Trying to avoid "junk toys" for 4-year birthday

[3happygirls]

My girls have their 4th birthday coming up, and while I will put on the invitations "No gifts necessary", I know that our family and some friends want to and will buy the girls gifts. I feel so awkward with those "registries" that people do at Toys R Us, or Target for their kids birthdays. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it feels wierd to me. Short of that...how do I request certain toys for the girls that "I" want for them? Most of the time, my family gets them something "they" want for them, and it IS fun for them to go and shop for something from their heart. HOWEVER, the toys they choose are not always ideal or, at least timeless. I'm really wanting to change the type of toys we get. My family doesn't have tons of money for gifts, and many of the "good" toys are ridiculously expensive. Any GREAT toys or ideas out there for 4-year-old girls that are really, really "good" toys that are reasonable? Any thoughts on proper etiquette in requesting certain gifts? Or even returning those "undesireable" toys?

[boongirl]

Can you find a store, online or in town, that carries the kind of toys you like and make a suggestion that your child loves the toys in that store? Or, you could casually mention that are trying to stick with toys made of natural materials for her. Other than this, I think coming out and overtly telling them not to buy plastic crap toys at mainstream stores is not polite. Sometimes, you just have to put up and be quiet. My grandmother has been sending me crap toys for my whole 40 years and now is doing it to my child. Every once in a while something great comes. Mostly, we just smile and say thank you and either exchange the item or give it to charity. If it is really not that bad, we will keep it. A few crappy toys does not harm.

[laohaire]

One tactic I find is to emphasize what the girls love goes over a lot better than saying what to avoid - i.e. "They love wooden puzzles so much, they use them over and over again" v.s. "We don't do plastic, we don't do Disney characters, we don't do Barbies....etc.".

But, yeah, you'll still get some crap probably. I like the PP's idea of suggesting a specific store, but that only works if relatives are nearby.

[jlpumkin]

I don't know if I can plug a online store but here goes I just bought from Threesisterstoys.com and sent it back home to a young nephews bday. Everyone raved. Then I made sure to specifically note that we love their toy options and found the $$ reasonable. We live away from family so everything is generally sent for birthdays anyway. I'm hoping they took the hints and will send from there as well. Since we still have a few weeks to go I can't say whether it's actually worked or not.

[Willowrose]

I would definitely suggest doing an online registry to make it more *convenient* for others. I would also just be upfront. Tell people that to make things easier and cheaper for *them* that you would like books, arts and crafts, etc....
I don't know about your Target, but ours carries a wide variety of great wooden toys. Wooden food, puzzles, dollhouses, etc...Ryans Room toys are now sold at Target.
Perhaps ask people to stick to some sort of theme. For example, accessories to go with a kitchen set or something. Or have everyone chip in to buy one large item that the girls would enjoy.

[sweetest]

Ive had luck (so far) with telling my mom, step mom and dad - the only ones who really get gifts for dd - about what we are getting her and ask for something to go with it. Last year for dd's 2nd birthday we got her a box with dress up clothes and put a mirror in her room. Family members added to the box. I wasnt crazy about some of the stuff she got (Disney princess tiara) - but it was a least close.

This year we (dh and I) are giving her a Waldorf doll. I told my family that dd would like some blankets and pillows for her dolls. Dont know if this will actually work For Christmas we are thinking a doll house and asking for accessories.

Most of the time relatives are well meaning. Those toys with the noises are fun to play with for the first 20 minutes and that is usually what the gift giver sees, not how it is forgotten afterward. It helps to tell them what your dds like to play with.

As far as affordability - playsilks are great and inexpensive.

[trinasmom]

Last year we did savings bonds. When people asked what she wanted I told them we were purchasing savings bonds for her to cash in when she graduates. (she's 5) She can use the money for college, or a down payment on a car, etc. Everyone liked the idea that instead of a cheap toy that will be broken and thrown away in no time they were helping with her future,plus no shopping, wrapping, etc. Of course she still got a few things that we just took back and exchanged for something else. Like she received 2 princess tents. She already had one. We thanked them, then took them back to the store. Dd got to exchange for something she really wanted.

