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3 1/2 yo Tribe~ July 2006 - Page 7

post #121 of 137
All of this sounds SOOO familiar! : If he gets too whiny or not nice, he gets to lay down for awhile since he mainly does that when he is tired. As far as saying no and him not liking it...I have found that "not right now" or "after we do XXX" works better. Or, if it is an absolute no, explain why (dangerous and you could get hurt, not nice, etc.)

One of Matthew's latest things is wanting "LOTS" of everything. I give him his cereal, we have LOTS, water, LOTS, if he is nursing he wants LOTS of milk.
post #122 of 137
no levelhead here - i had a tantrum in target today. i told all four of them that i do the work and then they do the complaining. that's normal, i just didn't want to have anything to do with it today. they even talked back just cos i was so intense. i wish i had a movie of it to laugh at. i'm standing in the aisle with the airpurifiers, which dh decided he absolutely needed, and him and the kids are sitting on the lowest shelf feeling grouchy and impatient.

it's first day of af. i'm more disconnected than usual with dh cos he has been working so much. my vibe is wrecked, my spoiled family needs our ice machine in the freezer working, i need to take it apart and get all the ice out so that it works correctly, hence doing work i don't want to do that i have unfortunately learned to save money and keep everyone a little saner.

i just want to read my book, and watch my movies from the library.
post #123 of 137
Thread Starter 
arg, my post was eaten. I'll try to re-create it....

all 4 of em



I've been super grumpy. must be PMS, I confess. Doesn't help when the kids do things like.....
-throw a whole roll of TP into the toilet
-empty a whole bottle of baby oil in a hot tub
-spray the hose indoors
-wear numerous outfits thoughout the day, which I tend to find outside laying in the mud or on the floor moping up spilled something or other (mostly PJ's)
-tracking endless dirt into the house
-putting their garbage on the floor or spilling crap on purpose on the floor

: (and that was just today)

...and my mom says I will look back at this time fondly.: I guess I might, but right now, I'm wishing they were teenagers. :
post #124 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by majazama
arg, my post was eaten. I'll try to re-create it....

all 4 of em



I've been super grumpy. must be PMS, I confess. Doesn't help when the kids do things like.....
-throw a whole roll of TP into the toilet
-empty a whole bottle of baby oil in a hot tub
-spray the hose indoors
-wear numerous outfits thoughout the day, which I tend to find outside laying in the mud or on the floor moping up spilled something or other (mostly PJ's)
-tracking endless dirt into the house
-putting their garbage on the floor or spilling crap on purpose on the floor

: (and that was just today)

...and my mom says I will look back at this time fondly.: I guess I might, but right now, I'm wishing they were teenagers. :
Wow, you live in my house!

I don't think I'd be wishing to have two teenaged girls, though; while they're less likely to deliberately spill trash onto the floor, they can change their clothing just as frequently and their fights tend to be nastier and longer-lasting. At least BooBah doesn't hold grudges, you know?
post #125 of 137
be careful what you wish for jazz teenagers are no picnic : DH is a high school teacher and he could tell you some stories ...AND he teaches the best of the best in Boston

When I was 2 weeks past my due date and I told me midwife these these were the longest days/hours of my life she told me 'this is nothing just wait until it's 1 am and you teenager isn't home'

