I seem to be fbing!

[JanetF]

I'm about to birth my second child and today my MW told me she considers me at great risk of another c-sec because she feels my baby is really big.My last planned hb ended in a TF because my MW (different MW) said my baby was malpositioned after I'd reached full dilation. She gave me no options to rest, move about, head down butt up, left side, kerb walk, nothing. Just "You have to have a c-sec" Aferwards she told me I could never have birthed him because he was big and I'm small. I'm just not that small! And he just wasn't that big!!!!!! I'm about 5 foot 4 and he was 8lb 13 roughly. How is that big??? Actually I believe my "risk" of c-sec is directly proportional to my CP's "belief" in how likely it is I'll need a c-sec!

So now my second MW tells me the same story and I still don't believe it, I'm afraid! I just don't see that my birthing potential is so much less than that of other women! I am a community birth educator and I constantly say to women CPD is a fraud, it's not size it's position (btw both my babies have been OA!) and yet to hear these words come out of the mouth of yet another CP who is known for supporting women and not buying into myths was utterly devastating. I was so upset I vomited. I've never done that before! Reading the stories in "Bakers Dozen" only affirms my beliefs! "Gloria's lovely article about pelvises (which I give to women all the time!) only underscores what I'm feeling! Gretchen's stuff on CPD only adds to the picture! I am NOT a freak!

I suppose I'm just really angry that this myth has popped up in my birthing career AGAIN and I have new insight into how women feel who hear this from their hired surgeons. My mother ( with basically my build and size) birthed me lying on her back in the 1960s. I weighed 5oz less than my first son! Yet somehow it's impossible to think that this pelvis that I probably inherited from all the other women in my ancestry couldn't birth a baby slightly larger, upright, undrugged and moving freely at home?

Send me strength, sisters. I hope to labour soon as I've been having beautiful tightenings for a week now. I feel so sad that we go through this stuff and grateful that the MW revealed her true colours before she brought her fear and beliefs into my birthing space.

[cottonwood]

Wow, what a shock. I'm so sorry that her revelation brought such stress into what should be a calm, centering time. And it's so crazy, that with you being so involved in birth work, that you have yet to find a birth attendant who isn't steeped in myth and fear.

Let me know if you need anything.

Linda

[JanetF]

Thank you. It's weird to be on the receiving end of the pelvis myths, I tell you! Lovely words of support are exactly what I need, thank you for supplying them.

[MamaTaraX]

Wow. I hope you can find the peace you need to dig up the strength to be the awesome birth warrior that you help other women to be! You deserve a wonderful birth. I'm sure everyone here has complete faith in you mama!

Namaste, Tara

[BirthFree]

Oh that is just awful - WHAT is she hoping to purport by saying that to you? Pre-preparing you "just in case"? Because she doesn't have faith in birth or your body? To dash your confidence? What exactly is the point??!! Seems really silly to me - is she a homebirth MW? I think that is awful... you just *don't* say things like that to a woman getting ready to birth even if you think them in your head! Seriously.

AND, I've been in labors or meeting clients that I think their birth will end up one way or what not and they blow my expectations out of the water and come up with just what is supposed to happen. My own personal beliefs or expectations of them rarely line up to what happens... it teaches me to not expect anything at all really - or that if I do it probably won't be like I think.

If it helps, my first birth was a transfer for malposition too (I was stalled at 7cm with transition contractions for more than 12 hours (30-something total) - NOT fun!) and my homebirth MW did not suggest anything to change baby's position either other than her trying to turn his head during a contraction (and that hurt too badly to let her do it - though now I wish I'd sucked it up more and let her try again).

Sometimes experience is our best teacher - but it sounds like maybe you need to talk to your MW to explain how what she says makes you feel - and pull out your Gloria Lemay article and make her a copy... she needs to know what she is doing. And if she knows that's what she's doing (crushing hopes, causing anxiety), she needs to stop doing that - you can't predict from the outside what is going to happen on the inside.

My 8lb 8oz baby came out with hand under chin (so that means it was head/hand/arm kind of all at once) just fine and I'm 5'4" myself. I have a doula client who is 5'6" and birthed a 9lb 15oz baby in a posterior position after pushing for 6 hours and 40 minutes unmedicated... we're made to birth those babies we grow!!
~Julie

[mama in the forest]

Janet.....let me second (third or fourth or whatever!) what everyone is saying. There is absolutely NO reason why you cannot do this!!!!!

Let me tell you - my babies are HUGE, and although I am a tall person, my pelvis & other openings are no different than any other woman's. I have spoken to many people who believe height has NOTHING to do with anything. Most of us have pretty much the same pelvic structure & size. And I have birthed every single baby just fine! My babies have all been between 9 and 13 pounds....the larger ones being EASIER to birth! And all were posterior & two with a hand up by their heads! I just make sure I'm walking the entire first part of labor, then when I absolutely MUST rest I sit down upright with my back straight. For birthing, I use hands & knees. They come out in about 2 hours just fine.

You've got my support too, and my strong belief that your body can do ANYTHING. Tell that midwife to screw off!

[2bluefish]

I have a huge pelvis, and it was still tricky for baby #1 - go figure! (I've actual read that women with ample pelvises are more likely to have malposition, because babies have room to move around.) My midwife didn't really suggest too much either - which I have always wondered about. (I think it is because I wasn't able to do anything she suggested - they would drag me out of the tub and as soon as a new contraction started I'd scream and run back to the tub.) I just struggled for hours and hours until she made it out.

