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Characteristics of Gifted Children -- Real Life Experiences  

post #1 of 89
7/3/06 at 1:08pm
Thread Starter 
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post #2 of 89
7/3/06 at 2:02pm
Hi, Lisa .

I have always liked the Columbus Group's definition of gifted:

"Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally."

That truly encompasses the major reasons that I feel my dd has special needs. Her reading and writing were tested at middle to highschool level at age 7, but she still has training wheels on her bicycle. She is so intense and passionate that she is overwhelmed by her feelings. She's tended toward depression when her surroundings don't take into account her different needs. The best example of this was her 1st grade teacher who could not grasp the fact that dd could do so much, but her speed wasn't on par with her ability. The teacher just beat her down so much over her very nature (asynchronousity) that dd was telling me she wished she was dead or had never been born. That is so scary to hear from a 6 year old. I want dd to understand that she is normal -- normal for what she is: a child whose brain is wired quite differently.

I agree that the baby milestones never made sense. The professor in grad school who told me that young children have short attention spans completely confused me. Dd was building towers and focusing her attention on working on getting caps on and off of ballpoint pens for 20 or 30 minutes as an infant. She screamed non-stop and never slept. The tantrums as a toddler were so intense that I wanted to give her away sometimes.

She's a great almost 8 y/o now, but she is still very different and, I believe, always will be. I sometimes envy parents who can "parent by proxy," as I put it. I have to be "on" all of the time -- explaining why I am asking her to do something, having heart to heart discussions about why death won't make all of the angst and feelings of being abnormal go away, helping her control her emotions and express them in acceptable ways...

I know that all AP mamas try to be there to meet their children's needs, so I am not implying that I alone devote a bunch of time to my dd. I am trying to explain why dd just needs more than your avg child, though.
post #3 of 89
7/3/06 at 2:12pm
Thread Starter 
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post #4 of 89
7/3/06 at 4:55pm
You're a brave woman to start this thread.

Gifted is:

When your 18m old tries to wrestle _The Baby Book_ away from you, saying "I want to see that big book with pictures of babies!"

When your 20m old can identify animals-- origami animals that he's never seen before.

When your 2.5 year old says "The world is a giant arboretum!"

When your 4 y.o. practices counting at preschool, and is the banker while playing Monopoly at home.

When your 6 year old, (who refused to learn to read until his classmates did), is tested at a 6th grade reading and comprehension level.

When your 8 y.o. cries because his fingers aren't deft enough for the circuit board he's wiring.

When you worry that nobody will like you anymore after you post this!
post #5 of 89
7/3/06 at 6:04pm
i was reading this thread because i was wondering what is considered gifted. these descriptions sound like my ds who i have been told has Asperger's syndrome. now i'm wondering, is he gifted, asperger's, or both? its all so confusing to me.

anyway, carry on, i love to hear about all these quirky kids who will grow up to be the movers and shakers in our world!
post #6 of 89
7/3/06 at 6:33pm
Serenity, Children with aspergers often are very intelligent and share many characteristics with gifted children; in fact, they can be "twice exceptional" -- that is exceptional in two ways (their intellect as well as a "disability" or other exceptionality).

I'd strongly recommend reading the book The Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults: Adhd, Bipolar, Ocd, Asperger's, Depression, And Other Disorders.

Quote:
i love to hear about all these quirky kids who will grow up to be the movers and shakers in our world!
eta: I was just noticing this in your response as well. Gifted children often don't grow up to be high achievers. They have higher suicide rates, higher highschool drop out rates... I worry about my dd b/c she is more at risk. I also worry b/c she is a lot like I was as a child and I had some very difficult teen years.

One of the speakers at a Mensa conference I am planning to attend has as her topic, "Why Do So Many Smart People Not Fulfill Their Promise?" The session description says:

"According to Dr. Ruf, someone suggested that she speak on the topic of why so many smart people turn out to be losers. That seems unkind, but it is true that many highly intelligent people don't live up to their potential. Is it personal qualities or life experiences that seem to make the difference? Dr. Ruf will discuss her research into what makes gifted children turn into the different kinds of gifted adults that they do."

I, unfortunately, won't be at the conference that day, but I believe that all of the parents here on MDC are trying to do what is best for their kiddos such that they do turn out to be healthy, whole adults who don't look back with regret and wish that they had been together enough when they were younger for their lives to have turned out differently.
post #7 of 89
7/3/06 at 6:37pm
There were definitely kids with aspbergers who were gifted in the GT school my son was in.

Gifted is: knowing other languages that you've only heard once or maybe once described for you.

Gifted is: pointing to a letter in Hebrew that you've only seen once and saying: that's a ...

Gifted is your 18 month old pulling your 30 year old friend into his room: "you have to see my vehicles."

Gifted is refusing to admit you can read, but saying any word your mom spells over the phone...like b - a - s - t - a - r - d.

