Dirty faces at mom!

[lauraess]

Okay, so how do you handle it? do you think it's 'okay' for them to do this? My son is 8 and the look he gave me was very disrespectful and then when i got further angry and told him not to move, get in the car (he really wanted to go in the house and get some things to bring along)He looked at me very seriously for a long time and choose to defy me.
I want to know what you think?
Am i better off letting 'looks' go?
Am I getting a good taste of what i'm in for for the next 10 years??!:

[kewb]

The one time I caught my ds making a face at me I stopped what I was saying and walked out of the room. He started to call me back and I looked at him and told him I was too angry to be with him right now and I needed to walk away and he needed to stay in his room.

I would not let the looks go. I am assuming you don't do that to him so why should he have free reign to do it to you?

[ParisAnne]

My dd is 4 1/2 and the faces already started with her. So if you're just getting it, I guess be thankful. I don't know if it will stop or not, as my dd is alot younger. I understand the frustration though. When she first start doing it 6-8 months ago we thought it was funny. Now it's quickly getting old and I'm trying to nip it in the butt, she still does it daily though. In some situations it's easier to ignore. I tell her I don't appreciate that, and sometimes depending on the behavior/tone of voice that goes with it, I tell her I think she's being rude and I'd like that behavior to stop.

I won't hold my breath, but I think it's been a little better that last week or so. Good luck, I'd like to see how other people hand this.

[Fieryfly]

I definately do not tolerate any nasty looks from my own children or children I provide daycare for(schoolagers). It is okay to be upset, disappointed, angry, and mad at me, something I did, or just the world in general, but it is not okay to be disrespectful to me(or anyone else for that matter).

When in power struggles with your children(both big and small) keep your cool. Keep the situation in perspective and try not to let the smirks, eye rolling, and heavy sighs get under your skin. Let the child know that the specific behavior they are doing right now is very disrespectful to you. Let them know you are willing to listen to what they have to say(if you have the time and energy to do so) or that you two can discuss it at a later time because it is time to go. No one wants to be around someone who is being disrespectful to them, and you do not have to put up with it from your own children. In addition, you're a prime example for your child if they are ever in a similar situation with other people.

At another time when you are both relaxed and on good terms, talk about the appropriate ways he can express his emotions. Reiterate that you will not allow him to treat you disrespectfully and that he needs to use respetful methods to get his point across.

HTH!

[ibex67]

One, I think it depends greatly on the age. Two, frankly, for the most part it's not a battle I think is worth fighting. When it happens with my 3.5 year old or 7 year old, I usually try to lighten the tension by making a funny face back. Or, if it's really bothering me, I might say something like, "I don't enjoy that. I don't make rude or nasty faces at you when I am upset." and leave it at that. On the grand scheme of things, it just isn't that important. I'd rather make a firm stand on other issues [like ignoring me when I speak to them which drives me utterly batty!!!].

I am a big believer in choosing your "fights" wisely and not sweating the small stuff. I just don't want my everyday experience with my kids to be a constant battle of the wills.

[Alkenny]

I guess I'm going to go against the grain here and say to 'let it go'...they are just looks, and he's expressing his anger at you in a non-physical way. It may hurt or anger you, but he should be allowed to be angry and is handling it well, IMO by just making an angry face.

I'm another that picks her battles.

[TeaBag]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

I guess I'm going to go against the grain here and say to 'let it go'...they are just looks, and he's expressing his anger at you in a non-physical way. It may hurt or anger you, but he should be allowed to be angry and is handling it well, IMO by just making an angry face.

I'm another that picks her battles.

See, that's me as well. My ds loves to do the eyeroll, the sneer, etc. I blow it off. He's 7, btw. but it just doesn't seem important enough to bother fighting about.........especially when usually, it is more important to stay on topic, and NOT get pulled into a respect/disrespect discussion, kwim?

[BohoMama]

My mom used to call nasty looks (those that are created with the eyes, not smirks and grimaces) giving somebody "the hairy eyeball." When she talked about the hairy eyeball my sister and I thought that was so funny we couldn't help laughing about it and we forgot to make faces.

[lauraess]

so.. It seems that i asked this question because i had heard/read about dealing with dirty looks this way. I know that at the time i was already not keeping my cool and so this look he gave most likely is also that disrespect shown for my behavior.

I appreciate all your wise words on this.
-really gotta keep my cool:

[Dawn38]