I have @^$#ing had it!

[CryPixie83]

I can't take this anymore, my dd is making me insane. I don't even know where to start I'm so frazzled and frustrated and mad and sad and I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down.

I know this is a toddler issue, as well as a Gentle Discipline issue but I think perhaps it's mainly a parenting issue.

My once sweet, happy,caring dd has turned into a monster Her once sweet, happy caring mama has turned into a monster too. : I feel absolutely horrible even typing this but I have to get it out and talking to DH isn't really helping because he doesn't know what to do either and the problem still exists. It's like I have two children right now, one is my normal, sweetheart of a girl and the other is this terror that pops up unexpectedly :

DD will be two years old in about 2.5 weeks. In the past couple of weeks her behavior has taken a nose-dive. She has started biting, hitting, kicking, screaming, laughing in hysterics (at naptime, and I do mean hysterics, you just can't get through to her when she starts, she'll bang her head HARD and keep on laughing when she would normally be bawling), she doesn't listen anymore and I am at a complete loss.

I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant, my hormones and stress have been crazy during the entire pregnancy. I have been so impatient and unstable emotionally this time around, and it doesn't help that I've had more stresses than I did when I was pregnant with dd. I am having a terrible time coping with dd right now, I can just feel the GD practices slipping away I have come close to hitting so many times when she gets in one of her moods (that's not the right term but it's the closest I can think of right now). When she repeatedly tries to bite me it's sooo hard not to slap her face.... I hate saying that, but I need to be honest here and that's what I'm struggling with Yesterday she bit Granny (my 78 year old mother who lives with us) out of the blue, no obvious reason. She's hitting and kicking, and it's like she's aiming at my stomach- she's strong, I can't have her kicking my belly


Her behavior started getting negative after a two hour playdate with the dd of an old friend, who we will not be seeing again. It started to get better then dh had a temp job where he went from working his usual 25-30 hours a week to working 60 hours a week, no days off for 17 days. That was a really stressful time on all of us and I know that probably contributed a lot to this. I don't drive so we were stuck at home the entire time, and we haven't gotten out much since dh's schedule has returned to normal. Nap and Bed times are the worst, she seems to pull out every bad habit in her arsenal when it's time to go to sleep, but a month ago she was sleeping great, so this drastic change is like a slap to the face.

I know there's more I wanted to write, but my head is so confuddled right now I don't know how to organize my thoughts. I can't think straight. I can't cope with her behavior. Yesterday it took over two hours just to get her to take a nap. Everytime she starts acting this way I want to break down and cry. I feel like a horrible person, and I feel so lost and I just want to run and hide. What the hell am I thinking having a second child??? I can't handle the one I have now! She deserves to be treated better than I am managing right now.

Why is she acting like this? How can I "fix" this situation? How am I going to keep from going insane? I'm tired of crying every day, I'm tired of feeling resentment towards my dd for acting like this, I'm tired of dreading nap and bedtime, I'm tired of feeling like I want to HIT MY CHILD. Something is seriously wrong here and I don't know what to do.

[EVC]

I guess two things jumped out at me here:

1. That you are pregnant and

2.

Her behavior started getting negative after a two hour playdate with the dd of an old friend, who we will not be seeing again

Is it possible that she is reacting to the pregnancy, perhaps feeling that she is about to be "replaced"? Have you been reassuring her that there is love to go around, that life may change, but that you will always have time for her, etc? What exactly happened at that playdate? Obviously something went very wrong, esp. as you say that you will not be seeing them again. What set her off? Also, what about dh? Now that his schedule is going back to normal, does he spend much time with dd? How does she act around him?

[CryPixie83]

Yes, the being pregnant part really makes things more difficult than if I were not. This is a big reason why DH and I have firmly decided on no more biological children. I feel like I'm far less capable of being a good mother when I'm pregnant.

Playdate thread That goes into detail about the playdate.

It's possible that she's reacting about the pregnancy, but she's been very excited about the "new baby' since the very beginning and we really don't put a lot of emphasis on it.

What set her off? Really it all started about the second week of DH's temp job. We had some sleep issues and some listening issues but then things tapered out a bit. Now in the past week or so is when things have started to get really rough. DH is back to his 25-30 hours, but we haven't fully returned to our normal routines yet. DH does spend time with her and they play great, but when she's tired or in a mood she'll start teh behavior with either of us, so its not just me, which makes me feel better and worse.

She's not like this all the time, thank Goddess. Like right now, she's calm and being nice. But it is happening with more frequency and man does that scare me.

But it's almost naptime... so I'm going to cut this short.

[EVC]

Wow, that really was the playdate from hell.



Hopefully someone more experienced with toddlers will give you some words of wisdom.

[Red Sonja]

No help here, mama, sorry. I'm in a very similar situation right now with my DS and I'm at a loss of how to handle it.

