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full time co-sleeping vs. part time and do you like it? - Page 2

Poll Results: full time vs. part time family bed

 
  • 28% (22)
    bed share full time, taking baby or kids to bed when you go
  • 45% (35)
    bed share full time, putting baby or kids to sleep before you
  • 20% (16)
    baby in crib or cosleeper before you and bring to bed for nursing
  • 1% (1)
    baby in bedside cosleeper before you and bring to bed for nursing
  • 3% (3)
    bring baby to bed just for nursing and put back in crib or cosleeper
  • 0% (0)
    baby's crib in other room and transferred back after eating.
77 Total Votes  
post #21 of 34
We go to bed at the same time as dd, (sometimes we read in bed or whatever, but she sleeps best if we are within 8 inches of her : )

And I stay in bed with her until she gets up in the morning - except in the past few days I've been getting up a little earlier while she sleeps, but she usually notices that I'm not there after about a 1/2 hour.
post #22 of 34
Co-sleeping sure hasn't solved our sleep problems. We co-sleep fulltime and I adore it. It's one of my favorite parts of parenting. But, as I have detailed in many other threads over the months, my kid sleeps horribly. We all sleep horribly. It's a huge issue for us. I don't think he would sleep any better away from us, though...

Jackson also goes to bed before we do. He is an early bedtime kinda guy, like 7:00 p.m. most nights. I don't want to go to bed that early even though I'm exhausted, and I cherish that little bit of time away from him and with my partner. No guilt here. Like some earlier posters, I take some offense to the idea that there is something wrong with 'figuring out ways to be away from' my kid. I am human and I have needs, you know? And one of my needs is a little bit of time to myself here and there. That doesn't seem unusual or outrageous to me.

If your kid is like mine, co-sleeping won't create dreamy sleep. In fact, it won't keep your kid from crying. Or being awake all night. If you haven't had a baby like mine, it's really easy to think that you know the answer, but it's just not that easy...
post #23 of 34
Thank you, tara. I thought I was the only one who found that last sentence a bit too much.

I don't sit around dreaming up ways to be away from my ds. But he goes to bed at 7pm (his schedule, not mine), so I could either join him and lay there wide awake for about four hours and accomplish absolutely nothing, or I could do some much needed cleaning/cooking or just have some alone time.

Sheesh.
post #24 of 34
sheesh, indeed! My babe's 7 p.m. bedtime is also his schedule, based on his cues. I could use those couple hours of sleep, but then I'd go crazy for time alone and time alone with my partner. And, sometimes I haven't eaten by that time, either... Or I need to use that time to shower (tara=stinky sometimes!). Pretty basic needs, really. Nothing fancy. Not like I'm trying to get him to sleep early so I can go party or something.
post #25 of 34
Wow! I'm glad you guys have found a sleep routine that works for you! That's so great! Since I have 5 kids we've done many different routines! I rarely get a minute to myself but that comes with the territory! LOL! I think it's important to remember that no one is judging you here. We're all just sharing ideas. What works for one of us may not work for another! Take what you like and leave the rest!
post #26 of 34
Thread Starter 
What I was saying with the comment about not trying to get away from my kids was that many parents complain about how rough bed time is, because they assume kids need a bedtime. They want a bedtime so "they can have time away from the kids" or "time for themselves". Some kids of course fall asleep early, others later, what I was saying is that trying to put a child to bed when they aren't tired or don't want to go to bed seems selfish to me. That's my opinion of course, not everyones. I understand some parents want bedtimes for their kids, but, they just need to understand that kids don't want to be PUT to bed anymore than an adult wants to be PUT or MADE to go to bed. If a child is falling asleep, go ahead and have a blast, I wasn't talking about babies falling asleep before mom and dad, I was talking about parents giving their child a set "time for bed" schedule to follow and being upset when it didn't work. I have 5 kids, none have ever had a bedtime. My oldest kids are up til midnight or later, my oldest 2 past me usually, my 10 year old and 1 year old go at the same time as me, and my 2 year old usually heads to bed with dad around 10 or 11 and watches videos while daddy snoozes and falls asleep with him til I head to bed. If she doesn't want to go to bed, or cries about leaving me, we let her stay up. I'm a softy I guess, I hated bed time as a child, and remember those feelings, so take my kids gentle hearts into consideration in all that I do.
post #27 of 34
Quote:
Originally posted by ekblad7
I think it's important to remember that no one is judging you here. We're all just sharing ideas. What works for one of us may not work for another! Take what you like and leave the rest!
With all due respect, I feel some judgement here. Or at least some self-righteousness, which has judgement as an element... It's not just idea-sharing to say things like it's selfish to want your kid to go to sleep so you can have time for yourself. Or to imply that those of us who have read and used 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' really should just co-sleep full-time. There is some judgement and some presumption in there. I appreciate that some of you have had an easy time with sleep and co-sleeping, that some of you don't feel the need to have time for yourself. But this is not my experience and there's nothing selfish about it and there's no easy answer.

