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Do you lie to your doctor?

Poll Results: When your doctor asks about BF'ing, solid foods, co-sleeping, etc. I ...

  • 9% (11)
    Lie and tell them what they want to hear
  • 37% (42)
    Don't tell them the everything
  • 27% (31)
    Tell them most everything
  • 25% (29)
    Always tell the truth
113 Total Votes  
post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
Just curious I was having a discussion about this with some other moms. I don't know anyone who doesn't.

Most doctors are not as AP as we would want them to be but they still might do the things you need them to do how much do you tell them?
post #2 of 34
I voted "Don't tell them everything". I'm sorry, but some things, like where my dd sleeps, are NOT medical issues and don't concern the doc, nor is the issue of whether or not I schedule her feedings (I don't). Our society has a big problem with thinking that because pediatricians know about baby/child physiology that they also know about nutrition, emotional development and socialization issues, etc. Peds are seen as people who know everything about all facets of childhood, which is just not true. Because of this expectation on the parents part, the docs feel the need to step in and play that role - the all-knowing-never-wrong-baby-guru, and give advice in areas that they are *not* trained in.
post #3 of 34
We tell him everything, he hasn't had a problem yet with her not eating solids, sleeping with us, not being vaccinated, not getting antibiotics...
post #4 of 34
i voted to tell them almost everything...i suppose it depends on your ped. we shopped around until we found one who respected our parenting methods, and did not push us to vaccinate, to start solids early, etc. typically, we take our dd to a naturopath, but it's good to have the resource available, especially for information and a different opinion on matters. if there is ever a time we don't like his advice or recommendations, we simply disregard them!

happy thursday!
post #5 of 34

Re: Do you lie to your doctor?

Originally posted by papachee
Just curious I was having a discussion about this with some other moms. I don't know anyone who doesn't.

Most doctors are not as AP as we would want them to be but they still might do the things you need them to do how much do you tell them?
Well, I voted tell them most everything.
I have changed pediatricians in the last year. I actually got "fired" from the last one for leaving the hospital AMA with my infant. I have to say I am very guarded at how I present things to my present doctor. So far he has been very pleasant to deal with and doesnt frown or bat an eye about my extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, or attempts at gentle parenting. I dont think he agrees with my opinions about vaccinations but since the baby is getting some and is ona delayed schedule he doesnt say much too me about it. So far this doctor has tended to be more my partner than my last doctor who went from supporting granola, natural, ap moms to this very mainstream doctor who is power tripping. With my current doctor I have been very honest but if I felt like something did not need to be exposed I would keep it to myself.
post #6 of 34
I voted tell them everything. Our ped. is fantastic,she is layed back and always tells me as long as they are healthy. I have reccomended her to everyone I know and pretty much everyone I know goes to her. My friends all have diff. parenting styles and she has never given any of them a problem. Some vacc. and some don't. Some do not start solids until well after a year, I have not heard one negative comment about her from any of them. She knows we cosleep and that my 2 yr.old is nursing. She gave me a perscription for vit D. drops when ds was 6 months old I told her I want to research it befor I get it filled she said okay, when I went back I just simply told her I did not get the drops filled and she was fine with it.
post #7 of 34
I have never been asked about sleeping arrangements, but I would tell the truth. If the doctor and I can't trust each other to be truthful, then we shouldn't be there.

I agree though, that parenting is not the doctor's business, unless your reason for the medical visit is something related. Like going because, say, your baby never sleeps, then sleeping arrangements might be an issue.
post #8 of 34
I voted "Always tell the truth". If I didn't trust her she wouldn't be my doctor.
post #9 of 34
If my doctor asks a specific question, I'll usually answer it. However, with my own spin. With my dd, the dr asked if she was sleeping through the night- I told her yes. Truth was she was still nursing 3-4 times a night, but since we both slept through it, to me, she WAS sleeping through the night. I know the dr wouldn't have agreed with my assesment of the situation, so I just said yes.

The new ped told me I should night wean ds b/c of risk of cavaties. I told her I wasn't going to do that. I told her I could have lied and said that I was going to, but realistically- nursing was more important and I was making sure to keep ds brushed and was watching to be sure I was on top of it if anything came up. She said ok, but her official recommendation was to stop night nursing. I said 'understood' and we went on.

I'm not going to flat out lie, but if my dr can't respect my choices, then I need to find a new dr and I have no problem doing that. We've only been going to this ped for about 8 mos, so I still consider her new and am still feeling her out. Most of our drs have only lasted 3-4 appointments and we're beyond that with her, so I'm pretty hopeful.
post #10 of 34
It would be nice if we all had doctors we could be totally honest with. We're still looking. But I voted "don't tell them everything" b/c, as someone else has said, certain things I don't consider any of their business, like cosleeping.
post #11 of 34
"most everything"

I don't lie, but I don't always volunteer information. I've turned back questions, though. "Does she sleep through the night?" "Why is that relevant?"

"How often does she breastfeed?" "Why, is her weight a concern?"

We have a nice ped, who got the message quickly.
post #12 of 34
Our family dr said that she wished that she had known how great cosleeping was when her children were young. It seems that most of her patients now cosleep (at least initially) and seem much better rested than she was at the same stage.

