Do you think it's PPD ???

[jarynsmom06]

My son will be 3 months old on the 16th. He is a wonderful baby and I love him more than anything. I had baby blues for about two weeks after he was born, it was like clock work, I would be fine and at 8 or 9 at night I would just start crying for no reason. I got over that and things were great. Then I had to go back to work the first of June, which I hated to do but we can't afford for me to stay at home right now. Anyway I have noticed that since I went back to work I have been in a very ill and depressed mood. I get anrgy over the smallest things. I am not married but we live together and have for over a year. I feel very lonely all the time and useless. I can't do everything by myself, I try to keep the house and the laundry up but I just can't do it on my own. I have said things to him before about me feeling like I am the only one that does anything, and the next day he cleaned the house but that's about it. He sold one of his cars and bought a very expensive camera, he has been taking pictures and doing some editing on photoshop.....ALL the time. It's like he walks in the door and picks up the lap top and doesn't even say "hey...how was your day". I get really annoyed by this, but then when I say something he says he isn't on it that much and I am on it too. Yeah well, the only time I am on the computer is to check my e-mail or I am researching something that has to do with our child. When I am off I can't stand for the house to not be straightened up or the laundry not done, so I try to get it all done, then I feel bad afterwards because I could have spent that time with my son. We haven't had sex in two weeks, which I guess isn't that big of a deal since we have a new baby and we both work, but I already feel like a big ole blob of fat and have noooo self esteem at all so that makes it worse. I don't know if I am reading too much into any of this. I have also felt like everything I do is wrong or he gets annoyed by his tone of voice or the looks on his face. I mentioned it last night and he said that wasn't true and that he didn't feel like he treated me any different...well I do. I told him I felt as if I had his baby and now I just don't matter. I am not jealous of the baby at all, but I feel like I am just something instead of someone. I feel like I have made all the sacrafices which I am ok with most of the time but sometimes it annoys me because I would love to be able to do my workouts at home but instead I either have the baby on the boob or I am trying to get the house straightened, but he gets to go to the gym 3 or 4 days a week. : UGH....I have a lot on my plate right now anyway...finances, ect plus my babysitter pretty much bailed on me and I'm stressed about that. I don't have any suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting the baby, I just feel useless, alone and so tired I literaly feel sick sometimes. Any encouraging words would be great....TIA


Proud Mommy to Jaryn 4-16-06 :2bfbabe:

[iatodc]

I understand what you are going through. I think the toughest part of all of this for me is how much my relationship with my husband has changed. My husband does help out but I am still feeling overwhelmed. I have tried to talk to my husband but, similar to you, the response lasts for about one day. I am reading a book called after baby and I am hoping it provides some help. Sorry that I don't have any answers but I just wanted to let you know that someone else feels the same way.

[jarynsmom06]

Thanks, that actually makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one and I'm not totally crazy...Who is the book by that you are reading?

[kfowler]

Wow, aside from the going back to work part, I could have written this post myself! I am the SAHM of a 3 month old son and my life right now sounds a lot like yours - I am almost totally responsible for caring for the baby, all the housework AND dh expects me to meet his "needs" (only difference between you and I on this issue is that I haven't done anything since the baby was born and don't plan to anytime soon cause I just don't feel like it). We only have one car right now so, unless my mom comes by to go someplace with me, I'm stuck in the house all day long. Ontop of that, the baby has been unusually fussy lately and hasn't been sleeping NEAR as much as he normally does, so I don't have much down time right now. Dh gets to get a break from childcare when he goes to work for 8 hours a day. He is unsupervised and can basically do what he wants, and since he does graphic art stuff, it leaves a good bit of free time except when they're low on catalogs and dh needs to really step it up.

I rarely get a break from this whole 'mommyhood' thing, not that I mind totally, I ENJOY being a mom. It's just that I feel my whole life got turned upside down when the baby came. Suddenly everything was about the baby and his wants and needs, everything else had to come second. Dh on the other hand acts like very little has changed. He still goes out with friends to movies, gets to buy stuff that he just "wants" and even went to a comic book convention a couple weekends ago and left me all day with the baby. Whenever I've tried talking to him about it, he claims he's exhausted (don't see how as I'M the one who's up with the baby all night and all day long) and "just can't do anymore". Mind you, up until very recently, he did NOTHING around the house. I was lucky if I could get him to watch the baby for 30 minutes to an hour every night just so I could get a bath. During one of my "talks" with him, he actually had the gall to say to me that if I wanted to make things even, that I needed to go out and get a full-time job from 5:30pm when he got home until 11pm at night. I had to walk out of the room to avoid slapping him I was so ticked with him after that.

I felt very much the way you described above only I had a mil causing me a ton of problems ontop of everything else. What's worse was that my dh refused to say anything to his mommy dearest to try and ease my stress. Finally, I'd had enough. I sat dh down after work last week and gave him an ultimatum - either he started helping me out around the house, told his mom to back the heck off and agreed to counseling or I was outta here. I was through making myself physically ILL trying to "do it all". Thankfully, he agreed and has been MUCH better the past week about taking the baby more, cutting back on his spending and helping out around the house. There's still an issue with mil but I'm coming to accept that dh will likely never do anything about that and have decided to take matters into my own hands.

I would suggest just sitting down and talking with your SO. Tell him that you're just feeling really overwhelmed right now and would really appreciate it if he would not only try and help you out around the house and with the baby more but would make an extra effort to be extra nice to you right now, even if he was feeling frustrated or didn't know what to do. I would also suggest seeing your OB or GP and see about getting on some meds to help you cope with your stress and depression right now. If you aren't into meds, I'm sure there are some herbal remedies that can help you with the depression that are also same to use when BFing.

Best of luck to you! I hope things improve for you soon!

K

[iatodc]

I have two books. One called "life after baby" that one is about relationships and another one called "this isn't what I expected--overcoming PPD." I haven't gotten to fall yet but they seem to be helpful in understanding the why of it all.