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Is this going to be anyone's last baby?

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
This is our 4th baby, 5th child (we are raising my nephew also). Each pregnancy has gotten progressively more difficult for me. This last one was a real challenge w/preterm labor, bedrest, PSD, and then a shoulder distocia birth. Not to mention all the other smaller pregnancy tolls, like morning sickness, VV, bladder problems, etc. So we have decided that this will be our last pregnancy and dh is going for the big V next week. When I was pregnant I was adament about this being the last one, and now I am still sure it is the right decision. (I am afraid that another pregnancy would seriously cause harm to my body, and I don't want to put my family through the stress of another difficult pregnancy.) But when I hold my sweet little baby now, I feel really sad thinking this will be the last time I experience this. Crazy?

Is anyone else choosing to stop here? If so, how are you feeling about it?
post #2 of 31
I'm on the fence. Before, I said 3 was the limit, but DH and I have both been tossing around the idea of one more before closing the shop up for good ! Pregnancy is okay for me, except for extreme morning sickness during the first 16 weeks or so. And there is something about homebirthing that makes you want to do it again! I can't decide, honestly.
post #3 of 31
My DH had said "one and done", then my dd came along and 2 was going to be "okay". Now he's sure he's done but I'm not. He was talking about getting the big V before his paternity leave was over, but he's been back to work for a little over a week now and no appt. yet. If anyone asks, he still says he's done, but hasn't made any strides to make that permanent. I've also looked into an IUD to make things not possible for a while, but not permanent either. He saw the info pamplets, but didn't really say much. I don't want to push the issue for fear of hearing the answer. Part of me is worried to since I would want at least 3-4 years difference in ds and any new baby, but that puts me right at 40 and that's a little scary to me.

Wow, long answer short.... :
post #4 of 31
I'll pop in here too! This was our third and during this entire pregnancy I thought this was the last too. Severe morning sickness and migrains until 28 weeks, an excess fluid issue that I ended up resolving thru diet and just a more stressful toll on my body, vv's etc. But towards then end when baby stopped being transverse and settled down in, and my body just seemed to prepare for birth and then birth was SUPER hard and painful but my body did exactly what it was supposed to. Then I actually healed better and faster with this 10 lb baby than even with my first two, which I healed great also, I'm starting to wonder if my body just really deals with birthing and labor great. Seems like it was meant to do this!

I also am looking and my precious new one wondering what I'll do if these are the last baby times....but he's also a carbon copy of my first in temperment and a very wonderful baby. My middle one is a spitfire and was a VERY challenging baby and i had ppd with her for a bit. So I kinda don't want to take a chance and have my last be another challenging baby when if we stopped here it would be so nice. I think i'll be continually evaluating it and it will really depend on the family dynamics a year from now. I'm one to want the kids close together, first were 22 months, second are 20 months so if we do it we'll do it again this time next year will be the timing to start trying. It's so hard to know what it right, especially if you love homebirthing and you love babies! At this point i just don't know. Right now the temperment thing is a biggie, but a year from now it could be something else that is more important. I don't know how I'd manage though with the type of morning sickness I get and a school age kid by then though. oldest dd would be in Kindergarten. that would be REALLY hard.
Fun to see what everyone else is thinking!
post #5 of 31
Our fourth as well, but we're considering having a fifth, or adoption. I'M still on the fence, DH is sure he's done.

The main reason it will probably be our last is the PPD I suffer with.
post #6 of 31
we are so done. I am 35 now and this was a rough pregnancy for me as well.

Plus havng a baby is just plain exhausting.
post #7 of 31
WE are done too. with only 2 kiddos to my credit, of course i have to dear step dd that are 14 and 17 so technically we have 4, and with the cost of living, its just not practical for us to have more.. I would love to carry another baby, I had beautiful pregnancies and births....so I am thinking about doing surrogacy eventually not right away by any means but once my littles grow a bit I may do that to experience it again and give that gift to someone who otherwise couldn't have children just my thoughts.
post #8 of 31
Momto1... I"m a lot like you. Though dh always knew he wanted 2, i have always thought of 3. he wants a V as well, but as agreed to wait at least 3 years so we are totally sure. Occasionally i get him to agree that having a "big" family of 3 would be fun, but after days like today (driving 1.5 hours to visit his dad in the hospital, dd talking *the entire way* and ds fussy and having to pull over many, many times) it practically seals the deal of 2 only!

my births are amazing... i have such a birth high after, this time i was *convinced* that we had to have another. i do well at pregnancy, but this last one was exhausting and hard going after a toddler. i often hear that the 3rd is easier cause the first two have each other and you are already used to toting after 2, which is a big change from just 1.

logistically, well, 2 is so much easier. we would have to size up everything. money is an issue. i also think about working again... sigh. i dunno. my guess is we're done but i'm not willing to admit it or make anything permanant!

that being said, i am drinking in ds' babyhood as if it were the last.
post #9 of 31
According to dh, we're done but I'm not ready to agree just yet. He said we were done last time too though, it's not until after 18 months or so that he can imagine doing it again so maybe he will want one more later down the road. He just turned 44 though, so I can understand why he is ready to be done... but otoh, I'm only 25 and not ready to be done. :

