Thoughts on book - "Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child"

[4Marmalade]

Author is Robert MacKenzie. I am only 1/3 of the way through this book so haven't really developed an opinion yet. I strive to be a fairly GD parent but have a very spirited, strong-willed (hence the book ) 3-1/2 year old and we do seem to struggle a lot.

There are examples of spanking and time-outs but it looks like the author doesn't advocate for it. They're used in examples of how the parents are doing things now and how they need to change their methods. He seems to be more of the mind-set that you can avoid all the power struggles and bad outcomes by being a bit more firm, while being respectful. I know that dh and I struggle with permissiveness. We have hopes that ds will listen to reason but he just doesn't and we are realizing that our methods are not helping anyone. I know we could use help with wording and want to respect ds during the process. But we also want some sort of basic compliance when it's needed. We are always up for discussion but ds would discuss until the cows come home and continue to do what he wants.

I was just wondering if anyone has read this book and what your thoughts were.

[kyangel80]

i haven't personally read this book but my sister has. It is not a gentle discipline book. There are alot of books out there that aren't GD that probably contain some really great parenting advice. Sorry I can't give a personal opinion.

[Destinye]

I just ordered it for my strong-willed, spirited 2.5 year old. I was recommended it on here though, but not the GD forum, and hopefully it will help, as we have a similar dilemma, and its tough!

[Destinye]

So how is it going? I did get the book finally from Amazon and it made sense to me (he is definitely not into shaming, blaming and humiliating and physical punishment though a little heavy on the time-outs). It is really working for DD as I realize I was being unclear in my communication and the consequences seem to work amazingly well for her (she is very logical and reasons well) and so do the choices, anyhow wondered what else anyone thought. It is really helping me to be more clear and firm with DD which is better than our previous pattern thats for sure!

[starbarrett]

Hmmm. Maybe I should get this book. I'm really good at limit setting with adults, but I'm having a hard time with my 2yo. The more firm and consistant I am with limits, the more we seem to butt heads. Maybe I'm not communicating in a way that is clear to her. Or maybe

[LynnS6]

I read this book a while ago and remember not being terribly impressed. I think it was because it assumed that the strong willed child's immediate reaction would be to not cooperate, and it was heavy on the "if-then" kind of consequence, and heavy on timeout.

I've just ordered "Raising Your Spirited Child" which I think is supposed to be more GD.

[Destinye]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I read this book a while ago and remember not being terribly impressed. I think it was because it assumed that the strong willed child's immediate reaction would be to not cooperate, and it was heavy on the "if-then" kind of consequence, and heavy on timeout.

I've just ordered "Raising Your Spirited Child" which I think is supposed to be more GD.

I think if you have a strong-willed child who is co-operating then you would not really need to read the book though. I know for me it is helping me be clearer in my communications and certainly my DD was not co-operating with anything else, and this is helping. I think its the same with any book and its good to take what works for you and ignore what doesn't. I have the Spirited Child book and workbook and it helped me realize DD is spirited and understand her more, just have not really changed things around much with it yet. Its an excellent book though. For some reason it was overwhelming to know where to begin to apply things though.