I need anybody and everybody's help.

[MyrandaDawn]

My DP and I have been getting into MAJOR fights the past few months. All of the sudden he has been telling me that I need to beat the kids' butts. "They need to be raised the way I was. I can't believe they get away with this crap." Oh come on! Are you kidding me?? They do what I tell them to. God forbid. Kyran (who is only 4) sometimes does with a temper but he DOES IT. They are 7 and 4. He is almost calling me a bad mom because of it. I'm am literally about to leave him because of all of this. He wants them raised the way he was?? No way on this earth. His dad has NEVER ONCE told him that he loves him. I said one time that I wasn't raising them the way his dad raised him. He was utterly offended. I can see how it seemed rude. But just about 20 minutes ago he up and told me TO MY FACE that my parents could have done a better job raising me. Huh? And when I asked him for reasoning, he said because I spoil the children, I didn't have to DISHES done tonight, and I spoil the dog. I spoil the DOG!?!?! What!?!?! This is getting too much. I need help. How can I make him understand any of this. I can't explain enough...he just says he's done and walks off mad. I'm SO PI$$ED! HELP!

[Artmama]

Oh man. It sounds like you guys are on two different pages, in a BIG way. I know it is tough to hear, and too too obvious, but is there any way that you can get into counseling? I think it sounds like there is some deeper stuff going on here.

[Ozzy'sMama]

There are times when hubbs and I sort split with the parenting too. He has a shop up at his parent's house so every once in a while, he comes up with this crap that Oscar needs to be disciplined better. In our case, I know exactly where the crap is coming from.....his parents. I have no idea why he would want to raise Oscar the way he was raised. It was horrible. He's even said it.

I don't normally cave to hubbs and absolutely refuse to when it comes to Oscar. I would leave him before I ever hit my child. It is sooooo tough when you can't get onto the same page as hubby. You need him for support.

Is this all of a sudden? I'd get some books out or go to some websites and start reading with him. Hubbs is always dragged down to the computer after he gets on me about spanking Oscar.

I hope you can show him some things. We've had many fights over this and I know we will have many more. I'm not budging though and he knows it.

Good luck to you. Sorry I can't offer more advice.
Sara & Oscar (04/11/26)

[irinam]

I agree with Artmama, I woulld look for deeper stuff.

Going *just* by your post (I am not there, so can't claim to understand the situation completely) but it sound like he is.. picking on you? Trying to start a fight?

What do unwashed dishes have to do with a dog and what does the dog have to do with the way you were raised? :

[UnschoolnMa]

Oy that sounds like a much deeper thing. I know we all have our bad days and nasty moods that lead us to say things we don't mean, but they don't usually lead us to saying that we should "beat" our kids butts.

There is no way I would stay in a relationship that went on like that, or with a person who wanted to hit my children.

[ebethmom]

I came here tonight with a similar thread to post.

Dh and I had that same kind of evening. He knows that spanking is a complete deal breaker for me - I won't stand for it. But he doesn't seem to understand that yelling, brow-beating and threatening are *not* positive tools for parenting. He thinks that as long as he isn't beating the tar out of our kids, like his father beat him, that he's doing a good job.

I wish I had some advice for you and for myself.

I have a whole bookshelf full of discipline books. Dh says "Well, they're obviously not working for you." Maybe if he would read some (even *one*) and we were closer to the same page, maybe they would work!

He claims that he can't be patient with our kids since our house is a mess. He also claims that having a clean house is just as important as how we raise our kids.

I know that we need some sort of counseling. Right now I just don't even want to deal with him.