I've Failed as a GD Parent - Page 2

[WuWei]

You might check local homeschooling groups for mother's helpers. Also consider some Bach Flower remedies for feeling overwhelmed (Elm), or increased tolerance (Beech), or Rescue Remedy for general upsets.

Pat

[mamabeca]

The flower remedies are nice, and so are homeopathic remedies. A good all-round winner for frustration and ill-feelings (emotional) is Chamomilla. The same one we give babies for teething. Works differently in adults, but helps! Also, know that you are doing the hardest job in the world, and NO ONE can do it NEARLY as well as you, even your awesome dh. No one. So - hang in there! You are in a fairly long, dark tunnel. When the babies are school aged, and life is moving fast, you'll maybe wonder where the time went, but right now, just find sources of light for yourself. Borrow good movies and work while a good movie is on. Listen to fabulous music all day long - enya, peter gabriel, van morrison, etc. - or drum, dance, etc. just to get the spirit in you moving. I know it's hard, and I have 2 less than you do, so I can really only IMAGINE how much harder. Hang tough, get help, and take care of yourself (all these ideas are not in place of visiting the dr. and seeing about getting help for ppd - that IS a serious thing to deal with, and you SHOULD have help, mama!).

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by Megs Mom

OK. I've been suspecting I'm depressed but just not wanting to go there, I guess. I have a history of depression and OCD. I've been on meds since 1998. Can they stop working? I was seeing a therapist until DH was laid off and then I stopped to save money. Now he is in a temporary job and I have an appt. to see her in a couple of weeks (she comes to my house, thank goodness, and I don't have to find child care).

Yes, you can stop feeling the benefits of the meds, especially if you have been taking them a long time. Do not feel like it is your fault, you did not ask to feel this way and you do not deserve to feel this way.

I have been depressed in the past and the best thing I was ever told about depression, I will pass on. My doctor told me that certain people were prone to depression and those people *have* to do a better job taking care of themselves then others who are not prone to depression. It is similar to people who are prone to high cholesterol, they have to do a better job of eating healthy. This might be obvious to everyone else but it was a lightbulb moment for me and has helped me a great deal.

I would encourage you to call your church. My mom was Catholic and if I remember right the priest had a lot of resources for her when she was having mental health and general family issues.

[Megs Mom]

Originally Posted by scubamama

You might check local homeschooling groups for mother's helpers. Also consider some Bach Flower remedies for feeling overwhelmed (Elm), or increased tolerance (Beech), or Rescue Remedy for general upsets.

Pat

Love both ideas, Pat, and I will do both. Thank you.

[Mizelenius]

Oh, mama.


I can't even dream of giving you advice. If you are depressed, it is no wonder . . .considering the stress level (ages of children, layoff, lack of sleep) you are under, it is amazing you have kept it together so far.

[WuWei]

You can even choose the remedies most specific to your needs with this Bach Flower remedy finder quiz: http://www.ainsworths.com/remedy/default.aspx You can choose several and mix them with water for sipping as needed for extra patience and sanity support.

Or choose from this comprehensive list of remedies. This link lists each remedy's indications: http://bringhealth.com/bach_flower_remedies.html

I couldn't parent without Rescue Remedy, and I only have one child.

Pat

[Megs Mom]

Originally Posted by mamabeca

The flower remedies are nice, and so are homeopathic remedies. A good all-round winner for frustration and ill-feelings (emotional) is Chamomilla. The same one we give babies for teething. Works differently in adults, but helps! Also, know that you are doing the hardest job in the world, and NO ONE can do it NEARLY as well as you, even your awesome dh. No one. So - hang in there! You are in a fairly long, dark tunnel. When the babies are school aged, and life is moving fast, you'll maybe wonder where the time went, but right now, just find sources of light for yourself. Borrow good movies and work while a good movie is on. Listen to fabulous music all day long - enya, peter gabriel, van morrison, etc. - or drum, dance, etc. just to get the spirit in you moving. I know it's hard, and I have 2 less than you do, so I can really only IMAGINE how much harder. Hang tough, get help, and take care of yourself (all these ideas are not in place of visiting the dr. and seeing about getting help for ppd - that IS a serious thing to deal with, and you SHOULD have help, mama!).

I do keep good music on - very important to me. I will call my OB & talk to my therapist.

[Megs Mom]

Originally Posted by lalaland42

Yes, you can stop feeling the benefits of the meds, especially if you have been taking them a long time. Do not feel like it is your fault, you did not ask to feel this way and you do not deserve to feel this way.

I have been depressed in the past and the best thing I was ever told about depression, I will pass on. My doctor told me that certain people were prone to depression and those people *have* to do a better job taking care of themselves then others who are not prone to depression. It is similar to people who are prone to high cholesterol, they have to do a better job of eating healthy. This might be obvious to everyone else but it was a lightbulb moment for me and has helped me a great deal.

I would encourage you to call your church. My mom was Catholic and if I remember right the priest had a lot of resources for her when she was having mental health and general family issues.

All good advice, thank you. I think I have maybe gotten myself into trouble by thinking I have no options, you know? That kind of thinking always gets me in trouble!

[Megs Mom]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

Oh, mama.


I can't even dream of giving you advice. If you are depressed, it is no wonder . . .considering the stress level (ages of children, layoff, lack of sleep) you are under, it is amazing you have kept it together so far.

Well, you may not have advice but your hugs and affirmations mean a lot to me. Thank you.

[Megs Mom]

Originally Posted by scubamama

You can even choose the remedies most specific to your needs with this Bach Flower remedy finder quiz: http://www.ainsworths.com/remedy/default.aspx You can choose several and mix them with water for sipping as needed for extra patience and sanity support.

Or choose from this comprehensive list of remedies. This link lists each remedy's indications: http://bringhealth.com/bach_flower_remedies.html

I couldn't parent without Rescue Remedy, and I only have one child.

Pat

Headed to ainsworths now. Thanks, mama. I remembered, I used to use RR when my twins were tiny.

[Megs Mom]

Update: I got a Stephen Minister!

[LynnS6]

Great! That's a great place to start - especially since their sole job is to help YOU!! And it's fantastic that you are reaching out for help when you are having such a hard time.

About the meds -- it's possible you need a med increase. Hormone fluctuations, increased stress, etc. can up your need for the meds. Talk to you doctor/midwife about that - it's not going to remove all your stress, but you know that already!

[Megs Mom]

I'll ask about the meds, thank you. I'm seeing my therapist Wed. & will then schedule a visit w/my PCP.