Really though, neither of us intend to have anything permanent done and we only use condoms as BC since I won't do anything hormonal so who's to say we won't have a surprise someday. Just hopefully it won't be when I'm 40 and he's 58.
post #10 of 31
Interesting that a lot of you moms would be interested in another baby but the dads are happy with what you have already. DH has always said he only wants one child. Philosophically, I agree completely (it seems all our environmental problems are a result of overpopulation). I loved pregnancy and birth and these first 7 weeks and woud hapily do it all again, but I'm also content with the experience I had being the only time I do it. So I guess I'm saying Phoebe will probably be our one and only!
post #11 of 31
This was babe number #2 for me. We are not done. During the pregnancy, I toyed with the idea of having my tubes tied but wasn't 100% sure. Dh and I talked about it and we decided that 2 kids would be fine and if we are chosen to be blessed with a third, than that one will be it. Pregnancy is great for me other than a little morning sickness but delivery stinks. I have had 2 c-sections. I am hoping and praying that if I ever do get pregnant again that I will be able to find a VBAC doctor.
post #12 of 31
right now, i feel like we are done, but I am not 100% sure. If I was, i would send DH for a V next week, and he would do it happily. He thinks we are done, and does not want to be parenting teenagers when he's 50, which I understand. One up side if we stop now is that when DD turns 18, we will only be 43 and will have an entire life ahead of us to enjoy grandchildren, travel (which he never got to do young, like I did) and just have time to ourselves.
post #13 of 31
This is four for me, too, but I'm sure I'm done. Another difficult pregnancy, but I really feel done now!
post #14 of 31
this is our third baby and our last and honestly my feelings are mixed. My dh had a V two weeks ago so three is it, at least for pregnancies. He thought two was enough but never got around to the big V before and well, just didn't come to the game prepared IYKWIM, so last summer on vacation, we got pg again. I was pleased though while I'd hoped to have three years between these two, it ended up being 26 mos. When I look down at this precious little nursling, I fantasize about being younger and wealthier so I could consider four, but this is fantasy. I am a bleeder and had my worst hemorrhage yet with this delivery and my MW was about to give me a lecture about not having any more babies when we informed her that dh had an apt for his V. So, the practical must win out here; I am the primary breadwinner in our family but my dh's job has the benefits so neither of us would stay home so we have daycare that is going to be in excess of $1000/mo. Yea, sobering.
Besides, dh has been working a lot of nights and while I thought there was a huge difference between one kid and two, that had really settled down now that they are old enough to play together and communicate with each other. But having an infant plus two older kids (4 and 2 y.o.) is hard especially if you are alone with them - I notice this most at dinner time and bed time when my nursling is fussiest (he's an amazing baby overall). There is just not enough of me to go around and it is very, very difficult during those hours to be the kind of mom I want to be; I have to resort to things like 20-30 minutes of tivo'd shows for the older kids and the bed time routine is anything but these days. I know I push the limit between 'motivators' and outright bribes!
Long answer, I know and remarkably, my first post during this whole adventure, though I've been lurking since the this forum started! I haven't even updated my signature to show my new addition (5/19/06).
Good luck wtih your choices, mamas!
post #15 of 31
Originally Posted by ecoteat
Interesting that a lot of you moms would be interested in another baby but the dads are happy with what you have already. DH has always said he only wants one child. Philosophically, I agree completely (it seems all our environmental problems are a result of overpopulation). I loved pregnancy and birth and these first 7 weeks and woud hapily do it all again, but I'm also content with the experience I had being the only time I do it. So I guess I'm saying Phoebe will probably be our one and only!
I can't relate, although I REALLY want to. I never even wanted kids, but now I keep looking at the stuff I pack away that's too small and see pictures of me while I was pregnant and it makes me cry to think that I'll never experience this again. How do you do it?
post #16 of 31
We are done. This is my 4th and final. I had my tubes tied 2wks ago.
post #17 of 31
DH says we are done, and that was always our plan (in fact, four kids was our original plan; I spent the better part of a year convincing DH to have #5), but right now, I'm having a very hard time with us being done. Just the mention of DH making an appt. to get a V makes me start bawling; it's really raw right now.

I'm sure my feelings have a lot to do with Sophia's extremely traumatic birth and the death of all the hopes and dreams I'd had for a healing homebirth. Add in adjusting to her having Down Syndrome, and I'm pretty much an emotional mess regarding this being our last baby, I'm afraid. For now, DH is being understanding, but I know he'd like to go get "snipped" in the near future. I just can't handle it yet.

On top of everything, I got AF today (11 wks. PP) -- this is an absolute record, with my last baby I didn't get it back until 13 mos. PP -- and it's putting all kinds of crazy one-more-baby thoughts into my head. Yikes! I need serious help!

post #18 of 31
Just talked to DH, we are done.

Making appointment for the big V soon!
post #19 of 31
Guinevere.. i just got AF too- at barely 8 wks. post partum!!
post #20 of 31
Hmmm... glad to see so many with the same feelings I have.

This was our 3rd, and I said all along that she would be our last. Although she was our 3rd c/s birth, we found a doctor who worked with us to make it a VERY SPECIAL event. The risks of a 4th pregnancy and c/s just seem too high for us to have a 4th, and I really felt during my pregnancy and recovery that my body was done. My DH is scheduled for the big V at the end of August, but still, I am sad that we are done. I am having difficulty thinking that we will not have another little one. Although I do not want to go through another c/s, I am sad that it was only for our 3rd that we found a GREAT doc who was willing to help us achieve the birth we were looking for. I keep thinking I should have him put it off for a bit. Ultimately, I know that we should not have another, however.
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