I bought Dobson's Dare to Discipline - Page 3

[Zach'smom]

It is really scary that this man is using family values and God to advocate child abuse. What is even more scary is that people are following his advice.

[Clarinet]

Originally Posted by funshine

0 of 5 consider the wooden spoon used to spank to be a "neutral object" (and none of us would EVER use it to serve food)

This is a little dumb of me to focus on this, but I was whacked with a wooden spoon (the one with the hole in the middle is painful!) and I don't like them, either. I tell my husband they harbor bacteria so I won't buy them but we use other things that probably harbor bacteria so I wonder if it's a subconscious hatred of that stupid spoon.

[Lula's Mom]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

Dobson scares me. When people tell me that they respect him, I often bring up his anecdote about beating his tiny dog with a belt (because the dog was sleeping in the wrong spot). Sadly, it takes this tale of animal abuse to get some people to consider that his treatment of children is also abusive.

I was having a rough patch with my son, and on a whim, picked up The Strong-Willed Child. I thought, "That's my boy!" With that title, I thought it would give me some perspective on his personality, you know? I vaguely remembered Dobson's name but I thought I had heard something *positive* about him on MDC. In the first chapter, he talked about beating his dog and winning the fight- basically breaking its strong will. I was appalled. I thought, This is how he sets the tone for a book on parenting?!? I wasted more than $20 on that book. I never read one more word of it.

[Freespiritedjem]

Wow. I saw the title of this thread and it caught my interest. I've never read Dobson's books, but I've been around a lot of people who have. I grew up being spanked (weapon of choice - a fly swatter, but not usually to bare skin). My parents didn't seem to fully follow all of those typical discipline philosophies though.

I had mixed feelings about some of what I heard previously heard about Ezzo, but it was recommended to me by an old family friend (mom of 5) who swore by it and another single friend (no kids of her own who has very strong opinions about "out of control brats"). I finally read through Babywise in the first few weeks, but I had a hard time with a lot of what I read, and felt like it was impossible to implement it.

The sad thing is when I was younger, long before having dd or knowing any better, I used to go to a couple of related churches that the pastors naturally promoted Dobson, but more strongly so the Ezzo books. They started advocating even from the pulpit on Sundays that the parents in the church who had incorporated the parenting methods described in the Ezzo books had better and happier kids. It got to a point where some families there were looked down upon in a judgemental way if they didn't follow the Ezzo advice. Thankfully I left those churches long ago.

I already know the bad advice from Ezzo, but always wondered about Dobson. Reading this thread was eye opening in saddest way. I never heard about how he treated his dog, and some of these things just made me sick:

70. If a child cries more than a few minutes after being spanked, hit them more.

I just can't see this being positive in ANY way.

72. Spanking should not be “too gentle.”

That one just makes me absolutley cringe in the worst way.

74. Dobson recommends a child should respond to a hitting playmate by hitting back.

I like the ideas a couple of you presented here in response to that one.

I am just thankful my eyes were opened to a much better, positive way of parenting. To you moms buying the books so others won't be diluted by them, I applaud you!

[bjorker]

This whole thread makes me want to barf.


Trying not to lose all faith in world...

[guest^]

That "neck pinch" is what I was taught in Massage school to apply to male patients who were inappropriate.

I too am constantly hiding Dobson and Ezzo books in bookstores and our library.:

To answer the question about why a parent would follow through with this abuse, is because they truly believe that breaking a dc's will is the only way to Heaven. So very twisted. I believe dark energy/satan are disguised everywhere-often in the name of God.

Most likely, Dobson dreams of a man spanking him with a wooden paddle.

I have a very strong neck pinch....if only I could grab Dobson or Ezzo's neck....

I hope every passing dog poops in his yard or church yard. Oops! Not very Christian of me to write that huh??!!:

mp

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

Good for you.

Dobson scares me. When people tell me that they respect him, I often bring up his anecdote about beating his tiny dog with a belt (because the dog was sleeping in the wrong spot). Sadly, it takes this tale of animal abuse to get some people to consider that his treatment of children is also abusive.

Did you know that the first child abuse case was only brought to trial after the creation of the ASPCA when one of their workers pointed out that the girl was being treated worse than the animals the ASPCA was trying to protect?

On topic: We still get a lot of stuff from "Christian" (some are, some just claim to be) groups that send solicitations to the previous owner. One of them I was tempted to open and maybe send them some money, but then I figured that Focus on the Family thought that a "vicious attack on Dobson" was a bad thing and they *weren't* offering to attack him more if I sent them money, so I tossed it in the recycling. That sentence was the happiest thing I have ever read about Dobson, something like "Dobson has been the victim of a vicious attack" It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling that all was right with the universe.

[luckylady]

On the subject of paddles - growing up we had a paddle - a thick piece of wood with holes drilled in it for extra pain.

My mom would say "this hurts me more than it hurts you."

until one day when I was 12 I said "Oh really, then how about YOU bend over."

I got the beating of a life. But it was the last one.

[peacelovingmama]

[QUOTE=sapphire_chan]Did you know that the first child abuse case was only brought to trial after the creation of the ASPCA when one of their workers pointed out that the girl was being treated worse than the animals the ASPCA was trying to protect?
QUOTE]

Yes,I remember reading something about how animal-protection agencies were in place before child-protection agencies. I'm all for the humane treatment of animals but this just baffles me. And I still don't get all the outrage over the dog-beating (yes, it is awful) from people who think he's on target with the treatment of children. In trying to dissuade an acquaintance from spanking, I brought up Dobson. She didn't seem all that horrified until I told her the Siggie-the dachshund story. I find that odd.

