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Sex before Marraige.... - Page 2

post #21 of 375
I will encourage my children to wait for marriage. I believe it's best for them and what God intended for us as Christians. Some may not agree with me but that is how I believe. I was sexually active as a teen and really regret it. It scarred me emotionally and DH and I had to work through a lot of stuff when we got married.

A major factor in my wanting them to wait is also the fact that there is no such thing as "safe" sex. "Safe" sex is touted as the answer because people assume teenagers can't control themselves and their hormones not true. Abstinance is the only way to not get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted disease. And I know that someone will say that condoms allow for safe sex but condoms don't protect against HPV.

I won't just say "Don't have sex until you're married" and leave it at that. We will be open and honest with them about it at all times and help them really understand why we feel this way.
post #22 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by chersolly
I will not encourage my daughter to wait til marriage for sex. We will discuss sex openly and educate the hell out of her. Sex is natural, sex is fun -- just be responsible about it. Life is about experience, and sex -- good or bad -- is a MAJOR part of our experience journey.
Is it wrong that when I first saw the thread title I automatically added "is fun" in my head?
post #23 of 375
I would not encourage my child to wait until marriage. DH was a virgin when I met him (in fact he never even kissed a girl before me) and he definitely got wonderlust a couple years into it. Even I had sex with other people before him but still i never got to live on my own or date others as an adult and felt that I was missing out big time. Ultimately we ended up separating over a year to explore with other people before we got back together. I wouldn't want my child making those same mistakes and dealing with a lot of heartache like I did.
post #24 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayseeliz
And I know that someone will say that condoms allow for safe sex but condoms don't protect against HPV.
You can be abstinant and have HPV.
post #25 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayseeliz
I will encourage my children to wait for marriage. I believe it's best for them and what God intended for us as Christians. Some may not agree with me but that is how I believe. I was sexually active as a teen and really regret it. It scarred me emotionally and DH and I had to work through a lot of stuff when we got married.

A major factor in my wanting them to wait is also the fact that there is no such thing as "safe" sex. "Safe" sex is touted as the answer because people assume teenagers can't control themselves and their hormones not true. Abstinance is the only way to not get pregnant or get a sexually transmitted disease. And I know that someone will say that condoms allow for safe sex but condoms don't protect against HPV.

I won't just say "Don't have sex until you're married" and leave it at that. We will be open and honest with them about it and all times and help them relaly understand why we feel this way.
post #26 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by chersolly
You can be abstinant and have HPV.
But you have a much higher risk of getting it if you're having sex and your partner has also had sex with others.
post #27 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
I would not encourage my child to wait until marriage. DH was a virgin when I met him (in fact he never even kissed a girl before me) and he definitely got wonderlust a couple years into it. Even I had sex with other people before him but still i never got to live on my own or date others as an adult and felt that I was missing out big time. Ultimately we ended up separating over a year to explore with other people before we got back together. I wouldn't want my child making those same mistakes and dealing with a lot of heartache like I did.
Not everyone has the same experiences with heartache. I have been married for 14 years and have never thought of separating with my husband to explore with other people.
post #28 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayseeliz
But you have a much higher risk of getting it if you're having sex and your partner has also had sex with others.
Or that's what Merck wants you to think.
post #29 of 375
I'm teaching ds1, and will teach dd and ds2, that sex is important...that's it not trivial and isn't about using big-breasted women to sell beer and sports cars. I'm teaching them that it's not about scoring or "losing it" at an early age or "proving" that you're a grown-up. More to the point, I'm teaching him that sex has repercussions...not just the obvious ones like STD's and unexpected pregnancies, either.

I want my kids to think about what they're doing. I want them to think about whether this person is someone they could see themselves having any kind of relatioship with years down the road (even "just" a friendship). I want them to think about whether this person is someone they can trust. I want them to realize that their sexual partner (partners?) is a person in his/her own right...not just an attractively shaped chunk of flesh - and I want them to take that other person's needs/vulnerabilities into account when making sexual decisions.

All that said...I'm not encouraging/urging them to wait for marriage. I don't know if marriage will be right for them. Even if it is, I don't think waiting until the ceremony is over is necessary...and I actually think there can be self-protective aspects to being sexually active with someone before you legally tie yourself to them in a binding comittment.

I absolutely will not teach my children, boys or girls, to regard their virginity as a "gift" for their mate. The whole concept makes my skin crawl.
post #30 of 375
I will encourage my children to wait for marriage.
"Why Wait" by Josh McDowell is a great book for this.
Blessings to you...
post #31 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby
:

I Cielle.

