me it was twins. I immediately got massive morning sickness, fatigue, etc. I sobbed and cried for weeks, feeling exactly what you descibed. I prayed that the Dr. was wrong or that God would take one of the babies. I thought about terminating, but I knew in my heart I didn't have the courage to go through that again. When I was 17 weeks pg I woke up bleeding heavily and rushed to the ER. I was sobbing this time because I was sure I had lost them. When they told me they were both okay and that I was having a boy and a girl, I felt my first slice of peace at the fact that I was having two. Even after they were born, I remember looking at them sleeping and crying again that we had made a huge huge mistake.

Now they are almost a year old. I regret that I spent so much of my last pg worrying about everything and being afraid of them. I wish I'd been able to love them more during that time. This year has been a lot of work but I feel that as a family we have all pulled together more. One of my biggest fears was that our marriage wouldnt be able to survive the strain of 4 kids under 6, but dh and I are actually closer than ever because we have learned how to streamline our lives and work together. It is getting better month by month as they grow and become more independent. I have learned to shift my priorities in order to maintain my sanity. The girls have learned to be more self sufficent and help me out more. But most of all, when I look at them, I can't imagine my life without them, and moreover, I can't imagine one of them being without the other, which I know is what I'd be doinng if I'd decided to only have onne of them. Having twins does mean twice the money and twice the challenges, but is also twice the giggles, smiles and kisses. I wish you peace with whatever you decide.
post #29 of 29
I hope everything is going well with you
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