amy
post #126 of 137
Thread Starter 
I still would rather have teenagers. if they are annoying/fighting I can get in my car and leave. If they use tonnes of clothes thoughout the day, it wouldn't matter, because they'd be doing their own laundry. And I think that the teenage years don't thave to be such a horrible time. they need understanding, and a good ear to listen to them. I think i will be the kind of mom to become a teenager again with them, anyways. we'd be listening music together, going shopping, travelling, doing whatever they wanted to do. I'm not going to lose them like some people do. I hope.
post #127 of 137
I am dealing with my pre-teen right now. She will be 10 tomorrow. She is sprouting little breasts, peach fuzz down under, and is almost constantly moody, grumpy and defiant. Every interaction tends to be a negative one. Not by my choice, Crystal just doesn't like to be told "no", and she doesn't like to be redirected, especially in front of the other kids. She grunts at me, falls dramatically to the floor, and signs "NO" furiously at the other kids in the room. : She gets embarrassed easily, and desperately wants to express her independence. It's the most fun when we're out and about and she wheels her wheelchair into a forbidden area for the millionth time and I try to redirect her and people think I am being SO mean to this poor little handicapped girl. If only they knew what she is capable of!!! :
As for punishments other than time-outs: we send Zach and Julianna to their room usually. The Time-Out Chair is rarely used now because they don't want to stay there, and listening to them scream the entire time does not give *me* a proper time out, so in the room they go. We also take away video games or specific toys ("If you don't put the trains away I will!"). That's about it. The room thing seems to work because half the time they'll run to their room and put themselves in time-out when they need a break, or if they feel we are just too mean to be around...
Julianna had her first visit alone with her grandma yesterday. Social Services cam and picked her up and took her to the reservation for her hour-long visit. (Can you imagine letting a stranger take your child in a car by themselves? Yeah, not a nice feeling...) I had to load up the other three kids and make the 45 minute drive to pick her up. Apparently she did very well, and actually talked ot her grandma this time. She spent most of the visit coloring with her sister (11), brother (7), and uncle (13). Usually she clings to me and won't talk to her grandma at all. She must be embarrassed or afraid to bond to her grandma in front of me. It must all be so confusing to her. They will do more visits and soon start overnight and weekend stays, then make the move. Ugh.
So, I know kids say no. I know they have their own personalities and all that. But I hate fighting with my kids to get them to do something. I don't think I should have to. I want peace and harmony. Not all the time- of course there will be an upset in the balance at certain times. But is it too much to ask to not be aggrivated by 10am??? I try not to let it get to me, but I guess I am more sensitive to it all right now and I need to take a chill pill. A day off wouldn't hurt either!!!
post #128 of 137
Jaz, I'm with you on the teenage girl thing. I remember reading Womans Bodies Womans Wisdom (way before kids) and seeing a section on raising teenage girls. Every since I read that, I knew one day, I would have a teenage girl, and I've always been excited to challenge the "teenage girl" terror. Now she has a whole book about it. Mother Daughter Wisdom it's called. I'm gettting it next time I go to the bookstore. Of course, I'm in no hurry to get to the teen years tho. Although Jaz, the day you just described would probably put me there quick, lol! Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I say I'm excited to have a teenage girl.

Razi's thing lately is making up stories-lying basically. Like yesterday he emptied out his entire art drawer all over the floor. I reminded him while he was doing it that he was going to have to clean it up. So later as we were trying to get him to clean it, he said he didn't do it. He said that this little girl Grace (a friend of his) and her mom came over, before we woke up but after Tav had gone to work, and did it. He's been doing that alot. LIke the weed wacker got plugged in cuz the wind came and blew it in. Not really sure how to handle this. Especially when it's dangerous to be plugging things in (MIL left the weedwacker out on the lawn and I didn't know it) :
post #129 of 137
Oh and Leah,
post #130 of 137
My kids lie too. Mostly it's when I ask "Who did this?" and Zachary says "Nan did", and Julianna says "Zach did". : Then I say "Tell me the truth- who did this?" and they both say "Crystal did" because they know she can't talk. I have no idea what to do, and it is very annoying.
post #131 of 137
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DecemberSun
My kids lie too. Mostly it's when I ask "Who did this?" and Zachary says "Nan did", and Julianna says "Zach did". : Then I say "Tell me the truth- who did this?" and they both say "Crystal did" because they know she can't talk. I have no idea what to do, and it is very annoying.
(same here)

sarita~ I'm glad we agree on that.
post #132 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by DecemberSun
My kids lie too. Mostly it's when I ask "Who did this?" and Zachary says "Nan did", and Julianna says "Zach did". : Then I say "Tell me the truth- who did this?" and they both say "Crystal did" because they know she can't talk. I have no idea what to do, and it is very annoying.