Gifted is trying to talk perfect strangers out of eating meat at the ripe old age of 2 ... even though everyone you know eats meat...because you, as a 2 year old, just see it is wrong and unjust.

Gifted is posting this and knowing that these are the most normal examples you can come up with of your gifted kid.

mv
post #8 of 89
7/3/06 at 7:39pm
That's great!!
post #9 of 89
7/3/06 at 8:58pm
Thread Starter 
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post #10 of 89
7/3/06 at 9:12pm
gifted is...
when your 5 yr old sits down and reads a repair manual for a 1978 chevy from the library.. cuz MOM I GOTTA KNOW HOW TO MAKE A CAR... yes we are working on a exact replica from lego's... while putting bubble gum up his nose....

gifted is that photographic memory and while he did see the movie cars 2x.. he is able to insert the proper character lines while the soundtrack is playing..

gifted is figuring out how much change is due back from a purchase before the computer or the sales girl.

gifted is wanting to read curious george but being able to read harry potter at age 3...

oh yes and gifted is intesne, subborn, great, rewarding and makes for each day being very unique
post #11 of 89
7/3/06 at 10:20pm
Gifted is--

The two month old who asks to nurse clearly enough that everyone turns around and stares.

The six month old who picks up a cup and drinks from it the very first time she's offered, as though she was remembering rather than learning.

When your two year old announces to perfect strangers that it's very unfair that boys don't have a uterus so they can't get a period or have a baby growing inside of them. (He overheard a conversation while he was very busy crashing Barbie's new VW into walls.)

A three year old who says, quite seriously, that she can't sing Twinkle,Twinkle, because you're obviously playing a different song with the same sound (it was in a different key from the one in which she learned it).

When a four year old who only recently started speaking at all recites the names of 30 bones in her body, as well as her body parts.

A five year old who can tell you the names of all of the presidents of the US, their terms of office, and who was president when she and her cousins were born.

The six year old who bursts into tears when the new librarian tries to redirect him away from Charles Dickens because "She's ruined my schedule!"

The seven year old who looks her doctor dead in the eye and explains that she's not reading Black Beauty because she likes horses, but because "It's a classic work of children's literature, and every child should read it."

The eight year old who patiently explains that the purpose of school is for parents to have time to themselves during the day, that it has nothing to do with learning.

The nine year old who thinks that panda bears and space aliens are both amazing, and builds panda habitats in various configurations "so that they could live on other planets, and have alien panda babies."

The ten year old who resists getting on the school bus, but spends 5 hours after school hiding out in the library reading law books.

The eleven year old who is failing science class, but reading college microbiology textbooks at home on the weekends.

The twelve year old who appears to have ADHD at school, but goes home and spends hours at a time taking apart the vacuum cleaner and putting it back together.

The thirteen year old who has memorized a child development textbook, so when he sees the psychologist he is able to reassure her quickly and easily that there is absolutely nothing wrong.

The fourteen year old who deliberately earns in school suspensions so that she can work on logic problems and read books instead of wasting her time in class.

Gifted is not (necessarily)--

The child whose mother is standing behind him saying, "Just do it, you did it yesterday..."

The child with the largest collection of flash cards.

The child who gets the highest grades in school.

The child who has the most "extracurricular" activities.

The child with the biggest trophy shelf.

The child with the most active parents.

The child with the wealthiest parents.
post #12 of 89
7/3/06 at 10:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy
Gifted is--


A three year old who says, quite seriously, that she can't sing Twinkle,Twinkle, because you're obviously playing a different song with the same sound (it was in a different key from the one in which she learned it).


In my house, this developed from the two year old saying, "No, that's the wrong song!" into the four year old asking aggrievedly why his cheapo computer game was playing the theme from Beethoven's 5th in C# minor instead of C minor.

Oh, and who was also the three year old beginning to read at the same time as he began (finally) toilet training, and was happy to tell everyone he met the manufacturer of every toilet and sink in town, because after all the names were in nice large print and he had a good view of them while peeing. This included telling the supermarket checkout lady with great excitement, "Your toliet is an American Standard, just like at Ellen's house!"
post #13 of 89
7/4/06 at 1:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by catgirl
"Your toliet is an American Standard, just like at Ellen's house!"


mv
post #14 of 89
7/4/06 at 11:12am
*
post #15 of 89
7/4/06 at 11:53am
Gifted is also:

When you are coming home from Christmas shopping and your small child wants to see what is bought, and when you tell her that every child has to wait until Christmas morning to open presents, your 7-year old chimes in and says, "But only if they celebrate Christmas, and not Hannukah or something else, right mom?"

