Originally Posted by birthpartner
Thanks to the few people who gave me something to consider. Most of you have your opinions without being a parent of an older teen, or you are really young yourself, which IMO makes you "wet behind the ears". Respect is something which seems to have been missed in most of the posts. When you live on your own as an adult you can do whatever you want, but when you live with someone else--especially your parents there should be mutual respect. At 19 sleepovers are not to hang out with friends and watch movies--they are a way to be able to party all night and crash, just as spring break in Daytona Beach is not for building sandcastles. I'm sure most of you would be like my DS's friends parents that let all the friends who are under drinking age come over, take the keys away and supply the beer to kids under the minimum drinking age of 21.
I agree that anybody who lives with me should treat me with respect, and I also treat them with respect. I don't think there's any "especially parents" aspect to it, though.
I also think that calling people "wet behind the ears" simply because we don't have older teens is a little over the top. I remember how I was treated as an "older teen" in my mom's home, and intend to do things the same way. I've also been very closely involved with a friend's family while he raised his kids, and saw what did and didn't work with his "kids" (the youngest is now 28). Not having an older teen yet doesn't mean we're oblivious or unable to comment on the situation. I knew pretty much what my parenting philosophy was before I got pregnant with ds1. In 13 years, it hasn't changed, and I haven't had any real surprises (aside from the breakup with his dad) yet.
(Incidentally...at 19, "sleepovers" for me were ways to spend extra time with friends - sometimes that meant staying up all night watching movies (for example, our fondly remembered Star Trek marathons) - sometimes it meant just playing board games and chatting - and sometimes it meant getting plastered (legally - 19 is legal drinking age here). Maybe your ds and his friends only have overnights as a way of getting drunk, but that doesn't mean it's what "sleepovers are" at 19. I was using sleepovers to do drugs and drink at 16, but not so much at 19. And, giving me a curfew at 16 didn't have stop me - if people are really determined to "party", they'll find a way to do it.
Okay - I'm rambling - too tired, and it's bedtime. But, the tone of your post, especially while you were touting the value of treating people with respect, really grated on me. I'm far from wet behind the ears, and I'm certainly not advocating that anyone support underage drinking when I say that I won't have any kind of curfew for my son when he reaches 19.