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Not to be picky here... - Page 3

post #41 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackson's mama
Maybe gifted children need an entire forum to themselves? More than just one thread, a whole area to ask specific questions and get answers?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
The problem seems to be structural. There are no other appropriate places for the support thread.
I was going to say somewhat the same thing, so I'll just quote you both.

I've lurked on the gifted support thread (kids are believed to likely be 2e), and I think the fact that the support thread is now at thread #9 with continued, constant, vibrant activity, a wide variety of topics, and a vast number of posts more than makes a case for Meeting the Unique Needs of Gifted Children to have it's own forum.

ITA that 'gifted' children as well as 'delayed' children have very different needs than 'typical' children (I hate labels, though they are a necessary evil at times), but they also have very different needs and emotional roller coaster rides than each other, as well. (and with 2e kids one has tickets to two different rides in life, while being unable to ride both at the same time) Giving both groups their own 'safe space' subforums would allow folks to vent and share without worry of stepping on toes, etc.
post #42 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
Safe haven. The gifted support thread is just that. Any other gifted thread I've seen at MDC has devolved into bitterness and rancor, except for the occasional thread in Learning at School wrt to choosing a school.

The problem seems to be structural. There are no other appropriate places for the support thread. FYT is not appropriate because of the specificity of the discussion:



A subforum in Parenting isn't appropriate because it's divided according to family structure. The Education forums aren't appropriate because (1) not all parents homeschool, and (2) many (and for many most) gifted issues are not education oriented. Threads in either of these forums end up as (occasionally nasty) debates anyway.

I absolutely agree that the Characteristics thread is not appropriate here. But where else realistically is the support thread to go? I don't think that many who read on the gifted thread would object to a support thread elsewhere, but this discussion has been had before (both in the gifted thread and Q&S) and no better place was found.
I'm still not convinced this can't be a Finding your Tribe thread. There are all sorts of specific discussions going on there.

And I think that if MOST of the SN mamas AND the Gifted mamas agree that SN is the wrong place for it, the ptb should really do something about it.

FTR, I don't read it. I absolutely don't begrudge the mamas wanting a safe place, I do understand there is overlap btwn gifted and ASD and other LDs and there are many challenges, but I don't think this is the right forum for that thread.
post #43 of 97
I second the entire forum for gifted children. That way there could be specific thread for educational ideas, behavioral issues, social issues etc. Seems logical to me.
post #44 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeftField
I've deleted my posts on the characteristics thread and I apologize for hurting anyone's feelings or being insensitive. In the past, however, the gifted thread has really been a life-saver for me when I needed the support.
You should have a place for support! We just need to find an area for it that doesn't cause hurt on a daily basis to other mamas just by seeing the thread title.
post #45 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaye
I'm still not convinced this can't be a Finding your Tribe thread. There are all sorts of specific discussions going on there.
My bad. I've already edited the previous post, but I meant to say "lack of specificity". Many of the discussions do branch into parenting techniques or other topics that are deemed to belong to the more general forums. The rule is pretty narrow for the FYT threads.
post #46 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
My bad. I've already edited the previous post, but I meant to say "lack of specificity". Many of the discussions do branch into parenting techniques or other topics that are deemed to belong to the more general forums. The rule is pretty narrow for the FYT threads.
I don't know - seems like people can start a FYT thread about anything. Do you really think it would be closed??

ETA - I just went over there and looked around seriously, no one would think this thread would be out of place there. How is mamas of only children much different than mamas of gifted children?
post #47 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4imprints
I second the entire forum for gifted children. That way there could be specific thread for educational ideas, behavioral issues, social issues etc. Seems logical to me.
I third the idea. It does seem logical.
post #48 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4imprints
I second the entire forum for gifted children. That way there could be specific thread for educational ideas, behavioral issues, social issues etc. Seems logical to me.
I third it!

oops - 4th it!
post #49 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
A subforum in Parenting isn't appropriate because it's divided according to family structure.
Are these structures set in stone, without hope of them ever being altered as the community needs change? I certainly hope not. Let's not get caught in the mindset of "things are the way they are, and we can't change them."

I would love to see a few more of the gifted moms chime in on where they feel an appropriate place for their thread would be - I know they're reading along, and I think their views are important. Even if it's "we belong here and we're not leaving!"
post #50 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaye
I don't know - seems like people can start a FYT thread about anything. Do you really think it would be closed??
There's no search feature, so I can't find the thread (months if not a year or more ago), but I'm sure this was brought up in the last Q&S thread. At that time the thread title was changed as well to emphasize the "support" aspect.

