PALS in the house!

[paisley]

Welcome to the Pregnancy After Loss Support thread. Whether you've experienced a miscarriage or late term loss prior to this pregnancy, being pregnant again is likely to bring up all sorts of feelings that the average person might not have. We are here to offer each other support, understanding and reassurance. If this sounds like a good place for you, please come on in and introduce yourself.

[paisley]

As for me, I am here after 10mos of TTC and m/c's in 9/05 and 4/06. Both my losses were early so they have been attributed to low progesterone. I am on supplementation this time around and both my P and hCG levels looked great at my last blood draw. I go back and forth between happy and nervous but I am trying to stay positive. I think I will feel a lot better once I get past 10 or 12 weeks (which seems so far away right now!).

[lotusdebi]

I miscarried in late Feb, a week after I found out I was pregnant. I became pregnant right after going off of the pill, and getting pregnant so fast was a surprise. I've been TTC since then, and put off testing for a week after my period was due, since I was afraid of getting my hopes up again. I was making all sorts of excuses about my symptoms, including coming down with the flu.
I'm still feeling anxious. Just kinda waiting and hoping that things will go well. Every twinge makes me cringe a bit, and I keep looking for blood when I go to the bathroom. I'm trying not to think about possible names. And I'm not interviewing midwives just yet.

I haven't told my son that I'm pregnant. I think that's the hardest for me, since I'm a SAHM. DS knew about my pregnancy last time, at the same time that my husband did. But, explaining the miscarriage was really hard. And DS had a difficult time processing that. I don't want to put him through that again. Especially since his cat just died.

So, that's where I'm at. I really appreciate this thread! Thank you!

[paisley]

Hi Debi! Congrats and lots of sticky vibes to you!

I am right with you on feeling anxious. I have been feeling some cramping/stretching sensations and that's definitely a bit nerve wracking. And every time I go to the bathroom I wonder if this will be the day I find blood (total toilet paper checker here too ). Could we all just have a pregnancy remote control and fast forward to the 'safe' part please?

My son is a bit younger than yours so with the first 2 m/c's we didn't actually tell him, but I think he knew. With the first, he weaned right after I O'd and then started asking to nurse again right before I started spotting. The second time he announced that there was a baby boy in my tummy. It's so hard to untell people, especially the little ones.

I'm glad that we're here for each other. You know, not for the loss part, but for the support and understanding part.

[Llyra]

I'd love to join you. I'm not PG immediately after a loss; I had DD. But three years ago I lost my son at 19 1/2 weeks, which is right on the edge of stillborn vs. miscarriage. It was a horrendous and horrible experience for me, and I was so fearful the whole time I was pregnant with DD. I have resolved to try and keep that fear under control this time, but I can't help being anxious. By 19 weeks, you start to feel safe, ya know? Today, my boobs aren't sore suddenly, and that sent me into a tailspin of worry this morning. I am also a toilet paper checker, and every little twinge or ache gets blown way out of proportion with me.

So I understand the added anxiety that comes with having been through a loss or even more than one. It's nice that we can support each other like this. So here's some happy healthy sticky baby vibes for one and all!!!!!!

[Astromom]

Paisley, yay that your numbers are so good! How long will you be doing the supplementation?

LotusDebi, I'm sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about checking for blood every time. This is such a stressful time.

Llyra, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. It's such a horrible experience to feel safe, and then have that happen.

My biggest fear is another missed miscarriage. With our first pregnancy in 2001, we discovered at 14 weeks that the babe had died at around 10 weeks. I waited 3 more weeks to miscarry naturally, but my body refused. Looking back, I really see the evidence that things were going badly, but I was oblivious at the time. Mainly the fact that I never got very strong pregnancy symptoms, but other things should have clued me in too. It was my first, and I didn't know any better.

With DD's pregnancy after that, I was a lot more confident that things were going well because I was so very badly sick. When that let up at 13 weeks, I got paranoid and did an hCG draw which came back fine. When the midwife could hear the heartbeat at 16 1/2 weeks with the fetoscope I was so happy. And I could feel movements not long after that.

