annoyed with moms who had easy deliveries and tell me how they made it happen... - Page 3

[GalateaDunkel]

Originally Posted by tarahsolazy

This is unethical, to say the least. It is probably also a violation of HIPPA. If doulas are health-care professionals, which I certainly know they are, they should uphold higher ethical standards than to post details about their patients on public message boards.

Well, the problem is it's kind of a gray area. The person doing it would probably argue "well with no identifying details......" - and true, if you look at any board or list of professionals, you will find them saying "I recently had a case involving factors X, Y, and Z, and I administered treatment T, but I know that protocol has been questioned lately, what would you do blah blah blah?" and that is considered acceptable. Whereas what I am talking about is more subtle (or not so subtle) trashing of clients' personal choices/behavior/mindset....but where do you draw the line. It's like - a psychiatrist can go online for input about how to medicate people, but a therapist shouldn't post "vents" about her clients' personal choices. I don't know if the law is designed to handle this distinction.

[sunshinesmommy]

WOW it is amazing to find that I am not alone.

I felt my c-section was more a rape than a birth ( it was so unnessessary)and one of the other things that also hurt so bad was all the people who would instantly say well at least the baby is OK.
i always wanted to say:
WELL OF COURSE SHE IS OK, SHE WAS NEVER IN ANY DANGER, BUT I AM NOT OK.. DOESN'T THAT MATTER?
Thank you for letting me finally scream that at the top of my lungs!

[0805]

Originally Posted by Isamama

Thank God you started this thread! I had to stop reading the boards here at MDC because I felt the toxic judgement so strongly...and really, who needs any more judgement in their life?

I did all the "right" things: I taught yoga, took natural birthing classes, hired a doula, listened to hypno birthing cd, stopped people from telling me horror stories re birth, and met with the midwives in the practice. I also labored at home for the first 4 days before I had had ENOUGH. I was in agony and I hadn't slept more than 20 minutes in 4 days. I went to the hospital. I won't go into full details (too long for now)...on the fifth day I chose the epidural and pitocin. I finally got an hour or two of sleep. I dilated fully (epidural didn't work anymore at this time--ouch!) and pushed for 1 and 1/2 hours. I suddenly had this knowing that she wasn't coming out (we already knew she was a big baby, the OB/Midwives already said that vac/forcepts wasn't an option b/c afraid of SD) vaginally. At that moment I knew we had to have a Cecarian Birth. Let me just reassure everyone that having a surgery was the last thing I wanted. I am claustraphobic and would never just "elect" to be immobile with a huge drape hung up under my chin. At that moment, I knew it was the right thing to do for my child.

Having said all of that, after my daughter was born, I ignored all that I knew at the time of her birth and questioned myself like crazy: maybe i didn't try hard enough, if only I... you know the drill.

I also do not feel that my OB/Midwives did me wrong. They gave me options all along the way. I ultimately called the shots (even though they did give me parameters that some would disagree with). I find some folks are also very judgemental about trusting your doctors. Lord knows there are some bad ones out there and I do appreciate hearing about other options (ie home births, UA births, etc). Some of us just feel more comfortable in hospital settings (as I discovered I did---didn't think I would, but there you go).

Well, I could go on... Thank you for starting this thread!

I wanted to say thanks for this post it's pretty much what I went through when I gave birth to my daughter 10 months ago. I did yoga, water classes, had a doula, hypnobirthing, am well read and educated on birthing and had a midwife. Needless to say after four days of labor and never dialting past 4 doing everything the midwives and I could think of naturally I was in tremendous pain at the end and my daughter started to have difficulty. I knew in my heart we would need to go with a "belly birth"-thanks, I love that term. Although dh and I were scared never did we feel that we weren't "in control", the midwife and then the OB talked to us. I really felt good psychologically after it happened but have to say the comments from people on boards such as these and other well meaning people really took a toll. I started to get the "what if" syndrome which can really mess with your head. It's nice that the majority of these posts are from woman who had a belly birth even though they planned a different route and don't blame themselves or the doctors.
I'm not dismissing others feelings and the fact that they might have been pressured into a c-section. But there are quite a few of us where that's not the case but yet are treated as if we should either be angry or held responsible because it wasn't a vaginal birth.

[0805]

double post-sorry

[aprilushka]

It just happens that way for some people-- just like doing some other things in life come easier to some people. All we can do is improve our odds with good pregnancy habits, but it's no guarantee.

I've had easy pregnancies but not easy births-- my HBAC labor was average in terms of duration and pain, but I had SROM again prior to active labor, a baby turn posterior sometime during labor or pushing and a very difficult pushing stage for 3 1/2 hours. If I have another I'm betting it won't be easy either, though hopefully pushing will go a little faster.

[Finch]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

Some of what I have read on the midwife/doula/CBE board here has made me afraid to hire a doula. Some of them are so judgmental of their clients. I have seen many explicit posts critical of clients choices written in real-time, or near real-time. I can't believe somebody would post about a client that way on a public message board. If I discovered someone doing it to me, I would look into whether I could sue.

Nice. : Not irked at you, at them.

I too feel the need to plant a scarlet C on my chest a lot of the time. Which is really ironic seeing as my c/s was a good experience and I am totally comfortable with having delivered that way.