[Tonia80]

My sons both went throughthis right when I hit my third trimester. Each one did it at age two. And do not feel badly about cionfessing to wanting to hit her. I for one can relate to that. It is very hard to be exhausted and hormonal and then have to remain rational for an irrational child. There were days all I wanted to do was scream at them and then go have a good cry. And my bys both were very excited about the new baby. Zane was excited about being at teh birth at home and getting a brother to play with but suddenly he got real jealous. And it was like that for a couple months after Aidan was born too. Aidan was harder cuz he was my abby longer than Zane, Zane was independent so soon. So, when I reallyy started to get huge and was too tired to play with him like I used to he got upset. He ddi not sleep, got VERY VERY aggressive. His thing was kicking me and throwing himself back onto my legs. I literally was covered in bruises all over my legs and it got so bad because i was put on temporary bed rest that they swelled up real bad. It was painful. Becasue he did not have teh vocabulary to say he was jealous or worried or tense or stressed, he showed me the only wau he knew how. That beihg said though, he has been nothing but IN LOVE with hsi baby bro from day 1. I think once he realized cranky tired mama was not gonna exist forever and this alien abby was not gonna live in me forever......he relaxed a little.
Also, it could be some fairly typical toddler things.....she is nearly two you said, right? Is she doing anything different, any change in routine, naptime missed, Dh working more than usual??? I know you mentioned this stuff but take some time to really examine every little thing. My oldest went through a bad phase around the same time I miscarried and I did not realize he was picking up on my stress till he started waking with night terrors every night. Kids can be vry intuitive in that way.
Thsi is teh HARDEST thing for you to do, but undoubtedly the best thing you can do.......LOVE on her. As much as possible. IMO, kids that age are not acting up to be bratty, to manipulate, etc.... but often it is the only way they can communicate. When she goes to bite, gently hold her and show her how to caress, how to butterfly kiss, how to snuggle, how to eskimo kiss. Make it warm and giggly and fun. I mean, make it clear she cannot hurt you. But after yousay a firm, "do not bite mommy! That is a boo boo! " tickle her belly or blow a raspberry on her belly. But ALSO, do thsi frequently when she is being good so she dos not continue the negaticve behavior just to get the snuggles and sillies. Give her loads of extra attention. Have gramma and daddy do the same. Simple thngs like take a bath with her, have a tickle fight on teh floor, make a doll sing a song for her while she eats lunch.
If yo are interested, youcan PM me in regards to some homeopathic remedies that may help with her behavior and sleep issues. I onlyuse natural stuff but if I didn't I would be going insane as I have one very anxiety prone hyperactive child and one who has always had major sleep issues. (My youngest is just very clingy and sensitive to the extreme...but I can live with that) I have three spirited children so I know how it can be. There are days I really do sit down and have a good cry once they are all in bed. Just keep telling yourself, this too shall pass.

[CryPixie83]

It's defiantely good to know I'm not alone.

Tonia- your post is very helpful to me.

DD will be two on July 10, very very soon. I can answer yes to pretty much everything you asked. Her entire world was spun around for a while there and we're starting to get back into our normal routine. I understand why she's acting out, I would too if everything went all wonky on me

Right now DH and I are trying to make things as normal as possible for her so she can regain some sense of security. We're also trying to be more understanding towards her emotions and actions. I just have a realy hard time when it's just me... like you said, emotional, hormonal, exhausted before I even get out of bed and yelling and getting into bed and crying sound like a wonderful idea when things get really stressful.

Homeopathics might be helpful... right now we use Hyland's Calmse Forte for kids for bedtime, together with either Badger sleep balm or lavender oil and (when I think to make it) sleepytime tea.

This afternoon she actually went down for a nap without protest and was asleep within 5 minutes... I wanted to cry I was so relieved.

Now its bedtime, I hope it goes smoothly.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

The thing that jumps out at me is that you say you started having sleep issues and then everything else started to go too. My guess is that neither of you is getting enough sleep at the moment. You probably wouldn't be regardless because of your pregnancy stage. If your toddler is also even slightly sleep deprived, that is going to be one ugly scene. And the fact that she is fighting sleep may be a good indication that she is over-tired all the time right now.

I don't know how you might change things to get more sleep, but if I were you, I would start by doing everything in my power to get BOTH of you as much sleep as possible for a bit, then establish a regular sleep routine that you can keep up for your child even after you have the baby. That may mean in needs to involve your DH more or whatever. I don't know enough about how your usual evening routine goes to offer anything more concrete.

But even if that's not it, or not all of it, everything is easier when you are well rested.

[FreeRangeMama]

She could just be on the verge of some huge developmental leaps as well. Keeping your sense of humor is the only defence you have. Really. When you are greeted first thing by screaming find a way to turn it silly (even if you scowl on the inside ). Really, it will help. 2 year olds just are intense. Their world is changing so fast, bodies growing, understanding expanding, not treated so 'babyish' anymore, verbal ability, and in some cases new siblings add insult to injury. You are her stability through it all and if you react negatively she may just push and push and push at you because she feels insecure.

