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Not to be picky here... - Page 5

post #81 of 97
addax - I was being sarcastic in response to the Mosher quote

loraxc - sorry - can't edit fast enough. Look I know that parents of gifted do need their safe haven to discuss their kids. But I still don't think that this is the right place to discuss what your kids can do while we discuss trying to get our kids to do anything. And I'm not trying to minimize that they have their own issues to deal with - but I still don't think it amounts to "special needs" the way special needs are discussed on this forum. This is my safe haven also but it isn't so safe to me anymore when I have to constantly see a thread the is like a sign saying "my child is smarter than yours" in neon lights
post #82 of 97
4imprints, what I was responding to was your asking "Why does anyone need to talk about what their kids can do?" I just thought it was an odd question.
post #83 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by xaloxe
I see how this issue is global, but if this were posted in a general thread and I said "bored in K" instead of "troubles in K" I personally think that would be more offensive then hidden in one general thread.
WHAT?!?! Please tell me I read this wrong. You think it would be more offensive to post about "bored in K" in a general parenting thread than to post THAT - a topic that expresses dealing with a child who can do too much -- in a SPECIAL NEEDS FORUM - where parents are constatnly dealing with that their children can't do????? I think I've completely lost it because I don't understand that argument at all.

loraxc - I was trying to phrase it correclty and realized I couldn't explain it the way I was trying to so I erased it.


I still say it wasn't the "addressing" thread but the "everyday circumstances thread" that irks me. Although the addressing the needs thread hit a sore spot I just kind of rolled my eyes, but the everyday circumstances thread made me angry.
post #84 of 97
I'm really sorry that the gifted thread causes so much pain to others. If the Mods find a better place to put it, I'm fine with that. But at the same time, I'm irritated by the fact that people who don't have issues involving gifted children are reading the thread and judging the mothers there. Silly me to think it was a "safe" haven. I don't tend to read threads that have nothing to do with me. I just don't understand why others would bother doing that, and then complain that they don't like the contents of a thread that's not relavent to them.

The moms with gifted children are a diverse lot...and if there's one thing they are ALL trying to get away from-- it's being judged and criticised for simply telling the truth and asking questions about what their kids are doing each day. Perhaps it's no tragedy to have a gifted child. But it IS terribly isolating and hurtful to feel like you've finally had your long awaited child, and then there's some societal, silent aggreement that if it turns out your kid is doing more than some others, you're not supposed to talk about it or even ask questions if the other mom's haven't experienced what you've experienced yet. WTF? What mother doesn't both want and need to discuss parenting???? Why should parents of Gifted kids be excluded from the need to to say what the heck is going on? Or even from the need to say I'm so proud of my DC today....do you know what he or she did?

Otherwise, to the mothers who are hurt by the presence of the thread...I wish you well. I hope this is all resolved soon.

Faith
post #85 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizc
I said it before and I'll say it again... Being gifted is NOT a DISABILITY.

A subforum would be great.

I really am starting to get super upset by this. It would be such a simple thing to just create a Gifted subforum. That way, everyone is happy.
I agree, a subforum would be a great solution to avoid any hurt feelings.

Do we need to define what special needs are? In my mind special needs does not directly correlate to disability, if that were the case then our daughter is definitly not special needs inspite of her health and physical issues because she does not have a disability no qualifiy for associated services. If you can't tell from any of my other posts I despise labels, for this very reason. They are very subjective and open to interpretation. It's obvious to me by this thread that people have different views on what special needs are, and that the resulting "special need" (educational accomodations, social issues, daily trying occurances) have an importance or legitimacy level based on their cause. I'm not passing judgement with that statement, merely pointing out something I've witnessed here.

I would also like to note that I have not read any posts from any of the moms on the gifted thread claiming that giftedness equates to Down's Syndrome or any other issue. Please, please understand that we all see a difference there and no one is trying to illegitimatise any issues any parent is dealing with, no matter the cause of the special need, and for me, their own definition of SN's.
post #86 of 97
It makes sense to me, 4imprints. She is talking about posting this subject *in the general gifted thread*, not as a separate thread. I used to presume (and I'm wrong, it seems) that the vast majority of people who read the gifted thread either had gifted kids or were wondering if they did. Thus, no one would "have to" read about about the child who is bored out of her mind in K unless they had interest in the subject.
post #87 of 97
Thanks - I must have read it wrong!

I don't want any gifted parents go away from this thinking that they are once again being attacked (which I think that is what a lot of my posts come off as). i hope "they" see that it was the "everday circumstances" thread that pushed me (dare I say "most of us") over the edge in regards to this issue. Because your right - before it WAS confined to one thread and thus almost like a subforum but then that thread - and the first post especially - was like rubbing my face in it. but whatever - I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.
post #88 of 97
I give up. I'm taking my ball and going home.
post #89 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by 4imprints
WHAT?!?! Please tell me I read this wrong. You think it would be more offensive to post about "bored in K" in a general parenting thread than to post THAT - a topic that expresses dealing with a child who can do too much -- in a SPECIAL NEEDS FORUM - where parents are constatnly dealing with that their children can't do????? I think I've completely lost it because I don't understand that argument at all.

loraxc - I was trying to phrase it correclty and realized I couldn't explain it the way I was trying to so I erased it.


