I am about to have a nervous breakdown about our dog

[Nosy]

We have a lab mix that we began fostering at 4 weeks old (he's almost 4 now). He was abandoned at the animal shelter we volunteered at. We took him to puppy kindergarten and exposed him to all kinds of things. We wanted to have the kind of dog we could take anywhere who would get along with anyone and any animal, and we worked very hard to get him there. The 4 lb puppy grew to 75 pounds, so we trained him to walk with a gentle leader. When we moved he seemed depressed so we had an animal behaviorist come to help us. I've read all kinds of dog training books. He knows basic commands & does well with other dogs & people.

2 kids later and a cross country move, and we decided to find him a new home because DS1 is afraid of him, DH is allergic to him, and above all we are not spending enough time with him partially because DS2 is a velcro baby who doesn't sleep. DH spends most of his free time giving me a break after holding our dear little velcro baby all day/night. I also have PPD pretty bad after having an unnecessary c-section (long story). We have to keep him outside because DS1 is afraid of him (he got pushed over by a dog while visiting a relative). So we have been trying to find him a GOOD home, not just ANOTHER home.

Last night our visiting teenagers left the gate open and he got out. He was picked up within 15 minutes by animal control. They said he was perfectly happy to jump in the car with them and gave him no problems. This morning my husband went to pick him up and the animal control officer said he had bitten her 2 minutes before. He was afraid of her when she tried to pull him out of the cage. So now he is in quarantine for 10 days and he is unadoptable. He generally likes everybody and is very friendly, I think he just felt scared and cornered. I am at my wits' end and I don't know what to do. We are moving 400 miles in 2 weeks, and I don't see how we can take the dog with us ( no one will rent to people with a dog who has bitten), and we have no one to give him to. If we still lived in our original location we could take him back to the humane society he came from. Now we are 2000 miles away from them. I don't believe in killing animals (I am a vegetarian), and if he bites again it's automatic euthanization.

This is a nightmare and it just keeps steamrolling. I have so much else on me right now, a move, an uncertain job for my DH, my baby with severe separation anxiety, a teenage who couldn't be bothered to get out of the shower to look for the dog when I told her he was missing... I felt horrible about even finding him a good home, and now I don't know if I can find him any home. I just want to sit in my room and cry all day, and I've got to play tour guide for the visiting teenagers.

Thanks for reading.

[2swangirls]

Sorry I don’t have any advise

What will happen after the 10 days in quarantine? Will the doggie get some sort of evaluation?

I hope it turns out well for you all.

[thekimballs]

I am hearing stuff that I am confused about--a "righteous" bite does not necessarily mean the same thing as an aggressive bite. You may have an idiot dog officer, but ours doesn't automatically give dogs black marks for acting like a normal dog.

Also, is he going to be branded with a scarlet "B"? How would a shelter KNOW he had bitten? How would an apartment super or landlord know he had bitten? It's not like dogs have security checks and rap sheets--you show up with a nice friendly dog and the landlord should be fine.

It sounds to me like the real problem is that the family has grown away from him as your kids have arrived. That's an addressable problem. If you want to make this work, you need to put the same effort in as you did when he was younger. You need to get your older son back to normal with him (you really need to do this anyway, unless you want to handicap your son with dog fear for the rest of his life) and you need to get the allergy thing under control. No outside dog is truly happy, as happy as he could be, so you need to get him inside.

I think you need to get the trainer/behaviorist back, or find a new good one. The dog hasn't changed or "gone bad"; it's your family that has changed. If you feel trapped into giving him up, that's not "real"--he sounds like a lovely dog who just needs to get back into the family.

If you had a genuinely aggressive dog and couldn't handle it through training, I believe in euthanization. I really do. I don't want to see aggressive dogs end up in shelters or pawned off on unsuspecting second families. It's much better that they go to heaven and then their originating family think long and hard about whether they ever want a dog again (since, unless they are mentally ill, most aggressive dogs are that way because people made them). So if you decide that he really is aggressive, it's much better to put him down. But if he's not aggressive, and it sounds like he isn't, this is fixable.

[shannon0218]

Well, I wrote a long post and the computer ate it, then I got back on to find that Joanna had read my mind anyway.
So....what she said! Honestly, getting rid of the family dog is probably about the worst thing you could do emotionally for your ds now.

[rainsmom]

Honestly, getting rid of the family dog is probably about the worst thing you could do emotionally for your ds now.

:

[Sailor]

Don't just get rid of your dog. That doesn't sound right. When you get a dog, you make a committment for life - unless, the dog becomes genuinely agressive and a danger to others, which isn't the case here. There are SO many wonderful dogs in shelters. Don't fool yourself - most of them are not adopted out. There are more dogs looking for families than vice versa. If your dog winds up in a shelter, they will euthanize eventually. If it's a "no kill" shelter, he'll spend most of this time in crate, alone. Which is incredibly sad for a dog who has been part of a loving family. Dogs don't understand why his family, his pack would abandon them.

That animal control officer sounds suspicious if your dog bit him and they immedietly labled him as "agressive." Personally, I'd ask exactly what they're qualifications are in terms of dog behaviour/training for them to use such a label. It's terrible that they're keeping him! Your lab must be so scared/lonely.

