3 1/2 yo Tribe~ July 2006

[majazama]

Here we are again.

[**guest**]

Boy is my little guy a nightmare lately. Anyone else with a monster of a child? I'm hoping he gets out of this phase SOON.

[Awaken]

Hi,

I don't usually frequent this forum- I guess I keep thinking of my 3.5 yr old as a toddler, but he isn't anymore! Nice to see that there's a tribe!

Mine has been a monster most of his entire life, so now he seems to be finally growing out of it and we have had some really enjoyable times together and great conversations. I hope this lasts and it's not a phase!!

People always told me 'you'll fall in love with your baby at 3 months' and various positive things about different ages, and none of it was true of us- basically it's just been hard, hard, hard with brief periods of fun times. But I feel like I am just falling in love with him NOW, and am looking forward to what the next few months and years bring.

More later!

[RedWine]

Mine is a "spirited" child, and I've been reading a lot of books lately. I am learning how to work with her, I get better as each day goes by. HOWEVER, her constant need for attention and her daily tantrums and super-sensitivity wear me down sometimes.

She's also beautiful, witty, intelligent, smart, and energetic. There are positives.

[eilonwy]

BeanBean is not a monster when he gets his florivital. He's a sweet, energetic little guy, and he does things which are way outside of my comfort zone (like talking to people-- : ) but he's far less demonesque than I know he's capable of being most of the time. He's a real muffin.

We went to a big fireworks show last night. BeanBean watched, and when he became overstimulated he climbed into the wagon and asked me, very nicely, to put the blanket "all over" him, so that he couldn't see directly anymore. All in all, he enjoyed the trip and the show. I'm hoping to watch some fireworks on TV tonight and/or tomorrow.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by RedWine

Mine is a "spirited" child, and I've been reading a lot of books lately. I am learning how to work with her, I get better as each day goes by. HOWEVER, her constant need for attention and her daily tantrums and super-sensitivity wear me down sometimes.

She's also beautiful, witty, intelligent, smart, and energetic. There are positives.

Looks like I don't have to do an intro . My ds is the same. My biggest struggle right now is dealing with ds in a positive way while holding on to a very attached toddler. Feeling stretched a bit too thin here

[Daffodil]

Lindy seems to be a bit less difficult right now than she was a few months ago. I've been realizing lately just how grown up she's getting. She's already turning into a person who seems to have a rich inner life that I only get glimpses of. She's always whispering to herself - lines from songs and books, dialogue or narration from something she's imagining - but mostly I can't even hear what she's saying, though I wish I could.

The other day we stopped for ice cream, and after we had been eating our ice cream in silence for a while, she said, "I keep having so many interesting thoughts!" I said, "Like what?" but she said, "I won't tell you." "I won't tell you" is something I'm hearing more and more these days. Anyone else have a secretive kid? Are all kids like that? I know I was.

[majazama]

hmmm, monsters kids are only a matter of perspective, in my experience. Generally, they need more one on one time, or maybe they have a part of their diet that they are sensitive to. It could be many other things, but I'm always needing to find a cause for the effect.

I've also heard from a mother that she called her kid a monster all the time, and it truely did become a self-fullfilling propohecy. He wasn't so bad before, but got to be quite the challenge.

I have two kids so they team up and get really riled up sometimes. Then theres the before bed maddness that happens without fail every night. Its when they let out steam and extra energy to be ready to sleep.

[nancy926]

Hi everyone...

I'm actually starting to enjoy my 3.5-er right now...almost more than the baby! She (my older DD) has become incredibly imaginative and has always been curious, so we can have long conversations about things like rainbows, aardvarks, skunks and waterfalls. Sometimes. At other times, she's cracking herself up talking about poop (what is it with kids and finding poop funny?), or getting in her cozy coupe and going to california or wisconsin or the grocery store. Or crying because she was told not to dump all of the sand out of the sandbox and into the kiddie pool. ("I'm just going to cry ALL DAY!" she said. "Um, okay, if you are that sad about it," I said. Thirty seconds later she was off doing something else. It's exhausting just keeping up with that kind of thing!)

My younger DD has learned to walk these past few weeks and suddenly she's Ms. split personality, wavering between independent charmer and clingy, melodramatic whining machine. My older DD didn't do the tantrum thing until she was much older, but her younger sister is mastering it early.....sigh!

[**guest**]

Good grief...I don't call my son a monster to his face or even when he's around.
I don't think that I belong on this thread as my special needs child does not compare to the 3 1/2 yr old on here.
I can't relate to those of you who have a 'normal' child and I'm sure most of you can't relate to what I'm going through.

Bright Blessings,
Liz

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by lizc

Good grief...I don't call my son a monster to his face or even when he's around.
I don't think that I belong on this thread as my special needs child does not compare to the 3 1/2 yr old on here.
I can't relate to those of you who have a 'normal' child and I'm sure most of you can't relate to what I'm going through.

Bright Blessings,
Liz

Noone is saying that you call your son a monster, we're simply sharing what has worked for some of us. It's a matter of perspective. Some of us have found that if we think of our children as monsters (I tend to say "demon," but I know that word is particularly loaded for people who are/were raised Christian) their behavior will become, if not worse, more difficult to deal with. Please note that nobody responded by saying, "I can't relate at all, my 3.5 year old has always been ridiculously easy to deal with." We all have those days/weeks/months. For some of us, there are more and different challenges involved, but each child presents a unique set of challenges to deal with, neurotypical or otherwise.

