A vent and a question

[gr160]

I've decided that I want my next birth, whenever that will be, to be a homebirth. I wanted the last one to be, but my husband told me there aren't any midwives here. Turns out they just call the OB out to the house when there's a delivery. Well, I woulda settled for that. All along I thought his mom had 8 UCs. So, we went to an OB, who was very nice, but only spent about 10 mins with us each appt, and in the end recommended an induction, which we did. She recommended it because of an ultrasound that I've been looking over, and I'm not convinced that it was necessary, and never really was. It said that the amniotic fluid was diminished, but adequate. Fetal heartrate and movements were normal, and doppler was in the low range of normal. Based on this, she said that prolonging the pregnancy would put us at risk of losing the baby, and it's forty weeks already, the baby is fully developed, what are you waiting for anyway, the placenta is about to stop functioning, etc. She didn't warn us about any risks, and scheduled the induction for the next morning, so I didn't really have time to research the risks I had never even considered inducing before that day. So we went in, had three courses of gel, numerous painful vaginal exams, an enema, and so on. They kept me on and off of the EFM, and when the hard labor started, just left it on. I tried sitting up and laying on my side, but the nurses kept running in because of the alarm. So, with them standing there, making me lay flat on my back, making the contractions more painful, I asked for the nitrous oxide, which I hadn't wanted. The labor progressed, and I started pushing. Everyone started shouting at me to stop and wait for the OB. As if. So, she eventually came, did an episiotomy, stiched me up and disappeared. The nurses took off with the baby, and left me alone in the delivery room without even telling me the sex of my baby. Even dh was in my room, sleeping. So, I spent the next 7 or 8 hours begging the nurses to bring my daughter to me, which they didn't do because they wanted to bathe the baby, then the shift changed, then they wanted to wait for the pediatrition. When one of the nurses finally brought her to me, she said "We already fed her for you." They only waited about an hour before taking her again. All throughout that day, they kept coming in and out taking her whenever they wanted, basically. Then, that night, they took her to the nursery, against my wishes. The nurse didn't even look at me when I told her I wanted my daughter with me, she just said "The babies don't stay in the rooms." Then again the next morning, the same thing, in and out with the baby after dh and I called and called for our daughter. Obviously, this is not something I want to repeat.

Sooooooooooo, my question is, how do I tell my OB, who I will probably be going to for prenatal visits, and at least the pg test, sometime this week? (I think I'm pg now) I'm sure she will disapprove, say it's not safe, blah, blah, blah. I'm afraid she will influence dh, and I don't want to be rude, but I don't want another hospital birth either. I will also try to find out about homebirths in this country,and if they just send out random doctors, or if I can find one to stay with the whole pg. Any suggestions??? I'm kinda shy, and get intimidated easily, which is probably how I ended up with such a bad experience the first time. Somebody help...

[Evergreen]

Have you ever thought about having an unassisted? Or writing a nasty letter to that horrible hospital? I'd be upset and leary of hospital births as well!

[gr160]

Actually, I like the idea of UC, but I need more education, and dh vetoed it, so I would have to educate him as well. Then there's the issue of whether or not the American consulate would issue a cert of birth abroad for a UC. Alot to think about.

[Bladestar5]

Were you going to breastfeed? That was really AWFUL. I am almost in tears here. Oh, my goodness
I feel so terrible that you went through that. I was forced to birth lying down, and had an epesiotomy also. I tore with the second birth, which was much less painful. It also healed more quickly. Honestly, I would wonder why they didn't give you the baby. The hospital where I gave birth, allowed the baby to stay with the parent(s) for as long as the parent(s) wanted.

[gr160]

DD is 5.5 mo old and bf exclusively, much to the dismay of the in-laws. Esp, MIL.

Typing all of this out has me thinking about the night we had the ultrasound done. We went for the 40 week checkup, and when we finished talking to the OB, she told us to go with the nurse for EFM and u/s. So we went upstairs, and they strapped on the EFM. After about 20 mins, the nurses started acting worried. "The baby's not responding, the baby's not responding!" I asked what they meant. Basically, it just meant the baby wasn't kicking or rolling. I told them that this wasn't the active time for the baby. It was about 7-ish and the baby usually started getting active at about 9 or so. So, they kept running in and out, the baby's not responding, blah, blah, blah. They ended up giving me orange juice and oxygen, after which the baby 'responded'. Then we went to the basement for the u/s, and by that time dh was late for an appt, so we left. We made an appt for the OB's next available time, which was 4 days later.

When we went back, she looked at the report, and said "Why didn't you come here immediately? If you would have come back, you would be home with your baby already." Now, when she said this, my first thought was "But nothing happened!!" Anyway, you know what happened after that. I feel that if there was any concern, I should have been monitored. Now that I know the risks of an induction, I'm angry that I could have ended up in a c/s. or with a ruptured uterus, or a dead baby. Thank God none of that happened, but I think it was really irresponsible of her to recommend an induction like it safe, easy, no big deal. I guess it's time to assume a little responsibility for myself.

[Bladestar5]

Ok, these people are nuts, and belong in an insane asylum, not working in the hospital where people need love and caring
WOW! In the states, people sue and win for less than what you went through. What mental anguish you have gone through. And did they feed your baby formula?
They are definitely WAY off to do all this to you. This reminds me of when I was in labor with my boy. His heartbeat momentarily dipped and the nurse says "I can just see she will need a "C"section." My mom was not too pleased with her, and neither were my dh and I. I was 20, and would have preferred no medical intervening, but I "had" to be induced. And I had strep b, and had to have the i.v. Needless to say, I had him vaginally, but she was so very unprofessional, and the same nurse allowed my dh's friends to come into the bloody delivery room just after I was sutured and dressed, and was vomiting into a plastic cup-like thing. She also got huffy when I asked for help with latching the baby.
Neither births were what I expected or hoped for, but yours just makes mine look even better. You should just be happy I wasn't there with you, or I would be in jail! I would have probably smacked those idiots!