Try, "This needs to be cleaned up, before X" rather than "Who did this?" That way, the kids will have to work together, nobody is being punished, and the thing that needs to happen will actually happen. It doesn't matter who poured the milk all over the floor, what matters is that it gets cleaned up and both (all) kids can help. It works for things other than messes, too, I was just using that as an example because, well, that's my life.
post #133 of 137
hear hear@ rynna, i agree and applaud.

lying/telling stories, is basically a fancy dynamic, a variation on life that kids discover and try on us first cos we are so special. don't invite it. just state what you observe. haha! : where do i get this advice i'm not doing??? really though, those are situations to not encourage if it really annoys you - that will just feed it. telling stories is just part of learning communication and having imagination - a necessary thing- just weird at first to figure how to live with. it also means they are possibly detecting our own lies.

but then, i am famous for noticing the kids are doing something they know they know shouldn't and backing away before they see me so that i don't have to add confrontation number 43 for the day. if they are capable, they take care of the problem without me muddling it by interfering.

my main problem is also the combo of children with these ages and the resulting intensity. jaz, i'm already looking at your post with fond memories. now i have some of the messes with kids that know better plus serious mindgames, much like what leah has described before.

i know some pretty great teenagers and tweens. i also know some great teens that are troubled with great parents. sometimes it is just the person they are born stuck with the kind of person their mamma is. for me, the personality challenge is unarguably clay - we are a bit too similar in the parts that make myself miserable. he is able to be the sweetest and softest, and when he is hard and mean, it is terrible. it is terrible for him even more i am sure. yesterday he was despondent that since i was the oldest one in the family i would die first. this kind of thinking is foreign to dh, reed, and ruby.

remember, "NO" doesn't always mean no. many times it means "i am screaming my existence to you".

have i lectured on giving them the words you want to hear? i actually correct and tell my kids what they are supposed to say. the rate of success depends on how it is applied and how ingrained a habit it is, and the kid of course. it makes me sound like the old fusty great aunt but i am now totally used to it. think of it as expanding vocabulary and social graces. what's really amazing to me is the habits of ruby, since i didn't really learn and do this when the other two were this age (no idea of they could have done it).

example: she'll be screaming her head off - "i want water now! with ice in my special cup" and half the time (when she is not actually tired or needing to pee or irritable) i can go over to her and say, "ruby, say 'mamma, please get me some water with ice cubes' and she will immediately emulate the loveliest speaking voice i can muster and then i can smile and tell her yes ruby and ask her to follow me in the kitchen and get her cup ready. in the ideal world she would do this naturally because i am so full of aplomb and behaving so perfectly already.....

so if you are having a problem with no for requests, it is possible to at least steer it to something else. the trick is finding what you can stand and what your child is capable of. and that leads to the question of what we ask that is being replied no - is it worth asking the question so that our kids practice saying no to us?

cymbeline, it is my experience that timeouts only work for one specific behaviour, immediately and with true interaction (can't just direct them verbally while doing something else - must jump up). i have never been a perfect enough place to master them effectively for more than spells at a time. generally if i am not able to deal (letsee, when reed was this age clay was one and i was pg and dh was flat on his back) it was best just to try eliminating possibilities of aggravation. in your case that would be lessening items that are throwable, or wearing earplugs. i know he seems so big now that you have a baby, but he does not have lots of impulse control yet. those fancy insulting words don't have much meaning to him except for the power you give them. i'm not saying it is okay for kids to say those things (i've heard it all), but it really sounds like you just need rest, vitamins, maybe a sling, and some regular alone time to fill his cup - i'm talking five minutes of pushing cars around with him in the morning and only paying attention to him. my transition to baby#2 was very rough - hugs to you.

sheez, i have lots of opinions on discipline, but am noticing i have written another novel already. apologies.
post #134 of 137
i can see i'm not smiley fluent.
post #135 of 137
Crystal's b-day was Saturday. We spent the day swimming, then I made lasagna (one of her faves) and we had an ice cream cake. She blew out the candles and she was so proud of herself. This was the first time she's ever done it in her life! It's hard to teach a deaf person to blow, plus with the trach (essentially a hole in the throat) it was a challenge- but she figured it out and it was really cool to see her understanding that it was HER cake and HER party and all about HER. She deserved that.

Everything's been on a pretty even keal here (knock on wood) so I've just been going with the flow. Zachary *really* wants a cat, but I'm not sure if it would irritate his asthma. Plus the coyotes here have eaten two of our cats so we haven't had great luck with keeping them alive, lol. We have a doggy door so they eventually learn to get outside, and inevitably they just don't come home one day. He wants an orange one. Julianna says "I want a pick one!" That is her famous slogan: if we offer her anything or she imagines getting something it's always "I want a pink one!"

Casina, I love your use of smilies now.
post #136 of 137
*
post #137 of 137
Thread Starter 
I'll start a new thread.....

Welcome to the circus!
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