Screaming in the car

[mattysmomma]

DS (2 1/2 yrs.) has been going through a loong screaming phase...it's intentional screaming- it's ear piercing loud and so annoying. At first I thought it was just for for attention, but now it's become more of a testing/ love the reaction I get from mommy and daddy behavior.

It's at its worst in the car. No matter where we go, even if it's a short car ride, he starts screaming. Again, and again and again: AAAAAHHH, AAAAAHHHH, AAAAAHHH! Any time we say anything he laughs and screams again, some days we've tried ignoring it, he doesn't stop either.

I'm at my wits end...today we had a scary episode: He started screaming louder each time...suddenly DH (who was driving) flipped out and just screamed back "SHUT UUUUUPPPP! JUST SHUT UP!" I told him to calm down and pull over, he said no, he's not pulling over on the highway. I said we can't drive like this. I kept turning my back telling (ok, now yelling ) at DS to be quiet, it got to the point where all I could think of doing was slapping his leg -not hard at all, just more of a hard tap, but spanking nonetheless
I felt helpless, like I needed to do something anything to stop the screaming which I'm afraid will distract DH's driving and get us into an accident. I felt like DS was pushing all my buttons because he knew we were in the car and there was nothing I could do to physically stop him from screaming- at home I will sit him on the couch, not a time out, but to get down at his eye level and tell him what he did wrong and what he needs to do/ not to do. DS only screamed worse not in pain, but laughing and excited about my reaction.

I know the way we are handling it is not GD, but we've tried everything GD: distracting- eg. playing fun music or singing in the car, giving him the attention and one and one he wants (as in playful parenting), positive reinforcement- praising him on being good during car rides, which happens once in a blue moon), and mostly just reminding him "quiet voice inside (the car)" and "use your words- tell us what you want"...but none of that worked, so it reached the point we're at now.....

A couple of ideas I just thought of I can try: Maybe for a while I'll try sitting with him in the backseat, to keep him happy and distracted, maybe he feels left out back there all alone- the screaming does get worse when DH and I try to have an actual conversation in the car.

Another idea, does it make sense to talk to him about it at another calmer time...as in our "bedtime talks" when we lie in bed cozy altogether and talk about our day or whatever DS wants- we always let him "start" the conversation gotta love all those new words that he learns each day-before bed is when he gets so eager to talk talk talk about this and that
I'd hate to ruin a wonderful momemnt but maybe at a time like that he's more receptive to "listening" to us.

Please, please help I'm losing my patience (and my hearing) with him.

[mattysmomma]

Just wanted to add that this is only about the 3rd time I have actually resorted to "spanking" and it made me feel soooo terrible afterwards, I know it is WRONG WRONG WRONG, and you know what? It did nothing to make the situation better, only worse. I did it because at the time it made me feel in control, when in fact it made the whole situation out of control.
At one point , when I was yelling at DS, I said "That's it -you're going straight to bed when we get home! Punished!"-What a silly thing to say, especially to a 2 yr. old! He eevn looked at me like as if to say "huh?" Can you guess who I've heard that from again and again when I was little? Funny how we become the parents we have...I was never spanked, but my mom would just throw her slipper at me and send to my room "punished" without any logical consequences...please help me not become a parent like this!

Also, just wanted to add that my DH screaming like that was very out of line for him, he's usually the more patient one, who cleverly distracts/ redirects negative behaviors instead of making them a big deal and "fueling" them like I do.

[mackinsiesmom]

We went through a period where dd screamed in the car. What I finally did was when she started I either pulled off to the side of the road or found a parking lot to pull into. I got out and so did she. I let her scream as much as she wanted to outside but I told her it was too dangerous for us to keep driving while she was screaming. It took a few times of us stopping and taking her out to get her to understand that we would no longer tolorate screaming in the car.

[Pam_and_Abigail]

When our girls start a screaming match in the car, we start with calmlt reminding them to use their indoor/car voices and if that doesn't work, Dh pulls over and stops the car. We wait until they stop, and then we drive again. Two or three times of this is usually enough. Once when I had them myself, I stopped and got out of the car and stood by the hood and waited. I was fuming, so this was my way of taking a breather.

As for the 'go to bed' punishment, I can see it' something you want to change, so I hope you don't feel attacked when I say it has always bugged me, and DH has used it many times. Sleep should not be a punishment, it is the way we recharge our bodies and relax and grow and rest. I just had to say something about it. I apologize if I was out of line.

[acystay]

Oh thank you both for your idea! I've got to do this b/c my 2 will SCREAM!!!!! and I can't take it! So yep, we're doing this. How do you handle the screaming in the house though? that's the other one that is so hard for me esp when I just get DS2 to sleep and they start.

[PancakeGoddess]

At 2.5, I think so many of these behaviors are best handled with distraction. It's the very unusual toddler who will respond to reason or discussion, IMO, and my first thought was that your toddler might like his own tape player and headphones? Mine is the same age and he's thrilled to listen to raffi or pooh on his radio. He's very quiet and very cute when lip-syncing