Girl claiming to be a boy...

[marchalj]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this board but not at all new to the AP lifestyle.
Don't have much time but just want to see if others have had children who claim to be of the opposite gender.
My 3 YO DD for a couple of weeks now claims she's a boy. She wants to wear her older brothers clothes, and just says "I'm a little boy". I think this is just a little phase she is going thru and having an older brother (5) probably makes it easier for her to say she's just like him. Have any of your children done this? I think it's pretty interesting...

[elanorh]

You might want to ask her why she's a boy? I wonder if something has made her think it'd be cool. Or that being a girl, isn't so cool (there are all those increased gender pressures for kids between 4-8 years of age I think - at least, my nephew/cousin really focused on "girls" and "boys" from about 5 years on, and what "girls" do and what "boys" do - and where they got some of their very gender-restrictive ideas I've no idea. I had to remind my nephew that if girls are sissies, then how could he explain his aunt who rapels out of helicopters to fight forest fires?

That said - my sisters and I all practiced urinating standing up, we thought that was the coolest thing about boys, I think the summer we went through this phase we were 3-8 years of age (in range). It didn't work so well.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I was just visting with an older friend of mine, whose daughter is only a few years younger than me, and they were reminiscing about when said daughter woke up one day and said she was a monkey (round 3 years of age). She insisted she was a monkey 'til she was about 6. Then, one day, she told her mom, "You know, I was just pretending to be a monkey." Kids like imaginative play like that. And some can keep the game going for quite awhile.

[guestmama9916]

Originally Posted by elanorh

they were reminiscing about when said daughter woke up one day and said she was a monkey (round 3 years of age). She insisted she was a monkey 'til she was about 6.

My almost 3 yr old thinks he's a cat. He meows to communicate with me and I have to figure out what he's saying. I surely hope this doesn't last until he's 6!! :

[JustJamie]

My 7 year old niece has claimed to be a boy for years. She refuses to have anything to do with "girly" things, from dolls to clothes.

I personally think it's because boys are supposed to run around and get dirty and messy and can play sports, but girls are supposed to play house and dolls and be neat and clean and pretty. Also, boys get the fun primary colors in their clothes, while girls tend to get smushed into pinks and purples.

That's my 2 cents, anyway.

[thismama]

I would check out the "why" of it. Is there something she thinks boys get to do/be that girls don't?

If it's not about that, I would just go with it, call her "he" if she wants, boy's name, whatever. And just see where it goes.

[*Lisa*]

It might be interesting to ask you DD what makes a boy a boy... Young children often think that they can "be" the other gender just by wearing the "appropriate" clothes and hairstyle--they don't yet get the idea that gender is a permanent thing, determined more by what's on the inside then what others might see on a daily basis. I think that the concept of gender constancy is typically mastered by the time that children are 5....

[irinam]

I am inclined to think that at this age it is an innocent role playing. It’s not that she necessarily thinks it “better” to be a boy. It’s just different, therefore fun.

I think role playing (even if it is longer than we think it should be) is wonderful and helps develop imagination

My DD has so far been a cat, a girl named Cynthia (her real name is Valerie) and recently she is a baby.

I would also not necessarily zero on all of the details that make up a boy, just like I did not zero on what makes up a cat much. Though can be a good educational opportunity…

[tyedyedeyes]

Originally Posted by irinam

I am inclined to think that at this age it is an innocent role playing. It’s not that she necessarily thinks it “better” to be a boy. It’s just different, therefore fun.

I agree with irinam. My 3 1/2 year old DS often claims to be a girl, or says he wants to be, and that he has or wants a vagina. (He also once told me that we could go to the doctor to get a vagina for him... ) Sometimes he likes things that sparkle and shine and loves nail polish, but plays mostly with trucks, airplanes, trains, mud, dirt, bugs, etc. <shrug> But he also says he's a "big boy", and that he wants to be just like daddy and grampa, and that he's proud of himself because he's a boy. Somedays he's Gavin, somedays he's Gwen. I'm not worried.

[marchalj]

She was the "little boy" the other day and I was the "big boy" and I asked her well "what make us a boy" She thought about it and yelled out
"OUR PENIS"

[sadie_sabot]

check out this thread...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=273740

[ibex67]

My 3.5 yr old dd used to say this quite a bit. She adores he big brother who is almost 7. I am sure that's where it comes from. She's actually pretty "girlie" herself -- her favorite colors are pink and purple and loves to play dress up. but she was adamant that when she got older she would have a penis like her brother. I explained to her that it's not the way it worked and reminded her of all the great people in her life who are mamas and have vaginas and no penises -- and she finally got it. I don't think it's a big deal at all.

[faithnj]

If your child doesn't grow out of it, speak to an endocrinologist. My child was diagnosed in utero as a hermaphradite. Although she was born a normal, little girl-- due to the diagnosis we learned a lot about children born with undesernable genitalia, and we learned sometimes things can look all like one sex on the outside, and yet the child has testicles or overies or the chromosomes of another sex on the inside, or what looks like a large clitoris is actually a small penis. The variations can go on and on, and the testosterone wash the brain goes through in utero can have a big effect as well We learned it's not until the child is older that he or she will start declaring the sex that he or she feels like. This whole thing is very, very rare. But it's not impossible. So be patient and watch. If you child is a normal little girl, she'll grow out of it or rectify her tomboy feelings with her actual biology over time. But if she doesn't grow out of it, don't be afraid to get things checked out. Whatever the case-- gender isn't what makes a person good or bad, so put more of an emphasis on character and enjoying life, rather than gender.

Faith

[mata]

yes, my dd states that she wishes she were a boy, and identifies strongly with boyish behavior. We've talked about it and she's expressed that she finds their lifestyle more comfortable and "free." I asked her what she meant by that and she said that boys can play rougher and tougher, and she likes that. And I told her not to worry, there's nothing to stop a girl from playing rough, too.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by irinam

I am inclined to think that at this age it is an innocent role playing. It’s not that she necessarily thinks it “better” to be a boy. It’s just different, therefore fun.

I think role playing (even if it is longer than we think it should be) is wonderful and helps develop imagination

My DD has so far been a cat, a girl named Cynthia (her real name is Valerie) and recently she is a baby.

I would also not necessarily zero on all of the details that make up a boy, just like I did not zero on what makes up a cat much. Though can be a good educational opportunity…

I agree with this.

I also think you need to look at the gender variant that the others mention.