I miscarried again the beginning of March, naturally this time. It was an early loss, and I attribute it to being low weight and I was still nursing a little bit too... I think my body refused to put up with all that. I didn't have any early pregnancy signs with that one either.

I've gained enough weight to make me comfortable since then, and my daughter weaned herself. I'm feeling good strong symptoms and I will continue to assume that this pregnancy is viable. But at the same time, I'm being realistic... I've told DD that sometimes things happen to babies and if they come out too early they won't make it. She seems to understand, and sometimes she sits on my lap when I'm here at MDC and she'll see an angel in a siggy and say "Oh, no, that mommy had a baby that died." However, she has been exposed to life and death from sort of a very early age because we rescue (and adopt out) orphaned kittens and sometimes they come to me way too weak and little and we have lost a couple of them -- sometimes I wonder how healthy it is for her to be exposed to that kind of reality, but she seems to be a pretty well adjusted little girl. Anyway, I just had to tell her I was pregnant this time (she didn't know we were pregnant in February, but she came up to me and said that she was going to be her daddy's movie buddy, and the little sister in my tummy was going to be my ski buddy). And again, in June, she told me I had a baby in my tummy.... so of course I had to let her know she was right.

I'm sorry this was so long. It's really helpful to me to say all this though.

I won't be doing doppler or u/s unless I lose the pregnancy signs I have now, or start to bleed. The cramps seem to be going away, so I'm relieved about that. It's hard to rely on my symptoms alone, but I'm not convinced about the safety of doppler/us... so it's all I've got for now. And then of course, there are times when the signs aren't so strong, like Llyra mentioned, and then I'm stressed.

If anyone made it this far through my post , will anyone else be going through pregnancy after a loss but not doing doppler?

OK, all you little ones, GROW and STICK please!

[celesterra]

greetings, ladies.

i am also interested in this thread. my loss feels complex, since i have been struggling for 12 years (2 marriages) with infertility. my husband and i have been ttc for nearly six years now.

the first time i suffered a loss was in 2004. we were in a horrible car accident after a driver come into our lane and hit us head-on. the night before we had estimated that i was ovulating and had dtd... in the accident, my pelvis was broken in two, and i broke an arm. during the 3 weeks i was hospitalized, i feared i was pregnant, but of course the nurse blew it off as post-accident stress. to make a long story short, 2 weeks after i got home, i learned that we were experiencing an ectopic prenancy (7 weeks pg). i was so irrational, i pleaded with the doctor to just move the pregnancy to my uterus. so, not only did we lose the pregnancy,of course, but i ended up with a burst fallopian tube at 9 weeks. i have a c-sec scar from that lovely abdominal surgery.

after that, we started fertility treatment in 9/04. we have used all kinds of drugs and we've done IUI several times. i have PCOS, so that's our factor in fertility impairment.

we got pregnant last summer, and lost that one to a m/c at 9 weeks again - in September. after that, we did one more cycle and then took a break to re-group and heal. this is our very first cycle back, using the same injectable meds and IUI that got us a + last summer.

while i am really confident about the pregnancy, i am also falling prey to fear. i'm another tp checker. i also wish that the symptoms i am experiencing were constant - i can't wait to puke! people say i'm crazy, but it would be such a reassurance.

Jenny, i would love to just get through the first trimester w/o an u/s period. because i see a RE, they want to monitor with internal u/s and i just don't want to do that again. i feel deeply that it was part of the reason for our loss last fall. they'll want to ceck my ovaries, though, and i know they'll also want to check for multiples. i'm not very good at standing firm, but i feel so strongly about this.

i'm really glad to find you guys here, since it feels to me like i will be able to share more authentically in this kind of forum.

[trying for #1]

I would love a pregnancy after lost forum.. Ihad a m/c in 10/02 and I haven't been the same. Now that I'm pregnant again, I'm very paranoid.. I think it would help ease my mind.. Like the rest of the forums..