And, FWIW, I believe my kid *does* need a bedtime. When we stay out later or don't start our bedtime routine on time as planned we all pay for it. And my child would fight bedtime until next week if I never 'made' him go to sleep. Some kids do well without routine, some kids need more structure, some kids are born sleep-fighters. I consider not only my child's gentle heart but what is in his and our family's best interest, and sometimes that means I put him in pj's even though he struggles and I lie down and nurse him to sleep. Doesn't work every time, and those times perhaps I misread his cues. But most of the time he falls asleep. And I get my selfish time alone.
post #28 of 34
ps: I'll bow out now, as it's clear this is a tough subject for me. My buttons are easily pushed on this one.
post #29 of 34
I'm really sorry if you feel judged here. And I'm also sorry if you think that I, for one, have had an easy time with sleeping and co sleeping. I've been a mama for 11 plus years and the word easy would not describe my sleep patterns over those years. Do I love co sleeping, yes, do I also need time to get things done? Of course! Everyone needs time to themselves! Like I said, do what works for you! If you're happy with it then who cares what others think? I had to drop that feeling a long time ago! There's always going to be someone who does it differently!
post #30 of 34
I didn't full-time co-sleep with Jonathen(now 8 months) at first because my DH is a very heavy sleeper, and honestly, I don't trust him when he's sleeping. Usually, when Jonathen would wake up at night, I'd get him out of his bassinet, feed him, and if I stayed awake thru the feeding, I'd lay him back down in the bassinet. Of course, that was only when our 7 year old wasn't in the bed. When he was in the room, I would take Jonathen out to the living room, and feed him on the couch, and 9 out of 10 times, fall asleep with him there.

Right now, I am mostly co-sleeping with him, but he takes most naps, and starts out at night in the playyard(never bothered with a crib). This way, I can do stuff around the house, etc, before I go to bed, and not worry about not hearing him wake up and him falling off the bed. My DH is currently in S. Korea with the Army, so the worries about his heavy sleeping are gone. And the bed is a true family bed, with me, Jonathen,Benjamin (my 7yo), and our dog and cat all in the bed at night.
post #31 of 34
Hey, ekblad... I don't feel judged by you in particular, and I know you've had your share of sleeping ups and downs...

Part of the reason this is so tough for me is that I'm not happy! How could I be happy about the kind of sleep we get? It doesn't work for us! But, I'm pretty much out of options besides just waiting or CIO... So, it's easy for me to get frustrated with anyone who thinks that co-sleeping solves all sleep problems, or who belittles any of the things we've tried in our journey towards better sleep. It's easy for me to get frustrated with anyone who judges me for my choices around sleep... Sometimes I think I should just stop talking to people about sleep, or at least stop talking to anyone who hasn't slept like us. How can you truly relate to my experience if you haven't gone 16 months without a decent night's sleep (and my standard of decent is pretty low...)? How can you relate if you don't know what it's like to wake up 20 times a night for weeks on end? With no chance for a nap, with a needy babe, fighting illness... Blah blah blah, woe is me, wah wah whiney baby.

I think I will take a break from this forum. Starting now!
post #32 of 34
No sleep is the worst! You know they use it for torture in some countries. It tortures me! I'm so sorry you've had struggles! I'm sending good thoughts for better sleep resolutions!
post #33 of 34
Quote:
Originally posted by tara
And, FWIW, I believe my kid *does* need a bedtime. When we stay out later or don't start our bedtime routine on time as planned we all pay for it. And my child would fight bedtime until next week if I never 'made' him go to sleep. Some kids do well without routine, some kids need more structure, some kids are born sleep-fighters. I consider not only my child's gentle heart but what is in his and our family's best interest, and sometimes that means I put him in pj's even though he struggles and I lie down and nurse him to sleep. Doesn't work every time, and those times perhaps I misread his cues.
My DD totally needs an early bedtime. We experimented with putting her to bed later for a while because bedtime was a struggle, but she was a total pest to be around the whole time. Like some alien had invaded her body or something and she was always crying and fussing and didn't know what she wanted. And she woke up more often during the night if that was possible My happy singing cheerful girl came back when I reintroduced the bedtime struggle. In her own bed. When she wakes up she comes to mine. I can't fall asleep with someone that close to me unless I am still pretty much asleep.

DD is also not a great sleeper, and in fact started sleeping better when I did put her in her own bed. We stay very flexible so everyone gets as much sleep as possible and Oh awake bye
post #34 of 34
My daughter needs to go to bed around 8, so I lie down with her until she is asleep, and then I get up. I used to put her in her crib for the first part of the night, but she always woke up every 45 minutes or so until I brought her into bed with me, and was very upset to find herself in her crib. She was resistant to bedtime, and also naps. I gave up on the crib completely. I know you are not supposed to leave a baby alone in an adult bed, but we have a very small apartment, and we just keep the bedroom door open so we always hear her if she starts moving around. Also, we have a bedrail. We are all *very* happy with this arrangement. We will continue to this until dd decides on her own that she is ready to sleep in her own bed. It has been 5 months since we stopped using the crib, and now dd asks to go "nigh-nigh" for bedtime, and also for naps. She now has pleasant associations with sleep, and doesn't mind being alone in our bed, because it is her "place". She might stir during the night, but she goes back to sleep on her own without any rocking or nursing. Most nights she sleeps for 11 hours straight. I know bedsharing isn't for everyone, but it really works for us!
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