Felt so bad about kids at the store today

[minkajane]

DS, DH, and I were in the check-out line at the store today and this family got in line behind us. I'd heard the baby crying for the past few minutes and he was still crying, so I brought DS over to him to say hi so that maybe he'd get distracted and stop crying. It helped for a second, but he started crying again. His dad shoved a paci in his mouth and his mom laughed and said he was mad. I'd be mad too if I had to sit (improperly secured, BTW!) in a carseat when I was old enough (9 months) to sit in the cart and look at things!

To make things worse, his big sister (looked 3 or 4) was crouched in the basket of the cart. Her face was tear-stained. I looked at her and smiled, but she just stared blankly at me. The look in her eyes scared me. It was so - empty.

I tried to help by talking to the baby and the mama - is there anything else I could have done in this situation? I feel so bad about just leaving when the kids were SO miserable and the parents seemed so upbeat and cheerful. :

[oceanbaby]

I don't have any suggestions for you, but I know that I usually put on a happy face in public or for strangers even when we're having a really crappy day. So I wouldn't necessarily assume that the parents didn't care that their kids were upset.

[Houdini]

I am with you on this one oceanbaby.

[CalebsMama05]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

I don't have any suggestions for you, but I know that I usually put on a happy face in public or for strangers even when we're having a really crappy day. So I wouldn't necessarily assume that the parents didn't care that their kids were upset.

same here.

and ds can get REALLY crabby at the store.

[bobica]

ditto the above. although, i'm pretty bad at the happy face

[bellona]

I understand how you felt. It always bothers me when people I see out and about have kids who are so upset. I try to remember that everyone has some trip where their kids aren't happy and maybe the child I'm hearing or seeing is just having a rough day.

However, there are plenty of people that I see quite often and every time their kids are upset. Or there are people that I've seen that have a young child (sometimes an infant) who is crying and not only are they not doing anything about it (which I could maybe understand if they've tried everything and the child is just upset...then they might just rush to get out of their asap) but they are taking their time, laughing and browsing while their child cries. It really, really, really bothers me when it is an infant and the baby isn't even picked up

But, my kids have had that really blank stare before in stores. Usually when they're really tired and upset. Although my oldest got it for about two years everytime we stepped foot in a grocery store. People would look at him and give me these sympathetic smiles while he sat with his heat lolling about, his mouth open and his eyes glazed over. And, nope, he wasn't an infant...this started when he was about 1 and could totally hold his head up!

[mom*of*6]

sometimes kids are sick or have bad days just like we do.

[gentlebirthmothr]

Originally Posted by bellona

I understand how you felt. It always bothers me when people I see out and about have kids who are so upset. I try to remember that everyone has some trip where their kids aren't happy and maybe the child I'm hearing or seeing is just having a rough day.

However, there are plenty of people that I see quite often and every time their kids are upset. Or there are people that I've seen that have a young child (sometimes an infant) who is crying and not only are they not doing anything about it (which I could maybe understand if they've tried everything and the child is just upset...then they might just rush to get out of their asap) but they are taking their time, laughing and browsing while their child cries. It really, really, really bothers me when it is an infant and the baby isn't even picked up

But, my kids have had that really blank stare before in stores. Usually when they're really tired and upset. Although my oldest got it for about two years everytime we stepped foot in a grocery store. People would look at him and give me these sympathetic smiles while he sat with his heat lolling about, his mouth open and his eyes glazed over. And, nope, he wasn't an infant...this started when he was about 1 and could totally hold his head up!

minkajane,

, to what bellona said to you about this.

[lab]

I'd hate to see what some mothering moms would post if they ran into me in the store with my kids.

I've read that the hardest age is 9-12. My kids are 9, 10.75 and 12. Taking my three kids out on errand days can sometimes be tricky. They aren't 2, I can't strap them in the stroller, sling, buggy or whatever. They don't nap in the car and let me hold them while I shop. They have definite opinions and thoughts that they can express really well. Sometimes, <gasp> they get crabby and rude.

I noticed op, that you have one ds. You probably hate (HATE) to hear this, but wait until you have a 9 month old and a three year old.

I could just imagine what someone would post if they had seen me in the Target the other day with my ds12. He was absolutely being nasty to me and I told him.

Sorry to come off snarky, but I get so tired of these threads. They are usually posted by a mom with ONE kid. One, little kid.

[bri276]

right, us fake mamas of onlies. oooh, will I ever get to be real mama, even though I can't have any more kids?


op- it's true, you never know. it's hard to get a real picture of how a family functions based on one shopping trip. but I clicked on the link because I was just thinking about how yesterday, there was this woman with what looked like her mother and two children, a boy about 8 and a girl about 4. She was yelling at the 4 yr old the whole time for doing regular 4 yr old things, like wandering off to look at items. I felt so bad because when I had to go down an aisle they were in, the 4 yr old was in the way of my cart, and the mom snapped at her "get out of the way!" like three times and then yanked her. I see people treating their kids like crap all the time -yeah, it DOES happen, people. I've done daycare and nannying for over 10 yrs and I assure you, not every mama is "just having a bad day", plenty of them treat their kids like dirt 24/7.

[lab]

Originally Posted by bri276

right, us fake mamas of onlies. oooh, will I ever get to be real mama, even though I can't have any more kids?

Give me a break

You must be having a bad day. I never said what you quoted. Do you feel like a fake mommy? :

What I said was, these threads are usually started by moms who only have one kid. And then I apologized for possibly being snarky. : There was no judgement or accusation. Unlike the OP, who passed massive amounts of judgement on a mom who had two kids.

