Just got way too angry, now way too sad

[lilbanditos]

I guess way to angry is relative - I yelled with a deep growl in my voice that I have never heard, scared my daughter (she told me I was like the dark side in Star Wars), still didn't get her to brush her teeth and hit a wall with my hand because I was so mad. I did not hit her, I didn't endanger anyone, but that really doesn't make me feel any better.

I haven't felt like this in so long, but I would be a liar if I said it was the first time.

We all calmed down and I talked to her, but I felt like I was an abusive spouse begging for my lover's forgivenes...Is there any redemption when you lose your temper. I feel awful....any advice for what to do from here? I am a loving mom who lost her stuffing tonight....

[dharmama]

Big from another loving mama who has lost her stuffing more times than she cares to admit.

We all calmed down and I talked to her, but I felt like I was an abusive spouse begging for my lover's forgivenes

I can really relate to this and have felt it myself.

Be gentle with yourself. Get some sleep. Maybe in the morning you can apologize and explain that you felt very frustrated by XYZ and that you did not make a good choice by yelling/hitting the wall. Maybe you could even ask your DD for suggestions on better ways to handle feelings of frustration. And just reinforce that you were frustrated by her behavior...not by HER.



I'm totally shooting from the hip here. Lots more mamas with GD experience here, who will hopefully be along soon to help. I just couldn't read your post and not respond. I've so been there mama.

[lilbanditos]

thanks so much for your support. I was writing because it was so hard to feel gentle on my self, but you are wise in your words, and I have already scheduled a date with her tomorrow morning. We will hang, and love, and honestly, that is so different from my experience as a child....

[kindacrunchy]

I did the yell with the growl and utter fury in my voice about two weeks ago. I think I cried for the rest of the day because I felt so awful about it. Hugs to you and have fun on your date!

[faithnj]

Consider checking out the book Screamfree Parenting, and perhaps the screamfree website. What you described sounded basically like your daughter pushed your buttons. Seems like you need to get your "remote control" back into your own hands, because as you can see-- getting angry didn't get her to brush her teeth. It just made you feel out of control and sorry.

Good luck.

Faith

[peacelovingmama]

Hmm - not sure I have specific advice but just wanted to weigh in as another GD mama who occasionally "loses her stuffing." Please be gentle with yourself just as you strive to be with your children. Just as they make mistakes, so do we. I find it generally isn't helpful to beat myself up but to just focus on bettering my parenting.

As for redemption, I always re-play the episode in my head afterwards (when I get a moment of peace) and dissect it to see what went wrong and how I can improve. I don't expect perfection from myself but I do expect to learn from my mistakes. Oh, and I do apologize to my children if I disrespect them.

[lilbanditos]

Thanks so much for the kind words. We did have a great date, and a good talk. I still feel sorry, but am not beating myself up like I was. Best wished to you all.