Originally Posted by Asher
Anyway, the kids don't care. They are used to it. S/O on the other hand, throws a royal fit! He has to hold on to stuff even though we don't use it!
......I cannot even feel any sense of calm at all when my house is a crazy cluttered mess!
True confessions time. *I* am the one at our house who is like your DH. You and my DH would get along fine. I wish I had some brilliant advice for you. It's a constant bone of contention b/w me and DH. I don't necessarily want to be this way, but I swear it is in my blood. I can't change simply by *willing* myself to change. Wish I could. But it's not just a matter of "wanting stuff" but a whole way of thinking that I must work at changing.
I think it might be helpful to get him to look at the reasons behind why he acts as he does. I know it helps me to do this b/c then I can sometimes successfully counteract that thinking.
For example, I grew up in a divorced household where we were really short on money. Mom went back to school, but it took years to get a degree and sometimes we had to live with relatives, other times we were on food stamps (which mom was so mortified about that she would drive to another city to use them so noone would see her). She used to shop really savvy in order to find super bargains and clearance mark-downs and stuff. She didn't shop at the cheapest stores unless she had to. More often, she'd hunt for the super bargains at better quality stores and would come home all excited when she found a $50 sweater for $5 or something like that. And when she hit the bargains, she'd buy a bunch at once and I remember us girls looking through bags of stuff like Christmas time and mom beaming that she got us both whole wardrobes for $100 or something. So, I tend to think that way, that I need to find bargains and that I need to snap them up when I do. A really great sale on something is near impossible to resist b/c I feel like I need to "get it while I can". If I find that elusive $50 sweater for $5, I feel like I need to buy it. Or better yet, buy three in different colors. Whether I need them or not. Ykwim?
And likewise, it's hard to get rid of anything b/c even if it doesn't fit, it might fit later or fit someone else. Or it doesn't match anything I own, but I might find something that matches. Or maybe I can cut it up and make something for the kids. Or a scrappy bag or skirt. Ykwim? I have such a hard time parting with things b/c my mind is always full of ideas for how I could put it to use. It doesn't seem *frugal* to me to throw away items with life left in them. This is one place where freecycle has helped me. I find it easier to part with items to real people rather than our Goodwill (which never seems to care about getting stuff anyway and sometimes I have seen them toss boxes of glassware on the ground so it shatters!) Learning to change my thinking from "this thing is still useful so I should save it" to "this thing is still useful so I should pass it along to bless someone who can use it now" has helped me.
Another problem for me is that I have ADD. My mind is always swirling with a whirlwind of activity. I take "multitasking" to a new level. And unfortunately, I am not nearly as good at completing tasks as I am at beginning them or even just dreaming them up and planning them. So, I have all these wonderful creative ideas and plans and cannot part with anything I need for my oh-so-important plans. But the more plans and projects I get going (if even only in my imagination) the more flustered I become and the less I get done. So simplifying would help me. And I need to slow down and recognize my limits, in terms of time, energy, etc. Let go of some ideas and projects. Stop thinking of and buying for and planning new projects until I focus in and get some done.
Not sure if any of this applies to your DH. I'm not suggesting that he's the same or that all people who are cluttered or can't part w/ stuff, etc, have the same reasons/motives. Just giving some examples of how, when I study my own feelings and motives, I uncover reasons for why I behave as I do. And doing that helps me find ways to change.
I hope that helps. I'm a long way from success in simplifying and uncluttering life. In fact, I'm just barely beginning. I have gone in spurts in the past where I tried to do this and then fell back into the old ways. Now I am trying again, which is why I'm subbing to some of these threads on this board.
Good luck with your DH,