[Tonia80]

I have those kind of trips to the store constantly. I have three very spirited young boys and those who do not know me or my parentig styles may act offended or disapproving to see me being sop matter of fact or even nonchalant about an ensuing tantrum. My 3 year old blanks out his face like that as a defense mechanism. He is all tough guy on the outside but very timid on the inside and that is how he hides it. I do my best to be quick so no meltdowns occur but I cannot always garuntee it. And I do try to be extra cheery Mary Poppins-ish in public, I think most moms tend to do that, so we are not judged upon.
But I do understand your feeling badly. I have been there when I see kids being ignored or being spoken to crossly.

[bri276]

nah, I'm not having a bad day. but you probably haven't noticed how often mothers with one child get treated like second class mamas. it's like the amount of children you have is directly related to the seniority you get. trust me, I have a friend with five children all less than two yrs apart, and I don't pretend that it's not easier for me to go to the store! it's just that many times, people assume moms of onlies are less experienced, naive, have it so much easier, that sort of thing. I may only have one, but she's special needs, I've had to EP, and I have a huge history of childcare that gives me some perspective. Plenty of moms who have 2 and 3 kids start threads like this or reply to threads that are dogpiling on mistakes other mamas make. I probably sounded more upset about the comment than I intended. sorry.

btw- at the same store yesterday, a woman saw me struggling to put the many large items I had in my car, with the baby still in the Bjorn. She stopped on her way to her own car and helped me load everything up, in the summer heat, a total stranger. nice when people help mamas out who are having a tough time.

[Amylcd]

I'd hate to see what some mothering moms would post if they ran into me in the store with my kids.

Me too lol

[kfowler]

What ticks me off to no end are the parents who have their very young children out late at night at the local Wal-Mart or supermarket. I cannot tell you how many times dh and I have been to Wal-Mart between 9pm and midnight (dh is a toy collector and late at night is when the new shipments are brought in) and we'll see these parents with young children and the children are crying and screaming - because they're tired and ought to be home in bed - and the parents are either shopping away, oblivious to their crying children, or they're yelling at the kids to shut up so that mommy/daddy can shop. I can understand the rare occurance where it might be an emergency, say if a parent needs meds for the child in the middle of the night and has no one to watch the child while they run out, but with the people I've witnessed, that's quite obviously NOT the case. :

[CalebsMama05]

Originally Posted by kfowler

What ticks me off to no end are the parents who have their very young children out late at night at the local Wal-Mart or supermarket. I cannot tell you how many times dh and I have been to Wal-Mart between 9pm and midnight (dh is a toy collector and late at night is when the new shipments are brought in) and we'll see these parents with young children and the children are crying and screaming - because they're tired and ought to be home in bed - and the parents are either shopping away, oblivious to their crying children, or they're yelling at the kids to shut up so that mommy/daddy can shop. I can understand the rare occurance where it might be an emergency, say if a parent needs meds for the child in the middle of the night and has no one to watch the child while they run out, but with the people I've witnessed, that's quite obviously NOT the case. :

yeah that bothers me too. I go to the store that late cuz that's when ds is in bed and I can go without him (we live with my mom so she watches him...i dont just leave him at home in bed alone)

[CalebsMama05]

Originally Posted by bri276

nah, I'm not having a bad day. but you probably haven't noticed how often mothers with one child get treated like second class mamas. it's like the amount of children you have is directly related to the seniority you get.

I am sorry you have gotten treatment like this. it is however a fact of life that having one child is a lot easier then having more than one. I'm terrified! also i must admit that i didn't see anything of the sort in lab's post. I am sorry you cannot have more kids.

i'm glad that someone stopped to help you out

[bri276]

Originally Posted by CalebsMama05

I am sorry you have gotten treatment like this. it is however a fact of life that having one child is a lot easier then having more than one.

not if the one child you do have is special needs with lots of medical issues. like I said, I fully acknowledge that things like going to a store with one child vs. multiple is more difficult...but parenting overall isn't necessarily. there are things I've been through with my one child that most mamas with 8 children have never dreamed of. does that mean it's still easier for me to go food shopping? of course. does it mean they have it "harder" in general? not necessarily, and I certainly hope not, because I would flip a switch and take my daughter's health concerns away, in exchange for having 7 more healthy children in addition to care for, without hesitation. and I say this as someone who cared for 13 toddlers and infants under the age of 2.5 for months 40 hrs/wk with only one other person. everyone's situation is different. sorry this is so OT.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by lab

I'd hate to see what some mothering moms would post if they ran into me in the store with my kids.

I've read that the hardest age is 9-12. My kids are 9, 10.75 and 12. Taking my three kids out on errand days can sometimes be tricky. They aren't 2, I can't strap them in the stroller, sling, buggy or whatever. They don't nap in the car and let me hold them while I shop. They have definite opinions and thoughts that they can express really well. Sometimes, <gasp> they get crabby and rude.

My oldest 2 are 8 and 10. It was much, much easier taking them to the store when they were toddlers. Yes, it's true. They rode in the cart and they were more easily distracted. Now I dread taking them to the store because they are much more crabby

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by bri276

but you probably haven't noticed how often mothers with one child get treated like second class mamas.

Unfortunately, I have seen a whole lot of mamas for many different reasons get treated like second class mamas around MDC lately.