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The average child - Page 5

post #81 of 220
I want to say to the OP, I still feel exactly like your original post,it's too easy to look at the goofy "spongebob" moments in life and assume we're just ordinary,and everyone else is superkid...
I don't intend anything I say to be insulting,and sorry if I came across that way- I just think that having severe disabilities is way different from having the blessing,and sometimes difficulty of raising a child who readily drinks in knowledge-
When I say the term gifted strikes a nerve with me, it's not because I care if someones kids are smarter than mine, it's because I truly don't understand the need to be concerned for my gifted childs special needs...I'm sorry, I guess it's just my perspective- Yes, my kids are considered,by others, to be gifted.( I still see them watching cartoons a lot and picking their noses ) For that matter, almost everyone in my family is. It was just never considered something that needed labeling,or fixing,or special understanding... it was just life.
it's most definitely not something we've chosen as our label, but others sometimes bring it up- I think that's why I'm being too sensitive on this one, b/c I've known too many,like another poster mentioned,that misuse the term,and it sort of creates a negative connotation for the word... not the people who sincerely apply it, just the way some misuse it.
I myself was the 3 year old who could read newspapers,and Shakespeare,and anything else I picked up. I still don't consider that I had special needs in terms of how much I could do that seemed impressive to others, my older sister taught me to read at 3,she was 12 months older,so she was 4.
I guess it could be helpful to have other parents who can help with a busy,driven kid to talk with... I just don't know- I know my kids both go through their own busy,driven phases,I support them the best I can-
If my kid wants to learn algebra, I'll get the material, and make what he wants available... whether he's 6,or 16,it makes no difference to me how driven he is or at what age, and my 13 year old can read newspapers quite well, yet I'm still concerned with the impact of what he's taking in, it's just something that comes with kids no matter what...
I'm not trying to be unsympathetic to any families,and their kids and ways of learning at all. When I said ways of learning and living, I meant to refer to the thinking that if one is gifted,they automatically will go about life differently than others.
I think while the great term 'average' is nothing to celebrate, I believe each and every person is...
And I guess I'm sort of ordinary here,I don't really consider any of us gifted,my kids,myself,any of my super duper high IQ relatives...IMO, high IQ scores really are of limited value, they're just numbers-
post #82 of 220
I have a friend whose child can only be described as highly gifted and extremely challenging.

He also has recently been diagnosed with "Pre-Tourette's" by a neurologist.

My friend did not see the connection between the giftedness and the Tourette's until I started directing her to literature about asynchronous development and the nature of gifted kids' brains.

THAT is why it is sometimes helpful to label kids as gifted, so that you are able to give them the help in all sorts of areas that they need.

You can be smart and not be gifted. They're not necessarily the same thing.
post #83 of 220
The Oprah thing also reminds me of when a person brings up the homeschooler who murdered her kids. Would it bother you for that to the be the central thing someone brought up when they found out you homeschool?
post #84 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by jkpmomtoboys
I have a friend whose child can only be described as highly gifted and extremely challenging.

My friend did not see the connection between the giftedness and the Tourette's until I started directing her to literature about asynchronous development and the nature of gifted kids' brains.

THAT is why it is sometimes helpful to label kids as gifted, so that you are able to give them the help in all sorts of areas that they need.
.
Yes and many children who are gifted are misdiagnosed as having disorders. An awareness of what is going on intellectually with the child could often prevent misdiagnosis.
post #85 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
Parents of the gifted tend to spend an inordinate amount of time creating criterial and protocol to distinguish the children from "average" children; and then, among themselves. They frequently complain when the low-gifted children might integrate amongst the high-gifted in my city; because that might mean letting in the nonwhites, nonaffluent, non-supergifted.
I bet somewhere on the net at this exact moment there is a parent who sends their kids to school who is posting something characterization of homeschoolers that is similar. I don't have the experience of having a child in a public school or a public school gifted program and I will defer to your experience of what some parents are like. What I will say is that my experience in several years of reading several gifted lists is that there are a lot of parents, both homeschoolers and people with kids in school, who want their children to have access to meaningful educational opportunities appropriate to their children's needs and who long for change in the system for all children because they recognize the ones who most get the shaft are atypical learners who have families without resources to supplement. My experience is of positive, supportive communities and I'm sorry that isn't what you've found.

Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
I've read and been on gifted lists, and there are a lot of putdowns and comparisons to the pitiable yet privileged "average" child (I thought there was something wrong with these children who didn't know their ABCs yet, and oh, then I remembered that my son was gifted! How will my son ever survive among the savages?)
What lists have you been reading? I've read gifted lists for many years and have never seen anything like this. I wonder why you stuck around to read more!

Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
If you had a good teacher in a supportive school, they could differentiate based on the child and do project-oriented work that wouldn't require sorting.
I certainly agree some teachers could do this for some kids if the system was different. I don't agree though that it will work for all kids in all situations. The average second grade teacher isn't prepared to teach algebra or chemistry. Nor, is the average 10th grade teacher prepared to teach beginning reading. The bottom line is that EVERY kid should be able to able to learn. The system is far from offering that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
I really don't think one can compare "academically gifted" children to developmentally delayed children as needing equal services. I think there's a huge difference, and it's offensive. I've heard the suicide statistics, and that high-IQ children are so different as to be socially challenged. But there's a big difference between not ever learning to get dressed or feed oneself or being able to write one's own name vs. not being "challenged in physics sufficiently" or having a hard time making friends. I'm sorry. I just think it's really different. There are challenges with every child. And some kids are just weird, and test "average," and not academically gifted. But they don't get a label to make it OK, or a support group.And their parents find a way to cope too.
First, it isn't a contest of who is suffering more and it shouldn't presented as one. The question isn't which one is worse or who deserves the most pity. Instead the idea is that every kid should deserve to learn and that meeting that need to learn is fundamental. When it isn't met it has negative consequences for the individual child and for all of us because as a society we need all depend on each other and benefit when individuals are able to realize their potential.

By the way, I recall making a similar argument years ago. Since then I became a mother to a child who is both gifted and disabled. I can't really rank which one is a bigger challenge, because both are a part of who he is. Our personal experience is that both involve very similar sets of challenges. One thing that has been interesting to me is that the group of people I've met who are most understanding about the experience of parenting a gifted children are the other parents of disabled kids!
post #86 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roar
One thing that has been interesting to me is that the group of people I've met who are most understanding about the experience of parenting a gifted children are the other parents of disabled kids!
That is interesting. The parents of developmentally delayed children that I know are frustrated by the very, very vocal parents of gifted children in our city for comparing children (as in: "the slowest children get tutoring and special help, and mine should too;" "delayed children don't have to be with average children, and mine shouldn't either") and for being insensitive to the rather large differences in quality-of-life and independence that will ever be achievable for their children. So, perhaps the politics of local schooling makes a difference.
post #87 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
That is interesting. The parents of developmentally delayed children that I know are frustrated by the very, very vocal parents of gifted children in our city for comparing children (as in: "the slowest children get tutoring and special help, and mine should too;" "delayed children don't have to be with average children, and mine shouldn't either") and for being insensitive to the rather large differences in quality-of-life and independence that will ever be achievable for their children. So, perhaps the politics of local schooling makes a difference.
Most of the parents of disabled kids I know I've met through therapy services and they have kids in several different schools and in homeschooling. What we've gotten from folks is that having a kid at the extremes isn't easy and that we all need to support each other. Maybe the difference is that in the school system you get folks pitted against each other fighting over scraps so they are polarized which hurts everyone. But, deep down most folks are nice when they really know another family and what their life is like.

I've found personally it is MUCH easier to talk about my son's disabilities than his gifts. But both have meant significant changes for our family financially and emotionally from the life we expected.
post #88 of 220
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby
Okay, last time. I WASN'T CALLING THE GIRL A FREAK. I WAS SAYING THAT I FOUND IT FREAKY THAT IT SEEMED LIKE SHE WAS BEING DEFINED BY HER ABILITY TO RATTLE OFF LISTS. (Be sure to quote my entire statement, not just the first line when you come back to try to refute this.) I stand by that opinion, and I don't see anything unkind about it.
I understand what you meant!
It always makes me uncomfortable when see children "performing" in such a manner. I have a cousin who could memorize large chunks of Bible verses very young. Was often put up to recite this, in front of groups. Or play his violin etc.. I could see even as a kid this wasn't for him it was for his parents. If I had a child who was highly gifted and wanted to learn physics or astronomy whatever,at age 3, yes I would do my best too accomodate them. But to make them perform for people, just seems wrong to me. They will face enough challenges being different from other children. Why add more stress to them?
My opinion only I realize. Maybe they thrive on it? I know if someone would hand my dd a microphone she would be more than happy to sing to a stadium full of people!
post #89 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby
Okay, last time. I WASN'T CALLING THE GIRL A FREAK. I WAS SAYING THAT I FOUND IT FREAKY THAT IT SEEMED LIKE SHE WAS BEING DEFINED BY HER ABILITY TO RATTLE OFF LISTS. (Be sure to quote my entire statement, not just the first line when you come back to try to refute this.) I stand by that opinion, and I don't see anything unkind about it.
I don't consider myself particularly gifted, but I didn't have any trouble understanding your point. I must be smarter than I thought?

