How to discipline your pet in an AP manner...

[CrunchyKat]

Pet question!!

I try be very gentle with my daughter and am very AP. But I tend to loose my cool with my pets. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's few people out there that could love their pets like I do. But when they get out of control, I often yell "nooo" or "dont do that" "stop being an @ss to the other cats Flash!!", etc. I know I need to work on this and greatly improve, so dd doesn't grow up thinking that's right. When my dog (puppy) jumps on me, I try to be calm, and gentle, and ask her to be a nice dog, and not to jump, but it doesn't work!!! Then I lose it and yell, stop!! And have to physically force he on the ground to stop jumping which as soon as I let go, she goes back to doing it. And when the cats jump on something, knock it over, etc I tend to just yell because I feel like exasperated with them.

Can I get some good tips and advise on how to stay calm, have patience, and how to be more AP and gentle with my pets? I love them with all my heart, it's just sometimes they drive me bonkers!!:

[bellona]

I don't think that asking them nicely will work. At least that's my expirience. They seem to know what your saying because of your tone, rather than than because of the words. When my cats get on something they aren't supposed to I just say "no!" or "get down!" in a deep-ish, stern voice, not yelling though. It works with mine. And because I'm consistant with it (it was hard at first), it works well enough that I don't get to the point where I'm ready to scream anymore

[Lactating_Goddess]

The best thing to do with dogs is make sure when you are discplining them that you stand tall and make eyecontact. Use a firm, but never LOUD, voice. The yelling at pets only makes them think it's PLAY time and they'll usually continue the behavior until you get angry and push them off.. which is what you are trying to avoid. There are LOTS of good books out there with gentle approaches to pet training. Actually MOST are very AP style IMO. Not one book that I've read has suggested hitting or yelling at the pet! There is one book You and your pet.. it was a great starting point for me and I use a lot of the info from it and it really has helped! I'll see in a bit if i can find a link to purchasing it if you'd like. Good luck

[familylove]

: I have the same issues. I want to show DS that yelling isn't ok, but it seems like I spend I great deal of time doing exactly that. I get frustrated b/c its like a circus in here sometimes (we live in a duplex with one child, two adults, two dogs and two cats (one of which is a kitten).

The disturbing thing is that yesterday, DS was imitating me and my yelling/nasty voice ways while playing with his toys. Yuck!

Lactating_Goddess,it makes sense that yelling=play time to the dogs, so I can definitely keep that in mind.

I'm interested to hear more advice from other mamas!

[Dar]

I don't treat my dogs the way I treat my kid... and I don't think I should. Dogs need to know their place in the pack, and they need to obey me.

Still, as with children, I think it's important to create a relationship with your dogs so that they know to take their cues from you. My dogs see me as the Giver of Food, Walks, Tummy Rubs and Treats, and pleasing me is important to them. I can give my bc a stern look when she's doing something wrong and she'll slink off to lie on her blanket without my saying a word. If I do say something to correct them, I'm firm with a low voice, but not yelling. Eye contact is important, too, and I also try to stay fairly still physically. Tone is also important.

After I've corrected one of my dogs, I always try to give him a chance to please me fairly shortly afterwards, usually by calling him over and asking him to sit and shake, or something similar. I think reconnecting is important, and then the dog knows he's okay with me and again works to stay that way.

dar

[CrunchyKat]

Oh yes, me too. This is great! I didn't realize that she thought when I yell I mean it's play time. But it makes sense! Because she seems to get more rowdy! (<---spelling???) I'm having a real difficult time with my dog because I've never raised a dog before, and I just keep telling myself (and everyone else) "she's just a puppy, she'll grow out of it and listen more". I can tell you, she's got a lot better. She doesn't jump up, as much. She can walk on a leash without going nutso now. So there are improvements...With my cats, it's much better. They don't really do much "bad" stuff. Except like the other day when I caught my boy cat pooping in the house (which they have NEVER EVER EVER EVER done!!!) and I flipped. I yelled, and I grabbed him by the back on his neck skin and carried him downstairs in the basement to his litter box and said "this is where you go!!!" And then I felt like the worst pet mom in the world, and even started to cry because I realized that the litter boxes were FULL. Litterbox duty is my dh's chore, but obviously he hadn't done it in a few days. I felt so bad because that is the only reason my kitty went in the house, because there wasn't any room in the litter box. Geez, I picked him back up and loved on him on the couch for like an hour and just apologized. I felt so bad and am ASHAMED of my behavior.

Please tell me I'm not alone....

[thekimballs]

I know a lot more about dogs than cats, but dogs don't respond to AP parenting. Dogs are not rational creatures and they don't grow up and get better. They understand feels good/doesn't feel good, and that's the best way to reach them. If something feels good because it is rewarded or is self-rewarding, that behavior will be repeated--no matter how much we hate it. If something does not feel good, it will gradually or abruptly be extinguished depending on how not-good it feels. You can't explain to dogs that the vet wants to help them--they know that if they go through that door not-good feelings will follow, and they cannot establish that at some point in the future they'll feel better if they get through the not-good now.

I think the best and fastest and most humane way to deal with dogs is by understanding how they learn, and helping them do the right things most quickly and reliably. That means consistently rewarding good behavior and consistently unrewarding (with a somewhat unpleasant experience) bad behavior. You never have to hurt a dog, but you may have to make him feel uncomfortable--that's what the other members of his pack would do in the wild, and it's what he's expecting when he "tries out" behaviors on you. No response = let's see what happens if I do it again.

[shannon0218]

What Joanna said. Also, keep in mind, AP is all about respect for the child as a human, so if you really want to be AP to your pet, have respect for the fact that he is NOT a human and does not think like a human. You can nicely ask him not to jump on you until you're hoarse but I assure you the only way that's going to work is if he gets so tired of you repeating the same thing he moves on to something more exciting.
Dogs do what works for them. Figure out what the dog is getting from the behavior (and remember that negative attention is still attention and still often sought after--which is where discomfort comes in)
For jumping up, what does he want? Your attention. Is he getting it, yep and then some, after all you're nicely talking to him and chittering away as he leaps at your face, he gets energy out, gets to be face to face and gets to listen to you yammer away, dog life at it's finest.
Next time, when he jumps up, grab his front feet, look away, do not say a thing and hold his feet for 30 seconds. Then let go, face him and tell him to sit, when he sits, love him up. You've now taken the action of jumping up and made it NOT work for him--not only is he not getting your attention but he also is not releasing any stress and most importantly, he's not free to attempt other ways of getting your attention. Suddenly, jumping up isnt' working as well as it used to. But when he sits and keeps 4 on the floor, he does get what he needs and it does it work for him.
Go back to rule #1 of dog training...Dogs only do what works for them.
Now what works is sitting.