My daughter's value has nothing to do with her hymen. I think that it's a really disgusting, dangerous, and misogynistic thing to teach our children. If she wants to wait until she's married to have sex, then I will respect that and support her. If she decides that she never wants to get married, or that she wants to have sex before marriage, then I will respect and support that as well.

The most important thing to me is that she is educated and self-empowered, and that her self-worth isn't tied into who she decides (or decides not to) have sex with.
yes to above. It would go against my parenting style which is all about respect for my son's choices. As he gets older and makes more adult choices it would be wrong of me to suddenly discourage him to make his own decisions regarding his own body.
post #32 of 375
I'm weighing in on the "conservative" (yea, right -- me?) Christian side on this one. I regret my pre-marital sex affairs. To this day I see negative results from them. If dh & I had been our one & onlys, we would have a much healthier sexual relationship, I believe. And I know much of my "experimenting" was tangled up in wanting to be "loved" and to belong/be with someone.

That said -- I will make sure they have all the info needed if they should decide not to wait or "accidentally" go "too far." Ahhh...the teen years... I would never deny my child birthcontrol (although I may make him/her pay for it out of their own $$ ).

I also recognize that although sex is a VERY important thing; fornification (sex before marriage) did not make the 10 commandments -- adultary did, though! Realizing that made me stop & think a bit. And get even more mad when my childhood church talked about/down to a pregnant teen, but accepted -- with open arms -- a father who had commited adultery & tore his family apart.
post #33 of 375
chersolly-explain please.

also condoms are not 100% and we as humans are not 100%, so no matter how you look at it there is a risk.

for everyone who feels that teen sex is fine-you say that you want your children to learn to make their own choices and you will respect those choices, but children (including teenagers) are not adults. just because your 2 year old wants to cross the street without holding your hand does not mean that they should. even if you educate them about sex, you are counting on them to have the maturity to make the right choices for themselves, and the stakes are high.

honestly i do not know where i stand on this issue, although i think about it alot. it is summer afterall and i am utterly alone#sigh#.

my ex and i were together 7 years and at a young age and i certainly did get wanderlust. since we broke up i really havent been with anyone, not that i havent wanted to but the reality of casual sex is just so much messier that it seems.


anyhow my time is up so BYE!!
post #34 of 375
Well, I am not a proponent of waiting until you get married to have sex, so I definitely won't be drilling that into my kids. But I am a proponent of waiting to have sex until you are really ready, and that will be a different age for different kids.
post #35 of 375
i completely agree with cielle and littleaugustbaby.

in intend to fully educate my kids about sex and safe sex and let them decide for themselves. i would never assume they would even want to get married in the first place-
post #36 of 375
Well as somebody who started having sex wayyyyyyyyyy to young (14) : I have to say that I am going to drill into my children's head to save themselves, if not for marriage, until true adulthood and a stable loving relationship. At the time I thought I was all grown up, didn't need anybody etc. As an adult looking back I can honestly say that I was looking for somebody to make me feel loved and like a worthy human being. My childhood was a bit tumultuous although I did come from a 2 parent home and everything looked good from the outside. I was an honor roll student. I kick myself for my past behavior and thank God that I did not get any diseases or get pregnant. Add that to the fact that I am married to wonderful man who only ever slept with me and I can see what I missed out on. We were not married when we started haing sex, but were very commited to one another and he was just out of high school. I just don't see how sex helped any facet of my life become better and I missed out on a lot of teenage stuff because I was too busy playing adult
post #37 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamonamon
(although I may make him/her pay for it out of their own $$ ).
Have you seen how expensive birth control is?
post #38 of 375
I didn't wait for marraige but, I was much older than anyone I knew when I started having sex (with DH). I love DH dearly and am completely satisfied with our relationship but, if I could do things differently, I wouldn't have waited. There were so many times that I denied my natural feelings and, desires. And in retrospect, I don't know why I did it. I feel like I missed out.
DH started having sex (safe) when he was 13.
I was shocked when he told me but, now I'm kinda jealous! He was smart about it and, never had any problems. And he is a wonderful person!

I plan on informing my son about STDs and pregnancy and the emotional issues involved. Then I will let him make his own decisions.
post #39 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbaby
Well, I am not a proponent of waiting until you get married to have sex, so I definitely won't be drilling that into my kids. But I am a proponent of waiting to have sex until you are really ready, and that will be a different age for different kids.
:
post #40 of 375
Quote:
Originally Posted by chersolly
Have you seen how expensive birth control is?
It is free at the college I go to. I know public health here also dispurses it free...just FYI.
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