I also find it unfortunate that a thread affirming and celebrating the beautiful gifts of all our "average" children has turned into another discussion of the special needs of the PG child.
post #90 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
Parents of the gifted tend to spend an inordinate amount of time creating criterial and protocol to distinguish the children from "average" children; and then, among themselves. They frequently complain when the low-gifted children might integrate amongst the high-gifted in my city; because that might mean letting in the nonwhites, nonaffluent, non-supergifted.
Are you saying there are not nonaffluent, nonwhite "supergifted" kids? I don't think you are. I'd be arguing for better screening. The fact remains that moderately gifted kids can be served well in a regular yet challenging classroom situation.

Quote:
I've read and been on gifted lists, and there are a lot of putdowns and comparisons to the pitiable yet privileged "average" child (I thought there was something wrong with these children who didn't know their ABCs yet, and oh, then I remembered that my son was gifted! How will my son ever survive among the savages?)
I have seen comparisons like that here one MDC, but usually wrt a homeschooling parent not wanting to subject their child to the social structure of school. Kids who are obviously different are bully-magnets.

Quote:
Much of the intellectual giftedness criteria are based upon IQ scoring and supposed innate intelligence. I think much of the IQ phenomenon has been greatly called into question (remember the debates over The Bell Curve? Would I want to associate myself with this? how about Stephen Jay Gould's The Mismeasure of Man and the rather thorough debunking of IQ as a tool for the white upper-middle class to reinforce power and intelligence for the white upper-middle class?)
Are you saying that a child with a measured IQ of 160 is solely the beneficiary of a white patriarchal testing culture?

Quote:
Attempts to discuss the labelling, testing, and complaints of unfairness of worksheets/grade-level/categorization appropriate schooling is shut down by other gifted parents as either sour grapes or "not really understanding" or not being a team player. You can't challenge the gifted official lines and pity party. You can't argue for change on a the structural level, instead of school/grade/homework assignment.
These are good points. I have a deep rooted dislike and mistrust of the public school machine. Period. I also am aware of the types of parents you are talking about and the stereotypical G&T program status and culture. However, they do not represent all parents of gifted kids. They represent the power structure you were referring to earlier. Not all programs are like this. FWIW, I suspect gifted homeschooled kids outnumber those in the general population by a significant degree.

Quote:
For example, I don't have a problem with her doing 2nd grade worksheets- I have a problem with worksheets; I don't have a problem with her being with "average" children - I have a problem with the whole categorization of slow vs. average vs. gifted vs. super-hyper-duper-cheetah, as it leads to tracking and sorting and name-calling.
I have a very big problem with the idea that a child reading at a high level be forced to "learn" the alphabet and read cvc words. If DD1 were going to school, I'd be fighting tooth and naid for her to receive an education appropriate for her. However, I'm not sure how that translates into my not wanting her to be around "average" children. Is this impossible outside of school time? Or even inside. Children can be accelerated for their academic subjects, but (if they choose) still take lunch and PE with their agemates. You're also assuming that the child will willingly play with her agemates. When we go to the park, DD1 plays with her sister or a couple friends for a bit then gravitates out to the dogpark to talk with the dog owners. She has learned a tremendous amount about dogs. We frequent a family friendly pub down the street. Last week, DD1 learned the ins and outs of Cricket (a dart game) and was keeping score for the group in her head. She goes where she's comfortable, and she's most comfortable talking with adults. That doesn't mean we don't go to the playground, but I can't make her play if her interests lie elsewhere.

Quote:
If you had a good teacher in a supportive school, they could differentiate based on the child and do project-oriented work that wouldn't require sorting. But this isn't an option
Acceleration is one option that doesn't take much in the way of resources. Reference "A Nation Deceived."

Quote:
I really don't think one can compare "academically gifted" children to developmentally delayed children as needing equal services. I think there's a huge difference, and it's offensive. I've heard the suicide statistics, and that high-IQ children are so different as to be socially challenged.
And the high drop out and depression rate. Chronic underachievement (especially among minority male populations). Boredom. Acting out in class. Children with LD's that mask giftedness in other areas.