I personally think a forum would be great. I can't keep up with the thread anymore because there's too much going on.
post #51 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4imprints
So you still insist that shoving "gifted" in our faces every single day is appropriate and we shouldn't be offended or hurt.
I think I missed a step. Is this directed at someone in particular. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. I've been there many times -- as I said, all 3 of my kids have special needs. But I've never found it useful to look for offense where none is intended, and in my experience, "being picky" is often just that. My understanding of the support thread is that it is for dealing with difficulties, not bragging about accomplishments (though that may occur too -- we certainly do it!). If another home is found for it that is agreeable to all, that's great. But I think the mindset that certain people don't "belong" here is a dangerous one -- setting criteria for exclusion doesn't fit well in a place that I've always experienced as inclusive.
post #52 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees
There's no search feature, so I can't find the thread (months if not a year or more ago), but I'm sure this was brought up in the last Q&S thread. At that time the thread title was changed as well to emphasize the "support" aspect.

I personally think a forum would be great. I can't keep up with the thread anymore because there's too much going on.
I remember that thread.

I totally support a sep. forum - BUT if for some reason that was refused, I strongly believe you could start a FYT thread without a lot of fanfare and no one would say a word about it.
post #53 of 97
I wonder what makes one type of "special need" more sacred than another? I sincerely doubt that the Gifted mamas are setting out to hurt your feelings, and I also truly believe they have the right to vent and share as much as anyone else in this forum. It seems like if hairs are going to be split, then perhaps nobody really fits in. Would anyone say since X's autisim isn't as severe as A or B's that maybe X's mama doesn't have the right to come to this forum and make the other mamas with more severly autistic kids feel bad? How dare she talk about how rough she has it when there are so many others who have it so much worse.

Or the Gush about your Partner thread in Parents as Partners. The PAP forum seems to be a place to go to vent about your troubles with your partner. So should that thread be moved to a tribe? Deleted all together? After all, there are so many of us who have rocky marriages and relationships, and seeing these people brag about their teriffic spouses is truly an affront to those of us who are struggling.

Then there's the Financially Challenged SAHMS thread. How ugly. Since the vast majority of sahms are NOT seriously financially challenged, they should just move out of the sahm forum and stop making the rest of the comfortable sahms feel guilty for being able to afford gymnastic classes and organic milk.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

And for what it's worth, I'm not saying this because I post to the gifted thread. I don't.
post #54 of 97
Unless I am mistaken, the intent of the Special Needs forum is to support those parents whose children have special needs. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, gifted children do have special needs that can set them apart from other children. I don't think it's to anyone's benefit here to try to decide whose needs are "more special."

As of this moment there are exactly TWO threads in this forum about gifted children. One is a Support thread and the other is a Characteristics thread. TWO THREADS on ALL OF MDC. And usually there is only ONE thread (we were told by a moderator some time ago that we could post more than one thread about gifted issues; we just haven't done so until now).

The reason the gifted thread was started here in the first place is because we were getting flack for trying to talk about our kids on other areas of MDC. So we moved ALL talk of our kids being gifted onto ONE THREAD in the Special Needs forum. This was okayed by a moderator.

Look, there are lots of things on MDC that might be hurtful for others to read. Parents who made an informed decision to circumcize their boys have to see the title of the "Case Against Circumcision" forum every time they login. I have found it hard to read happy threads about birthday parties because my GIFTED kid couldn't participate in them until age 10 due to them completely overwhelming his already overwhelmed senses. Ditto with team sports threads, best friend threads, and other experiences my gifted kid has never had because of being so outside the norm. I am sorry if you don't believe that gifted kids don't exist or don't have issues that can cause hurt to them and to us as their parents. However, what YOU personally "believe" or "think" is not the basis for determining what counts as a special need.
post #55 of 97
Thoesly - (sorry don't know how to quote even though its been explained to me a thousand times!)

Yes that was directed at a post but then I deleted it and figured it wasnt worth it and added my vote for a new gifted children thread.

It isn't that I don't think that gifted momma don't belong here but doesn't it seem like they exlude themselves from the rest of us. I would be more than willing to offer support and to receive support from someone dealing with issues with bullies at school, or depression in my daughter when she realizes that she can't hear like normal, or my angst over "the future" - but like I said - I think those can be covered in a general thread for all of us rather than for parents of gifted to exclude themselves to a gifted thread. Wow - that seems really hard to follow - but hope you can understand that!!! This thread is for support from everyone. Even though my children are only hearing impaired I am thankful for advice from all the mothers on how to deal with Speech therapists and Physical therapists etc. Or on the days when I'm feeling really low the other parents can bring me back up - but it just seems like the "gifted thread" has formed it own cliche to the exculsion of others. There needs to be another place for it where the gifted parents can get all of the info they need and our feelings will be spared.
post #56 of 97
And as usual, it takes me so long to post that what I say is almost completely irrelevant by the time I write it down.