BizzyBug is a darling girl with Asperger's, and she can be a *gigantic* handful at times. If we just think of her as a demon, or even as behaving like a demon, we're powerless to help her or ourselves deal with her behaviors. If we recognize that she has needs which aren't being met, we can help her. A weighted vest, or strong hugs (deep pressure stimulation), a chance to jump up and down on the floor (joint compression); these things all help her to reorganize and to relax. Her behavior improves exponentially after an hour in a weighted vest. Transitions are still a time for breakdowns, even when she's eager and looking forward to the new experience, but a few strong hugs and a little bit more time can help her to cope. It doesn't help us to say, "What a demon, she's really being awful today!" but of course we've all had those thoughts.

I'm very lucky with BeanBean; as long as he gets his iron, everything else seems to fall into place. The biggest problem we have is buying floravital when we can't afford to pay our phone bill on time, or put oil in the furnace (an issue even in the summertime for us, as our hot water comes through the furnace). Still, BeanBean can be lots of work. I posted a few weeks ago on another thread that I'd given serious thought that day to trying to shove BeanBean into a FedEx box and shipping him *anywhere* that I wouldn't have to deal with him, because he was driving me nuts. I know that it's not helpful, but yes, I do have these thoughts sometimes. Being a parent is *work*, despite the fact that our society doesn't really value it. Some of us have things more difficult than others, but we all have challenges to deal with and we're all here because we're doing the best that we can. Right?

[RedWine]

Originally Posted by Mama to one

Looks like I don't have to do an intro . My ds is the same. My biggest struggle right now is dealing with ds in a positive way while holding on to a very attached toddler. Feeling stretched a bit too thin here

I'm also stretched waaaaaaaay too thin. Hugs, mama. At least we know we're not alone.

[majazama]

Originally Posted by majazama

I've also heard from a mother that she called her kid a monster all the time, and it truely did become a self-fullfilling propohecy. He wasn't so bad before, but got to be quite the challenge.

This is what I said. I was not saying you call your son a monster as you can see. But that I know of a situation where it became an issue with one mama because the kid acted a lot worse with that "pet name".

Originally Posted by lizc

I don't call my son a monster to his face or even when he's around.
I don't think that I belong on this thread as my special needs child does not compare to the 3 1/2 yr old on here.
I can't relate to those of you who have a 'normal' child and I'm sure most of you can't relate to what I'm going through.

You and your son defiantely belongs with us. we are happy to help you, support you, and we really do care too! You don't really talk about him very much, except the fact that he has PDD (sp?) and Autism. I did mention once that if you were interested in getting him better, that there are ways to detoxify the body, as autism is epidemic since vaccinations/mercury/heavy metal overload, (which I harshly assume that you have had done, as when I mentioned it, you didn't reply again for some time??). Its hard to hear things when you are not ready for them, and I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with him.

I'm in a space right now with my daughter that I want to be her friend. I did have a lot of time when I felt like I couldn't stand her and it still does happen occationally, but we are working to make it all right. Shes her own person, and I have to understand that she has a different path than I.

[**guest**]

I do not vaccinate.

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by lizc

Boy is my little guy a nightmare lately. Anyone else with a monster of a child? I'm hoping he gets out of this phase SOON.

Because I used the term 'monster' and then saw the post about someone else calling their child a monster.....I assumed that the post was geared towards me.
Again, I do not call my child a monster to his face nor to anyone when he's around. I've said it on here. Period.

No, I don't talk about ds all that much... I value my privacy (for the most part). Also, because he doesn't do all the fabulous things that every other child does, I feel bad.
I have posted about him in other forums though.

I'm tired. So very tired.

[punkprincessmama]

subbing...

Hugs Liz, I do hope you stay around, I do think you belong. Each of our children have their own challenges and their own areas where they excel. Kwim?

I'm tired too, but for different reasons than ya'll I think. We are packing and getting ready to go. Hopefully we will be leaving this weekend. I'm finally getting super excited about this trip. My FIL is here helping me pack thank goodness, or I'd be losing my mind right about now. We've had some pretty bad luck in the last few weeks, and I've decided that this week that will change I'm determined that we will find a way to make this trip happen and we will leave this weekend...

I joined the yahoo group, but haven't had a chance to post yet...

My girls have been a bit of handful lately (Aubrey just turned one!!) but I'm finding myself enjoying them anyways, even enjoying the difficult aspects, I'm feeling grateful that they feel comfortable in expressing all of their emotions with me.

i'm reading Liberated Parents, Liberated Children and finding it is really helpful in keeping me in the right frame of mind.

Oh yeah, and Jaz, I can totally relate re: bedtime. Dh has been working 12 - 14 hours a day so I've been doing bedtime on my own for at least the last month. IT'S HARD! It never fails that Mariah will be almost asleep and then Aubrey will start squeeling and trying to play with her Plus with all the changes in our lives and environment (which M is super sensitive to) I had dh bring home some Melatonin last night, we'll see if that helps...

Much Love to you all!

[majazama]

hey punk, I wanted to tell you that you were in my dream a few weeks ago, near solstice. You were very pregnant, in labour actually, and I was your MW. You had the baby crowning or ready to come out anyways, but you were hanging out with your friends, drinking a beer outside on a picnic table, like youd just push the baby out when it suited you. And I was like, ummm...

[punkprincessmama]

Oh my gosh Jaz, that is so freaking cool!! I'm so glad you shared that with me!

I've been thinking lots about our next babe, reading and thinking about UP and UC. I would be so honored to have you as my MW

Wow, you just made my day mama

[majazama]

Originally Posted by punkprincessmama

Oh my gosh Jaz, that is so freaking cool!! I'm so glad you shared that with me!

I've been thinking lots about our next babe, reading and thinking about UP and UC. I would be so honored to have you as my MW

Wow, you just made my day mama

[saritasmile]

Hey everybody! subbing...be back later