Quote:
But there's a big difference between not ever learning to get dressed or feed oneself or being able to write one's own name vs. not being "challenged in physics sufficiently" or having a hard time making friends. I'm sorry. I just think it's really different.
That's bordering on insulting. I've never heard anyone suggest such a thing. I have heard people make the comparison to accent for those who don't understand how different their children are, not the degree of scaffolding they require.

Quote:
There are challenges with every child. And some kids are just weird, and test "average," and not academically gifted. But they don't get a label to make it OK, or a support group.And their parents find a way to cope too.
This is where your argument falls down. You are talking specifically about children identified as gifted. You are talking about children whose parents know this, have the time to advocate and are educated enough to understand how and why their children are different and how this can effect them. What about the other kids? The unidentified ones? The kids who are dropping out? The underachievers? Gifted kids with Learning Disabilities (and there are many)? What about parents who aren't in a position to homeschool?
post #91 of 220
P.S. -- My kids watch SpongeBob too.
post #92 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by lckrause
P.S. -- My kids watch SpongeBob too.

So do mine, and I would put two of them in that dreaded 'gifted' (only because I can hardly keep up with the demands) column. In fact, I think those two laugh harder at SB than anyone I have ever met. Maybe there is actually something *wrong* with them?

SB is very educational, imo. (My youngest: "I know SB is stupid I know they are supposed to be cooking under the sea. I know small fires under the sea are impossible. But SB still makes me laugh"). I told her not to worry, that all kinds of crazy things things make humans laugh. She can get her guffaws where she can.

And right now, I swear to all that is not GWB, that my child is right now watching a CD from her uncle entitled Spongebob Seascapades.
post #93 of 220
My dh is scary smart and gets mad at the gifted label. He is friends with a man who has Aspergers and is scary smart....they argue about this all the time,and once contested each other to an IQ test duel. : It is hilarious to listen to them.

In dh's case, the label irks him because of how badly his school district handled him. At any rate, by high school he had a reputation for challenging authority, asking too many questions, refusing to do monotonous assignments...and had many a run in with his teachers. As a last straw, because dh had come to a decision to drop out...the district decided to send him to an alternative school. His IQ score was extremely high, they realized how they shortchanged him, and misunderstood him...so they said they would pay for it.

At any rate...Im thrilled they did that, and that he agreed, because that is where we met our Sr. year, and have been together since. (12yrs now)

Our firstborn has the same "quirks" as dh. Dh has told me that he needs to be homeschooled, and if I cant handle it (he is a very intense child, and sometimes I really doubt our personality mix) that he will work it into his schedule and do it himself.
post #94 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
This is where your argument falls down. You are talking specifically about children identified as gifted. You are talking about children whose parents know this, have the time to advocate and are educated enough to understand how and why their children are different and how this can effect them. What about the other kids? The unidentified ones? The kids who are dropping out? The underachievers? Gifted kids with Learning Disabilities (and there are many)? What about parents who aren't in a position to homeschool?
Eh? My point is that the social and political structure of the schools (and frequently, the parent-student cooperative) creates a self-reinforcing feedback loop per the definition of "gifted" that usually targets and benefits the white middle- to upper-middle class students who perform to standards expected of the "gifted." Those who are "just weird" or "musically gifted" or "spatially gifted" or "lopsided gifted" are SOL. Up the creek. Without the paddle. And an F to show for it.

And yes, I think IQ is a bunch of hoo-ha, and it's completely possible to game the test(s). Children are coached on it in certain large cities. The information section in particular is based upon what middle- to upper-class society thinks of as "important to know." For example, one drawing has a man standing on a golf course, poised to take a shot. Something is missing from his hands. A golf club! You tell me that's not a completely loaded question. And then they give them to parents, who spend a long time obsessing over every subtest and What They Mean. Maybe they mean that the kid shouldn't have had a burrito last night, or he's tired, or the test is wonky. It's a questionable science utilizing an incredibly questionable tool.