While I see that you have a lot of responsibilities, like or not, the dog is one of them. Explore other options first, before even thinking about giving him up. A new training class, a behaviourist, a new family schedule that would give at least an hour a day to spend walking/playing/training with the dog, etc. Dogs want to please, you just have to show them how. You obviously put a lot of work, time, and energy into him. Don't give up on him now! Especially since the chances of him, once again, finding such a good home are slim. I've been involved with rescue organizations for years now. And while we place a lot of dogs in wonderful homes ... a lot more of them don't find that second home.

[MamaAllNatural]

I too was very surprised to hear that someone who is supposed to know how to handle stray dogs would actually push a dog far enough to bite and not have seen all the signs that it was comming.

I agree w/everything Joanna said. The dog is not aggressive. He's been a part of your family for a long time. He needs you to keep the commitments you made to him when he was four weeks old. I know it's hard with kids. I have three very intense kids and two dogs but I know that my commitment to the dogs is life long, no matter how hard it gets.

I'm sorry everything seems to be comming down on you at once here.

[thekimballs]

In many small towns the animal officer is a bid position--like the mailman. If somebody says they'll do it for 20K a year and somebody else will do it for 18, the lower bid gets it. So you can get some real doozies in there. I knew one who was in power for a good ten years who knew less about dogs than my seven-year-old. She kept two Dobies chained in her yard for seven of those ten years; never saw the dogs leave the chain. She took pleasure in killing dogs, and there were some real tragedies. One time a family moved to town and their dog escaped. Animal officer from heck found the dog with out-of-state tags and immediately had him destroyed. He had been gone about 2 hours.

So yeah, animal officers can be real idiots. Anyone who would get bitten by a dog in a crate is doing about seven things VERY wrong. But it does happen, unfortunately.

[shannon0218]

In Canada we have rules about this sort of thing.

[Nosy]

Thanks for the replies. I think it was a righteous bite rather than an aggressive bite as someone said. My DH said he didn't really think the woman knew dogs very well. We're in a pretty small town, and it's more of a holding tank than real animal shelter.

I don't want to find him a new home, but I just feel I'm doing such a disservice to him with his getting so little attention. He only gets one life, and I'm so overwhelmed with my current life that he gets little attention because he has no voice. The whole situation stinks.

You're correct that we need to get DS1 over his fear of dogs. Any ideas on where to start?

I just feel like I'm operating in survival mode rather than enjoying life at the moment, and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As far as not telling about the bite on rental agreements, I just don't think I could lie about it, and it's in the public record since it happened at the animal shelter. It seems people are so much less tolerant (and lawsuit happy) of a dog that bites these days.

The animal control officer didn't say he was aggressive, but I just assumed he would be unadoptable after the bite. He is actually allowed to be in quarantine here at our house, he just can't leave the yard.

Anyway, thank you for not completely flaming me for thinking of finding a new home for our dog. I know it's a horrible thing. I think a close relative is going to take him for a while until we can move and get settled. The relative has 2 dogs and no kids, so I think they have room in their lives for him. It's not as good a solution as staying with us, but I think it would improve his quality of life until ours gets a little more stable.

[Treasuremapper]

I suggest finding an animal rescue organization, telling them your story and offering a generous donation if they will take the dog. Most dog rescue groups will take as many dogs as they can afford. If the dog is up to date on medical and dental and comes with cash, most rescuers are such softies that they cannot resist.

[shannon0218]

I understand how overwelming it must be right now. I also understand that "grief" of feeling like I'm not doing right by the dog. That said, to look at it from the dog's point of view, he probably doesn't need or even want terribly much from you. And they understand and cope just fine when they sometimes need to be moved to not just the back burner, but the hotplate in the corner for a while, in comparison, I don't think they understand being given away nearly so well. Think of the devotion he has to you and then figure how he'll do in another home, waking up every day wondering if today is the day you're coming back for him.
I think the relative taking him while you settle in and get things back in order is a great idea. Rehoming is not always terrible, but in your case I'm hearing a whole lot of stress in your life right now and I'm guessing getting rid of the dog probably won't solve it and may end up making it worse in the long run. I think it's fair to expect that you will be less than the perfect dog owner for probably a year, but even with that, I think your pup will be happier with you than without you.

Now, for your ds, give me more details about what happened to him, what knocked him over, what was going on at the time and exactly what scares him about your dog right now.

[CrunchyCate]

Originally Posted by thekimballs

In many small towns the animal officer is a bid position--like the mailman. If somebody says they'll do it for 20K a year and somebody else will do it for 18, the lower bid gets it. So you can get some real doozies in there. I knew one who was in power for a good ten years who knew less about dogs than my seven-year-old. She kept two Dobies chained in her yard for seven of those ten years; never saw the dogs leave the chain. She took pleasure in killing dogs, and there were some real tragedies. One time a family moved to town and their dog escaped. Animal officer from heck found the dog with out-of-state tags and immediately had him destroyed. He had been gone about 2 hours.

So yeah, animal officers can be real idiots. Anyone who would get bitten by a dog in a crate is doing about seven things VERY wrong. But it does happen, unfortunately.

Kind-of OT, but I think the BTK killer in Wichita did animal control as one of his jobs. Just another example of a doozie! (They said he was a power tripper, too.)