I would LOVE a Gifted subforum. But would that be any less "hurtful"? Because what people seem to be saying here is that the mere existence of our thread is hurtful to them. :
post #57 of 97
But there are often threads for mamas of autistic kids or what have you. So the gifted thread is active. That proves a need.

I'm all for a forum dedicated to it, but short of that, like it or not, gifted belongs in special needs.

-Angela
post #58 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by lckrause
I have found it hard to read happy threads about birthday parties because my GIFTED kid couldn't participate in them until age 10 due to them completely overwhelming his already overwhelmed senses. Ditto with team sports threads, best friend threads, and other experiences my gifted kid has never had because of being so outside the norm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4imprints
It isn't that I don't think that gifted momma don't belong here but doesn't it seem like they exlude themselves from the rest of us. I would be more than willing to offer support and to receive support from someone dealing with issues with bullies at school, or depression in my daughter when she realizes that she can't hear like normal, or my angst over "the future" - but like I said - I think those can be covered in a general thread for all of us rather than for parents of gifted to exclude themselves to a gifted thread.
lckrause, I believe 4imprints's post speaks exactly to yours (and Britishmum's post too, as I see it now after posting). Your son not being able to handle a birhday party is not an issue related to his being GIFTED, it's related to SENSORY ISSUES - and many mamas on the special needs parenting board can relate to that... so why post about it only on the gifted thread?
post #59 of 97
Sorry -that was out of anger and completely inapproriate!!! I do think it is appropriate for parents of gifted to ask GENERAL questions about their childs behavior. For example, how to combat certain behavior issues or social issues - like I stated.

BUT....a thread boasting about how much your child knows is completly insulting and should be reserved for the Tribe section.

However, asking questions about different school programs and dealing with the state WOULD be appropriate here because the majority of us are going through that also - but again - in a general thread.

BUT....boasting about your child's incredible language skills and how "hard it is to handle" when your 2 year old repeats letters and words or whathave you is again...insulting and painful when my 15 month old doesn't speak and my 5 year old didn't speak sentences until she was aided at 4 and still doens't speak properly.

I hope that makes a little bit of sense. I don't think it is about gifted children not having special needs because yes there are social and emotional issues that go along with it, but I would hope that an adult could see how saying their child's incredible vocabulary is a "special need" or "an issue to deal with" is ridiculous!

ADDED: I think that parents of "normal" children would be highly offended also if the parents of SN kids went on to the regular parenting forum and boasted about what our kids CAN'T do. I think they would report us for neglect or emotional abuse or something!

Again - not saying gifted doesn't belong here - but (g)you could be more considerate about what you post and how you say it considering this IS MAINLY parents of children who are far behind or have other severe issues to deal with. That's all its about - consideration for other peoples feelings.
post #60 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackson's mama
lckrause, I believe 4imprints's post speaks exactly to yours (and Britishmum's post too, as I see it now after posting). Your son not being able to handle a birhday party is not an issue related to his being GIFTED, it's related to SENSORY ISSUES - and many mamas on the special needs parenting board can relate to that... so why post about it only on the gifted thread?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum
I have been reminded of a conversation I had recently with a therapist about my gifted child. Her view was that it is often fairly impossible to pick apart the complexity that often makes up a gifted child. What is SID, what is on the autistic spectrum, what is anxiety, what is OCD, what is xyor z? Who knows?
I think Britishmum's post addresses this. It's true that many kids have sensory issues. But the manner in which they are addressed can be tied to another diagnosis. Sometimes my son's sensory issues are a larger part of his autism, but sometimes they are a part of his oral-motor defensiveness. Sometimes my daughter's sensory issues are part of her anxiety diagnosis, but sometimes they are a part of her dyspraxia. Knowing that is what allows me to help them because different strategies are called for even if the problem looks the same to an outsider. So SID strategies may not necessarily be helpful if the problem is tied up in giftedness. I know there are times when I need to talk to other moms of kids with autism because our experience of a common problem may be different than the experience of someone with a different diagnosis.

4imprints -- thank you for explaining.
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