But yeah, this:
Quote:
I also find it unfortunate that a thread affirming and celebrating the beautiful gifts of all our "average" children has turned into another discussion of the special needs of the PG child.
post #95 of 220
And this is what i was talking about,without trying to sound too rude.... I can't stand it when people seem to equate giftedness/high IQ with disability!
It is NOT the same thing- yes there are many who have disabilities who may be gifted in some area, the 2 do NOT necessarily go hand in hand!
I've seen some local folks'explaining away" their children behavior with the"gifted kids are different" routine, it's enough! The kids in my experience were simply allowed by Mom to create trouble,and when an adult stepped in to let them know how to behave in a certain situation,they magically improved!
This is terrible,and it's a label created by and for educational institutions, Money is made from labeling kids- homeschoolers don't need this-
you did NOT hear this term tossed about when Edison was a youngster... Figuring out if a kid has a disability is different from figuring out if your child is brighter than average.
Are there challenges to keep up with,and adequately assist a very bright child? YES!
Is this to be considered a disability? NO!
I recommend a book called the Edison Trait, don't know the author-it makes some interesting points about different types of people,of all IQ types and how info. is processed.
And I think Spongebob was created by a genius, so why shouldn't our kids love it? my dh loves it too,and he's no mental slouch...
post #96 of 220
I think the problem is actually with whoever in their 'brilliant wisdom' decided to put everything and anything under the label of special services.

Kid learning disabled.... special services.
Kid gifted.... special services.
Speech issue... special service.

DD is in private speech for severe phonological delay for the past year. (articulation issues). I called the school district to ask them who I talk to about testing through there, since hey... they are free, instead of a $15.00 co-pay per week. I was told I need to contact the special education department... to which the person on the phone got a bit flustered and told me, not that your daughter is in need of special education, but that is where it is grouped under.

I completely agree there is a big difference between learning disabled and gifted. I have a relative with a chromosome disorder, the kid is 5 or 6, and can't control urinary/bowel movements, and can't speak. Big difference compared to a gifted child.

I do think someone with speech issue needs additional programs to help. I do think someone that is gifted, many times needs something different than the regular classroom may provide, but I do not like the comparison of learning disabled to other items. Of course, I think the school systems need complete and overhaul, to help everyone and anyone...not just certain grounps.... but that is a different thread.




Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
Huh. Here Oceanbaby, I'll attract the fire for you for a little while... All I'm going to say is that I observe these things:

Parents of the gifted tend to spend an inordinate amount of time creating criterial and protocol to distinguish the children from "average" children; and then, among themselves. They frequently complain when the low-gifted children might integrate amongst the high-gifted in my city; because that might mean letting in the nonwhites, nonaffluent, non-supergifted. I've read and been on gifted lists, and there are a lot of putdowns and comparisons to the pitiable yet privileged "average" child (I thought there was something wrong with these children who didn't know their ABCs yet, and oh, then I remembered that my son was gifted! How will my son ever survive among the savages?) and discussions/contests regarding milestones and challenges and how early Max did this. My baby shook the doctor's hand and introduced himself fully upon being born, he was so gifted!

Much of the intellectual giftedness criteria are based upon IQ scoring and supposed innate intelligence. I think much of the IQ phenomenon has been greatly called into question (remember the debates over The Bell Curve? Would I want to associate myself with this? .

UH, what?

On the bold statement... this really is quite.. goodness, I don't even know the words for it... talk about narrowly defining a group of people... and quite degrading.

I was 'classified' as gifted, as was individuals of my family, as was dh... our school system was 1/3 hispanic, 1/3 black and 1/3 caucasian, and by goodness we sure weren't affluent, most of us sure didn't have money. I sure never heard my parents complain about us 'intermingling' and integrating among people of different races.... and oh, guess it's true... we did integrate with only one monetary class, of course that was the non-affluent, b/c that is all there was. We had gangs, drugs, knifes, guns pulled out yards away from me, before schools were concerned with that.

Goodness, I'm not sure where you live, but if this what you observe where you are, and this is the attitude of parents your area, that attitude is outright disgusting and sickening.

I'm not sure what gifted list you were on, but whatever it was was quite bad. Seriously dd is almost 4 and doesn't know her abc's.... but the list I'm on has been more than welcoming... the list I'm on also recognizes that it doesn't matter if their kids end up being gifted or not... they are just mainly looking for support with some of the 'issues' they are encountering. More than that, the list I've dealt with recognizes that there are many early items that indicate potential giftedness, and knowing and not knowing abc's by 13m or whatever, isn't the be all and end all of that.

Anyway, if this has all been your experience, I can see where you are coming from, b/c everything I've heard sound like those parents are a bunch of freaks (here, let's throw that word around again ), that have no clue what gifted is or isn't about.... and probably fall in that set of parents that are obsessed with pushing their kids forward, forward, forward.... and aren't interested in their actual kids.

I'd sure rather read march of the penguins to dd, and see her pretend to be a penguin for the next hour, than do anything academic with her and have her bored out of her skull and become disinterested and burned out of learning.