[mom2dzc]

Originally Posted by Wugmama

at a garage sale for $.50 for the express purpose of putting it in the garbage so it would not fall into the hands of someone seeking parenting advice.

What a crappy book.

~Tracy

Wow, what a hero you are:

[sweetpea333]

Originally Posted by Wugmama

at a garage sale for $.50 for the express purpose of putting it in the garbage so it would not fall into the hands of someone seeking parenting advice.

What a crappy book.

~Tracy

[sweetpea333]

ivew never heard of dobson's book... but is there a chance that he is mentally ill... or full of some kind of repressed anger that he wants to take out on childeren... this kind sounds like a total nut, and a real @#%$^%^

[aira]

Originally Posted by sweetpea333

ivew never heard of dobson's book... but is there a chance that he is mentally ill... or full of some kind of repressed anger that he wants to take out on childeren... this kind sounds like a total nut, and a real @#%$^%^

Yeah, a 100% chance.

[SugarAndSun]

Originally Posted by peacelovingmama

I'm glad you are helping people make this connection. I too am baffled by why beating small dogs disturbs many people more than beating babies. : I am a huge animal-lover (with 3 dogs and we would never hit them) but I do think that his advocacy of child-beating is more disturbing than his description of his own animal abuse.

Consider what people think about those who leave a dog tied up in the yard and barking, yet cio in a crib is also a perrsonal choice.

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by Wugmama

at a garage sale for $.50 for the express purpose of putting it in the garbage so it would not fall into the hands of someone seeking parenting advice.

What a crappy book.

~Tracy

I just did the same with Babywise.

[peacelovingmama]

Originally Posted by SugarAndSun

Consider what people think about those who leave a dog tied up in the yard and barking, yet cio in a crib is also a perrsonal choice.

Wow -- that is a good point.

Also, I used to post on a mainstream board. Of course, I spent a lot of time advocating against hitting children (on the debate board). Many steadfastly defended it. Then, one day someone posted a debate on hitting dogs (a "do--you-or-don't-you" kind of thing) and several of the child-hitters opined strongly against hitting dogs. I was so dumbfounded: :

[hucks_mom]

I really connected with funshine's post from 6/30. I've also been struggling with "the idea of parental control all the time," and "with anger at my child for his 'defiance.'" I was raised to be afraid of my fundamentalist mother, who did a lot of screaming, belittling, and hitting whenever I did anything "defiant." (Which was hardly ever, because I was so afraid of her!) I think I was sort of a timid kid to begin with, and she really did a good job of squelching whatever spark of will I had. I always told myself that I would NEVER, EVER treat my child that way. Now I'm almost 36 years old, and I have a five year old and a one year old son. Since my older son turned about four and has been going through those natural stages of testing limits and just being a rambunctious little kid, I've found myself sometimes losing it and yelling--sometimes screaming--at him, just like my mother did with me, out of complete frustration and a feeling that I should be able to control his behavior and can't. It doesn't help that when I go home, my mother shakes her head at me when he "misbehaves" and preaches about how I don't "discipline" him. It's so hard to figure out how to shed the mindset that I'm doing something wrong if I can't "control" him. I want so badly NOT to turn into my mother, and I'm trying so hard to model my behavior so that my sons don't fall into the same trap of anger and frustration that I did! A lot of times lately, I feel like I'm failing.

I think I'm going to find the Naomi Aldort book for some inspiration. Thanks again for your post, funshine!

[mollyeilis]

hucks_mom, I didn't want to read your post and not reply, especially since it's coming up on three days! Please know the site is quiet b/c of the holiday and it was down, last night, I think (or maybe during the day?).

While I wasn't raised in a household like what is being described, my mom had a temper that came out in yelling, and I find myself responding in that way as well, even though I don't want to! I also have anger management issues that have caused problems with adult loved-ones, and I sometimes have to draw upon techniques used in anger management therapy (10 years ago) to get myself through times that I find tough.

So I wanted to just cyber-hug you for what you're going through...

[JustJamie]

Thank goodness for boredom...

I was sitting here, bored because my DD seems perfectly content playing with a cardboard box on her own and completely oblivious to my attempts to play with her...anyway, as I read through this thread, I identified something I should have realized years ago.

My mother is a Dobson-ite. To this day, she criticizes and belittles me, and challenges my parenting methods. She has also used a phrase many times throughout my life that I'm sure had to have come from Dobson. "You may not respect me, but you WILL fear me." Why the hell would she WANT her child(ren) to FEAR her??? It would break my heart if my DD were afraid of me!

I will confess that I have used corporal punishment on my DD from time to time, and sitting here reading this thread has made me realize that what I thought was harmless truly is not.

My daughter is 11 months old, and is breastfed. She has a tendency to pinch and/or bite while nursing. I was told to flick her cheek or hand when she does, so I have been. The last few days I've noticed that she immediately hides her face whenever I flick her hand or cheek. Well, no wonder! She HAS learned from the flicking...she's learned to be afraid of me! So never again. I will find other ways to deal with the pinching and/or biting, and I hope she will forgive me for my mistakes thus far.

[loving-my-babies]

OMG you scared me. When I saw "I bought Dobson's dare to discipline" I thought "and I loved it" was coming next

thank you for surprising me