I am not being critical. I suck as a mother toward the end of pregnancy. I have 3 kids (5, 2, and 1 years old). 2 year olds can be hard, but if you can find the humor in a situation they can be delightful. And it is easier to make them giggle than to restrain them while they try to head butt you (I speak from experience.....).

Good luck mama

[Kerlowyn]

Originally Posted by CryPixie83

My once sweet, happy,caring dd has turned into a monster Her once sweet, happy caring mama has turned into a monster too. : I feel absolutely horrible even typing this but I have to get it out and talking to DH isn't really helping because he doesn't know what to do either and the problem still exists. It's like I have two children right now, one is my normal, sweetheart of a girl and the other is this terror that pops up unexpectedly :

DD will be two years old in about 2.5 weeks. In the past couple of weeks her behavior has taken a nose-dive. She has started biting, hitting, kicking, screaming, laughing in hysterics (at naptime, and I do mean hysterics, you just can't get through to her when she starts, she'll bang her head HARD and keep on laughing when she would normally be bawling), she doesn't listen anymore and I am at a complete loss.

I could have written that in the Fall of 2004. I was in my 3 trimester, DS was turning 2. We had to stop taking him out in public (stores, restaurants) because we had no idea how he would behave, which of the two personalities would emerge. It was the first time I ever looked to MDC for parenting advice, and began reading the GD forum. Luckily, another mom had posted a thread with the same scenario, and I read through that, and realized that it was a phase, and he would outgrow it. Honestly, I did not believe it. I thought I was going to have a raging monster as a DS, and somehow it was punishment for me for something I did in a past life (that was the preggo hormones). He was really that wild.

But, he did outgrow it. I would give him his space to rage, let him know it was OK to have what ever feelings he was having, kept him from hurting himself (having him bang his head on the rug and not the floor ) I won't kid you, it was a difficult time, and it sucked. DH was at a loss, this being his first child, he had never seen anything like it.

Why did it happen? I have no idea, but something along the lines of what FreeRangeMama said, it's a huge developmental time.

Hugs to you CryPixie83, lots of us have been there, and pregnant just makes it so much harder :

[monkey's mom]

oh mama! hang in there!

i'm thinking food issues...dairy on the pizza? the whole laughing while hurting herself thing sounds a lot like my kid reacting to dairy.

there's lots of behavior threads in the allergies forum--not sure if that's your issue, but one more idea to throw out there.

hang in there!

[CryPixie83]

Her diet hasn't really changed in the past few months. She's allergic to cow's milk (but not all dairy.... my sister is the same way) so we're careful to avoid cow's milk.

Really, it will help. 2 year olds just are intense. Their world is changing so fast, bodies growing, understanding expanding, not treated so 'babyish' anymore, verbal ability, and in some cases new siblings add insult to injury.

That is a rather daunting thought because dd has always been intense... more intensity sounds scary.

Seems like the third trimester and a two year old are a recipe for potential disaster... Which makes alot of sense but doesn't really make it easier

[KC in KS]

CryPixie, I'm in just your place. DD is 20 months, I'm 32 weeks pregnant, and we're just having a tough time being in the same room together right now.

And I become a SAHM at the end of this week. Doesn't THAT sound like fun? :

I've decided that this is just a temporary phase for both of us, and that whatever I have to do to get through it without damaging both of us is okay. In my case, I think DD will get to see a lot more of her Elmo videos (normally strictly rationed). I can just see that I'm going to need the sanity-breaks they provide. And while videos aren't something I'm normally comfortable with, it's better than spending the day yelling/screaming/hitting each other, you know?

My goal is to get through this last trimester with our relationship intact. If it means I have to correct some bad habits later, so be it.

KC

[CryPixie83]

Yea, DD has definately been watching more tv as a sanity saver. i know it will come back to bite me in the rear later but like you said, it's better than the alternatives.

Today DH has the day off and things have been fairly even-keel, except for one biting episode... then again we haven't had naptime yet either.

Tonight I at least get a break, MaryKay Monday night meeting! I haven't been to a meeting in about a month and I normally go weekly and they're really refreshing to me. It's my time to be more than just mama.

Until the meeting tonight though, we're cleaning house (egads does it need it) and playing in the yard. Hopefully that will wear her out so she sleeps easy.

I really need to say thank you for not being harsh with me. I've been really hard on myself and [in particular] the hard time I'm having not hitting. *sigh*

[KC in KS]

You know, we teach our kids it's okay to feel the way they do, but not always okay to act on it. Why is it so hard for us mamas to allow ourselves the same?

I'm proud of you for acknowledging the way you feel, and for finding a safe way to vent your feelings.

Hope you enjoy your meeting tonight!

KC

[Summerland]

I know how you feel, im pregnant too, and my son has been going through a "phase" I feel like maybe i could usually handle him better but my hormones are all messed up and i have been getting alot angrier than i usually would. Lately my 4 hours at work every weekend are my sanity break.