[Quirky]

Wow, what a painful and stressful experience you went through! Yay for you for breastfeeding, though, even with the @##$%$ nurses bottlefeeding your baby!

Why would there be a problem with the consulate issuing a birth certificate for an unassisted or homebirth? You should call them and check into this.....it doesn't seem right that they would require it to be in a hospital to issue a birth certificate.

Best wishes in your quest. And welcome to MDC!

[gr160]

I've been told that there might be a problem because there aren't any 'witnesses' to a UC. I heard that one woman did a UC, and immediately went to the hospital to get the cord cut and do the paperwork.

So, how do I tell the OB that I don't want to do another hospital birth, just possibly prenatals? She will assume that I want the same as last time. She assumed that I wanted birth control (I didn't) and wrote out a script without even asking me about it. I don't want it to get ugly, but I do want to be stronger this time. Makes me mad at myself for not sticking up for myself last time. I KNEW the interventions werer unnecessary, and only for the OB's convenience, but I suffer from 'good patient syndrome'

[georgia]

wow, what a tremendously disappointing experience you had. thank you for sharing it with us. it sounds as if you have a lot of very real, deep emotions from your birth. (((hugs))) you weren't given informed consent, and it sounds as if you were bullied. shame on the system. you are correct that you are your own best advocate. if we don't speak up for ourselves and our children....we won't be getting what is best for US.

i just wanted to say that i know many mothers who receive parallel care with their ob/gyns in addition to a midwife or no m/w. also, i've known moms who for *whatever* reason, just didn't make it to the hospital on time. darn!

best wishes to you and your journey to healing. often times, subsequent birth experiences can be very healing when they are on YOUR terms.

[Greaseball]

It is the job of an OB - any doctor, really - to find out what is wrong with you and try to fix it. What's unique about OB's is they usually see healthy women with normal bodies - women who do not need to be in a doctor's care.

OB's do not know what a normal birth is. Normal birth is not covered in medical school - they learn how to treat anything that might possibly go wrong. I think if a doctor believes home birth is safe she will not go into obstetrics. She most likely will tell you it is not safe and then will make up a reason on why it is "especially" unsafe for you. (For example, it is not true that the placenta starts to deteriorate at 40, 41, 42, 43, or even 44 weeks!) She probably does not do this out of maliciousness; it's her job to see a woman's healthy pregnancy as needing immediate medical attention.

A good website is www.unassistedchildbirth.com

They cover the whole "witness" issue and birth certificates. (You don't need a witness! You can give birth alone in your home and still get a birth certificate, although depending on where you live they will guilt-trip you.)

But, they can't force you to go to the hospital. Some may drop you as a patient but I hear most will just be really disapproving and keep seeing you anyway, hoping they can change your mind.

If I saw an OB again I would keep the homebirth plan a secret. I think that was the mistake that landed me in the hospital.

[gr160]

If I saw an OB again I would keep the homebirth plan a secret. I think that was the mistake that landed me in the hospital.

Personally, that's got me a bit worried, too. DH would freak if she 'suddenly noticed' a problem. I don't think I'm gonna tell her I'm BFing, either. Hope I can get DH on board.

[gr160]

Turns out I'm not pg. but I'm still interested in more info. Probably gonna need it someday.

[lorijds]

Are you American? Can you get care on an American base?

Are there doulas in the area? You sound like you need one!

I'm sorry, I am not much help. I wish you a better experience next time!

[violet]

In response to your question about what to tell your OB about homebirthing:
I would not go to a dr. for a prnatal appt. until I felt educated enough and empowered enough to make my wishes known. (Prenatal appts. are largely unnecessary--if you know you are healthy and taking folic acid, I'd wait until I was ready--a month or two later is just fine--many women don't even know they are preg. until then.)

I understand you aren't pregnant now, so my suggestion is to take this time now to prepare yourself for any future births. I'd read read read. There are many wonderful books about birth and homebirth and the problems with medicalized birth. I'd start with Gentle Birth Choices and the Thinking Woman's Guide to Birth.

I too was shy and saw a dr. for prenatal care, but educated myself, fired my dr., and had a UC birth. I would never have been able to tell him I was planning a homebirth, but now I sure would. I probably wouldn't tell a dr I was planning a UC, but if you were planning on having a medical professional there, you should certainly be able to tell the dr your plans and they should help you to locate the type of professional who will assist you.

Our thinking is getting so screwed up. These people we call dr.'s are not medical gods, they are people we employ to help us. If they aren't helping us, we should fire them. We should not be afraid of their opinions or their ability to intimidate us. If we disagree or they do not give us the opportunity for informed consent and a chance to have our wishes known, then we should fire them.

Feel empowered. Educate yourself so that you you know what you want and you feel it so strongly that you won't be willing to be intimidated. There's still things I don't feel comfortable discussing with my dr. but I'll listen to his advice and leave the office and then do it my way--I'll just humor him.

It is your body, You know yourself, give yourself back your power and your right to control your own body by finding the medical people who will help you do it your way, not force you to do it theirs. best wishes, violet

[gr160]

lori- Actually, I am American, but I don't think I'll be going to a military base when the time comes. 0

violet, you're right. my, body, my baby. I guess it really is the fact that I haven't educated myself that's holding me back. If I can't refute the doctor's shpeil, then what power do I have?

[applejuice]

An obstetrician is like a fireman; they both save lives.

However, a fireman does not start the fire.