Remember that expression from grade school - "Go suck an egg" - sounds like a good one for the midwife!

[JanetF]

Thanks, women. Having a little weep here. It's so strange to be hit with the "big baby" crock after spending so long telling other women it's a crock! I didn't sleep great (gee, I wonder why...) but I've got much stronger tightenings today that I need to move through. Loose bowels, a little blood, you all know the deal. Calling in the women now and preparing to birth. It's been a pregnancy of constant ups and downs so this shouldn't have come as too big a surprise, yk? In the scheme of things it's almost predictable!

Send birthing vibes to me today, please. I'll update as time passes - if I can

[boscopup]

May you have a beautiful UC tonight!!!

Wow... to have TWO midwives pull the small pelvis trick... Ugh. : I'm glad you decided to do what needs to be done. If your midwife isn't exuding positive energy about your birth, how are you supposed to have a good birth? :

[shell024]

I was told my pelvis is small and I'd "better watch out" if ds was big (I'm very petite...5'0" and about 100lbs) and ds was over 8lbs. He was transverse most of the pregnancy and practically transverse up until about 30 minutes before birth. Everything went fine and he's perfect. Pelvises of all shapes and sizes, and babies heads are designed to MOVE during labor and birth and yours will too

Sending peaceful smooth labor vibes your way!!! :

[frontierpsych]

i think the whole "big baby" thing is absolutely ridiculous! The bones in the baby's head are not fused, and the skull can squeeze through quite a tight spot. Likewise, the birth canal becomes elastic, and able to stretch over the baby's head. ALSO, the width of your hips, your height, your weight, etc. are in no way indicative of the width of the actual brith canal. Think of this: Draw a circle that is six inches across. Now in the middle of that, draw a circle that is two inches across. Now seperately, draw a circle that is five inches across. Inside that, draw a circle that is three inches across. Think of the outer circle as your visible hips, and the inner circle as the actual birth canal. The human form varies so much. There is no way to tell if you will be able to birth a "big baby" unless you try. True cephalopelvic disproportion is extremely rare.

[mamaheart]

Peaceful birthing, mama . . .

from a 5'3" tiny-boned no-hipped mama whose 10 lb 6 oz baby and all 3 over-9-lb babies all were birthed without a single tear or stuck anything . . .

Kim, mama to 7, new baby boy due July 10th

[Lisoula]

Keep us informed!!!!!!

[littleteapot]

Wishing you the peaceful, normal birth that you will have and deserve.

From a 5' mama with pituitary dwarfism and hip dysplasia who actually DOES have a "small pelvis" - and can birth JUST FINE!

[cathicog]

Originally Posted by JanetF

Thank you. It's weird to be on the receiving end of the pelvis myths, I tell you! Lovely words of support are exactly what I need, thank you for supplying them.

and 8 lbs 13 oz is NOT big! I have helped birth 12 lbers at home, with no problem. My UC was the same size yours was, and I am the same height you are. The people telling you that are full of ****.....Pardon my french. It angers me to see women who are educating themselves to their options, attempted to be robbed of thier best experiences by "professional" people. I am becoming a CPM, and am still an Unassisted Childbirth advocate, and will always be one! have your baby at home, it is safer....

[pamamidwife]

many blessings to you, Janet! perhaps this was a huge gift...the step to move forward and birth your baby in love, peace and trust.

[BirthFree]

Blessings for your birth! May you be surrounded by peace and power.

[Intertwined]

I am also 5'4 and have such a roomy pelvis I actually delivered an eight pound nine ounce posterior forehead baby vaginally. Then went on to later birth his 9 pound brother at home in all of 15 minutes of pushing! My pelvis literally falls apart that last week of pregnancy (makes getting up off my bed an interesting proposition! )

[cottonwood]

How are you doing, Janet?

[seven_lux]

I can't even believe that a midwife tried to pull that sort of thing on you of all people.
Really, so if your first experience was malpositioning, ok. It's unfortunate she did not "allow" you any options other than c-sec, but no one will ever really know. Though in my understanding, CPD is not malpositioning. So not sure why your completely average proportions would put you in such danger of CPD.
I would feel that her even bringing that up is so unnecessary, I would be quite upset, and irrate too.
I went UC in part of the feeling that some "professional attendance" at my birth would disempower me or knock my confidence unnecessarily.

I can understand your particular caution though, with slightly different circumstances, being VBAC.

5'4" is not that small, & 8lb 13oz is not that big (my 2nd birth stats and my height exactly!)
Someone here always pulls out the term "FAT IS SQUISHY" and I love that, it's true.

No one could be more prepared for a birth more than you, Janet.
I'm so sorry that your midwife knocked your confidence, at such a particularly emotive time it seems!

i don't know your full birth story, but one reason I never got any exams is because I did not want to know that i was "at full dilation" in their opinion. I wanted to listen to my own body, and trust that **I** would know when I was dilated, because I was pushing my baby out. Maybe I am lucky that was indeed my experiences, but I prefer to think that it is actually just natures way. Mother nature knew what she was doing when she designed women.

Good luck birthing your little baby. You can do it!