[raversangel]

hi all! i'm comming over from the ttc after loss thread...i had a m/c in may 06, i had had an unusual ultrasound a couple days before, so i was trying to prepare myself, but nothing really can prepare you for loosing a child...i had bacterial vaginosis after and went on meds for it and just recently got a yeast infection...(way tmi i know) and was about to go on diflucan (i have an open perscription for it) and told my dh i wanted to test to make sure (i only EVER get yeast infections the week i find out i'm pregnant...lol)..i'm only on cd26 so i wasn't expecting much, but wanted to make sure...and i got an instant ! so i'm excited!! but extrememly scared at the same time...i have no clue on my edd b/c i haven't had a normal period since my m/c so i'm going off my last funky bleeding time...lol...so i guess my edd is around March 15th or so...

[ASusan]

Hi all,

I'd like to join you. My story is similar to Debi, in that I had an early miscarriage in February, just a week or so after I found out I was pregnant. It was on day 39 of my cycle. I'm at day 35 now, so if I can just make it through the next week, I'll start to feel a little better.


I know we're not supposed to chart temperatures after getting a BFP (supposedly they're all over the place and don't tell you anything); however, I did chart that pg, and it was a drop in temp that signaled the miscarriage coming on. I got a small drop this am, so, of course, I'm a little concerned.

My pg will be considered high risk, as I have lupus. However, the disease is VERY well controlled; I don't feel anything at the moment. Partially due to meds, and partially, I feel, to having done acupuncture for the past 6 months. I haven't had an acu treatment for about a month, but I think I'll schedule one for next week. If I *do* have another early mc, then acu will help move things along. If I'm still pg, well, I'm sure she'll find a place to put the needles!!

[cvillemama]

I'm so happy there's a forum for TP checkers! I had our son in May 04 with no complications or questions. Unfortunately, my coworker had a miscarriage at 22 weeks just prior to my giving birth...and that was the end of my pregnancy ignorance. Ignorance really is bliss. I wish I could return to that mindset, believing that nothing will happen to my baby.

I learned in February that a neighbor had miscarried at 14 weeks last year, and then in March, I joined the 44% (according to my midwife) of women who miscarry (and that's only the ones who knew they were pregnant!). I miscarried at 6 weeks, and vowed in her office to never poas again.

I have become a complete TP checker. I haven't poas still, but will be 6 weeks on Sunday if the sticky vibes keep working. Midwife said to call her Monday so I can go poas and listen for a heartbeat there. I called her to mention my absolute paranoia about going to the gym, having sex, doing anything that might possibly bring detriment to the cells working so hard to multiply in me. She calmly reassured me that women have to live a normal life, and babies will stick or won't, regardless of what we do or don't do.

So glad there's a place to share our paranoia.

[Leilalu]

I'm gonna go ahead and join in. I was in the Feb group, but am pretty sure Imiscarried. But since we are trying, I'm gonna move in here for awhile.
I think I was about 8- 9 weeks when I miscarried. Which was about 2 weeks ago or so. I am getting an appointment with my old OB to see what's going on with my body.

So, I'll be here:

I have a history of miscarrying before each of my pregnancies.

[ASusan]

I'm really, really worried this morning.

My temps are gradually going down (from a high of 98.8 on Sat to a low of 98.3 today). I KNOW that some of you will tell me to stop temping, but the drop in temps is one thing that alerted me to my miscarriage last time.

I also had very bad cramps that kept me awake from 3-5am. I've been having cramping all week, but these were different - more like when my miscarriage started last time (like really bad period cramps - constant and all over my abdomen).

Finally, I miscarried on day 39 last time, and I'm on day 36 today. So, I'm really, really concerned today. I guess the only thing I can do is wait...

At least my breasts are still sore!!! (That's one symptom I lost about 5 days before my last miscarriage.)

[lotusdebi]

Thinking of you!

[Astromom]

Oh, Susan, you are in my thoughts!! I hope everything's ok!!