[afishwithabike]

Usually people ask me what they want. This is my "open door" to make requests. OR I ask if they're already bought something as we are talking about the party. I try to give inexpensive suggestions though. IE: DD LOVES the jack-in-the-box at church. I asked for a jack-in-the-box and she got it using the pp's example of "She plays with xyz all the time she can't get enough of it".

[mammastar2]

If they're likely to ignore "no gifts necessary", what about giving the birthday a book theme, and requesting books from all?

[LittleBee]

What we do for our little ones bdays and even on mine (the big 30 on Sat...with big party) was asked that instead of purchasing gifts please make a donation to *insert charity* in honor of the birthday boy/girl. It's always been honored and my kids (and myself) like helping those out!

[littlemama06]

When i was a kid my parents always said that we would much more liketo receive handmade gifts. We got a bunch of great stuff when we were kids. One of my favoirte things was fairy wings and a treasure box, i think i got both when i was 6 and a still have both of them!

Kaitlin

[afishwithabike]

Yeah, we've done a LOT of handmade gifts with my Dad being fairly good with wood and Mom being the sewing/crochet/knitting etc guru.

[3happygirls]

Thanks, all! Very good ideas and, at least, some phrases to say to guide people in the right direction. We are building the girls a playset in the backyard, and asked that people donate to that. Of course the response was..."Well, we'll still get them a gift to OPEN on their birthday!!" UGH. I apreciate the generosity, but really....it seems like overkill. So the charity suggestion, though I love it would still bring gifts. I feel like, if they're going to buy them, then I will SUGGEST things to buy. I've been toying with the idea of NOT opening the gob of gifts given to them at once at the party. I don't know why, it just feels like SO MUCH and they don't appreciate the specific gifts. Anyway...thanks for the thoughts. Keep 'em comin'!!

[MommaCrystal]

I appreciate your dilema! It will be one for me as well. I can already see my family being bent on the big opening of all the gifts at the party. So suggesting charity or one big gift won't work. And my family is completely mainstream and see nothing wrong with things like the "Bratz" dolls or violent toys. And not opening the gifts at the party in front of everyone would be a sacrilidge. Can't wait!

[sweetest]

On the invitaitons to dd's party (next month) I put on the bottom "In lieu of a gift, please consider bringing a donaiton of childrens art supplies for the ** County Womens Shelter"

I havent given out the invitations yet, so I dont know what the other parents are going to think. Im the hippie mom at the preschool, anyway

[indie]

The only thing that has worked for my parents is to ask them to buy old fashioned toys. This doesn't always rule out plastic but at least the toys seldom have noises and are geared towards creative play. I've pretty much given up on the rest of the family. Even when they ask for a list they say they can't find it at their local stores (which I believe considering where some of them live). In theory, asking for additions to a set, for example, expansion tracks for a train set would be great but it never seems to work. I think next time I'm going to go to Walmart and find acceptable things and make my list from that since that seems to be the only store they shop at. I was thinking of putting a lot of sports equipment on the list. We've also tried the book thing but they just get books with lots of pictures of formula feeding, meat eating, etc. I really don't think its intentional. They just don't get it.

[indie]

Also, asking for passes to things like the zoo sometimes works. We promise to remind them every time we go who its from.

[Zach'smom]

If someone asks what DD's would like for their birthday tell them. I always try to give several ideas in a range of prices. Art and craft supplies are great and they are inexpensive and can be found anywhere. Also you can give them specific book titles or CD titles the girls would enjoy.

It is fine to return gifts to the store and exchange them for something DD's will enjoy for longer then 20 minutes.

[Breeder]

My son turns four next week and we had the same problem in the past. For the first couple of birthdays Judah got a ton of "crap" (plastic toys, Disney, noise makers etc) But last year (and this year) I sent out invitations with this:

No gifts are necessary, but if that's how you get your jollies you can visit (insert website here) for cool gift ideas and appropriate sizes.

This works well for us since our families live hours away and don't get to see Judah often. On the site I make sure to list things he's into and then let them know what toys he loves and accessories available that he's sure to love. And all the parents I know are super about buying stuff we want.

As for cheap suggestions: puzzles, washable fingerpaints, crayons, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, rubber balls, dress up clothes, and "Judah prefers kid powered" trucks. (Saying Judah wants cars that don't have batteries is surprisingly effective)