Warning: Sex question

[Om Girl]

I had DD over 3 months ago...DH and I waited the "six weeks" before resuming...and it hurt like . It still hurts like every time. Can anyone help me out with this...is this "normal", how long until it feels "good"?
Thanks!

[Max'sMama]

If it hurts, I would back off and not try for a while, or make sure you are using extra lubricant, especially if nursing. Another thing is to avoid the missionary position, that way you can control more of the movement, depth, etc. If it continues or gets worse, I would check with your provider, especially if you had a repair after birth.

[velcromom]

I had that problem for a long long time and I didn't even have a vaginal birth! It was more an effect of pp and bf hormones than anything, it wasn't a lubrication problem but more of a not feeling stretchy thing. I tried to work through it but finally after many months I saw my gyn and she prescribed a cream that did the trick for jump-starting things back to a more normal state. I only had to use it a handful of times for things to improve greatly. Next time, if the problem crops up again, I won't wait to get treatment, it was not worth the pain and frustration.

[LoveChild421]

I noticed that I needed lots more foreplay than I did pre-nursing. Something about BF makes it harder for me to get going and it hurt if I wasn't 100% aroused.

[puddleduck]

I think it took about 8/9 months before it stopped being uncomfortable - i had a tear that i left to heal naturally. To be honest i think it will always feel a little different after childbirth - different positions are more comfortable than others. Give yourself time and you'll get back into the swing of things again.

[hubris]

I think Griffin was 12-15 mos old before sex wasn't painful for me. I had a wicked episiotomy and a bit of scarring, plus I think breastfeeding was keeping those tissues less stretchy/moist than usual (we did use lots of lubricant but it couldn't undo the ongoing state of that skin, you know?). Griff night-weaned at 15 mos and that made a big difference. I think part of it was just ongoing healing, as well. It can take up to a year to *fully* heal - even if you look healed, your body is still doing repair work.

I have friends who had similar experiences. It sounds like those with worse tears/episiotomies took longer to fully heal.

The good news is that after Reese (and a tear that took a while to heal) I was absolutely fine, never a bit of pain.

[cottonwood]

It's not going to start feeling good if you keep doing it when it hurts, because your vagina will learn to tense up at any contact. So, first thing, stop trying to have PIV sex. Just stop. Focus instead on getting aroused, and be creative about other ways to help your husband feel sexually connected to you, so he doesn't feel he's being rejected.

Also, maybe look into whether you have a low-level infection? That can exacerbate things.

[boscopup]

I think we first tried around 4 months, and it hurt a bit. DH could only enter a very small amount without it hurting really bad. So we just did a very "shallow" act of intercourse for a while. Around 6 months (I think), it started to feel a bit more normal. When AF returned at 16 months, it was better than pre-preg!!!

Definitely use lube of some sort... bf'ing dries you up pretty bad!

[mamabadger]

When I had my first (1982) I was given an episiotomy by an older doctor whom I now think was still using the good old 'husband's knot' system. It was incredibly painful, and my husband & I were unable to have intercourse for almost 7 months. Even then, it was uncomfortable for a while. Since then, I've heard from other women who had pain during sex for months after getting an episiotomy or sutures for a tear.
I like Fourlittlebirds' advice about trying 'other' things for a while; that's what worked for me.

[Om Girl]

Thank you all sooo much for your understanding/experiences/advice! DH has agreed to "try other things" as I am nursing and we did use lube/extended foreplay, but they didn't help. I must have the most patient DH in the WORLD because the poor man has been abstinate for like....EVER!
And, it's definately more of a not "stretchy" type feeling...and I tense like a virgin, geez.
When I had my IUD inserted my midwife said that I was healing perfectly from a minor side tear/stitches, but I'm going to visit my midwife (again) and r/o an infection...thanks fourlittlebirds!
Thanks again you all
SAM

[zksgreen]

I second the BF causing vaginal dryness. Get an estrogen cream from the dr. It is a life saver (and for me a marriage saver). If it hadn't been for the vaginal cream, I would have weaned early. Also, Astroglide is great!

[AllisonR]

I had an emergency cesarean after baby was posterior engaged deep in canal. That was almost two years ago and there is one deep penetration position that still hurts! Luckily 95% of sex is fine, and when we get to that spot I say "ow" and we move to something else. I wonder if it will ever heal.

Note: the 6 weeks thing is looney! Just because something is technically possible, doesn't mean it is realistic, comfortable or enjoyable. It isn't a race. If you look at other cultures, many have "rules" about male/female contact for 3 months to a year (yes, 1 year). These long standing cultural traditions did not spring up for no reason.

Take it easy,
Allison

[bobandjess99]

For us, it hurt like h-e-double-hockey-sticks until TEN months PP.
It just takes time for some of us to heal, i guess.

[tash11]

does the cream affect supply at all? I am low supply so I freak out about anything that might even do the tiniest drop in supply.