Or, when your 7 year-old insists that eating something in the supermarket before buying is stealing, even if you *intend* to buy it and mom says it's ok, and refrains from the eating even though he is very hungry. I like that he rejected my sense of what was right and followed his own. Meanwhile my dd had sucked back the yogurt drink and asked for another

Or, when your are at a restaurant and said kid, at this time 5 years old, asks why napkins are put in glasses. I venture that it is for decoration, my partner says it is to keep things neat, and my 5 year-old tells us that, no, we are wrong. It is to keep dust out of the glasses! (I love that he thought about and rejected our hypotheses, then made it own)

Or coming into a room and hearing music playing, the starting to do a dance to Tchaikovsky with full emoting, telling you that she is "acting out the part where Bambi's mother died in the forest" and ends with a graceful death onto the livingroom floor and stays there for a dramatic two minutes. She wasn't playing either, this was serious artistic expression at 6. It was wonderful.

(My son has a huge social justice conscientiousness, and a sense of fair and right. He really stands out among people who get to know him. His emotional intelligence is really remarkable. He is also quite scientific, and can explain mechanical things and concepts better than most adults. But interestingly, he has huge differences in ability in writing and reading, which means he is designated as Special Needs at school. My dd *needs* to act and dance and sing, and is such a natural).
post #16 of 89
7/4/06 at 12:42pm
* When your 2.5 year-old is reading in bed with a flashlight longer than her head propped up by her shoulder.

* When she asks you to read the book (which she can read by herself) and then proudly points to the back cover, which says in large print, "For parents to read to their children!" and is delighted to have gotten you on a technicality.

*When she points out that you can't really be ON the computer. It would break.

* When she says something and follows it up with, "Well, not literally."

* When your five-year-old is watching the movie All About Eve and makes the claim that Karen (one of the characters) is evil. This surprises you, because Karen is actually very generous and sweet, in spite of the fact that she's just been victimized by Eve, the main character. "No, Mom," she explains. "Karen's not evil. She's Eve-ill."

*Thunder rumbles at your house and your 5-year-old says in a creepy voice, "When shall we three meet again? / In thunder, lightning, or in rain?" and proceeds to re-enact the whole opening scene from Macbeth.
post #17 of 89
7/4/06 at 12:47pm
steps in s-l-o-w--l-y... (I have lost friends talking about my child, so this is really nerve-wracking... and liberating)

Gifted is:

Your 2 year old telling you after a bad mommy moment that "you're upset because of you, I am a good girl"

Your 4 year old writing duplicate letters to both parents that proudly state: You are not perfect, but I love you that way

Your six year old who brings her wooded jewelry box to the dinner table to tell you it now contains one small thing from all the people who love her and that she wants it burned with her when she dies

Six year old breathlessly exclaiming from the back-seat that EVERYTHING in the WHOLE WORLD is ART!

After discussing with said six year old that a lot of people make good money doing computer animations and other types of commercial art and design; she replies with: "I couldn't do that. They would tell me which colors to use and what size to make things and my art is too free for that"



I want to keep her so close to me sometimes it's scary... she's been called freaky her whole life...
post #18 of 89
7/4/06 at 12:53pm
These were all so true for our family....

Quote:
Originally Posted by lckrause
* A newborn who naps 20 minutes a day, sleeps only 9 hours at night, and demands to be constantly entertained (by having you wave things in front of his face or read to him or show him pictures on the wall or things outside) the other 14 hours and 40 minutes of the day.
* Reading baby books in disbelief, wondering in dismay if your child is some kind of alien because almost nothing in the book applies to him except for the nursing stuff.
* Putting your 5 month old in the boppy so he can sit and turn the pages of his books by himself. This is your first break since he was born.
* Hearing the words "scary" and "amazing" and "freaky" applied to your child often enough that you start to get a sinking feeling in your stomach whenever people look at him "that way."
I got "monster." From my mom.
Quote:
* You could school any politician in the art of shrugs, conciliatory smiles and topic changing.
* Being told by your local superintendent that there is nothing they can do for your child and you are better off homeschooling.
We were told by the special ed. person at our local school that they had "never had" a gifted child. We concluded we were better off homeschooling.

Quote:

* Keeping comments on your child's progress confined to gifted support groups.
And getting your head torn off (virtually) if you don't keep to that rule, being accused of elitism, lying, pushing, deprecating others' children, or all three.
Quote:
* You run into someone for the first time in three years and they ask you not how your kids are doing but if "they're in college yet, haha."
.
* If you are a homeschooler: You will never be able to use a canned curriculum because your kid is at so many different "grade levels" at once.
TRUE!!! And they're so unwilling to mix-n-match!!!
post #19 of 89
7/4/06 at 1:08pm
When you declare to someone that you'll stop nursing your son by the time he goes to college, (he's two at the time) and they say completely serious, "When will that be? Next year?"
post #20 of 89
7/4/06 at 1:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles Baudelaire
*When she points out that you can't really be ON the computer. It would break.
: BeanBean did this one, too. Such a lovey little punk!
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