I still say it wasn't the "addressing" thread but the "everyday circumstances thread" that irks me. Although the addressing the needs thread hit a sore spot I just kind of rolled my eyes, but the everyday circumstances thread made me angry.


Oh mama, take a deep breath. That was a misunderstanding. When you wrote to post things in the general section I misunderstood. In context with your post I thought you were saying that where some of the issues were cross-over issues (things affecting gifted children and children with a medical condition or diagnosis; schooling issues was the example) that those could be posted right in the general section of the SN forum. I misunderstood. I was saying that I thought posting those things in the SN forum outside of the gifted thread would be offensive, we're in agreement there. I believe now that you meant for people to post those things in the general parenting section outside of the SN forum. I gotcha.

FWIW, mom's had done that, and gotten flamed for it, which is why there was a need for a specific place for those mom's to go.
post #90 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizc
By the way, this whole thread will probably get pulled or locked.
And maybe that's not a bad thing.

This place has been my safe haven since December 2003 when I had to come to terms with the fact that not 1 or even 2, but all 3 of my kids had special needs, including places on the autism spectrum. There have been times when I've given myself a timeout from posting because I was in a bad place and didn't have anything nice to say -- when postings from people with only 1 child with needs grated on my nerves. But those were my issues and when I worked them out, I came back. I never thought that their issues were less valid than mine simply because only 1 child was suffering. As xaloxe said more eloquently, the comparison game can't be won. And if special needs criteria are set, who gets to set them?

If a better home can be found for the gifted thread, that's fine. But I think discounting the struggles of families with gifted children is unhelpful and hurtful. When the gifted thread was initiated, Britishmum was oh-so-careful about not stepping on anyone's feelings. The population may have changed since then, and a move from the special needs forum may now be appropriate, but bashing other parents because of our own issues is not courteous or productive.
post #91 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by faithnj
I'm really sorry that the gifted thread causes so much pain to others. If the Mods find a better place to put it, I'm fine with that. But at the same time, I'm irritated by the fact that people who don't have issues involving gifted children are reading the thread and judging the mothers there. Silly me to think it was a "safe" haven. I don't tend to read threads that have nothing to do with me. I just don't understand why others would bother doing that, and then complain that they don't like the contents of a thread that's not relavent to them.

The moms with gifted children are a diverse lot...and if there's one thing they are ALL trying to get away from-- it's being judged and criticised for simply telling the truth and asking questions about what their kids are doing each day. Perhaps it's no tragedy to have a gifted child. But it IS terribly isolating and hurtful to feel like you've finally had your long awaited child, and then there's some societal, silent aggreement that if it turns out your kid is doing more than some others, you're not supposed to talk about it or even ask questions if the other mom's haven't experienced what you've experienced yet. WTF? What mother doesn't both want and need to discuss parenting???? Why should parents of Gifted kids be excluded from the need to to say what the heck is going on? Or even from the need to say I'm so proud of my DC today....do you know what he or she did?

Otherwise, to the mothers who are hurt by the presence of the thread...I wish you well. I hope this is all resolved soon.

Faith


Well said Faith.

Where would this proposed subforum be placed, anyway. If the general argument is that it's very existance is hurtful to see every day, then where could it be hidden so as not to offend? It's pretty clear not under Special Needs, but it doesn't fit with education, parenting or FYT. How 'bout TAO? Since those with gifted kids really don't have serious issues to be discussed, then surly the casual chit chat of TAO would be unoffensive. But. Always a but. But why is it that these mamas have to HIDE so as not to offend?

I'm truly sorry for what a lot of you are dealing with on a daily basis, and I'm sure it's a struggle just to get out of bed some mornings. But there is no corner on the market of the challenges of meeting your kid's needs. Be it their need to be constantly stimulated with facts or thier need to attend Speech Therapy. The name of the forum is Special Needs. Gifted kids have special needs, therefore I feel that thread belongs here. The name isn't "Parenting kids who are developmentally, socially, spacially or emotionally delayed."

I for one am really hurt and sickened by the hostility of a place that is touted to be supportive.
post #92 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by xaloxe


Oh mama, take a deep breath. That was a misunderstanding. When you wrote to post things in the general section I misunderstood. In context with your post I thought you were saying that where some of the issues were cross-over issues (things affecting gifted children and children with a medical condition or diagnosis; schooling issues was the example) that those could be posted right in the general section of the SN forum. I misunderstood. I was saying that I thought posting those things in the SN forum outside of the gifted thread would be offensive, we're in agreement there. I believe now that you meant for people to post those things in the general parenting section outside of the SN forum. I gotcha.