(and while I don't let her watch spongebob, the child loves any and all disney movies, and tv)

So... no attack/fire/flame... I'm just appalled that these are the things you've observed with parents of 'gifted', and truly doesn't characterize the folks I've dealt with. Quite sad.


Tammy
post #97 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by hsmamato2
you did NOT hear this term tossed about when Edison was a youngster...
No instead they referred to Edison as "addled". I hope that isn't what you are advocating.
post #98 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
Eh? My point is that the social and political structure of the schools (and frequently, the parent-student cooperative) creates a self-reinforcing feedback loop per the definition of "gifted" that usually targets and benefits the white middle- to upper-middle class students who perform to standards expected of the "gifted." Those who are "just weird" or "musically gifted" or "spatially gifted" or "lopsided gifted" are SOL. Up the creek. Without the paddle. And an F to show for it.
I misread your post. Happens.

Quote:
And yes, I think IQ is a bunch of hoo-ha, and it's completely possible to game the test(s). Children are coached on it in certain large cities.
Which tests? Group achievement tests often administered to screen for GT programs? Those tests shouldn't be used to assign scores anyway. I don't think that any amount of coaching or practice could move over even one standard deviation in a real IQ test.
post #99 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingspaghettimama
there are a lot of putdowns and comparisons to the pitiable yet privileged "average" child (I thought there was something wrong with these children who didn't know their ABCs yet, and oh, then I remembered that my son was gifted!
I'm a glutton for punishment, so let me attract more fire too. While I do not agree with a lot of what you say, I will back you up on this. I have seen this phenomenon on more than one gifted list. It's been more along the lines of, "well, my son has only been multiplying since 2 or 3, so I cannot believe that other children can't do that! Is it really true that most 3 year olds cannot even count in sequence yet?? Wow!" And while it initially offended me as the mother of a non-PG but likely HG child (i.e. 'if your kid isn't multiplying at 3, he's not gifted' is exactly how it comes off), I feel like I understand it better now. To me, it seems more like denial, like "how do I wrap my head around the fact that my child is obviously that far on the extreme end of the curve?" I don't think people really want their kid to be that far down on any extreme of the curve, just a bit ahead. It's kind of how most people in the U.S. identify as middle class, when clearly, we cannot all be middle class. So, what appears to be an elitist put-down is really an expression of denial, IMHO. I've seen people describe their child as likely moderately gifted or highly gifted (HG being on the lower end of gifted) when their child is like level 4 or 5 on Ruf. For me, personally, there have been times when I've needed some support wrt gifted issues and this has made me feel pretty invalidated. YK, I'm getting really hostile reactions IRL from other mothers who see my kid doing particular things and I need the online support, but online, some of the moms of PG kids are skewing the definitions so that the cutoff for "only" highly gifted matches the extreme things child does. I've, personally, posted the link to an extremely detailed child development site (PBS) and seen people show disbelief that most 3 year olds don't know phonics or count to 100, etc. I see it as denial mainly, but it does offend me still. I've also experienced the one-upsmanship phenomenon where sharing an anecdote prompts others to share the same anecdote from their children with exact ages/dates that show it was much earlier. I mean, what is the point of that? I don't care that other children are much more gifted than mine, but what I just described is not support; it comes off as competition. While I haven't seen put-downs of non-gifted children, I've seen many put-downs of non-gifted adults by the people who will continually talk about how they were identified as gifted. Of course, I've seen what I construe as put-downs of parents of the gifted or of the gifted children themselves on this thread. I wish people in general would stop doing this. Phew, I think I got it all off my chest!

BUT, I've been on more than one gifted list that's been amazingly warm and supportive. There have been times where I've needed support or resources and I've been overwhelmed by the amazingly kind and helpful responses. Different lists seem to have different tones. I've been on more than one that has saved my sanity when I've really needed some understanding. I am extremely grateful to those lists and the people on them.

I don't want to talk about how gifted or average my child is. I just want to talk about him like everyone else talks about theirs and not get snarky replies of either variety (i.e. "freaky superkid" vs. "my PG child did that 1 year earlier but we believe he/she might be moderately gifted"). It's just nice to talk about our kids as the individuals they are.
post #100 of 220
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicaSAR
I also find it unfortunate that a thread affirming and celebrating the beautiful gifts of all our "average" children has turned into another discussion of the special needs of the PG child.
With respect, the discussion seemed to go a bit sour when the celebration of average children started to define itself by describing the "freaky" gifted children and expressing relief that the average children were not like that. That's where the gifted tangent came in IMHO
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