[raversangel]

ASusan - i will definatly send sticky vibes your way!

ugh its hard not to worry...i never get symptoms so its not really something i can depend on ya know? i'm a big girl, so showing i'm pg doesn't happen till i'm 5months along or so, so i don't even have that as a comfort...i do get bouts of nausea and just now a 5min bought of sorness in the boobs (which is odd since i'm still bfing it feels like i'm letting down) but nothing constant...it makes it hard not to worry...but i have a good feeling about this one! i had been asking dh for a pg test for weeks b/c i swore i was pregnant...and i feel good...last time i was centered on a m/c and that something was wrong, and it was...but this time its different...

to EVERYONE!!

[paisley]

Thinking of you today Susan! And I will be the one to say it, put your thermometer away. I had to force myself to do the same last week when my temps were dropping despite my blood hCG levels clearly doubling. My philosophy is that whatever is going to happen is already set in place, so it is up to us to enjoy what we so have and keep focused on the positive. Totally easier said than done but I think it's a good thing to aim for. And if you can't stop temping, I know there are a few ladies in the 'I'm Pregnant' forum (I think that's the one) who are a few weeks ahead of us, still temping and have posted their charts which do show fluctuations and drops in temps. I will try to find that for you later and post it here. Please keep us posted.

I hope to be back soon with more personals when my little daycare dude takes his nap.

[paisley]

Ah, naptime.

Welcome to everyone! I'm glad that there are so many of us here to support each other.

Llyra - I have a friend IRL who experienced a 20wk loss. It was so hard because you're right - by that time you're feeling pretty safe. She is pregnant again and just passed her 20wk u/s with flying colors and now she finally feels like she can bond with this pregnancy. I know 19/20 weeks is a long ways away still but I hope that after that mark you will be able to breathe easier, if not before.

Astromom - to you too. I am also aiming to avoid doppler and u/s unless necessary (spotting, signs of multiples, etc.) for the same reason you are. Both my MW and the OB/fertility specialist I as seeing are very supportive of that decision, so it's nice not to have to put up a fight there. With the progesterone, I am supposed to supplement until the placenta takes over, which is at 8-9 or 10-12 weeks depending on who you ask. I can see how going off it might be a stressful time for me, but I have a few weeks until that all goes down. (I still have to figure out when to stop the baby aspirin, so if anyone has any advice on that I'm all ears.)

Celesterra - Wow Mama, you have been through so much. I'm so sorry for your losses. I think the only thing worse than experiencing a loss is having to TTC for a long time to get there in the first place. Have you talked with your RE about skipping the u/s? Maybe you could bargain with them and only do an abdominal u/s if they insist that you have at least one. I'm not sure what the earliest date is for ab u/s to work, but I'm pretty sure it's in the 1st tri and the exposure risk is supposed to be less than vag u/s.


Shoot, he's awake again so that's as far as I'm going to get right now. But I do have more I want to say (naturally! ) so hopefully I'll be back soon.

[celesterra]

paisley, you're so good with the personals...

i am having a little scare this evening... even though i should be thrilled. i got my beta back this afternoon - my first one this time... and it is 415. they want me back tomorrow to make sure it's doubling, and i have to say, i'm pretty scared. i did look up my numbers from last time and i should be very assured - last time my first beta was only 80. but still... the challenge of summoning this faith in my body and this pregnancy that is suddenly catching me by surprise.

i definitely will have to bargain with the doc about the u/s since i really feel strongly about it.

thanks for listening... it's nice to have you guys to talk to.

[raversangel]

ok, i take it back...the symptom bug hit me HARD today : i have never had nausea this strong or this unforgiving...all i have to say is all meat is getting banned from this house today...it seems to trigger my nausea bad...the heartburn is getting there and i'm not wanting to eat...which if you knew me you would know something is wrong and i DIED today...put the younger one down for a nap yawned and i was OUT...that never happens...that makes me feel so much more secure!!!!