Feeling a little alone

[Nankay]

Hi, Fairly new here to posting...long time lurker. LOL A year ago my MIL died of cancer. I miss her and feel terrible for my dd who was very close to her. 3 weeks ago, my own mother died of cancer. My heart aches for my dd at losing another g'ma. My ds will never remember either. That makes it doubly hard.
Now I am feeling rather bereft . I have no older wiser woman in my life. No one to share the joys and perils of married life and motherhood. I never knew how much I would miss such a presence in my life. I find myself very lonely indeed.

Nancy

[cottonwood]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Oh, but what a thing to have had that older wise woman presence even for a while! I've never had anybody like that in my life.

[lisamarie]

Nankay~

I am so, so sorry to hear about both of your losses. Grief can be such a lonely feeling.

My ds lost his dad when he was 3 yo. I want him to remember him, so I made up a small photo album of photos of him and his dad (from birth, on), that he can always have in his room, by his bed. I have also written down, EVERYTHING, that I could remember about his dad~stories, favorite foods/animals/songs, etc. We tell stories about him and try to keep his memory alive for my ds. Maybe you could do that for your kids.

For you, be gentle w/yourself. Find a support group or counselor. Do you have an aunt that you are close to? Or maybe someone at your church or temple (if you belong to one), that you could form a bond with.

Please know that this community is here for you. Know that you can come here to cry, express anger, loneliness and sadness and that you are NOT alone.

Hugs~
Lisa

[Ms. Mom]

Nankay,

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a difficult time you and your family are going through. So much sadness and greif.

Your concern for dd is a true testiment of the loving mothering presence these women had on you.

It's difficult helping a child through greif. My father died last year and my son (then 6) went through some very angry times. My dd (then 3) moved through it differently - she really liked the memorial service we had and danced through it, while my son was upset and didn't really want to take part.

We need to allow our children to move through greif as they need to. Through the years there will be many hard times. Mothers day and other hoidays when you feel her loss more deeply and miss the presence she would be in your childs life.

I agree with Lisa, be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to move thorugh this loss. Greif is a journy, there are many paths you have to travel, take your time to explore each path and learn from it.

You'll be in my thoughts - let us know how your doing.

[Nankay]

Thank you all for your replies. My daughter was 5 1/2 when G'ma #1 died, 6 1/2 when my mom died. We have made a point of talking to her about cancer, death dying etc. At this point however, she does not want to talk about anything or anybody. She changes the subject if either of the g'mas come up. Strangely, she has always been one to hide her pain--even physical pain, brushing it off saying she's ok and this really concerns us.

[sunmountain]

just wanted to send you this:

{{{{{nankay}}}}}

and hang in there.

[Nankay]

Thank you!!