FWIW, mom's had done that, and gotten flamed for it, which is why there was a need for a specific place for those mom's to go.
UGh - I'm so confused now!!! I do think that some of the issues the parents of gifted have should be talked about in a general special needs board. I feel you can ask questions about how to deal with the fact that your child is "different" - ex. friends, social settings, the future, college etc. Those are some of the same things we deal with. And even when it comes to talking about Kindergarden. If someone says "how do I get the services my child needs for their best education" - well that isn't offensive and I think they could receive a lot of help from the majority of us since we seem to live and breathe the "system".

When comparing the offensiveness of this thread I still do not get why someone (no one in particular - but some threads have alluded to this) would think that "since it would be offensive everywhere - why not just stick it in the SN forum". I think that yes, some parents would be offended in a general parenting forum but that you are hurting a lot more people on a much deeper level when "some" things are posted in the SN forum. I say "some" because I have no problem with someone discussing how to deal with tantrums in their child because they are bored or discussing social phobias because a gifted child can't handle the environment of someone their own age on this bored. Those are special needs that are specific to a gifted child and like many have said - those behaviors are also seen in many other diagnoses so parents can relate and help. But that thread (daily circumstances) overstepped the boundries of being helpful - severly.

I just want to reiterate that I don't think it was the gifted thread in general. I just think the daily circumstance pushed people over the edge on this subject and I hope that is easily seen why.
post #93 of 97
I think that most of us who are posting on this thread are NOT hostile...Just trying to be understood.
I don't think any of us with special needs children have said that parents of gifted children should not talk about their issues AT ALL. We are just saying that perhaps there is a better spot for it.

My own child has been called gifted (by a specialist) yet I wouldn't feel right posting about those 'gifts' where it would be in the face of someone who is struggling with a non responsive autistic child. Or a child with a life altering physical disability. Or a child who is not expected to be alive next year.

I struggle with my son's needs yet I completely understand that there are those who have it much worse than me.

I REALLY wish people would understand that we are not saying that those with gifted children have struggles. I know they do. I live it too.
But I feel that a sub forum in the Parenting forum would be a great idea.

It's not about 'banishing' people or chasing them off. Just finding a place where it makes sense for everyone.

I don't know if this makes sense. I'm tired. Extremely tired.

Above all....PEACE,
Liz
post #94 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by therdogg
I agree, I actually don't think this is an appropriate forum for such a thread. A thread like "gifted and disabled" would be fine, but a thread celebrating a non-disability doesn't belong here. A thread titled "the special needs of socially precocious children" or "the special needs of burgeoning Olympic athletes" would similarly irk me. Such a thread is fine somewhere else, but not here. There are special needs and then there are special needs children.
This is surprising to me (and forgive me, as this is as far as I have gotten in this thread so far....)...

I have both ends of the spectrum. I have a 2 year old epileptic son that is severely delayed in expressive speech, has a moderate delay in receptive speech, sensory integration dysfunction, and moderate cognitive delays and now the OT/ST want him re-evaluated for physical therapy... Then I have my 3 year old dd, who is terrified of grass, will wipe herself after going to the bathroom untill she bleeds, and I'd say has just as many if not more sensory issues as my son, but she doesn't qualify for any sort of therapy or help cause she can read, and add, and is trying to teach herself to be tri-lingual.

In my opinion, with the exception of the epilepsy which is terrifying, both have an equal number of "special needs"...The gifted thread is much more talking about these needs, than bragging about what they can and can't do.
post #95 of 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rigama

I for one am really hurt and sickened by the hostility of a place that is touted to be supportive.
I'm not really seeing all the hostility
post #96 of 97
Sigh. This thread is making me sad. I didn't even read everything word for word. The SN forum is my favorite place on MDC, because of how supportive it is, and the lack of judgement that tends to sneak in elsewhere.

I'm one of those moms who gets a little stab everytime the gifted thread shows up at the top. But I guess I figured it was just my problem, like the feelings I get seeing "normal" children, like my son's 4 month old cousin who is rapidly surpassing him developmentally.

For those who said the problem here is just like people being bothered by CAC forum if they chose to circ, it's just not. Can't exactly put my finger on why, except that having a delayed child or one with medical issues is not a choice. Yes, we all have to put our issues aside sometimes, and not assume everything's out to offend us. But, well. . . I don't know what I think. Just rambling now.
post #97 of 97
The placement of the Gifted thread was discussed several times with the administrators and it was decided that this was the best place for it. It has come up several times since and each time, the topic was revisisted and it was again decided that the SN forum was the best place. If you have any questions or concerns you may direct them to our administrators.

I can understand why someone whose child is develomentally challenged might find it painful to read about children who are ahead of the curve. Please know that parenting *any* child with any special needs is very hard, and it's all relative. It is very difficult to judge someone who has not walked a mile (or a year!) in your shoes.

I am sorry for the hurt feelings that have come out on this thread. I am going to lock it while I review it.
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