I'm not sure how we got on the topic of cosleeping because I don't consider it to be a medical issue.
post #13 of 34
I honestly answer my ped with any ?? she answers.. I truly think if you don't trust your dr with information who are you going to trust.. These are the people you entrust your health care to.. We have a good ped... She never ??'s what we do, and where as we are not on the ultra crunchy spectrum of AP land.. I don't think she would have a problem with anything we did...

Warm Squishy Feelings...

post #14 of 34
Just a question...
Doesn't lying or ommiting info from your doctor(s) perpetuate the problem?

And by "the problem" I mean 2 things:

1. That they are in a position of authority over you. Why would you have to lie/ omit things if you weren't afriad of what they'd do or say?

If they had enough women telling them confidently "yes I EBF," "yes my baby sleeps with me," and " I have done the research and these are my choices," maybe they would start respecting mothers a bit more.

2. That they should be giving unsolicited non-medical parenting advice. If more women don't say to them, in effect "I come to you for medical advice, not child-rearing advice," won't they just continue to assume that they are expected to dole out both?

I think it's perfectly fine to switch docs to find someone you're more comfortable with, but shouldn't the doctors hear why you left their practice? Maybe if enough women come and go for the same reason they'll take a look at how they're doing things.

That said, I understand that no one feels like being an "activist" 100% of the time and it's not easy to confront a doctor.
post #15 of 34
I tell the truth about most everything. I am from a nonvax family, but I found myself telling the ped (who I LOVE, but is admitidly provax) that we werent comftorable with any vaxes during the 1st year, when in truth we arent comfortable with them at all. Other than that I tell him the honest truth, he doesnt really pry into personal life, though. But he knows (and I think he does it too) that we cosleep. Also is totally supportive of ebf! Honestly, I didnt mean to lie about the vaccine thing, but it just slipped out. :
post #16 of 34
I'm with Jessica. I voted tell the truth.

We see a family practice doc. He's a young married man, no kids of his own yet & he freely admits he's not a parenting expert.

My kids are healthy, confident, outgoing and pleasant. The last time we saw him (pinworms--ugh!) he asked about sleeping/waking habits (it was relevant to the reason we were there) and I volunteered that our toddler was still nursing at night, but it's not a big deal to me since we co-sleep. He didn't bat an eye.

We don't agree on the vax issue. I always leave with literature that I promise to read (and I do read it!), and I always go in armed with a recent study. I imagine he'll fire us eventually, but who knows!
post #17 of 34
Our former ped left the practice a year ago, but I loved her and was very open with her. She was fine with my choices. She is pro-vax as far as I know, but we vaxed so no issue there. She fully admitted that she was a doctor, but not a parenting expert, so any advice she gave on parenting was from a parents standpoint, not a doctors. That goes the same for things like potty training. She was a wonderful person and was going through a rough point in her life. I was one of the few patients that she filled in on what was happening with her ex and her sons. Even pediatricians have issues with their children. I respect her not only as a doctor, but as a mother as well.

We have only seen our new doc 2 or 3 times (two of them were for yearly well child checks and one was for a possible ear infection.) I'm not sure how to read her yet, but I won't hide things from her either. Hiding the ap areas of our parenting keeps it the alternative way to parent, rather than making it the norm. I can't wait for the day when we are considered to be the ones who are "mainstream."
post #18 of 34
I tell her almost everything, why would I lie? She doesn't have to agree with me (in fact she doesn't agree with much of what we do) but it isn't her choice. She wanted us to introduce solids at 4 months, I said no. What is she going to do, follow me home and force feed him rice cereal She is strongly pro-vax, we don't vax at all and she doesn't get why but who cares. She simply wrote "not vaccinated" on the front of his chart and it has never been discussed since that first time. She never understood the cosleeping or the extended nursing as I am now officially the longest breastfeeder she has had for a patient. I figure I am paving the way for the next mama.
The only thing she doesn't know is that I am pregnant (she is my doc too) but as I am not seeing her for prenatal care it really has nothing to do with her (although if she asked I would have told her we are planning a UC homebirth). Doctors are just people, and they don't have nearly as much invested in the health and well being of my family as I do, therfore their opinion is not nearly as important as mine when it comes to these issues. Plus, dishonesty implies there is something wrong with what I am doing and I don't believe that for a second
post #19 of 34
Well, I do lie to our current doc. We moved in August and are still shopping around. This guy seems to have no problem with anything AP, but the first thing he did was prescribe flouride supplements for my son. I threw away the scrip, but when he asked if ds was taking it, I said yes. It wasn't the best thing to do, but I didn't feel like going into it, as we were there to get stitches out and my son was too freaked out to linger for anything. Whatever. At least he doesn't blink at a 3 yo still nursing.
post #20 of 34
I voted tell the truth. I agree with the others that it only perpetuates the problem if I hide my parenting, making it seem like there are mare mainstream parents than there are. This is also the reason I am pediatrician shopping, because mine seemed fine until I decided to stop vaccinating, and then turned ugly. I am in a HMO though so finding a non vac friendly one will probably be a challenge. So it is hard to be always honest with them, but I think it is worth it.
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